by Rae Brooks
Kilik watched him for a few moments, and then he nodded his head. He looked so afraid. Calis, ignoring his rationality, brought Kilik to him again. Kilik seemed surprised, though he didn’t resist. “Meet me in the building where I first met you. Do you remember?” Kilik asked softly.
“Vividly,” Calis said emphatically. The dance played across Calis’s mind in perfect clarity. The way Kilik had danced, that silly superstitious dance that had introduced him to Kilik—perhaps it wasn’t so silly after all. Kilik flushed and glanced towards the floor.
“Thank you, Calis,” Kilik whispered softly. “I should go, though. I don’t want your Father summoning you while I’m still in here.”
“No,” Calis said sharply, and when Kilik tried to walk away, Calis brought their bodies together again. “I wasn’t done with you yet.”
“What?” Kilik squeaked. The flush on his cheeks was brighter now, and a grin spread across Calis’s face at the sight of it. There was no way that he was going to allow Kilik to leave without satisfying both of them. “W-wait!”
The reply was so feeble that Calis’s grin widened further. Perhaps Kilik wasn’t the only one who was difficult to refuse. Placing another kiss gingerly on Kilik’s lips, he trailed up from the corner of the boy’s mouth, to the top of his eye, and then back down to his neck. “I haven’t ruled out tying you to the bed—do not try to resist me.”
Pulling Kilik towards the bed by his hand, Calis grinned, bringing Kilik just within range to kiss after every step. “You have no idea how difficult that is, your highness,” Kilik whispered.
Calis pulled Kilik forward the final step so that they were directly in front of the bed. Calis wrapped his arm around Kilik’s waist, pulling against the curves of Kilik’s body hungrily. A smirk eased onto Calis’s lips as a smile broke across Kilik’s face. “I love you,” Calis whispered. Their lips found each other again, and this time, they were on a precipice, and their desire eased both of them over the edge.
“He did all that he could, but he could not give to that which could not take, no matter his desperation.”
-A Hero’s Peace v.ii
Chapter xxxviii
Taeru Lassau
Taeru’s hands shook as he shuffled the bedroll aside, pulling the disguised handle, buried in the dirt once he’d removed it. The handle yielded a small, wooden box. Easing the lock away, he opened it to reveal the keepsakes he’d kept from Cathalar. It was stupid, sentimental, and dangerous, and he knew that. He’d been unable to dispose of every piece of his old life, though. After all, a part of him would always miss it.
Aela’s recent reappearance had been hard on him, while bringing about all kinds of emotions that he’d forgotten. He was still a prince of Cathalar, and that wasn’t anything he would ever forget. He had always known that. His fingers quivered as they reached down for the two glinting objects in the box. The first was an amulet. All three Lassau children had one, and Taeru was sure that his father did too. The amulet was shaped as two wings, held together with a small sapphire. The entire thing fit into his palm without difficulty.
The second was a silver ring, the emblem etched into the silver. This had been his, and his alone, though he was sure Ryo had one by now. The ring that had been given to him when he had been named the crown prince. A simple silver ring, with the Lassau emblem etched into it, and a tiny sapphire engraved within.
His heart sped up at the sight of the items. He was a Lassau, and he would always be a Lassau. Despite the fact that he’d tried to run from that, he was still Taeru Lassau. Though, Aela’s book had been conflicting with his own thoughts about himself. He had thought that he’d run away from Cathalar, though that forsaken book implied that he’d come to Telandus intentionally. Intentionally, though, wasn’t exactly correct. Apparently, his actions had all been manipulated by a subconscious desire to stop the war.
That was a possibility, as he had always harbored a deep hate for the war. He had, of course, thought that his reasons for leaving Cathalar were based around his inability to provide what Veyron and the kingdom needed, but the idea that he’d left to stop the war—was somehow familiar to him. Coming to Telandus, becoming the Phantom Blade, meeting Alyx, Juliet, and Aitken. All of it had been written in that book—that book that he had seen write itself.
