by Honor James
“Wouldn’t you rather have a little momentary pain when it can remove the pain from you for the rest of your life, Raven?” She sounded worried for him, which caused an odd sensation in his chest. “I’m scared that you will get silver poisoning, Raven. I want to have you around for a very, very long time.”
“I haven’t died from it yet,” he commented, guiding her into the hall and up the stairs. “I have a piece inside of me that the doctors, the best of our world, cannot remove. They’ve tried everything they could, but they had to leave a piece of it behind or it would have killed me. It was a gift from the Syndicate during my stay with them some years back,” he said. “I have a certain resistance to silver poisoning it seems.” Which did have its plus side, he guessed. After all, considering the size of the piece in his body and where it was it should have killed him about three weeks after the Syndicate had put it in. But it hadn’t, which made him somewhat of a medical marvel and had pissed the Syndicate off to no ends. “You can take a look and see if they can be removed, though, because I don’t want them causing you pain.”
“I’m not worried about them hurting me, Raven, they don’t bother me.” She paused and then admitted grudgingly, “Much. But I don’t like that they hurt you like they did.” Stepping in closer she asked, “Will you do me a favor please, Raven? Will you please not go on another mission? They hurt you. When will that not be enough and they kill you?”
“I don’t know if I can promise that, Jamison, it’s who I am,” he murmured softly, looking down at her. “But I will not do anything for a time, and if something comes up I will discuss it with you first.” He offered that as the compromise knowing that she’d have a fit otherwise. Backing her into his room, he encouraged her toward the bathing chamber as he wondered how long until the Alliance contacted him once more to put his life on the line.
“You need to know one thing, my lord husband,” she said simply as she started the hot water in the deep tub. “You need to know that where you go, I will follow. If you sneak away, I will find you. You see”—she tugged him closer to her with a determined look—“you will never be able to hide from me, my lord husband. Because my ability is finding things or people, and to me you are the most important person ever born.”
“That reminds me,” Raven said as he leaned against the doorway. “How exactly did you find me on that piece of rock?” he asked in a curious tone. “I vaguely remember you commenting about something or other, but I have to admit, most of that first day is rather fuzzy from the bloodlust.” And then she’d basically hijacked him and fed him her blood, sneaky dastardly female.
“Your mother gave me your signet ring. It’s locked in the console of my ship for when you want it, too, by the way.” She watched him and how he stayed so far from her. It made her heart ache because she knew that they didn’t have a chance for happiness if he didn’t give a little. “I touched it, and when I did, I was in that room with you when she put the silver in you.” The impressions left upon the signet ring were easily picked up by Jamison in one of her lesser used abilities. She knew in that moment that the good Lady Kato only wanted her son for her own gain. Her mouth went dry at the memory of what she’d gotten from the ring. “No one deserves that.” She wasn’t talking about the silver so much as the degradation he’d also had to suffer. “And then I knew where you were. For a moment I thought you had seen me, but I must have been incorrect.”
He frowned at her, a look in his eyes and on his face that said he was trying to remember something. “I did see you,” he said in a low tone, pushing from the door and pulling his shirt off over his head, tossing it to the little woven basket in the corner. Kicking his boots off, he left his pants on as he moved up behind her as she turned back to the tub. “I didn’t know what I’d seen at the time, it was too fast, and I was pretty far into the bloodlust.”
“Even when I found you, you were still pretty lost to it, my lord.” She felt him step up to her back and sighed. She wanted to reach out and wrap him up close to her, hold him tightly and make him see that he was never alone.
“I’m not denying that, Jamison.” He ran a light hand down her back, causing her to arch into the stroke. “You know, I know you’re upset with me. I can see it in the lines of your back,” he told her softly.
“I’m not upset with you,” she told him as she turned to face him. “Defeated because I realize that I will never be enough for you,” she said with a sadness in her heart she knew was conveyed on her face. “I will never be able to convince you that if you died, if something happened to you, that it would hurt me deeply.”
