by Diana Palmer
Allison was catching her own breath. She didn’t want to be near him, not at any price. “No,” she said hastily. “No, I can’t do it. I have to go back to Arizona.”
He moved toward her, and she backed up a step, afraid to be close to him again. What had happened once was never going to be allowed to happen again.
Gene stopped. He understood that timid retreat. He’d hurt her, mentally and physically. She had every right to be intimidated by him.
“Dwight needs you,” he said softly. Charm had never meant much to him before, but if he could lure her home with him, he might have a chance that she’d begin to trust him. “Winnie would be grateful,” he coaxed. “And so would Marie and I.”
“You needn’t pretend that you want me around, Gene,” she replied miserably. “You can find someone else to sit with Dwight.”
“He has nothing to do with you and me,” he said after a minute, his eyes narrow and steady on her face. “He’s my brother, honey. I love him.”
That got to her when nothing else had. She clasped her hands tightly together. “I thought you’d decided you weren’t part of his family anymore,” she murmured.
He sighed. “So I had. Until I heard he’d been hurt. Strange how nothing else seems to matter when someone’s near death. I thought of all the good times we had as kids, all the games we played together, all the mischief we got into.” A faint smile came to his thin lips. “Even if there wasn’t much blood tying us together, we were the best of friends. Marie and I fight, but we’d die for each other. I guess I’ve been living inside myself without a thought to how it affected them.” He looked straight at her. “It’s still hard for me. But I think we can work it out now, if I don’t have to worry about somebody to take care of Dwight. The hospital is short staffed.”
“Tina told me,” she said. She wrapped her arms around her breasts and turned away, head bent.
He moved closer, keeping some distance between them so that she wouldn’t feel uncomfortable. “You can’t regret what happened any more than I do, sweetheart,” he said unexpectedly, and in a tone that made her legs tremble. “I’m sorry.”
Her eyes closed. “It was my fault, too,” she replied huskily, shaken by his compassion and the soft endearment. “Can we…not talk about it any more, please?”
“Can I assume that since you’ve had medical training, you knew how to take care of yourself after what we did?” he persisted, holding his breath while he waited for her reply. He knew he hadn’t taken any precautions, and he was pretty sure she hadn’t. But he wanted to know.
She didn’t look at him. “It wasn’t a dangerous time of the month, if that’s what you’re asking,” she said, coloring.
He let out a heavy sigh. “Allison,” he said softly, “that wasn’t what I asked.”
She bit her lower lip. “I think it’s too late to do anything now,” she said, averting her gaze to the window.
“I see.” He moved again, towering over her. “A few weeks, then…until we know for certain?” he asked quietly.
She didn’t look up, but she nodded.
He started to speak, but anything he said would be the wrong thing now. His shoulders lifted and fell in a strangely impotent gesture and he moved back to the chairs.
The thought of a child scared him to death. He couldn’t imagine what they’d do if they’d created a life together during that frenzied coupling. He didn’t want a child to suffer for his lapse. He was terrified because of his father’s character, sick at the thought of passing those genes onto a child. It wasn’t rational, but it was how he felt. God, there couldn’t be a child!
But even as he dreaded that thought, his eyes sought Allison and he scowled thoughtfully. She had a built-in maternal instinct. He could imagine her with a baby in her arms, suckling at her breast…
The sudden, fierce arousal of his body made him gasp audibly. God, what a thing to trigger it! But the more he thought about Allison’s slim body growing big with a child, the worse it got. He got up from the chair and left the room without another word, leaving Allison to stare after him with sad curiosity. He couldn’t imagine what was wrong with him!
Dwight was glad to see him, and Gene was relieved that his baby brother wasn’t going to meet his maker just yet. He looked at the face so like his, and yet so unalike, and smiled indulgently as he held the other man’s hand tightly for a minute.
“Need anything you haven’t got?” he asked.