What were the odds that his sister would find that book? That it would be the one book that could help him understand his nightmares. Why was he still questioning it? It seemed to know more about him than he did, though it never seemed able to answer questions that he had. It didn’t tell him how to stop the Magister Aleia, only that he needed to.
Aela had told him the story about the hero before him. The book that she’d gotten originally had been about a hero that had already solved his problems. And what was worse, was that Aela had implied that he was not Veyron’s son. If he were truly the hero in the book, and all evidence seemed to say that he was, then he couldn’t have been Veyron’s son. With a rueful smile, he realized that meant he wasn’t a Lassau—not by blood. So, why did he still feel like one?
He knew it was because he was, as a person, a Lassau. He had been raised by Veyron and Kaikeru, his mother, and they had impacted him and shaped who he was. The book had no qualms calling Taeru a prince of Cathalar, and he assumed there was a reason for that. He was a Lassau, which was why he had to explain to Calis Tsrali that he could not leave Telandus—not for his mortal enemy.
Twice, Calis had been struck by his father, and twice, Taeru’s heart had felt shattered. He couldn’t handle this anymore. Everything Calis did was brilliant, perfectly shaped to what Taeru imagined the love of his life would do for him. Calis had yet to falter, though Taeru intended to change that this moon. He fingered the amulet and ring in his hands, and his heart beat painfully against his chest. He knew that this was what he had to do, but he didn’t want to. Memories of earlier this sun, Calis’s skin rushing against his own—Calis’s fingers feeling every part of him. Taeru knew he should have stopped it. They should not have made love, not that final time—but he hadn’t been able to resist Calis. Just like he hadn’t been able to for phases! Curse his emotions. Lately, they had kept him from doing what was right far too often.
The voices in his ear had gotten louder, and that was another reason he didn’t want to let Calis go. Calis had been the only thing rooting him to reality through all of this—through all the Magister’s games, whispering in his ears, promising that he could not stop the war. Still, he would—he knew nearly everything there was to know about the Magister of Direction and the Magister of Manipulation, who were one in the same. Aleia.
Taeru didn’t have to beat the Magister, and he knew that. He simply had to ensure that her manipulation did not lead to the war. He would not let it. The fear that telling Calis may hinder that frightened him. If Calis were to report him, then Taeru would be sentenced to death—and he couldn’t stop a war while he was dead. However, an instinct told him that he had to tell Calis. He couldn’t let the prince sacrifice everything he was to be with someone who didn’t exist.
Calis Tsrali was in love with Kilik, and Taeru knew more than anyone that Kilik did not exist. Not really. The character, perhaps, as Taeru had never acted in order to deceive Calis, but not the person. Despite everything, though, Taeru felt like Calis Tsrali knew him better than anyone else he’d ever met. Their interactions over the past few phases had been the most ground-shattering moments of Taeru’s life, and he would not forget them. Calis had reached parts of Taeru that he hadn’t known existed. The prince had created sensations that Taeru didn’t think imaginable, mentally and physically. Taeru flushed at the latter thought.
He had fallen in love. Taeru was in love with a person and a character that existed in every way that someone could exist. Calis was real, and Taeru was madly in love with him. Because of that, though, Taeru had to end this. He had to trust that Calis would not seek to hurt him, and that he would simply understand that their relationship wasn’t feasible. Taeru trusted Cal
is enough to believe that. He could still stop this war, though Calis’s, and even Lee’s, help would be missed considerably. Stopping the war, though, that was all Taeru had to do. And he could do that without Calis, he hoped.
After all, Taeru would still have Aela and Leif to rely on. Despite the fact that voices in his head constantly told him that he ought to do this alone, through Lee’s careful instruction, Taeru knew that this was just another means to throw him off. He could not, would not, do this on his own. And he would not be so easily manipulated in the future. If he let himself be, then he would not complete his task. And that was not an option. Staring down at the sapphires, which sparkled even in the darkness, he sighed.
