by S. M. Smith
“When she’s done with those five, I’ll trade her for five more,” she tells the sinister attendant who clickety-clacks off in her sky high shoes back to her post behind the counter.
“She better hope to Jesus that she doesn’t give us one of those surveys about her service because I can guarantee if it were up to me she would NOT be getting a raise this year,” Daphne half whispers out at me.
I chuckle and hand her my purse as I slip into the changing room to start trying on dresses. My phone buzzes again and I dig it out of my pocket to see what Caleb needs.
Do I get to see what you pick?
Maybe… or maybe it’ll just be a surprise ;)
I try on a couple that I automatically forfeit to Daphne. I decide to save my two for the very last and I’m glad I did. Every single dress Daphne picks out for me has something wrong with it. The halter dresses make me feel like my boobs are going to fall out and the spaghetti strapped dress makes me feel like we are going to a Middle School dance. I look pale and sickly in the three yellow dresses she hands to me. As soon as I put on the red one though, I feel like I’ve instantly transformed into a Bond girl. Feeling like I could take down the KGB with this dress and a good pair of heels, I step out to let Daphne have a look.
Daphne, who has become so bored with the other dresses, had pulled out her phone and is most likely checking Facebook. But she dramatically reroutes her eyes to look over her phone at me in this dress.
“Wowza! Look at you, hot mama!!”
“Yeah? You don’t think it’s too……daring?”
“Well...” I hear the sound of a camera shutter as I check out the back. I swivel around and she gives me a guilty look. “What? What could a little feedback hurt?”
“Do not post this!” I urge her. But she’s right, not in a social media kind of way though. “Send me the pic, I know who to get opinions from.” She nods at me as I step back into the dressing room to slip into the periwinkle dress.
As soon as I slip it on, my heart melts. It has a sweetheart neckline that gathers through the bodice at the side. The shimmer, heavy at the bottom, creeps up the dress making it look like I’m emerging out of an ice sculpture. I step out and turn back to Daphne, tossing her my phone.
“Oh. Wow,” she says as I turn around and glance in the mirror over my shoulder to get a good look at it from behind.
“You think so?” I look back at her reflection.
“Oh yeah, it’s a hard decision. Strike a pose!” She takes a quick picture with my phone and hands it back to me. I send both pictures to both Stephen and Caleb and immediately get mixed reviews.
Oh WOW!! The red one, please pick the red one!! Caleb replies.
Both are stunning, but you look absolutely elegant in the blue one Stephen responds.
“Ugh. Ok, Daphne, you’re the tie breaker. Which one?” She dramatically takes a few moments to think about it, uncrossing and re-crossing her legs and shifting her head from one hand to the other.
“Well, I think you’d make the biggest impression in the red one,” she answers just as I’m starting to lose my patience. I’m slightly disappointed. Although my heart was kind of set on the periwinkle dress, she’s right. If I’m going to move on with my life and make something of my relationship with Caleb, I need to step things up. And it’s gonna take a sassy red dress to get the ball rolling.
***
I feel Caleb’s hand on the small of my back before I feel his lips on my temple. After the director finds out that All of Creation Studio had taken the shots for the zoo’s new marketing campaign, he is very interested in seeing if we could partner together on a new promotion for the hospital. He is thanking me and excusing himself, leaving me ecstatic, when Caleb finds my side.
“Have I mentioned how stunning you look tonight?” he whispers into my ear.
“Only twelve times tonight.” I smile and take another sip of my champagne.
“Wow, I’m THE worst date in history because you should have been notified at least twenty times by now.” He gives me a sexy grin. “You seem to be fitting in quite well tonight. Your confidence is radiating.”
“That was Mr. Buchanan. He’s head of marketing and he wants my studio to help with his next marketing campaign,” I tell him proudly.
“That,” he says as he pulls me close, smiling brightly before continuing, “is incredible news. We should celebrate! Let’s dance.” He takes my hand and guides me to the dance floor. The song is slow and dreamy; his strong arms hold me close and I lay my head gently on his chest, amazed as I review how well tonight has been going.