Dwight smiled through a drugged haze. “Not really, thanks. You handle things for us while I’m here, okay? I think I’ve made a real mess of the books.”
“You don’t know what I’ve done to the daily routine with the livestock,” Gene confessed with a grin.
“Dad sure fouled us up, didn’t he?” Dwight groaned. “I know he never meant it to wind up this way. He knew I couldn’t handle finances. Why saddle me with it?”
“We’ll never know,” Gene replied. “We just have to make the best of it.”
“No, we don’t. We can go back to the way we were doing things before Dad died. If we both agree to it, we can have a contract drawn up and the will won’t be binding. I’ve already asked our attorneys.”
“You didn’t mention that to me,” Gene reminded him.
Dwight shifted. “You weren’t ready to listen. I know it hit you hard, finding out about the past. But I figured when you were ready, we could talk about it.” He winced. “Head hurts real bad, Gene.”
“I know.” He patted the younger man’s shoulder. “I’m trying to talk Allison into nursing you at home. Would you like that?”
He smiled weakly. “Yes. They’d let me go home earlier if I had my own nurse.”
“Did you know she was one?” Gene asked, scowling.
“Sure. Winnie told me. And about her parents. Incredible, that she got out at all, isn’t it…? Gene, I need a shot real bad.”
“I’ll go and ask for you,” Gene replied, puzzled about what Dwight had started to say. What about Allison’s parents? Had there been anything unusual about the way they died? And what was that about it being incredible that Allison got out? Out of where? What? He glowered with frustration. Well, he was going to find out one way or the other. He was tired of being kept in the dark.
Winnie asked, and so did Marie, if Allison would nurse Dwight. It had been hard enough to refuse Gene, but there was no way she could refuse Winnie. What she didn’t know was how she was going to survive a week or more under Gene’s roof when Dwight went home.
“You’ve been different lately,” Winnie said several days later, when Allison had put some things into a small bag to take to the Nelson home.
“Different, how?” she hedged.
“Quieter. Less interested in the world. Have you and Gene had a fight? Is that it?”
“Yes,” Allison said, because it was easier to admit that than to tell the truth. “A very bad falling out. I was going to leave the morning that Dwight got hurt.”
“Oh, Allie.” Winnie sat down on the bed where Allison was folding clothes. “I’m sorry. But if Gene wants you to stay with Dwight—and Marie said it was his idea—he can’t be holding a grudge.”
“He has a lot of reasons to hold one,” Allison confessed. She lowered her eyes to the floor. “It’s better that I don’t see too much of him, that’s all.”
Marie’s eyes narrowed. “Would this have anything to do with Dale Branigan?”
Allison lifted her head. “How did you know about her?”
“Everybody knows about her.” Winnie grimaced. “She’s been after Gene for a long time—just like most of the single women around here. But she was more blatant with it, and she’s a very modern girl. Gene wasn’t the first or the last, but she’s persistent.”
“Yes, I noticed.”
“I gave you a bad impression of Gene at the start,” Winnie began. “I just wanted to protect you, but I wasn’t quite fair to him. Gene can’t help being attractive, and I hear he’s just plain dynamite in bed. Women chase hi
m. They always have. But since he met you, he’s not as wild as he was—he’s calmed down a good bit. It’s just that he can’t shake his old reputation, and I didn’t want yours damaged by it.”
“Thanks,” Allison said quietly. “I know you meant well.” She managed not to blush at Winnie’s remark about how Gene was in bed. She knew all too well that he was dynamite, and if she hadn’t been a virgin, maybe it would have gone on feeling as sweet as it had when he was just kissing and stroking her body.
But maybe that really was all sex was supposed to feel like, for a woman. Maybe it was the preliminary part that made women give in. She sighed. If that was what sex felt like, she wasn’t in any rush to experience it again, despite the brief pleasure that had led to it.
