by S. M. Smith
No, she would tell me that what we choose to hold onto only brings us down. She would say every day is a gift and that I need to look at this as an opportunity to bring honor and glory to God. She would say that the first step to moving on would be to forgive Jake and Maddy, but that I do need to move on and make the most of everyday. I could almost hear her say, “He can get you through this, Jessie Girl. You have to let Him, but he can.”
A single tear escapes and slithers down my cheek. I pick up a bear that Jake had given me one Valentine’s Day that said “I love you beary much!” and don’t realize that I’m squeezing it to my chest until I hear a creak. I turn to find Stephen in the doorway, watching me.
“How can I possibly forgive them? They were supposed to understand me and have my back, supporting me while I keep a promise to my Maker. How can I get through this?” I look down at the bear, hoping he held some sort of answer. “My heart just hurts so badly.”
“You don’t have to right now. I mean, you will eventually so you can move on, but not today. Not if you don’t want to.”
“I don’t think that I do. Do you think she’d be disappointed in me for saying that?” He knots his brow, confused at who I’m thinking about. “My mom. I think she would want me to do so quickly so that I could get back to living my life. But my life, for so long, has included both Jake and Maddy, and now…now I don’t really want to have anything to do with them.”
He thinks over that for a moment before taking the few steps across my room. He gently removes the bear from my arms and holds my hands down at our sides. He makes a gesture of standing up tall, which makes me do the same.
“I think she would say, ‘grieve now, but do not make this what keeps you from getting up every day. Stand tall, eyes forward and live. God will heal you if you let him, so let Him. And when it’s time, you’ll find the strength to truly forgive them.’ Your mom was the wisest person I’ve ever met and above all I think she would be proud of you for holding true to your promise.“
The doorbell rings, pulling us out of our heavy conversation.
He squeezes my hands one more time and smiles. “I’ll go see who that is.” And he quickly leaves me with nothing but my thoughts.
He’s right and I know that while she would want me to be strong and forgiving, she wasn’t an unfeeling person. She would want me to grieve. But she wouldn’t want me to dwell, so I’m not going to dwell. For now anyway. I go to my closet to pull an old camera bag. I check to make sure the battery is charged before heading back down stairs. But on the top step I freeze, recognizing a familiar voice.
“I just need to talk to Jessie.” Jake’s voice drifts to the top of the stairs. I shrink back, not wanting him to see me.
“She doesn’t want to see you. And quite frankly neither does anyone else here. I can’t possibly imagine what it is you have to say that could make her or anyone else feel better and honestly, I’m not interested. You need to leave.” Stephen is standing in the doorway gripping the door jamb so tightly that his knuckles are white.
“Listen, this has nothing to do with you so why don’t you-“ Jake’s voice starts to get a little harsh.
“Nothing to do with me? Who do you think has been taking care of her through all this? Who do you think -“
“And I’m sure you’re enjoying that, aren’t you?”
I don’t understand what that is supposed to mean, but I don’t care. My heart is pounding, and more than anything I want to run out to the wooded area at the back of our property, but there is no way to sneak down the stairs and out the patio door without Jake seeing me.
“You need to leave,” Stephen repeats. “You’re not welcome here and you need to stay away from Jessie.”
Jake doesn’t take Stephen’s no for an answer. Jake tries to push past Stephen, but Stephen stands firm. He pushes Jake back onto the front porch and steps through the door, grabbing him by the shirt and shoving him off the porch, through the flower bed and down onto the grass.
“I will not repeat myself again. You will leave right now and you will not come back or I will have you thrown in County for trespassing. You didn’t deserve her when you had her and you don’t deserve anything from her now. So go,” Stephen tells him firmly.
Jake is fuming, but Stephen stands tall, holding his ground. I’ve never seen Stephen so mad. Jake starts to walk away but turns around and steps into a punch that Stephen anticipates. Stephen ducks just in time and manages to push Jake back with such force that Jake falls onto the grass again.
“That’s enough,” Mark’s deep, strong voice immediately brings the boys back to reality. “Jake, it is time for you to leave. Stephen, come inside, son.”
“Please tell her I’m sorry. And that I didn’t mean for her to get hurt. That was the last thing I wanted, Mr. Cahill.” Jake had always had such respect for Mark. Maybe it was because Mark is the kind of father Jake wishes he had or because Mark has a naturally commanding demeanor, but either way he heads to his truck without another word.
Stephen straightens his shirt as he walks back through the front door and looks up to find me crouched down on the top step. I stand immediately, holding my head high.
“Jessie-“ Stephen starts to say. I hold up a hand as I come down the stairs. Keeping my head up, I descend the stairs quickly and make my way out the patio door, just needing some time alone, not shedding a single tear until I’m out in the open, free air.
Chapter Four
After such an eventful and tiresome weekend, I am beyond ready to get back to some normalcy. So much so that I beat everyone to the office by over an hour. I have nearly finished another fifty edits I didn’t get done on Saturday by the time the first of the crew started to arrive.
