by Dyan Chick
"Okay," I said. "Rose Circus. Got it." Frustrated that he wouldn't break character, I turned my attention back to the crowd. My brother was out there somewhere. The sea of jumping, sweaty bodies below me blended together. I scanned the crowd for the fair hair of my brother. Surprisingly, there weren't a lot of people with blonde hair down there. Most of the party-goers had dyed their hair bright colors, making anybody with a natural color stand out in the crowd.
A blond, spiky head bobbed into view. Near one of the clowns on stilts. "There!" I pointed to the head that I hoped was my brother.
"With the red shirt?" the Ringmaster asked.
I squinted down into the mass of people. "I think so."
"Can you find your way back?" He climbed on to the railing of the balcony.
"What are you doing?" My voice came out in a high-pitched, panicked sound. "Get down from there!"
He gave me a wicked smile full of sharp teeth. "I'll meet you down there."
Then, he jumped. My heart leaped from my chest as I watched him, arms wide open as he floated into the crowd. He landed on his feet, like a cat. I shook my head and rubbed my eyes. It had to be a trick. Or somebody had slipped me something. What was happening here?
On unsteady feet, I managed to find my way back across the catwalk and down the spiral staircase. I cut through the now empty backstage area and headed through the crowd to where I had seen my brother.
When I found the clown on stilts, I also found the Ringmaster, with his arm around my brother. They were laughing and talking as if they'd known each other for years. My brother had always had a way with people. He made friends anywhere he went. I shouldn't be too surprised to find him at ease. When Ryder caught sight of me, his eyes grew wide and he clamped his mouth shut.
Hands balled into fists, I marched over to him. His dilated eyes told me everything I needed to know. "Ryder. How could you?"
He looked like he was fighting to keep his lips pressed together. Whatever was in his system overpowered him and he broke into laughter. "Don't be so uptight, AB. I'm just having some fun. You used to know all about that."
"Don't." I pursed my lips. Ryder was the reason I worked so hard. He had to know I was trying my best to be a good example.
I glanced at the Ringmaster and saw a smirk on his face. My cheeks reddened and I looked back at my brother. "You should know better. Do you want to lose everything?"
A girl with bright pink hair jumped on Ryder's back and leaned around to kiss his cheek. She was giggling until she looked up and saw me. Her face fell. "Who invited the narc?"
Ryder fought to keep from laughing and shrugged the girl off his back. "This is my sister, AB."
I rolled my eyes. "Ara. My name is Ara. Who are you?" I didn't even try to be nice to the girl trying to corrupt the valedictorian of his high school.
The girl stepped out from behind Ryder but kept her arms on him. "I'm Nadia. His girlfriend."
I stared at her. Ryder's last girlfriend had been on a similar path to him. She was heading to an ivy league school on the opposite side of the country. The breakup had sent Ryder into a downward spiral for weeks. This girl must be the rebound. "You are a distraction. Nothing more. Come on, Ryder."
Ryder's smile faded, replaced by a momentary look of surprise. He turned and started heaving on the floor.
"Gross!" Nadia screamed.
I pushed her out of the way and ran to my brother. "Are you okay? What did you take?"
Ryder straightened. "I'm not sure."
The Ringmaster was behind us now. He rested his hand on my back. "This way, I'll show you the back door."
I let the Ringmaster guide Ryder and I through the crowd. We stopped in front of a hallway that was guarded by another security guard in a too-small shirt. He stepped aside when we approached.
Entering the hallway felt like a breath of fresh air. It was dark away from the colored lights, but it was free of the mass of people. I glanced over at the Ringmaster. "Thank you."
He nodded then stopped. We had reached the end of the hallway. He opened the door for us. The sharp-toothed smile filled his face. "We'll be here all week."
3
Somebody was knocking on my door. I rolled over and realized I'd gone to sleep in the clothes I wore last night. I hadn't done that in years. "Yeah?"
Ryder pushed the door open. He looked terrible. His eyes were bloodshot, his hair flattened in a mess against his head. "What happened last night?"
I patted the spot on the bed next to me and he came in and sat down. "You were stupid."
