He lowered his lips to hers. “Forget what you hear. Forget what you read. This is who I am.”
Her lips were soft and warm beneath his. He could feel the sun on his back and an ache inside him that was as much emotional as physical. He had kissed her already today, but there was nothing nonchalant in his intent now. He parted her lips and kissed her harder, moving his tongue against hers as his hand slid from her cheek to her shoulder and down her arm.
She made a soft noise—not a protest, but something more elemental and undefined. He felt her hand against his shoulder, then her fingers in his hair. Something more like gratitude than triumph filled him. His hand rested against her side, then slid from her waist upward toward her breast. She was even warmer and softer than he remembered. Welcoming and earthy and lush. His palm rested against her bare skin, and his fingertips slid beneath the top of her bra.
“I’ve envied my own son,” he whispered. Then he kissed her again, slanting his lips over hers with more intimacy.
She moved closer, and both her arms came around him to pull him toward her. He could feel her hands sliding up his back beneath his shirt; soft, smooth hands that were cool against his skin and utterly seductive. His breath was coming in short bursts. He had told her that he was a patient man, but his patience had disappeared with her first sigh of pleasure.
He circled her with his arms and turned onto his side. There was no space between them now. Her legs were taut against his, their hips were joined. He could feel her breasts pressing against his chest, her hands against his skin. His pleasure was so intense that he felt as if he were soaring through the sky, anchored only to her.
He didn’t know what would have happened if she hadn’t stopped him. He had lost his head completely by the time she put her hands against his chest and pushed gently. He might have taken her there, on a blanket in the sunshine, if she hadn’t stopped him. He had never wanted anything more.
But the moment he felt her resistance, he remembered everything. How much he wanted her, yes. But even more important, how much of her he wanted. All of her. Not just her drugging, ecstatic kisses, her supple, beguiling body. But all of her.
He moved away a little, but he still held her in the circle of his arms. He was content to watch her as he forced his body, his heartbeat and breath into submission. Finally he spoke. “I’m not going to apologize.”
“Aren’t you?”
“It would be a sacrilege.”
“You’re intent on making our lives harder, aren’t you?”
“That’s the last thing I want.”
Her eyes were troubled, but her lips curled up in something almost like a smile. “I think I remember exactly what happened to turn me into Nicholas’s mother.”
“Oh?”
“I’ve asked myself a hundred times how I could have let that night end the way it did.”
“And now you have an answer?”
She didn’t speak for a moment. Then she rolled onto her back. Her head was pillowed on his arm. “I’ll show you my dolphins and picket fences if you’ll show me your circus tents and bow ties.”
He settled himself beside her, pulling her a little closer so that her head lay in the hollow of his shoulder. Together they gazed up at the sky.
CHAPTER SIX
“Robin, you’re crazy. You know you are.” Judy lifted Nicholas skyward and swung him in a circle as his father often did. The baby chortled with delight. “You could have everything you want if you’d just admit some home truths to yourself.”
Judy had shown up unexpectedly for the weekend. Robin was delighted to see her, but suspicious about the turn casual conversation had taken so soon after Judy’s arrival. In the week since the picnic with Devin she had thought about very little but him. She didn’t know how Judy had zeroed in so quickly on her concerns.
Robin waited until the noise had subsided before she answered. “I’m not crazy. My relationship with Devin is an artificial creation. We’ve been thrown together in a pressure cooker. That’s why I… That’s why he…”
“You can’t even say it, can you?” Judy dropped to a seat at the kitchen table and set Nicholas on the floor with the plastic truck she had brought with her from Cincinnati. “That’s why you’ve what? Fallen in love?”
“That’s exactly what I’m not trying to say. I had Devin’s baby. He adores Nicholas, and the feeling is mutual. It would be wonderfully convenient for Devin to fall in love with me so that we could be a family. I think maybe he’s capable of that.”
“You’re saying he’s a manipulator capable of pretending something like love just to get what he wants?”
“No, I’m not.”
Judy leaned back in her chair, her arms folded across her chest. “Then what?”
“I think he’s capable of convincing himself that there’s more between us than there is, just so he can have more than a few days a month with his son. If he has to put up with me, too, so be it.”
“I’m sure you’re right. I mean, good grief, what could you possibly have to offer a man like that? You’re an ugly brainless twit with no redeeming qualities.”
Robin scoured the last pan in the kitchen sink before she answered. “I know I have a lot to offer someone. And someday maybe I’ll want another man in my life.”
“I see. You don’t love Devin. I didn’t realize.”
Robin was silent.
“Gosh, I’m so glad I understand now,” Judy said.
“You really are a monster, you know?” Robin faced her friend, drying her hands on a dish towel as she did so.
“Let me tell you what I see,” Judy said. “Okay?”
“You will, regardless.”
Judy grinned, but the grin faded. “Robin, I know you loved Jeff. Everybody loved Jeff. He was like a brother to me. You and Jeff were pals for years before you became lovers, two peas in a pod. When you found out he was dying, it was like losing a part of yourself.”
“It still hurts.”