I love our studio. Daphne and I found an excellent deal on the building and renovated it quickly, setting up several very chic offices and waiting area. We used the entire second floor to create three small studios so that we can have multiple sessions going on at once. My office faces the elevator door that leads into our waiting and viewing area allowing me to assume control over most any situation. I can watch people come and go from their session or see their reactions to their viewings, which is by far my most favorite part of my job. Daphne’s desk and records room sets just off the lobby door so that she can shed her never ending enthusiasm with anyone who walks through the door. Between her contagious smile and her homey southern accent, she keeps the atmosphere a constant cheerful. I couldn’t have asked for a better business partner.
Across the hall are Isaiah and Shelby’s offices. One would think that living and working together would create a need for space, but they love the close proximity. I did threaten to take down the wall that separated the two once, but they countered with a threat to use my office as their quiet place when they weren’t quite getting along. I decided they could keep their own offices. There is an extra office that doubles as an editing room and a smaller office for interns.
I watch as each of the team members show up, Daphne first, diligent and loyal to the business. She comes in every Monday with everyone’s coffee order so that everyone can be attentive during our weekly meetings. She brings my cinnamon latte in and gives me a critical look over.
“Well?”
“Good morning to you, too. The rest of my weekend was craptastic, how was yours?” I sip my latte wondering where her overactive imagination has taken her now.
“Did you call him?”
“I didn’t have to. He showed up at my dad’s yesterday. Stephen threw him out.” She gives me a totally confused look. Her brows are knotted so severely in confusion it’s almost comical.
“Caleb? How did he know where your dad lives?” Now I’m pretty sure my face matches hers.
“Who? What?”
“The guy from the bar. Who are you talking- OH, Jake.” Her lips pout out like his name on her lips is toxic. “Good for Stephen! Was there a fight? I bet Stephen could totally take him.” Oh, brother.
“No, there wasn�
�t a fight. Jake attempted to throw a punch, but Stephen dodged it and Mr. Cahill broke it up,” I say quickly since I’m done replaying the whole scene over again. I did so too many times last night that I do not want to dwell on it today. “Anywho, I’m almost done with the edits on the Thompson family portraits. You can go ahead and call them to schedule their viewing today. I know she was excited to see them.” Daphne waves my words off like they don’t mean anything.
“So you didn’t call Caleb then?” Oh, for crying out loud.
“I didn’t even remember I’d met him until Stephen told me how much a mess I was the other night. I’m embarrassed to even think I was in public that way.” She gave me a very pointed look that said she wasn’t accepting my excuse. “Don’t look at me that way, I’m not calling someone I met in a bar.”
“Why not? He was hot.” Shelby pops into my office in a gray pencil skirt and black pointed toe pumps. Daphne gives her a once over.
“Well aren’t you all on the serious train this mornin’.” Daphne has this thing. She swears she can tell your mood by the shoes that you wear, and in all fairness, she’s pretty accurate. She’s great at de-escalating situations, and she swears it’s because of her super talent of being able to look at someone’s shoes and tell what kind of a person they are. It’s really funny to watch her when she sees a shoe that she thinks is hideous though, because she gets so overcome by the looks of the shoe that she totally forgets how to handle a situation. I know what she’s going to say about my faux leather moccasins that I’m wearing today, so I’ve kept my feet safely tucked under my chair since the moment she walked in.
“Need to be. We have an appointment with the loan officer today about the house. We’re hoping to close on it by next week if today’s meeting goes well.” She turns to me. “Call the guy from the bar. What’s his-“
“Caleb,” Daphne pipes up with a smug look of victory on her face.
“Caleb. Call Caleb. You deserve to move on. If nothing else, he can buy you dinner and distract you for an evening or two.” She gives me a decisive nod as if that was final and I had no choice but to obey. “Everyone’s here; let’s get this week started, shall we.”
I stand up and grab my laptop, notepad and pen, going through my mental check list to make sure I have all I need. I walk into the conference room and find Daphne passing out the rest of the coffee. I make my way to the seat at her right hand and almost get scooted in place before she notices my shoes.
“Seriously?” She gawks at my shoes and gives me a very motherly look.
“Please don’t start. You know they’re my favorite and they’re super comfortable and I’m still allowed to have depressed days.” She shakes her head at me and gives me this look like I’m not getting off that easy. But ultimately she doesn’t say anything else so I will move on, feeling victorious. With a smug smile on my face I turn to the team. “Good morning, everyone.”
Our weekly agenda meetings are actually pretty fun, and since we’ve started doing them, fairly effective. Daphne gets started off with any announcements or recognition. Then we proceed on to appointments and upcoming events and then outstanding work that needs to be done. Our team is a well-oiled machine, working together to get our job done and we do it right. Very rarely does work have to be redone and I attribute that to the fact that we all take pride in our work and strive to stay on the same page. No one blames others when something doesn’t get done, they just step up and do what needs to be done to get the job finished.