He chuckled, then winced. "I feel like I got beaten with a bag of bricks. You must be so pissed at me."
I smiled. Every day, I worried about Ryder but he'd always been better at finding balance than me. Even if he did party from time to time in college, he could probably pull himself out. "Nah. You're a smart kid, but you did a stupid thing. Maybe it's out of your system now?" I hoped he'd be stronger than I was, able to resist the rush that came from the pounding beats and the toxins filling the bloodstream.
"Yeah. I think so." He rubbed his head.
I stood. "Go take a shower. You smell like puke. I'll make coffee."
I dragged my feet to the kitchen, thinking about last night's events. The party had been the most over-the-top event I'd ever been to. And the Ringmaster, whoever he was, had been both terrifying and captivating. I picked up the bag of coffee filters and paused with my hand in the bag. Was he serious when he said they'd be there all week? What would happen if I went back?
I shook myself out of the thought and finished pulling out a coffee filter. That was insane. I didn't belong at a party like that. I'd said goodbye to those days years ago. Yet, the pounding beats and flashing lights had felt like coming home. Something inside me felt a pull to the Rose Circus. No.
I shoved the filter in the coffee maker and scooped in some grounds. As fast as I could, I poured in the water. I needed coffee. I needed normal. I had to forget about the Rose Circus.
I didn't have work until three, so Ryder and I went to a few thrift stores to find things for his dorm. He was leaving in a few days for college, moving across the country. We were both smart, but he made me feel stupid. He'd skipped a grade in elementary school and probably could have skipped even more. Perfect SAT scores, class valedictorian, he'd never done anything out of step.
My year of partying had nearly cost me my college admission after my usual 4.0 dropped by two points my senior year. If it hadn't been for a school counselor with some connections at the University, I might not have been allowed entry.
Ryder never needed any help. After everything we'd been through, Ryder had never wavered. I couldn't be too hard on him. Losing our parents earlier this year was tough on both of us. And it was normal for kids to rebel. I didn't want to bring up last night as we dug through the pile of bedding at the Salvation Army, but I was worried he'd try something like that again when he was at school.
"Hey, Ry, about last night." I wasn't sure where to go from there.
He dropped the items he had in his hands. "I know, AB. I wasn't thinking. Please, don't worry about me. Once was more than enough."
Feeling relieved, I smiled. "I'm so glad to hear that."
He picked up a sheet that had stars and rocket ships on it. "What do you think? Think the girls will like this?"
I laughed and pulled out a Strawberry Shortcake sheet. "You totally need this one. No girl can resist."
He laughed and tossed the rocket ship sheets back into the pile. "I'm going to see if they have any lamps."
I folded the sheets back up and as I was about to set them back down, I found an orange rose sitting on top of the pile. Frozen, sheets still in hand, I stared at it, unsure if it was actually there. Where had that come from? I didn't recall seeing it when I picked up the sheets. I set down the bundle and picked up the flower. My heart pounded in my ears and my stomach twisted into knots. It was identical to the flowers I'd seen on the walls at the party last night.
/> I could smell the sweet scent as I brushed my fingers over the petals. The stem was still green, which meant it hadn't been out for long. Swallowing back a lump in my throat, I dropped the flower. It had to be a coincidence. We were the only shoppers in this part of the store. It shouldn't even be there. Was this some sort of hallucination? I shook my head and walked over to Ryder who was sifting through a shelf of small desk lamps.
Pausing, I turned to look back at the rose. It was gone. I could feel the color draining from my face. I'd never had any flashbacks or seen any altered versions or reality before. Some of the other kids I met in group therapy sessions had talked about them, but this was new to me.
"AB?" Ryder's forehead wrinkled in concern when he saw me. "You okay? You look like you just saw a ghost."
Forcing a smile, I nodded. "Fine. Probably just hungry. Ready for lunch?"