“Of course it does. It always will. But you’ve recovered in all the ways that matter. And now there’s a man in your life who makes you feel different than you ever felt with Jeff.”
“That’s not—”
Judy held up her hand to stop Robin’s response. “I’m sorry, but I have to say this. You and Jeff would have lived happily ever after if he hadn’t died. I believe that. But you and Jeff grew into your love, and it took years. Devin Fitzgerald knocked you over the head on your very first night together.”
“We made love because we were both hurting. We needed to comfort each other.”
“Baloney!”
Robin was silent.
“You’re head over heels, Robin. Have been since that night. That’s why you didn’t try harder to let Devin know about the pregnancy. You were scared to death. And you’re terrified now because what you’re feeling is brand-new. And it’s uncontrollable.”
“You’re uncontrollable.”
“I’m honest. More honest than you’ve been.”
Robin bent to push Nicholas’s truck back toward him. When she faced Judy again she nodded. “All right. I’m in love with him. Is that what you wanted me to say?”
“It’s a start.”
“And Devin is trying to fall in love with me. He wants us to be a family. He hasn’t told me as much, but I know that’s what he wants.”
“How do you know he’s not in love with you already? That it didn’t take any effort on his part?”
“I don’t!”
Judy smiled smugly.
“But I’m afraid,” Robin continued. “He wants Nicholas. I’ve never seen a man so besotted with a baby.”
“Don’t you think that speaks well for him?”
“Of course it does. Who wouldn’t want a man like that? But can’t you see? How much of what he feels for me is left over from what he feels for his son? What if we live together, even marry, and it doesn’t work out? What if he finds that he doesn’t love me at all? D
o you know how much chance I’d have of keeping Nicholas in a custody battle?”
“Every chance in the world. He’s a rock star. You’re a good Midwestern girl.”
“At the very least I’d lose Devin, wouldn’t I? We couldn’t even be friends. And I could lose my son. How can I take a chance like that?”
“Robin, you can’t let Jeff’s death color every decision you make for the rest of your life. Yes, some day you might lose big time again, because this is the real world. But making sure you have nothing to lose isn’t the right way to deal with the future. You’re afraid of losing Devin eventually? Well, you don’t even have him now. Is that better?”
Robin was silent again.
Judy glanced at her watch. “The man in question is going to be here in about thirty minutes, so you’d better go change.”
Robin stared at her friend. “What?”
“You heard me. Devin’s going to be here in half an hour.”
“How do you know?”
“Because he called me last week and asked if I’d come visit you this weekend and stay with Nicholas tonight.”
“That’s why you’re here?”
“The two of you are going to get away together for the evening. And he knew you wouldn’t go unless you had someone completely trustworthy watching Nicholas.”
Robin opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out.
“He’s coming to see you. Not Nick. Doesn’t that say something to you? And don’t be mad. He knew if he asked you, you’d refuse.”
“He was right about that.”
“Go with him, Robin. Take some time alone with Devin for a change. If the moment’s right, tell him what you’ve told me and listen to his answers.” Judy shrugged. “Of course, maybe it won’t even come up. Maybe he’s not falling in love with you. Maybe you’re imagining the whole thing.”
But Robin wasn’t listening. She was staring out the window, at the yard where Devin had played as a boy, at the old red barn where he and his first rock-and-roll band had rehearsed. She was living in his house. She was the mother of his child. He had obviously stolen the heart of her best friend. In a number of ways she already belonged to Devin Fitzgerald, and she could no longer shut her eyes to what was happening. Slowly, inexorably, he was pulling her into the circle of his life and his arms.
* * *
She could have said no. It hadn’t been too late. She could have stood at the front door, explained that this was not one of the times they had agreed Devin could see Nicholas and stubbornly sent him on his way.
Instead she was in his Cherokee wearing the new white skirt and sweater that she hadn’t been able to resist when she’d gone shopping for Nicholas that week. Perhaps she had known there would be an evening like this one, because no mother with a working brain dressed in white. Nicholas could destroy the outfit with one well-placed burp or a leaking diaper.
But she was wearing it tonight.
“I was prepared for almost anything,” Devin said. “Murder. Mayhem. The silent treatment.”
“This was disgustingly manipulative.”
“I would have preferred asking you for a date, like one grownup to another. But I knew I’d fail.”
“When was the last time you failed at anything?”
“When was the last time you went out without Nicholas?”
“What if he misses me? What if he starts to cry and Judy doesn’t know what’s wrong?”
“You need more faith in your friend and your son. He’s only nursing occasionally now, and you took care of that before we left. She can do everything else for him that you could do.”
“Are you at least going to tell me where we’re going?”
He glanced at her and grinned. Her heart did a back flip. “I don’t think so.”
She smiled, too. She seemed to be congenitally unable to resist his grins. “I really should be mad.”
“But you’re finding it hard. Even the best mother needs to get away from her kid occasionally.”
“You’re right. Anywhere. With anyone who offers.”
“With the man in her life.”