I look around the table and think about how blessed Daphne and I are to have such a dynamic team. We started All of Creation Studio almost two months after graduating from the University of Missouri. We met in a business class freshman year, hitting it off from the start. We roomed together our sophomore year and what was supposed to be a classroom presentation for our business ethics class became our dream and every decision we made from that assignment on was toward this studio. I know one day our hopes to branch out will come true, but for now, I relish in just how well we’ve done.
It was a long eight months of trying to do everything by ourselves when we met Isaiah. At that time, we had a well decorated, but empty building with an impossible schedule. Isaiah and Shelby had booked their outdoor engagement pictures with us and spent the entire time running the session, setting me, the photographer, in place for all the poses he wanted and making sure I was using the correct lenses and camera settings. It didn’t take me long to figure out he knew how to take great pictures. When they came in to view their portraits, I offered him a job. Daphne nearly blew a gasket, but when after two weeks we were able to sort out our appointments and start taking on new clients, she stopped fussing about my choice.
A few months later I was going over a set of portraits that Isaiah had taken that the family raved over. I, too, was incredibly impressed by his work so I had stopped by his office to tell him so. He said he couldn’t take all the credit and that Shelby helped him. A week later Shelby was on our payroll and our clientele doubled within the month.
It was her idea that led us to start a partnership with the university, for photography students to learn the proper ins and outs of a studio. We’ve had a number of interns throughout the last few years, but we’ve always felt confident with sending them on. Jason has been the only exception; he was the only one who took in our values and beliefs as a group. We’ve had interns come and go simply because of the impeccable ethical reputation our studio has. His internship is supposed to be up in a month and we’ve all been dreading any move for him. I have a feeling if we were to vote today on it, he would unanimously be voted permanent residency.
Yes, our dynamic team is incredible and they are doing what they do best now. There isn’t a session that isn’t thoroughly thought out and planned for or a client who won’t be completely satisfied.
“Jessie? Are you okay?” I shake myself back to attention.
“Yes, I’m fine. I’m sorry. What do you need?”
“The Johnson’s newborn portraits have a few edits that need to be finished before their viewing session today at two, do you think you could help with those?” Shelby gives me a concerned look. I give her a reassuring smile to let her know I’m fine.
“Of course. I don’t have a shoot scheduled until tomorrow so I can definitely help with edits today.” There are a few more assignments that need sorting out and I make sure to pay attention to the rest of the meeting.
Once it’s over, everyone disperses to start their day. I’m not supposed to be here this week and my schedule is fairly open, so when Shelby suggested we work together in the conference room, I agree. Thanks to my early morning, the battery on my laptop is already starting to die so I make a quick run back to my office for my charging cable. By the time I get back to my office, Daphne has already unlocked the front doors and is accepting an enormous bouquet of pink flowers. Her petite frame struggles to hold onto the small bush of lilies while she thanks the delivery man and then tries to find her way through the lobby.
My stomach plummets as she heads toward my office. Jake’s face at my dad’s front door flashes through my mind and my mood immediately turns sour.
“Put them in the lobby and throw the card away. I don’t care what he has to say.”
“They’re not from Jake,” Daphne says out of breath. I yank the card off the holder before she sets them on my desk.
I’m sorry we didn’t get the chance to formally meet the other night, but I’m glad you were having so much fun. I hope you would give me the honor of lunch so that I can get to know the fun loving girl who has stolen my attention.-Caleb
It’s handwritten on the back of his business card. I look up to Daphne who looks a little too smug. She’s nearly bouncing in her heels, and I know where this is going, so I just walk out of my office before she can say anything. But unfortunately for me, she follows me.
“Now you really need to call him. That bouquet is prettier than a sunny Sunday mornin’ and it would be absolutely rude
of you to ignore him now,” she exclaims so loudly that Shelby and the boys have moved toward their doors to see what the commotion is all about.
Isaiah gives me a just-give-her-what-she-wants-because-you-know-she-won’t-let-up-until-you-do look, while Jason’s look was more apologetic, like he understands her demanding demeanor is like having a nosey mother who just doesn’t give up. I make it back to the conference room and am doing a decent job of not looking at Shelby. She made her opinion on the matter pretty clear earlier and I don’t need anyone encouraging Daphne to keep this up. Fortunately for me, I’m saved by the dinging of our lobby doors opening. I swear I can feel the daggers Daphne shoots my way as she leaves the conference room. Within a matter of minutes, the clacking and clicking of our keyboards is the only sound in the room. That only lasts for about five minutes though, before Shelby finally adds her two cents.
“You know,” she says thoughtfully, “what harm could lunch do? Really, you could go, you eat some good food, tell him you’re damaged and then you could tell Daphne you tried and get her off your back.” I don’t know if her plan is genius or an insult. Either way, she has a point.
I huff out a sigh and pull up Google to search for this Caleb Mathis. A couple of clicks and a Facebook page later I find him and do as much of a thorough search on him as Google and Facebook can provide. After a few moments I see that he’s actually quite the eligible bachelor, despite the fact that he tried to pick me up in a bar. I reach for my phone and dial his number.