I hated lying to Ryder, but he didn't need to know that his sister was going crazy. We'd been close for most of our lives, despite the age gap. During my year of partying, he used to help me sneak back into the house. He'd even held my hair a few times while I was hugging the toilet when I had overdone it, and he covered it up from our parents. He'd been my partner in crime. The night I ended up in the back of an ambulance, he'd begged me to stay home. It was the only time he'd ever done that. It was like he knew. I shook the memories aside. I didn't want to think about that today. I just wanted to enjoy my time with my brother. "How about some pizza?"
"Sounds great," he said.
We left the thrift store empty handed and wandered over to our favorite pizza place for some lunch. It was after the lunch rush and there were only a few other people in the restaurant. We sat down in a booth and ordered our food.
"You got plans for tonight?" I said in between bites.
"Ben and Michael are having a party. Ben's mom's out of town." He reached for another slice. "But I promise I won't do anything stupid. And I'll crash there tonight."
I chewed my food. "Nothing stupid?"
"I promise."
I tried to put on my sister hat, and stop acting like a parent. He had a week left before he left for college and he wanted to hang out with his friends. They were all good kids, headed to different parts of the country in a week.
"You have work tonight?" he asked.
I nodded. "Shift starts at three. Probably a late night."
The waitress walked over to our table with a box for our leftovers. On top of the box, she had a plate with two cupcakes.
"We didn't order any dessert," Ryder said.
"I know." She set the box and the plate down. "One of the other customers paid for dessert for all our tables today. Some special promotion for a new cupcake shop opening up down the street."
My heart sank when I looked at the orange frosting. It was a perfect, beautiful rose taking up the top of the cupcake. Maybe somebody had slipped me something last night? Was there such thing as this much of a coincidence?
Ryder already had the wrapper off. "Thanks!"
The waitress smiled, picked up the cash we left on the table and walked away to make change.
I stared at the cupcake, feeling sick to my stomach. I picked it up and examined it. Although it looked like a perfectly normal, and beautiful, cupcake, there was no way I was going to eat it.
Ryder wiped orange frosting off of his mouth. "That was the best thing I've ever eaten. You going to have yours?"
"Maybe I'll save it for later," I said. If that crazy circus sent it, I didn't want Ryder eating it, either. It was entirely possible I was acting paranoid, but I didn't want to take any chances.
"Jerry, the usual?" I asked the older man who sat down at the bar top in front of me. He nodded and I busied myself behind the bar, mixing his gin and tonic. I'd worked at the little Italian restaurant for the last three years. They moved me to the bar a year ago. It worked well with my school schedule and I could keep working shifts while teaching if I needed a little extra cash.
I set Jerry's drink down in front of him and smiled. He was a lonely widower, came in every night and had the same thing. He never brought drama and tipped well. Jerry was my favorite type of customer. "I'll be right back with your soup."
Opening up the divider that closed off the bar, I headed toward the kitchen. Amy, a server I'd been working with for a year stopped me. "You have a sec, Ara?" She looked frazzled and was balancing a stack of dirty dishes in her hands.
"Sure."
"Can you just bring a water to table twelve?" She inclined her head toward the dining room.
"No problem." I went to the drink station and filled up a glass of water and ran it to the table. On my way back to the kitchen, I caught a flash of a customer who was walking into the back room. My heart starting racing. Who wears a top hat at four in the afternoon?
Brows furrowed, I walked to the auxiliary room that was used for overflow on busy nights and private parties. I hadn't seen anything listed on the charts for today. I ducked my head into the room and found it empty. I swore I had seen somebody walking into there. Shaking my head, I turned away. Jerry needed his soup. I took a few steps, then stopped and glanced into the room one more time. This time, I noticed a bright orange paper sitting on a table. Had that been there before? I looked around. There were only a couple of people in the restaurant, and we wouldn't be busy for another hour or two.
I walked into the room and stopped in front of the table with the paper. My blood went cold. It was a flyer for the Rose Circus. And it had my name on it.
It took me a moment to regain control of my functions. I snatched the paper and shoved it in my apron pocket then ran to the front doors. Was someone watching me? The hair on the back of my neck stood on edge. This was going too far. Someone was messing with me. Determination replaced the prickle of fear. Whoever had left this here might still be walking to their car.