Frowning at her, he lifted a hand to cup her cheek. “I never want you to hurt, Jamison.” The mere thought of causing her pain hurt him. It made him ache and made him worry all over again that he’d done wrong by marking her as his. “I’m not worth that and I never have been,” he whispered, even as he saw something in her eyes that told him differently. “Jami,” he murmured softly as he felt something inside shift even as he pulled her closer to him.
Shaking her head, she placed her hands on his chest. “But you are, Raven. You are worth so much more than you can ever know. You mean everything to me. Nothing means anything without you, don’t you see that? Can’t you understand?” She placed her forehead to his chest and let out a tired sigh. “You only hurt me because you don’t believe there will be an us, a couple. You only hurt me because you keep waiting on me to walk away at any moment. I’m not leaving, Raven. I’m here forever and you really need to just get that through your thick head.”
Lifting his hand to slide his fingers into her hair, he held her to him with a gentle hold. “Everyone I’ve ever known has walked away, Jamison,” he whispered. He really hadn’t meant to say the words but they were the truth either way. Lowering his head, he rested his chin to her hair and breathed in her scent. “It’s what I’m used to, it’s what I expect. You can’t expect me to just believe that you’ll stay after only a day, Jamison, when I’ve had decades of everyone I’ve known walking away from me without a second thought.” He felt the flinch and he cursed himself. “I don’t say it to hurt you. I just want you to understand my skepticism. But,” he whispered hugging her closer. “I will try to believe, Jamison, if you will just give me some time, please.” The last word was the hardest for him. He had learned early to take and never ask for anything right at the knee of his ever so wonderful mother.
“You have all of my life, Ra.” Looking up at him, she smiled softy and leaned in, brushing her lips to his. “Are you tired, my lord? Do you need rest?”
He was reluctant to admit any weakness, even to her, but he nodded slowly. “A bit,” he said quietly. “I have not slept well since long before the mission,” he told her. Looking beyond her, he nudged her gently. “Your bath is about to overflow, Jamison.”
“Oh!” She moved quickly and soon had the water off, and they watched as the excess overflow sucked down some of the water to keep it from spilling all over. Once the water was evened out, she seemed to jolt into motion and stripped. Turning to look over her shoulder at him, she smiled. “Do you want to join me, or would you rather just find the bed, Raven?”
“As long as you pull me out afterward,” he told her. He gave her a light nudge toward the water in the next moment and even lent her a hand to get in. Once she was in, he stripped his pants off and carefully slid into the water as the heat hit all the wounds on his body at one time. Shifting about for a few moments, he found a comfortable position and slid lower into the water to let it sit just under his chin.
Sitting opposite him, she adjusted her feet so that one was on each side of his thigh and her legs over the top of his. Leaning back, she was watching him under lowered lashes. “Am I worth it?” The question came out of nowhere, and she looked to almost regret it as soon as it came out of her mouth. “Am I worth the pain that I cause you? The demands I am placing on us being together. The frustration you likely feel anytime you see me because you want to throttle me for saving y
ou that first time? Am I worth it?”
His lips twitched slightly at her words because, and he’d never admit it, he had wanted to throttle her or strip her and show her who was boss. Of course, that he was still a little fuzzy on as well, but the thought did pop up relatively clear. Holding out a hand, he took hers and pulled her to him so she was straddling his lap. Kissing her chin, he nodded. “Yes, Jamison, I think you are worth all that and so much more.” He, on the other hand, wasn’t worth the air he breathed. Or so his delightfully warm and fuzzy mother had drummed into his head from the moment he’d first opened his eyes. “You don’t cause me pain,” he murmured, closing his eyes as he held her to him. “But I seem to continuously hurt you.”
