by Dee Garcia
“Here…” Jordan tosses the box of gloves our way. “Suit up, you two.”
I catch it, but not before my heart catapults up to my throat, lodging within its tight confines. “For what?” I grate, trying to ignore the way the box feels like a ticking time bomb on the verge of detonation.
“Another sweep,” Mack answers sternly. “Seems Ryker wasn’t just fucking prison pussy. He was their drug mule too.”
The world stops.
I swear to God the entire world fucking stops. Forget the fact Mack’s acting like he hasn’t obsessed over “prison pussy,” as he chose to word it. All I can focus on is one little tiny detail.
The phone.
The goddamn phone!
My stomach churns violently as my heart free falls into its depths from my throat. I knew damn well sweeps were possible at any given moment, but I just… I don’t even know.
Please, God, let that phone be hidden well.
Nodding by way of response, I grab a pair of gloves and pass the box back to Rodriguez, taking the few necessary steps toward the table where everyone is congregated. Mack and Jordan exchange a look that doesn’t sit well with me as I snap the blue latex in place.
“Question for you before we turn this place upside down, Bala.” Mack turns back to me, leaning forward onto the table.
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck!
I’m not solely worried for me. I’m worried for Benni’s sake too. With an early release on the table, they’ll definitely throw that away without a single question if they catch her with contraband, especially a phone.
The contents of my lunch lurch upward in a sickening stream of bile, threatening to spew from my mouth like the exorcist, but I school my expression to the best of my ability and cross my arms over my chest. “What’s up?”
Mack’s lips curve in this wicked-like smirk as he holds my stare, this subtle gleam of I-don’t-know-what-the-fuck swirling in his eyes. “You wouldn’t happen to know how these drugs were leaking in from D to B Block, right?”
My head rears back in legit confusion, in offense too. I may have snuck Benni in contraband, may have crossed the line and fucked the living shit out of her, but I have nothing to do with any narcotics coming into the Annex. “No, I wouldn’t.”
“Sure about that?” Jordan presses, mimicking Mack’s exact stance.
Are you kidding me right now?
“What are you trying to say?” I toss back at him. And yes, I’m on the defense because what in the actual fuck?
I went from negative twenty, stressing out about this damn sweep and that fucking phone, to one hundred and fifty in milliseconds, every drop of blood in my veins boiling over, shifting the main focus of my entire mood.
Rodriguez, Delfino, and Birks all remain silent, their eyes snapping from me to Jordan and back again as Jordan shrugs and shakes his head, holding his hands up like they’re not trying to imply something. “I’m just saying, man. Ryker told the Warden he only started doing this shit a few weeks ago. Timeline adds up to when you came in the picture, and I mean, you’re B Block, he’s D Block. See where I’m going with this?”
Wow.
So because I’m the new guy, it’s okay to assume I’m involved? What about them or the rest of the guys on our squad?
“For one, I’ve never personally spoken to Ryker a day in my life. Two, why would he enlist the new guy, who he doesn’t know, to help him? And three, who the hell do you think I am? I’m not dirty, I don’t ride dirty, and if I knew there was shit coming in, I would’ve been the first one to speak up,” I counter, thankful as all fuck that my tone comes out calm and cool when I’m feeling anything but.
Both Mack and Jordan eye me for a moment longer as if they’re analyzing not only my response but my entire demeanor. Even under their scrutiny, I stand my ground and lift my chin surely. They can examine me all they want; I’m not going down for this bullshit.
But you might go down for that phone if they find it, that little voice chimes, and while, yes, that could very well be a possibility, Benni swore to me she wouldn’t give me up if she got caught with it. I’d like to believe she’d keep her word, especially after what’s happened between us.
My lack of a reaction prompts Mack to circle his gaze around the table. “I doubt I need to say this, but I expect every cell turned inside out. Check every nook, every cranny—someone has to have something on them. Delfino, you and Birk tear up the bathroom. That’s where Jordan found that one baggy the last time. Check for possible loose tiles in the showers, under the toilets in the stalls…everywhere.”
Everyone nods—except me. I just stand there, staring at Mack with the nastiest taste in my mouth. He gave me bad vibes from day one, more still when I caught him mildly harassing Benni for hugging her bunkie, and now? Well, now, he’s really on my shit list. Let me catch some more shady-ass shit going down around here. I’m gonna question him about it faster than he can blink and see how he likes it.
