by Tyler Grey
“So what did you say when they offered you the job?” Laurie asked.
“I said I’d think about it. I said I needed some time and that I’d let them know tomorrow.”
“This is so crazy! I’m assuming you’re not going to take the job?”
I sighed. “I don’t know. I guess…but I don’t know.”
“What? Are you serious? You’re actually considering going to work for that jerk? Really?”
I shrugged. “I honestly have no idea, Laurie. I mean, while I was there, I was thinking that I would definitely say no. The whole thing seems so crazy. I’ve spent my whole adult life trying to avoid the guy, and he really did ruin my childhood. But…I need the job. I really need the job. And it’s a good job. Also…he looks like he really needs someone to help him. I hate the guy, but it doesn’t mean I want him to suffer like that. Also, there’s no reason for him to know who I really am. He doesn’t ever have to know. There’s no way he’ll ever link me with the girl from school. I’m not that girl anymore.”
Laurie whistled. “Wow, I honestly didn’t think that you would take the job.”
I laughed in surprise. “You know, me neither. I was pretty adamant that I wouldn’t, actually, but my mind seemed to change as I was telling you about it.”
“You know, you’re a much better and stronger person that I am. I wouldn’t take the job, but I’m impressed that you are going to do it. I think you’ll do great, Alice, and I’m glad you’re being the better person in all of this. Maybe, in some weird way, this will be a chance for you to forgive the past. Or, at least, try and put it behind you.”
I nodded. I’d thought the same thing too. “Maybe. Like maybe confronting the past is a way for me to forget it. Who knows.”
“So, here’s a question,” Laurie said. “Would you do this job if he wasn’t blind? Would you do it if he knew who you were?”
I shook my head. “Not a chance.”
Later that day I picked up the phone and called Hayden. I knew I probably should call Jacob, considering he was the one I would be working for, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I told Hayden that I was going to take the job and he seemed absolutely delighted by the news. He asked me if I could start the very next day, and I agreed. Then I put down the phone and immediately wondered if I had done the right thing. Was it too late to back out of this?
Chapter 9
Jacob
I was surprised to hear that Alice had taken the job. Hayden had phoned me the night before with the news, and I had been delighted. Perhaps she’d just been nervous for the interview. I couldn’t imagine how it must’ve been for her to have to cook for us, especially with me being blind. I was very aware of how awkward people now felt around me. I didn’t blame them. What she didn’t realize was how nervous I felt about her being there. At least she could see me. I had no idea what she looked like or how I was coming across.
I got up early that morning. Hayden had helped me figure out an alarm system that I could use. It wasn’t easy, and I’d gotten it wrong a few times, but in the end, we’d come up with two alarms. One for daily use, and one if I wanted to get up a little earlier. All these little things were things I had taken for granted before, and I had no idea that I would one day battle so much with simply knowing what the time was. I’d chatted to another blind person at the hospital. They’d been blind for a few years, and they told me that I would eventually figure things out. They said it took time, but that soon you found ways to do things without the need for sight. I wasn’t so sure, but I was hoping they were right.
After a shower, I changed and got myself ready for the day ahead. Hayden had offered to come over for Alice’s first day, but I’d said no. I had to learn how to stop relying on him for everything. I was very aware of how awkward the day was going to be, but I was sure it would get easier.
When the doorbell rang, I felt the nerves rising up me again. It was an odd sensation, this constant fear that would take over me. I was so used to always feeling in control that it was like being a whole new person. I’d been a different person as a child to the man I’d become as an adult, and now I was a whole new person all over again. I took hold of Tank’s lead and made my way slowly to the door. I opened the door and smiled. I could still make out shapes, so I knew she was there.
“Hi, Alice; thanks for coming,” I said, and opened the door for her to enter.
“Thank you for having me.”
“So, how about we go to the living room to chat about the job? Uh, can I make you some tea or coffee? I was going to make some myself,” I asked.
“You sit down. I’ll make something for us,” she said.