She didn’t know what to say to that. Something had changed in their relationship, and she didn’t remember giving her permission. Yet it seemed too late now to change things back. She felt a glimmer of panic. She needed Devin in her life, but what if this new increased awareness of each other led to a permanent rift between them? What if friendship died, too?
He seemed to read her mind. “You can handle this, sweetheart. We can handle it together.”
“I’m afraid we won’t.”
“I know you are. Let’s just take this one step at a time. Okay? And this is the next step. You and me. Without the little guy, for once. But no pressure. One small step. Okay?”
She watched the autumn foliage flash by. Before long their son would be a year old. How long could she continue to fight Devin or her own powerful feelings for him? Did she owe it to Nicholas to reach for the brass ring? To give Devin a real chance in her life? To marry him and give Nicholas the full-time father he deserved?
“One step,” she said.
“That’s it. That’s all I’m asking for.” He reached for her hand. “At least for tonight.”
* * *
Devin watched Robin wander around the suite that he had rented for their evening together. He was perfectly capable of braving fans almost anywhere, but he knew that Robin would feel exposed and anxious the moment he was recognized. So he had found the nicest inn in central Ohio, a small one tucked away in the woods, and he had rented a suite for the night. They could talk, dine in….
He didn’t want to think about the rest of it. He had not brought Robin here to seduce her. Not because he didn’t want to. He wanted her with a sexual hunger he hadn’t felt since adolescence. But he knew better than to rush her into his bed again. He’d done that once, and he was still trying to work out the consequences.
“We can have dinner whenever you like,” he said. “Just let me know.”
“You know, when most men invite a woman for a date, it’s dinner someplace with crowds of people and a movie theater elbow-to-elbow with strangers.”
“We could have done that. But I couldn’t guarantee the results.”
“Do you ever miss doing things the usual way?”
“Do I miss fighting crowds, talking over the din of a noisy restaurant, sharing you with rows of popcorn-munching strangers…?”
“So I suppose you’re saying that there are compensations for the rigors of wealth and privilege.” She smiled. “This is so lovely. So peaceful.”
“So private.”
She looked less pleased about that. “Yes.” She turned to look out the window, where birds fluttered and fed at a rustic feeder.
“Would you like to go for a walk? There are trails through the woods.”
“Maybe when the stars come out.”
“I brought wine and champagne. Which will it be?”
“Champagne sounds like a celebration.”
Her back was turned to him, but he heard just the faintest sparkle of distrust in her words. “I thought getting you out of the house was cause for one,” he said. “But I hadn’t thought any further ahead, if you’re worried.”
“The last time I was alone in a hotel with you—”
“We conceived a child. I know. Are you sorry we did?”
“Of course not.”
“Well, then?”
“That doesn’t mean I’m planning to do it again.”
“Neither am I. And I’m not planning to take you to bed tonight. So, that said, would you like some champagne anyway?”
“That said, I’d love some. But just out of curiosity…” She turned and met his eyes. “Why aren’t you planning to take me to bed?”
He lowered his gaze to her lips. “Let’s see. What are the possibilities? I’m not interested in you sexually? That’s going to be hard for you to believe since three hours into our relation
ship I proved that wasn’t true. So maybe it’s just that I’m not interested in sex tonight?” He smiled a little. “But stand too close and you’ll find out that’s not true, either. So I guess it’s that I care way too much about you to risk scaring you away. Maybe I’m just trying to prove that I can deny myself all the things I really want until you’re ready to give them to me.”
“All the things you want?”
“It’s too early in the evening for this conversation.”
“Humor me anyway.”
“Robin, you know what I want. You’ve known for some time. I want you and Nicholas with me permanently. I want you in my bed. I want Nicholas in his bed in the next room. I want us to watch him grow up together, and maybe watch more children, too. I want us to grow old together.”
She didn’t say anything. She just stood there, breathtakingly lovely in a fuzzy white sweater and a pleated skirt that stopped well above her knees and made her legs look like they were a mile long. He remembered how those legs had felt entwined with his. She had no idea what looking at her did to him or to all his resolve.
“Did you ever jump rope as a kid?” she asked at last.
“No. Not a guy thing.”
“There’s this rhyme we used to jump to. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Robin with a baby carriage. Somehow you and I have gotten everything backward, Devin. We started by having a baby together. Now look where we are.”
He stepped a little closer. “Where are we?”
She shook her head.
“I’ve talked about marriage, but not about love?”
“Don’t talk about it. Please.”
“You don’t want to hear my thoughts on the subject?”
“Not now.”
“I’d like to hear yours.”
“I believe in it. And the thought of being in love again scares me to death.”
He admired her honesty as well as her ability to stay away from the real subject he wanted to discuss. Did she love him? Was she afraid of something that had already happened or just of something that might?
“I’m going to pop the cork on the champagne,” he said. “Then we’re going to sit over there by the fireplace and talk. Not about Nicholas, for a change. Just about ourselves. Our hopes and dreams. And the little stuff we don’t ever have time to talk about. When you’re hungry, we’ll order dinner. And when you’re tired, we’ll go home.”
The Surprise of a Lifetime Page 7