Winnie drove her over to the Nelson house, where Dwight was tucked up in bed with every conceivable amusement scattered around him. He had his own TV, DVDs, all the latest movies and a veritable library of the latest bestsellers.
“Talk about the man who has everything,” Allison said, smiling at him.
“Not quite everything,” Dwight said with weak humor. “My head could use a replacement.”
“You’ll get better day by day. Don’t be too impatient. I’ll take very good care of you.”
“Thanks.” He hesitated, staring up at her with his vivid blue eyes. “I get the feeling that you and Gene are having some problems. In view of that, I really appreciate the sacrifice you’re making for me,” he added.
She smiled wanly. “Gene and I had a difference of opinion, that’s all,” she said, trying to downplay it.
“In other words, he tried to get you into bed and you said no.” He chuckled when she went scarlet. “Good for you. It will do him good to have the wind knocked out of him.”
She didn’t say anything. Let him think what he liked. She couldn’t bear having anyone find out what had really caused her difference of opinion with Gene. It was a godsend that he was out with the cattle, and she didn’t have to see him until she’d settled in.
Winnie was there for supper, visiting with Marie while Allison got Dwight up and ready for the meal that would be served on a tray in his room.
“Gene won’t be in until late,” Marie said as she helped Winnie and Allison fix a tray. “I’m sorry this had to happen to Dwight, but it’s a good thing, in a way. It’s brought Gene to the realization that he’s still part of this family. I wouldn’t take a million dollars for that. He’s actually being civil to me, and he’s been wonderful to Dwight.”
“Sometimes it takes a near tragedy to make us appreciate what we have,” she agreed. “You two have a nice supper. I’ll come down and get something later. I’m not really hungry right now.”
“Okay,” Marie said, and smiled. “There’s plenty of stuff in the fridge, and if there’s anything you need in your room, let us know.”
“I’ll do that. Thank you, Marie.”
“No. Thank you,” the other woman replied, impulsively hugging her. “You don’t know what a load you’ve taken off our minds.”
“Yes, she does,” Winnie said warmly, smiling at Allison. “She’s very special.”
“I’m leaving.” Allison laughed. “See you later.”
She arranged Dwight’s tray and sat down by the bed while he maneuvered his utensils through a pained fog.
“Isn’t Gene home yet?” he asked.
She shook her head. “Marie said he’d be late,” she replied, hating to talk about him at all.
Dwight caught that note in her voice. He studied her curiously. “You haven’t told Gene anything about yourself. Why?”
She couldn’t answer that. In the beginning it had been because she didn’t want to scare him off. Now, she didn’t see any logic in it. She’d be gone soon and Gene wanted no more of her.
“I don’t know,” she told Dwight. “I suppose the way I’ve lived has taught me to keep things to myself. My parents were the kind of people who didn’t like whiners. They believed in honor and hard work and love.” She smiled sadly. “I’ll miss them all my life.”
“I miss my father that way,” he replied. “So do the others. Gene, too. Dad was the only father he really knew.”
“What about Gene’s real father?” she asked softly.
He started to speak and hesitated. “You’d better ask Gene that,” he said. “He and I are getting along better than we have in a long time. I don’t want to interfere in his business.”
“I can understand that. Can I get you anything?” she asked.
He shook his head. “Thanks. I think I could sleep a little now.”
She straightened his pillow with a smile. “I’ll get something to read and be nearby if you need me. You’ve got medicine for the pain. Please don’t be nervous about asking for it if you need it. Your body can’t heal itself and fight off the pain all at once in your weakened condition. All right?”
“You make it sound simple.”
“Most things are. It’s people that complicate it all. Sleep well.”
Winnie came up later to check on him, and volunteered to sit with Dwight while Allison went down to get herself a sandwich.
Marie had gone to a movie with one of her friends since Allison and Winnie were staying with Dwight. She had, she told them, needed the diversion. It had been a traumatic few days.
Allison understood that. She’d had a pretty traumatic few days herself.