I thought about refusing, but the thought of making her something to drink while she was watching me made me feel too nervous. I could easily make tea and coffee now, I’d done it enough times by myself not to get it wrong, but I’d more than likely mess it up with her there. The last thing I wanted to do was to burn my hand and have her feeling sorry for me. I said thank you and went to sit in the living room to wait. I wasn’t sure why I felt so bad about her making it for me anyway. Wasn’t that what I had hired her to do?
I sat in the living room and listened to the sound of her making the coffee. It was strange to have someone else in the house with me, but there was something oddly comforting about it, too. When the smell of the coffee filled the room, I smiled. I heard her walking into the room and held out my hand to take the cup. She sat down opposite me. It was amazing how I knew where she was even though I couldn’t see her. I could feel her presence.
“I’m pleased you took the job, Alice. Look, I know this isn’t going to be easy for you, but I want you to know that I appreciate you being here, and that we’ll figure it out as we go along. Today might be a little strange, but this whole thing is new to me, too. I’m also going to get you a key so that you can come and go as you please. I realize you’ll have to go out to do shopping and I don’t want you to have to always knock for me. I take a long time to come to the door, as I’m sure you realized.”
“Oh, it’s no problem at all. But a key would be great. Thank you,” she said. Again, she was very quiet but also very polite. I still couldn’t quite figure out if this was what she was usually like or if she was just a little nervous around me.
“We can also figure out some sort of schedule as we go along, but let’s just wing it for now and figure things out.”
“Sure, I’m fine with that. Uh, is there anything that you don’t eat, or something that you want me to make? Or any allergies?”
I smiled. “You’ll be happy to know that not only do I eat anything and everything, but I’m also a bit of a glutton. I love my food. And hey, now I can get fat and not care.”
She chuckled. “I love my food, too. Hence why I got into the business. I do tend to cook quite healthy though, so you won’t have to worry about getting fat.”
“Well, uh, if you want you can familiarize yourself with the kitchen this morning and maybe make a list of what you need. I’ll be paying you a set salary, but I’ll also pay you for the ingredients, so you can just liaise with Hayden on that if you like. He’s my new bank manager, poor guy,” I said and laughed. “But please don’t feel like you have to hold back. Get what you think you need.”
“Great, thank you. I brought a few things today with me, too. I’ll go and get them from the car and put them away in the kitchen, if that’s okay.”
“That’s perfect.”
I sat there for a while, drinking my coffee, with Tank’s head on my lap, and listened to the sounds of Alice in the kitchen. I wondered what she had brought with her and was pleased that she had actually thought of bringing stuff without me asking her. She’d probably seen the state of my kitchen during her interview and figured I would need a bit of stocking up.
I didn’t want to sit around all day while she was in the kitchen though, so I decided to do a bit of tidying up around the house. The whole thing seemed a little ridiculous, but at the same time, I di
dn’t want the house to go to ruin just because I couldn’t see anymore. I moved around the living room, making sure cushions were in place, and checking that everything was in order. It gave me something to do, at least. I put the radio on too, just to add a bit of noise to the background, and I hoped Alice didn’t mind. I reached out to turn the volume down a little and knocked something on the floor. I heard it crash and wondered what it could be. I knelt down and felt for it.
“Oh. Shit,” I murmured when my finger ran over something sharp. I felt around a little more cautiously until I picked up a photo frame. Judging by the grooves around the frame I knew it was one of myself and my mother, taken only a year before she died. It was a special photo to me, and I could still remember it clearly. Her smiling face as she wrapped her arms around me. She’d been so proud of me for being in the navy, and on a trip home to see her she’d insisted we get a photo taken of us. Little did I know it would be the last time I saw her alive.
“What’s going on? Can I help? Oh no, the photo frame,” Alice said. She’d suddenly appeared at my side. I could hear her voice louder in the room now.
“Don’t worry; it’s okay. I’ve got it,” I said.