“You don’t hurt me, Raven.” She held onto him tightly as she whispered, her voice soft and soothing. “You don’t hurt me, my love. I do that all on my own. I expect more of you than you can give, that’s on me, not you.” Her hands gently stroked over his shoulders as she rubbed her cheek to his shoulder. “I will forever love you, Raven, I will keep showing you that I do and I will never leave you, and I hope that one day you will realize just how worthy that you really are of my love.”
“I hope so, too,” he whispered back, not sure if she’d hear and hoping she wouldn’t since it was the little boy inside whispering its need to be loved for the world to hear. Closing his eyes as he felt perilously close to tears, Raven breathed her in, using her scent as an anchor for his rattled senses. What scared him the most was that, though it was still small and fragile, he really was beginning to believe she could love him, that she did love him, and that she always would. But what had terror lancing through his veins was the feeling that she was important to him and that he might just be starting to reciprocate those feelings of love.
She lay there in his arms for a long while until finally, she pulled back and whispered. “I hate to break this moment, Raven, but you and I are both so tired. We need to pull ourselves out of here, get dried, and in bed.” There was a moment’s pause before she added, “Will you sleep with me, Raven, please?”
He was so tired he didn’t think to guard his words. “Where the hell else would I be sleeping?” he asked in a grumbling tone, and then a brain cell sparked to life. “Unless you’d rather I sleep in one of the spare rooms,” he said softly. He was aware that she may not want him anywhere near her since he couldn’t seem to give her what she wanted and needed.
“Don’t even go there,” she grumbled and shook her head. “I want to sleep with you. I want to be able to go to sleep in your arms and wake there as well.” She chewed her lip a moment before saying in a little voice that cut him deep, “I feel safe when you’re holding me, Raven. I don’t want to lose that feeling.”
“Really?” he asked, his shock showing clearly in his stunned tone of voice. Blinking, he looked at her as she nodded. “I don’t think anyone’s ever said that to me,” he admitted quietly as he tried to process the idea she actually felt safe with him. Hugging her to him for a moment, he took her hands. “Up,” he ordered, knowing if he kept sitting there he’d either overthink or he’d talk himself around it or he’d start to mope or he’d fall asleep.
She rose to stand before him, her feet on each side of his waist, and very carefully she stepped back from him. “I’m sorry no one has told you that you make them feel safe before, but you do me, Raven. You make me happy.” She shrugged and added quickly, “Even when you make me angry enough to spit nails, you make me happy.”
Getting to his feet, he shook his head at her. “I do not spit nails,” he said, using her terminology. “I have never spat nails,” he added as he stepped from the bath and helped her out. Gathering towels, he wrapped one around her before he put one around his waist and then began to dry her body. It was automatic and he gave no thought to the gesture or the fact that he was the one doing it.
“I didn’t say you, silly goose. I meant me. It’s a euphemism.” Her arms rose as she let him dry her body until she stopped him, placing her hands over his. Jamison lifted their joined hands to cup his face and said. “I love you, Raven. I’m mostly just trying to tease you and give you a hard time. You make me happy.” Leaning in, she pressed a kiss to his lips. “Just be you and I’m happy.”
“I don’t think you’d much like me,” he said softly as he leaned his forehead to hers. “But I’ll try,” he added when he saw the protest in her eyes. Rubbing her back gently, he pressed a kiss to her nose. “Come on, Jamison, I need to sleep,” he murmured softly as he stepped back and pressed a hand to her lower back.
She moved with him into their bedroom, and after another quick rub of the towel to her hair, she finger combed it out with a wrinkle of her nose. Climbing into the bed, she held up the blankets for him. “Come on, Raven, I won’t sleep well unless I’m snuggled up next to you, so don’t try to argue with me.”
He hadn’t planned on it, but a rebellious section of his brain said he should just because. Shaking his head at himself, he rubbed the towel over his hair, which he really needed to get cut soon, and then with a flick of his wrist he tossed it aside and slid into the bed with her. Lying on his back was out, so he actually had to roll on his side so the marks that were still healing didn’t pull or get caught on the bedding.