I blew past the hostess at a full run and didn't stop until I was staring into the parking lot. There were three cars in the parking lot. I recognized all of them. Shit. I felt like I was going crazy. I'd seen things that shouldn't be all day.
Swallowing hard, I pulled the paper out. I half expected it to be gone, but it was still there. It still showed the trapeze artist flying through the air. It still had the address on it. It was the same as the flyer I'd had yesterday, only somebody had scrawled my name across the top in thick, black sharpie.
"Ara?" The hostess popped her head out the door. "Everything okay?"
Quickly, I folded the paper and stuck it back in my apron. "Fine. Just needed some air."
The girl held the door open for me and I tried to remember her name. She was somebody's niece, I think, and had only worked here for a week. I smiled at her as I walked through the door. "Thanks."
In a daze, I somehow made it back to the kitchen for soup, then back to the bar. The rest of the night seemed to move at lightning speed. I went through the motions, feeling disconnected from the world around me. Was I having a nervous breakdown? What was happening to me? This flyer was left here for me but I couldn't figure out why.
As I waved to the last customer of the night, I leaned against the bar, taking a deep breath. All of the odd events of the day seemed to be on a loop inside my head and the scent of roses was burned into my nostrils. I needed to go home, take a bath, and get some rest. I was probably just over tired and the party from last night must have brought back some repressed memories or something. I considered calling my therapist. I hadn't seen her in two years, I'd been doing so well on my own.
I looked down and realized I had been washing the same part of the counter for several minutes. Get it together. I dropped the towel in the bucket and splashed some cold water on my face before finishing closing down the bar.
"Ara, you coming out tonight?"
I set down the glass I was holding and turned to see my friend, Amy. She had her apron in her hands and had already changed from her work clothes into jeans and a black tee-shirt.
"No, thanks. Some guy dumped h
is whole beer on me and I had to change two kegs tonight. All I want to do at this point is go home and take a shower."
"Well, if you change your mind, we’re going to the Exchequer," she said.
"Maybe next week? Ryder's leaving in a week."
"That's right. Baby brother moving on. Need any help closing down the bar?" she asked.
"I'm good. Just need to put these glasses away, then I'm out. Have fun tonight." I waved at my friend as she ducked through the back door. Part of me wanted to go with her. Maybe I could use the distraction. I finished putting the clean glasses on the shelf then wandered to the back office with my cash drawer.
I knocked on the door and the owner, Vic, opened it. He smiled as he took the drawer from my hands. "Good night tonight?"
"Kept me busy." I reached into my apron and handed him the receipts. "Drawer's all balanced."
"Thanks, Ara." He took the receipts from me. "Sure I can't talk you into managing this place when Sara leaves next month?"
I shook my head. "Told you, I'll stick around and do some weekends, but I got a teaching job downtown."
He sorted the receipts quickly, then held up the orange paper. "This trash?"
I hesitated for a second. Was it trash? If I wasn't going to go, I didn't need the paper. There was a part of me that couldn't let go of it. I reached out and took it, shoving it back in my apron. "Thanks."
Vic nodded. He knew about my past, but I never felt judged by him.
I reached for the door. "Have a good night, Vic."
"See you tomorrow?" he asked.
"No, I've got the rest of the week off. Getting Ryder ready for school."
"That reminds me!" He stood and pulled a small package off of the shelf behind him. "For your brother. Tell him good luck from me and Kim, okay?"
"Will do." I took the package and left the office. As I walked to my car, I untied my apron then threw it on the front seat. The orange paper fell out and landed on the seat next to me. I tried to ignore it as I drove home, but my eyes found their way to it over and over. What was it about that Rose Circus? The Ringmaster's wicked smile flooded my vision and I blinked it away. Maybe I just needed to go one more time. Ryder wasn't going to be home tonight so he wouldn't have to know I stopped there. I’d go and find whoever it was who left the flyer for me. I would tell them I wasn't interested. My hands tightened on the steering wheel. Yes, I'd go, but only because I wanted to stop it. Not because I wanted to go. Right?