He tucked the silver amulet, and the ring, into the pocket of his pants, and then recovered the location with his bedroll. This way, if anything did go wrong, Alyx and her mother would not have evidence against them. After all, they were truly innocent in this matter. Taeru removed the cloth and headed towards the door of the house. He knew he wasn’t due to meet Calis for a few shifts, but he wanted to get their early. The last thing he needed was to be unable to go. Not to mention, he needed to speak to Aela and Leif before he met Calis.
Calis had also said that the recent discovery of their relationship could lead to people following him. So, Taeru intended to keep the prince there as briefly as possible. “Kilik, are you alright? You look pale. You’re not hearing voices again, are you?” Alyx whimpered. She sounded so genuinely concerned that Taeru frowned.
“I’m not,” he said. “Just thinking.” Then, in order to try and stop the inquisition before it occurred, he continued. “I’m going to speak with Calis—someone found out… about us.” He hadn’t expected his voice to be so laden with pain. This moon was going to destroy his heart in ways that he never thought possible.
Taeru had known from the start that this relationship would end in heartache, but he had never expected to fall so completely for Calis Tsrali. Alyx let out a quick gasp and jerked away from the pot that she’d been standing over. “Are you going to be alright, Kilik? Don’t turn yourself in! You can hide somewhere!”
Taeru laughed lightly. He really had found people that he could consider family here. He regarded the blond girl fondly for a few moments, before he spoke. “They didn’t bother to investigate who it was, they just told Calis that it had to stop.” Relief washed over her features at once. “But that doesn’t mean I’m entirely cleared, Alyx. If anyone, anyone at all, comes to this house… you tell them that you had no idea about the affair, or anything about me. You deny anything they ask about me relating to you.” He took a step forward, and then he narrowed his eyes. “I will not have you getting into trouble over me.”
Alyx’s mouth twitched idly, and her eyes skimmed his face as though they were searching for something. They couldn’t seem to find it, and she sighed. “Fine, I guess,” she said. “What if they ask for more information, though? What if they ask me to do something I can’t do?”
The thought was terrifying. Pain flickered across Taeru’s face, and he could see it mirrored in Alyx’s eyes. Moving the few extra steps, he grabbed Alyx by the shoulder. “Tell them whatever they want to know. If you think it’s going to keep you out of harm’s way, tell them. You have my complete permission to do whatever necessary. I will forgive you.” His voice was tight as he thought of the possibilities.
“I’m not going to say anything that could cause you harm,” she snapped back. Taeru’s jaw clenched at the implication.
He shook his head vehemently. “You are,” he said flatly. “I don’t care what it is. Let me explain this to you, Alyx, if any harm comes to you—it will be infinitely more painful for me. You have to protect yourself. Think of Juliet, think of Aitken. Lie, if you must.”
“Lie?” she echoed. She looked as though she wasn’t sure what the word meant. “What would I need to lie about?”
“I don’t know,” Taeru groaned. “Just comply with whatever they ask of you,” he said sharply. Alyx needed to understand this. Taeru couldn’t have this family coming to face punishment over his carelessness.
Still, she was blinking. Her lips pursed as she thought about his words. “I don’t like the way you’re talking. Are you not coming back?” Her voice was getting shrill, and that meant that he needed to change directions quickly. He glanced away, chewing on his lip as he tried to come up with a viable solution.
“This is a precaution, Alyx,” he said. “Calis said that he might be followed. If someone follows him, and sees that he met me, then things could get ugly. Uglier than even you can imagine.” He tried to slip the hint into his words, so that she wouldn’t be too caught off guard if anything did happen. After all, the revelation that he was from Cathalar would be revelation even to the Amarals.
Alyx’s eyes widened in absolute horror. “They’ll kill you. Why would he agree to meet you when he knows they’ll kill you?” she squeaked. Her eyes looked as though they might be close to shedding tears.
Taeru cursed himself for not handling the situation better. “I begged him,” Taeru said simply. He wasn’t about to implicate Calis for this, either. “Just promise me that if anything happens, you will do what you have to. You have to protect your family, Alyx. There will be nothing you can do to help me, at that point.” His lips set into a thin line as he watched her.
Still, she didn’t look convinced. Her eyes were blazing with distrust, now. He really wished he’d learned how to deal better with people. “You are my family,” she snapped.