She went downstairs and fixed herself a sandwich in the kitchen. She ate at the kitchen table, liking the cozy atmosphere, with all Marie’s green plants giving the yellow and white decor of the room the feel of a conservatory. She was just starting on her second cup of hot black tea when the back door opened and Gene came in.
He looked tired, his face under his wide-brimmed hat hard with new lines. He was wearing dusty boots and jeans and bat-wing chaps, as he had been that day Allison had met him in town, but despite the dust, he was still the most physically devastating man Allison had ever met.
He paused at the table, absently unfastening his chaps while he studied her. She was wearing the gray dress he’d seen her in several times, with her hair up and no makeup, and she looked as tired as he felt.
“Worn-out, little one?” he asked gently.
His unexpected compassion all but made her cry. She took a sip of hot tea to steady herself. “I’m okay.” She glanced at him and away, shyly. He was incredibly handsome, with that lean dark face and black hair and glittering peridot eyes. “You look pretty worn-out yourself.”
He tossed his Stetson onto the sideboard and smoothed back his black hair. “I’ve been helping brand cattle.” He straddled a chair and folded his arms over the back. “Got another cup?”
“Of course.” She poured him a cup of steaming tea. “Want anything in it?” she asked.
He shook his head. “Thanks.” He took it from her, noticing how she avoided letting her hand come into contact with his. But he caught her free hand lightly, clasping it in his as he searched her face. “Can’t you look at me, sweetheart?” he asked when she kept her eyes downcast.
The endearment went through her like lightning. She didn’t dare let him see her eyes. “Let me go, please,” she said, and tugged gently at her hand.
He released her with reluctance, watching her as she went back to her own chair and sat down. He no longer had any doubts about her reaction to him. He wrapped his lean hands around his cup and flexed his shoulders, strained from hours in the saddle and back-breaking work as they threw calves to brand them.
“How’s Dwight?” he asked after a minute.
“He’s doing very well,” she replied. “He’s still in a lot of pain, of course. Winnie’s sitting with him right now. Marie’s gone to a movie.”
“I haven’t said it, but I appreciate having you stay with him. Especially under the circumstances.”
She sipped her tea quietly, darting a quick glance up at him. He was watching her with steady, narrow, unblinking eyes. She averted her gaze to her cup again.
“I’m doing it for Winnie,” she said finally.
“That goes without saying.” He put his cup down and folded his arms over his chest. “How long will it take, do you think, before he’s on his feet again?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “You’d have to ask the doctor about that.”
He watched the steam rise from his mug, not really seeing it. He’d driven himself hard today, trying not to think about Allison and what he’d done. But it hadn’t worked. Here she was, and sitting with her was the first peace he’d known all day. She had a calming effect on him. She made him feel at ease with himself and the world around him. It was a feeling he’d never known before. His emotions had gone wild with Hank Nelson’s death and the subsequent revelations about his past.
He thought about his real father and the shame it would bring on him to have people know what kind of parent he’d had. But the sting of that knowledge seemed to have lessened. Now he could look at Allison and none of the anguish he’d known seemed to matter anymore. All he could think about was how it had been with her during the time they’d spent together, her softness in his arms, her gentle voice full of compassion and warmth. But he’d killed all that. He’d reduced what they were building together into a feverish sexual fling, without meaning or purpose. That was how she was bound to see it, and it wasn’t true. He’d used women before, of course he had, but Allison wasn’t an interlude. She was…everything.
He looked at her with soft wonder. She couldn’t know how she’d changed him. She probably wouldn’t care, even if she knew it. The more he saw of her, the more he realized how genuinely kind she was. He’d never met a woman like her. He knew he never would again.
“I’ve been a fool about my family, Allison,” he said suddenly, his dark brows knitted together as he stared at her. “I think I went mad when I found out how I’d been lied to all these years. Hurt pride, arrogance, I don’t know. Whatever it was, I’ve just come to my senses.”