That is if they don’t nail me for the phone or being involved with Benni first.
♫ Down in Flames - Ella Vos
That sick feeling roiling in the pit of my stomach? It’s still there over a week later, hasn’t subsided even one bit. In fact, it’s only gotten worse, leaving me paranoid and uneasy all hours of the day and night. Neither Andrés nor I have gotten any indication that we’ve been found out, but I’m terrified it’s coming, terrified they’re finally going to come for me now that the entire prison is buzzing about Ryker’s investigation, and they’ll magically know I let a guard dick me down. It doesn’t help that just two days ago, Kori was randomly escorted out of yard time, and she never came back.
Didn’t come back to the block either.
I’ve been on extra high-alert since wondering if they threw her in Seg or perhaps moved her to a different cellblock. Snitches usually ask for a swap when they rat someone out…
“Estas pálida,” Mari comments beside me, jolting me in place.
I hadn’t even realized I was caught up in my head.
“Lunch,” I tell her simply. “Shit is not sitting well with me today.”
Mari gives me this face—the one that says she doesn’t believe me or a single word that just came out of my mouth. “No te hagas la comemierda.” Don’t play stupid. “What’s wrong?”
Folding the shirt in my hands, I set it on top of its matching pants and hitch a shoulder. “I’m worried.”
She sighs knowingly and goes about grabbing another uniform set, tucking it into its appropriately numbered bag. “Me too.”
I can’t help but cringe at her reply. She was another one who warned me not to get involved in this shitshow with Koko, and I did it anyway. I should’ve fucking listened to them. “Lena says not to, that Koko has no evidence, but you know how these girls are. What if there’s something I don’t know about?”
“I doubt it. I mean, what could she possibly have that would point them to you? Can’t say I blame you for thinking that way, though, especially when she hasn’t come back.”
“So help me, God, Mari...if she rats me out, I’ll kill her,” I grit, snatching another pair of pants off the table.
“No, you will not because that’s considered murder, and then, you’ll really never get the fuck out of here,” she argues, bouncing my shoulders through a semi-amused chuckle.
“I don’t mean literally. You know that’s not my style. She’ll regret her whole life, though, I can promise you that.”
“Again, no. I let you do this stupid shit when you first got here because you’re a big girl and who the fuck am I to stop you? But if she opened her mouth and you end up paying the price along with her, I’m not going to let you fuck shit up for yourself anymore. La dejas quieta y ya.” You leave her alone, and that’s that.
Not in this lifetime, I think to myself. There’s no way I’m going to lose everything and let that little bitch—
“Ladies,” Delfino’s voice erupts from the doorway, snapping our attention his way. “Leave ev
erything where it is and line up.”
What?
My eyes flick to the clock on the wall. It’s only two in the afternoon. “But we’re not done yet. We still have a couple more hours before—”
“I’m well aware of your schedule, Villanueva,” he snaps at me, “but B Block is currently undergoing a sweep, and all of you need to pick up your belongings before you wrap up your workday.”
And there it is—the proverbial drop of the shoe I’ve been waiting for.
If it weren’t for Delfino and his beady amber eyes watching me like a hawk, I’d be puking my brains out right about now. My stomach is in one giant knot, and my heart is shattering into a million pieces as reality crashes down on me. They’re...sweeping. They’re sweeping our cells, where I have the phone tucked away inside the metal post of the bunk.
This is it.
I’m definitely going down...and Koko didn’t even have to snitch. I’m sure she did, but this is how they’re going to get me. It’s physical proof, and while Lena may love me, she’s one hundred percent not going to take the fall for me as my cellmate. I wouldn’t expect her to—wouldn’t want her to. She’s got enough time left to serve as it is for me to lie through my teeth, shove a knife in her back, and tell them it’s not mine just to potentially save my ass if Koko’s story never checks out.
My legs feel like jelly as I follow behind Mari and the girls into the line. We don’t line up alphabetically as per usual, just kinda float from the laundry room in a static order to the block as Delfino trails behind us. White-hot tears burn the back of my eyes, but I manage to keep them at bay for now. All I can think to myself—aside from the fact that I’m stupid as hell on multiple accounts—is that I’m so glad I didn’t tell Noely about early release. She and Ma would be so disappointed in me—and they’d have every right to be.