“No, no. You hurt your finger. Let me get you a bandage and get a broom to sweep this up. Otherwise, we might stand on the glass today.”
“It’s fine. I’ve got it,” I said again. I hated this feeling of being helpless more than anything in the world.
“It’s okay,” she insisted. “I’ll help.”
“Don’t!” I said harshly.
“Oh…okay…” she whispered and walked away. I could hear that I hurt her.
I groaned. What was wrong with me? It was her first day, and already I was making things hard for her. I made my way back to the kitchen, where I could hear her moving around.
“Alice, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to shout. I…I just felt bad. I mean, this isn’t your job. To help me when I mess up like this.”
“I know, and it’s okay. Don’t worry about it. I was worried about Tank, to be honest. Walking on that glass.”
I smiled. “It bodes well that you thought of Tank first. Thank you, Alice. I would actually like your help. Don’t worry about the bandage; I can do that. But if you could sweep up the glass, I’d appreciate it.”
“Of course I will.”
“I didn’t mean to come off rude. I…I hate that it brings out this side of me. I hate that I snapped at you like that. I’m…I’m not that guy anymore. I’m not...oh, never mind.”
“What do you mean you’re not that guy anymore?” she asked.
I shook my head. I didn’t want Alice to know what sort of a guy I was when I was younger. I was still so incredibly ashamed of that guy. I preferred to think of him as someone else. Someone who wasn’t me at all.
“Oh, uh… never mind. It’s nothing. Uh, thank you for your help. I’m going to find a Band-Aid for my finger.”
I walked off, feeling the heat on my face. I hoped I wasn’t blushing. I hated that I had no idea. As I made my way to my room, I felt angry at myself. Angry that I’d gotten upset so quickly, angry that I had been ashamed. I washed my hands and searched for a Band-Aid. But I had no idea if I was still bleeding or where the cut now was. In the end, I just wiped my hands and lay back down on the bed. I didn’t even care anymore. The way I’d snapped at Alice reminded me so much of the person I was trying to forget. So what if I was bleeding? I deserved it. I deserved everything that had happened to me.
Chapter 10
Alice
I cleaned up in the living room, making sure that there was no glass lying unnoticed, and thought about what had happened. What had Jacob meant by saying he was not that guy anymore? The guy I had known from school days? He didn’t seem like that guy anymore, that was for sure. Had I been rude to him too? Should I have tried to help him when he obviously hadn’t wanted me to come to his rescue? I had no idea how to act with him, and I just hoped I hadn’t offended him. I almost laughed as the thought crossed my mind. I couldn’t believe that I really cared about offending him. Just because he was blind now didn’t mean that he should be pardoned for the way he had treated me all those years ago. It didn’t take away what had happened. But I was having a hard time seeing this Jacob as the guy from my past. It sometimes felt like I was dealing with someone else completely.
For all I knew, the real Jacob was going to come out eventually. Soon he’d be swearing at me, and mocking me, and calling me a clown. There was a big possibility that I just hadn’t seen the real him yet and that he was only holding back. But, until then, I had no reason to get upset at him. I was going to have to put the old Jacob behind me and treat him as if I had only just met him. If I kept thinking about what he used to be like, I was going to drive myself crazy. It wasn’t that I was prepared to give him a second chance, but rather that I was going to treat him like I would a normal boss. I was going to work for a few months, make some money, and then look for something else. For now, I was just going to have to do my job.
With that in mind, I decided to make Jacob something to eat. It wasn’t quite lunchtime, but I figured Jacob wouldn’t mind. He said he was a big eater. I moved around the kitchen, using the ingredients I had brought with me rather than using his. He barely had anything in the kitchen anyway. I was going to have to do a lot of shopping if I was going to be cooking here on a more regular basis. I decided to make him a toasted sandwich. I wanted to make sure he had food that was easy to eat, and I knew exactly how to make simple food taste good. I fried some bacon, sliced some Brie cheese, cut up a tomato, and made a special homemade mayonnaise. I used it as the base of most of my sandwiches, so I made sure to make a big batch and put the rest in the fridge. I put the sandwich together, cut it in half, and put it on a plate. Then I set about to make something for Tank: a little minced meat concoction that I was sure he would love.