After a vigorous round of introducing me to nearly everyone, Shaina and I browse the items for silent auction. I bid on a trip for two to Cancun, before sitting down to a succulent dinner of roasted chicken breast with grilled vegetables. Some more mingling, a bit of dancing here and there and every single piece of it so far had been elegant. Not one person has looked down on me for the clothes that I’m wearing or the job that I do, in fact I receive more praise for both than ever before. Caleb is probably right, my confidence is radiating. I sigh satisfyingly and Caleb leans down to talk in my ear.
“Is everything okay?”
“Better than okay. Tonight has been absolutely wonderful. I’m having a fantastic time. Thank you.” I look up at him and find his eyes searching mine again. This time, I don’t hold back. I tip my head up and let his lips find mine.
The music fills my ears and I feel like a princess who has found her prince at a ball. Caleb slides a hand to the back of my neck, lacing his fingers in my hair. We both stop moving for a short moment as we linger on such a well-timed kiss. When he finally pulls back, we both are slightly out of breath and can only recover by restarting our dance. He holds me a little tighter and I let him. It feels good to have arms embracing me again, holding me as if everything is okay and nothing could harm me. But somewhere in the back of my mind, a quiet alarm goes off, reminding me that Caleb is perfectly capable of breaking my heart.
After the song is over, his hand finds mine and he leads us back to our table for a drink. I am elated from the magic of this evening, so it takes me a minute to feel Shaina’s eyes drilling into me. She’s given her opportunity to pull me away when someone announces that all the auctions will be closing in ten minutes.
“I’m sorry, Caleb, but I’m afraid we have some bids we need to check on.” She grabs my arm a little too eagerly and pulls me up. “We’ll be right back.” I hear both boys laughing as she drags me away in a near sprint.
“Hey! I’m in six inch heels here. I’d prefer not to break an ankle, please.” She pulls me over to a table with some gift baskets that neither of us had bids on.
“Was that what I think it was?” she whispers so loudly that about five different people turn to see what the commotion is about.
“Shh!” I swat her wildly flailing arms to her sides. “Yes, it was our first kiss. Sheesh. Stare much?”
“Eeek!” She squeals causing some heads to turn again. I turn to walk away but get pulled into her arms. “Yay!!! You know, you two are perfect for each other, I just know it.”
When I finally pull from her boa constricting clinch, she notices the apprehension on my face.
“Uh, oh. There’s something you haven’t told him?” Her face changes in an instant and I’m suddenly shivering from the daggers her eyes are shooting at me. “You’re not exclusive are you? Ugh. I told him that he needs to stop assuming things he refuses to talk about.”
“Whoa!! What? He’s seeing someone else while he’s dating me??”
“No! He said that you guys hadn’t talked about being exclusive but assumed that you were.”
I feel eyes all over us, which is confirmed when I look around. I pull her gently toward the nearest exit. We step outside to get some privacy and air. The cool air chills my skin, so I rub my hands over my bare arms.
“So he isn’t seeing someone else?” I repeat. She shakes her head no and takes another sip of the champagne
she smuggled on the way out. “Well then he’s assuming right, but you’re right we haven’t talked about it. No, it’s just-“ I really like Shaina, but she and I come from different places. Will she be as understanding as Caleb has been? Would she freak out and blow something that is so important to me into something to amuse herself when she’s bored at pompous parties?
I start to walk away, but she grabs my arm and looks straight at me. Her look says she wants to understand and that she is here for me, so…here goes.
“I’m still a virgin and plan on being one until the night I get married.”
“Oh.” She doesn’t laugh, didn’t even appear slightly amused. She looks more like she had expected me to confess having genital herpes or webbed feet or something, but as realization starts to sink in she starts to look a little sick.
“What?” She starts to walk away and it is my turn to drag her back in. “What is it, Shaina?”