“Please, Alyx,” he begged. He couldn’t leave here with this weight on his shoulders. He had to know that Alyx, and Juliet, would do whatever possible to make sure that they stayed safe. His connection with them was dangerous enough without them trying to defend his honor. None of it would matter if he was captured, and their safety felt infinitely more important than his own.
Her blond hair fell into her face, as he’d shaken her a little more than intended in his torrent of emotions. Why wouldn’t she agree to this? Couldn’t she see the futility in helping a dead person? “Kilik, I will not agree to anything.”
Taeru took in a long breath, and then he let it out with words that were calmer than his last. “Alyx, I will likely be back here before sun up. I just need you to promise me this, to understand this, just in case I’m not. Please don’t be absurd.”
“Absurd?” she asked. “Since when is trying to help someone who has saved my life many more times than I care to worry about absurd? You have risked yourself for me, and I know you would give up your life.”
“You can’t say that!” he choked. The thought was flooring. The thought that Alyx would be willing to get herself killed over him. “No,” he growled, “anything that happens after I am captured would do nothing for me. If you could save my life, I might be able to see it—no, not even then, and if they tell you they will spare me, they are lying. My life isn’t worth it. Please, Alyx,” he whispered.
As the young woman opened her mouth to respond, and her eyes were still blazing irately, another voice interrupted their conversation. “What is all this about?” the voice was soft, gentle, and Taeru jerked his head up. Juliet would understand the necessity of protecting her daughter and her son above his own life. “Kilik,” she said warily.
Taeru’s head snapped to the more reasonable woman in the room. He would appeal to her, and he knew he could. “Juliet,” he said as he moved towards her. He could hear the annoyed breath that Alyx took. “I have to go see Calis,” he explained with careful consideration, “they found out about our relationship—his father. I… am going to see him. To say goodbye. I insisted that he come, though he said he may be followed.”
Juliet’s eyes narrowed. Her jaw clenched, and he could see her fighting the need to leap across the distance between them and bind him to the floor. “What?” she rasped. “Kilik, don’t be a fool. You could be killed!”
“I know,” he said shortly. “This is my choice, Juliet. I am only asking that should any
one come to you with questions. Deny everything—deny you knew anything about me. Do whatever they ask, please. You know that if you don’t then Aitken and Alyx’s lives will be at risk. If this happens, there won’t be anything to be done for me.”
The woman looked staggered. So much so that Taeru wanted to step forward and ensure that she did not fall off her feet. Taeru could hear his own heart pounding in his chest, and he was sure that Juliet’s sounded much the same. This was all a precaution, he kept reminding himself. There was no guarantee that this moon would end in disaster, but there was a chance that it could. Taeru needed Juliet and Alyx to be prepared if it did. “Kilik, I…”
Rather than waiting for her to finish, as she was obviously unsure of her response, he spoke. “I don’t care what they tell you. You have been like a mother to me, just as Alyx and Aitken have been like siblings. I love you—all of you, and I can’t bear the thought of anything happening to you on my account. No matter what they say. Comply, I beg you, Juliet.”
Her eyes flickered with uncertainty, though she seemed to be reaching a resolution in her mind. She blinked back obvious tears, and then she took a step towards him. “There is more to this, isn’t there, Kilik?”
“Yes,” he answered. There was no sense in lying to them, and if he did, then they would just be more likely to disobey him when the time came. Or perhaps he ought to let them think he was a monster—one sent here only to betray them. No, he didn’t want them to think that. He wanted them to know how much they had done for him—but they had to understand that their lives were worth more. “I can’t tell you what.” Let them think him mysterious and distrusting, perhaps they might be more likely to save themselves.
Her eyes flashed, and she offered him a consolatory smile. The smile felt as though it was trying to reach through some internal barrier he’d constructed. If he never returned, he wanted to remember that smile as something that represented Juliet to him. “Very well, Kilik. Leave with a calm. Rest assured I will do what I can to keep my family safe.” She nodded her head in affirmation, and immediately, he could feel a sense of relief washing over him.