In all the time I had been in the kitchen, Jacob hadn’t come out the room. There was something going on with him, some emotions that he seemed to be battling, and I felt almost bad being in his house while he was going through them. When I felt upset, I wanted nothing more than to be left alone. It couldn’t be easy for him to have me there, no matter how much he really needed the help.
I knocked on the door and was pleased when he called me to come in. He was sitting on his bed, stroking Tank’s head. Tank’s head shot up the moment I walked in, and he rushed towards me.
Jacob laughed. “Someone is happy to see you.”
“Oh, I don’t think it’s me he’s happy to see. I happen to be holding a plate of food for him. He obviously knows it’s for him. These dogs are incredible with their sense of smell. Here we go, my boy,” I said to Tank as I placed the food down on the ground. I laughed as he devoured it within seconds. “Wow, he sure loves his food. He’s my favorite sort of customer.”
“You made Tank food? That’s nice of you,” Jacob said.
“Well, he’s too cute. I couldn’t resist it. I…uh…I made you food, too. I hope you don’t mind? I know it’s not quite lunchtime yet, but it’s almost time, and…I thought you might be hungry.”
Jacob smiled. “The good thing about being blind is that you never quite know what the time is. Funny, isn’t it? Something like time. It’s so different to me now. There are subtle clues, but you’re never totally sure. So I just go by what my stomach says. And right now my stomach is telling me that I’m hungry. Smells great, Alice. Thank you.”
I put the plate down on the bed in front of him and explained to him what I had made. He seemed pleased, and his face seemed to light up when I mentioned the bacon.
“Meat eater, huh? Good to know.” I made a mental note of that for the next time I made him something. Most people said that they weren’t fussy eaters, but then they always had a million things that they didn’t eat.
“Yeah, just like Tank,” he said. “Uh…are you joining me?” he asked, and I detected a sense of nervousness when he said it. I got the feeling that he didn’t wa
nt me to join him, which was good because I didn’t want to sit there, either. It had been easier with Hayden around.
“Oh, no. I had a bite to eat while I was cooking. It’s a terrible habit of mine. I always do that and then end up not being hungry for the actual meal. I’m actually going to go back to the kitchen. I’m going to get some food ready for you for tonight. I’m going to make a meal and put it in the microwave for you to warm up. Is that okay? I figured that would be the easiest.”
“Yeah, that’s great. Thank you. Do you have enough ingredients?”
“I do for today, but I’ll probably have to go shopping quite soon to get some more things.”
“Okay, well, when you’re done with that meal, you’re welcome to head on home. I don’t want to keep you here for no reason. Uh…thank you for the lunch, and for the dinner. You have no idea what a huge help that is for me. And, if you need anything else, please let me know. You don’t have to come in and say goodbye. I’m going to take a nap after this. Just close the door behind you when you go. Like I said, I’ll get a key made for you soon.”
“Sure thing. Uh, I hope you enjoy the lunch,” I said, and walked out. He hadn’t taken a bite of it while I was there, but as I walked away, he called out, “It’s delicious,” and I couldn’t help but smile.
Jacob, as it turned out, was a very charming man. I couldn’t help but wonder what sort of man he’d been like before he’d lost his eyesight. A strong, confident man—I was sure of it. He’d been so self-assured as a child, and I wasn’t sure that sort of confidence really went away. I chopped up an onion in the kitchen and allowed the tears to flow. I told myself that I was only crying because of the onion, but I knew that it was more than that. I was crying for the way Jacob had made me feel as a child. I was crying for the man he had become. I was crying because of all the grief he was feeling. I knew he wasn’t going to go to sleep. I knew he was just hiding out while I was in the house, and I felt so incredibly bad for him. No matter how much hell he had put me through in the past, nobody deserved what he was going through.