“It’s nothing. Really.” She brushes her hands down the front of her dress and tries to stabilize her composure, but it’s too late. I’ve seen the worried look in her eyes. “Does Caleb know this?”
“Yes. I’ve been upfront with him from day one.” She searches my eyes trying to decide if she should ask another question.
“Hmm.” She stares at me for what feels like another five minutes, but I’m sure it is only ten seconds, then shrugs. “Okay.”
“That’s it? Okay?” I feel the anxiety building up inside of me is about to explode.
“Yeah. I have to believe that if you’ve been upfront with him, he will respect your wishes. He really seems to adore you…” She stops, seeming like there is more to her thought.
“But?”
“No buts. Just do me a favor. Will you?” I nod, hoping she says something that alludes to what she’s holding back. “If this is something you truly care about, something that is a total deal breaker, promise me you’ll stand your ground with him. Caleb can be very….persuasive. He tends to get what he wants.” She gives me an almost apologetic look, as if she has a feeling that everything can go very badly for me.
So she isn’t expecting Caleb to wait….
“Well, if he wants me badly enough, he will have to abide by my rules. This is something I really do feel very strongly about and don’t plan on compromising on at all.” She gives me another remorseful smile when I finish, and my insides start to hurt. She shakes it off though, and replaces it with a more resolved smile.
“You know, Jessie St. James, I think you just might be the person he needs.” She wraps an arm around my shoulder and guides me back inside. Just before we hit the door she stops, “So is this some holy rolling, Jesus, purity thing?”
Normally when I get asked this question, I get defensive because it’s always asked accusingly. But the way she says it makes me laugh.
“Yes, actually. It is. But it’s more than that. I’ll tell you all about it some other time. Right now, I’m starting to go numb.” I pull the door open and gently push her back inside where it’s nice and toasty.
They are already announcing the winners of the auction, when we walk back in. I listen for the trip but the announcer finishes by the time we get back to the table without saying who won the trip. Back to the table, the boys are looking at us expectantly.
“Everything okay?” Caleb asks as he slips an arm around me.
“Yep.” I flash him a reassuring smile. “Who won the trip to Mexico?” I ask eagerly.
“Funny you should ask.” He turns and picks up a paper from the table and turns back to me with a huge smile on his face. “Congratulations, Ms. St. James!” he exclaims as he hands me the paper.
“I won??” I’m so excited I grab him in to a tight hug and kiss him again. I pull back and turn to Shaina. “Wanna go to Mexico with me?” I wink at her as Caleb pulls me back into his arms.
“Hey!” He squeezes me tightly and all four of us break into laughter. Our laughter starts to subside as people begin stopping by to tell Lucas and Caleb good bye. Shaina gives me a congratulatory hug and slides back to Lucas’s side to play the role of dutiful, supporting wife. I can’t help but smile at her as she slides back into her grace and elegance as if it were the most natural thing to her. She gives me hope that should Caleb and I decide to marry, I could do this. I could live in this hoity-toity world and make it.
***
After Caleb is done saying his goodnights, he walks me back to the car. He had hired a driver tonight so that he could spend the whole evening with me. Once we are settled into the back seat and he’s instructed the driver to take us back to his house, he takes up my hand and kisses it.
“So you really did have a good time tonight?” he asks, his voice laced with concern.
“I did. I think I can handle your friends with much more ease now.” He scoots closer and wraps an arm around me, beaming from ear to ear.
“I’m so very glad to hear that.” He leans in and he kisses me again. His lips are light and delicate, but as he lingers, our kiss becomes so much more. As I feel one of his hands glide up my back to my neck, I feel myself get swallowed up in the spell the night has put over me. He pulls back and loosens his hold on me and I feel as if I’ve been drugged, high on the perfectness of our evening. My head is cloudy and heavy, so I lay it on his shoulder, letting him hold me. His hand finds mine again and I stare at the lights out the window as he rubs circles on the back of my hand.