She rolled to her back and held out her arms. “Come on, I want to be able to hold you. Please, Ra, just let me give you this small measure of contentment?” She looked at him expectantly, and he found that in that moment, he couldn’t refuse her.
Rolling so he was on his stomach, he moved closer and settled his head to her upper chest, his chin brushing one of her breasts. He didn’t argue, he was too damned tired, all the sleepless nights before and during the mission having caught up to him. Throwing a leg over hers and letting his arm slide around her to hold her close, he shut his eyes, and not more than a breath later he was asleep, her name a small murmur on his lips.
She smiled as her hands began to lightly stroke through his hair. “I love you, Raven Kato. I hope you see that one day.” With a soft sigh she closed her eyes and let the heat of him lying against her snuggled in tightly lull her to sleep.
Chapter 10
Waking the next morning, Raven had no idea why he felt so relaxed and so warm, and who the hell was under him? He never slept with a female, the sleeping part anyway, and never in his bed, which was where he was. Then, as he breathed in slowly, he knew just who it was and remembered curling into her the night before to hold her as they both rested. It was a novel feeling, her warmth, her flesh against his, her hand tangled in his hair as his rested cradling her breast. He could get used to this, he realized, and then cursed the thought because if he did get used to something it would just be taken away, that’s how his life worked. Sighing softly, he rubbed his cheek to her chest before turning his face to inhale her scent, his lips brushing over her throat gently. If he could have a moment in time to always remember, to have to keep him warm on his missions, to give him hope, this would be it right here with Jamison.
Her fingers moved in his hair, lightly combing through it. “Good morning, Raven.” The gentleness of her fingers in his hair was something she was always willing to give him, she moved slowly as if memorizing each moment, each detail of him. “Did you sleep well?” She knew that he had, he had slept the whole night without moving an inch.
Nodding slowly, he stroked a finger over her nipple gently, making her body shiver in response. “I did sleep well,” he said, his voice a rough and grating sound. Swallowing hard, he cleared his throat slightly. “I didn’t mean to sleep on you the whole time, though. Can you even feel this half of your body?” he asked, concern lacing his deep voice. After all, he was not a small man by any means, so she understood why he might be a little concerned.
Her voice came out as a husky purr when she spoke again. “I think you should touch me all over, see if you can get a response from my body, Raven. I think that you need to nibble and lick your way over, just to make sure that I can still feel that is.�
�
Her suggestive tone had his body leaping to attention, and he found he couldn’t find a single reason to refuse such a blatant and obvious ploy. Nipping at her throat gently, he slid his hand down her body as he moved his leg. Cupping her mound, he rubbed his palm against her already damp pussy even as he began to move, his lips gliding down her body, his tongue flicking out to tease her flesh.
Her hand stayed in his shaggy hair, her grip tightening and guiding him over her body. “There.” She halted his progress when he paused just over her belly. “It feels so good when you run your tongue and teeth down the line to my navel, please,” she begged softly.
Doing as she asked, he licked and nibbled down the line of her navel. Moving back up, he ran the flats of his fully extended fangs back up with a long lick of his tongue. Repeating the move several times, he worked his way a little lower each time. Finally reaching the soft flesh of her inner hip, he began to tease the soft skin there as he slowly rubbed his fingers along her wet pussy.
“Raven, yes.” She panted and lifted her hips to meet his fingers. “Please. Do it,” she barked out roughly, the demand sharp in her voice.
Growling at her command, he moved slightly until he could nuzzle at her inner thigh. Scraping his teeth gently at her very thin flesh that he found there. Pressing his fingers deep into her pussy, he sank his teeth into the dark vein on the inside of her thigh. Wrapping his hand around her leg, he held it so she didn’t jerk away from his bite.
“Yes!” She sobbed out a scream, her hips jerking slightly against him. She gave a whimper, wiggling and trying to get closer to his fingers and mouth.