We ride silently the rest of the way back to his house, and all too soon the limo slows to a stop. He climbs out and lends me his hand to climb out of the car without snagging my dress on my heels. He turns to tip the driver while I dig my keys to my car out of my clutch. His delighted face sinks when he turns back to me, finding my keys in my hand.
“Oh.” He hesitates and looks at my car as if he hopes it would vanish. “I was hoping you’d like to come in. For a night cap.”
“I guess, I could stay for just a little bit.” Seeing his disappointment, I can’t help but agree. His face lights back up though, and he takes my hand again. He drops his keys in the frosted glass bowl on the table in his foyer once we are back in his warm home. I do the same with my keys, laying my clutch on the table as well. He shrugs off his tux jacket as I follow him to the living room, slipping my heels off by the couch. I take a seat on the couch, pulling my legs and dress up under me while he pours us each a glass of wine. He hands a glass to me and kicks his dress shoes off before sitting down next to me.
“You did amazingly well tonight, you know,” he tells me smoothly.
“Thanks a lot!” I say sarcastically as I playfully slap at his chest. “You sure do know how to make a girl feel good, don’t you?” He chuckles mischievously to himself. I shoot him a pointed, raised eyebrow and he nearly spits his wine back into his glass.
“I just meant, I was afraid you’d be completely out of your comfort zone, but you charged head first and used the opportunity to your advantage. I’m excited to see what Buchanan has in store for you.” I didn’t realize he knew Mr. Buchanan so informally and apparently the look I give him shows that. “He and I played basketball at KU. Rock chock, Jayhawk! And all that.” He gives me a playful grin, knowing full well that we are destined to be sworn enemies, having gone to competing schools and all.
“I was a little out of my comfort zone. I’m not used to fundraisers and five star restaurants. I’m more of a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl. But it’s getting easier.” And it really is. I am starting to see how these things work; and that’s exactly what it is: work. Every function, every dinner, is a power play to get ahead of the game. It took me awhile to understand that, but now that I do, it’s easier to endure. I don’t think I need to express that to him though.
What I am concerned about though, is how long I think I can tolerate it. For me, functions and dinners are supposed to be about getting to know a person, actually dating them. And when I think about how much time in our relationship we actually spend getting to know one another, well, that amount of tim
e hasn’t been very long.
I’m pulled out of my dreary thoughts by fingers playing with my hair. I had pulled it back and to the side, pinning it in a low bun, but somewhere through the night pieces started to fall out, leaving ringlets to bounce around my face and neck. He is playing with a strand, causing a ripple sensation down the back of my neck. I look into his eyes to find them approaching me and I let them.
His kiss is tender and sweet, but eager. The hand that had been playing with my hair finds its way to the back of my head, pulling me to him. It slides down my back and with the other, gently picks me up and pulls me into his lap. I pull back long enough to do something with my wine glass so that I don’t spill expensive wine all over the expensive leather couch and wrap my arms around his neck.
His kisses take away my worries and concerns about being able to handle his high powered world. They take away my doubts about being able to start all over again, filling every single crack of uncertainties that I can still have what I want most out of life. His strong arms hold me in a way that I feel safe and secure and like nothing in the world could ever hurt me again. I’m feeling whole again.
That is until he reaches for the zipper on my dress.
Chapter Eleven
I pull back hard and stare him blatantly in the eye.
“What? What’s wrong?” he asks, oblivious. I’m speechless. Here I am just thinking that I am safe and secure with him and then his true intentions start to show.
“I can’t do this. I need to go.” I try to stand up but he holds me in place on his lap.
“I don’t understand,” he says, confusion and shock warring on his face.
“Clearly,” I say through gritted teeth as I remove his hands from my waist. I nearly trip backwards when I stand up, but I get my bearings and grab fistfuls of dress as I step into my shoes again. I just barely get the second one on before he’s on his feet and grabbing at my arm. “Don’t.” I didn’t realize the tears had already started to fall so I wipe a hand over each cheek.