When we arrive at the block just a few minutes later, it’s pure and utter chaos. I don’t even have a moment to adjust or brace for impact; we’re just thrown in there like slabs of meat in a lion’s den. All the girls who had the day off are glued to the walls outside of their cells as the CO’s toss their shit around. I’d say I’m curious as to what they're looking for, but given the current circumstances, I already know it’s whatever drugs Ryker was bringing in.
Mari doesn’t know about the phone, but she flashes me an anxious look as she ambles away to her cell.
“It’s gonna be okay,” I mouth back, striding to my own cell with those damn tears burning the back of my eyes anew.
It’s not. It’s not going to be okay at all, but at least I’ll still have Mari and Lena to get me through the days when they extend my time. And that’s even if they decide to do that, which would be the kinder option, for lack of a better word. With possible deportation still hanging over my head, they may decide to just ship my ass back to Cuba rather than have me here any longer.
And trust me when I say that would be hell.
Don’t get me wrong. I miss my family back there, and I’d love to see them again. I still remember so much of it and have great childhood memories, despite living in poverty, but my country isn’t what it used to be, especially in this day and age.
Not to mention, I’d never be able to come back. I’d never see Noely again, would never be able to visit Ma at her...at her grave. The harrowing thought threatens to unleash the floodgates yet again, but I hold them back harder than ever. Showing any sort of emotion in this situation will only result in me incriminating myself. Later though, I’ll end up breaking down on Lena since it’s more than likely I won’t be able to talk to Andrés anymore once they find the—
Wait. Where is Lena? She was supposed to be off today, and she’s not by our cell as I approach—a fact that makes my heart race ten times faster than it already is. Flattening my back against the wall, I scope out the cellblock, searching for anyone who might hint to where the hell Lena is. But no one dares to look at me. It’s like they’re all purposely avoiding me—their eyes either straight ahead or downcast to the floor.
What the fuck is happening right now?
That’s a question I wouldn’t have to wait much longer for an answer.
It can’t be more than five minutes before Andrés comes out with a plastic bag in hand. The only thing inside is the phone. I nearly stop breathing at the severe look on his face, and it’s not even the harsh lines that get me. It’s the devastated look in his eyes.
No, I do stop breathing. I’m sure of it. My exterior may come off as unaffected, but I’m choking on the inside—just like I did that day in the courthouse, my mom’s sobs echoing in the background.
“Mack,” is all he mouths at me, and then he takes off, stalling just a few steps away and calling from over his shoulder, “Make sure you clean up Reynoso’s belongings, too, Villanueva. She’ll be gone for a while.”
See? I told you—not okay at all.
Mack probably found the phone and took Lena, leaving Andrés to deal with the rest of the sweep while he shoves her in the hole. There’s no question that’s where he’s taking her. What’s surprising is he would actually assume it’s hers and not write it off as mine from the get-go. Dude has it in for me, so why pin it on her?
I throw a watery glance at Gia a few cells over on my right. She was off today, too, which means she saw the whole thing go down. “Did Mack take Lena?” I mouth.
Gia nods just once, her lips pressed together.
Fuck.
This is just as bad as me going down. Mood swings and all, she’s like my sister. I would never betray her.
Just like I would never betray Andrés.
Andrés who’s staring at me from across the room where he and the other CO’s are laying out all the contraband they found during this sweep. I gave him my word, told him that if anything ever happened, they wouldn’t know it was him who brought me what they found.
And I always keep my word.
Like I told him in that note—I’m not a snitch, even when my freedom hangs in the very delicate balance.
♫ The Night We Met - Lord Huron
I think what blows most about the entire situation is that I know what I have to do.
Do I want to do it? No, absolutely not—but it’s what’s best for both of us. I know it is. Mack finding contraband inside Benni’s cell, contraband I snuck in, on top of being wrongfully accused of moving drugs through the prison was the wake-up call I needed. Hell, it should’ve been for her, too. It doesn’t matter how right we might feel for each other...we’re not meant to be together, point-blank.
Not in this lifetime anyway.
So I’m cutting it off.
Tomorrow morning when I walk in, I’m giving her one last note, and that's going to be the end of it. I transferred to the Annex from South Florida for a job, one that paid much more because of the commute and had more of an opportunity for advancement. Not for me to meet a girl I had no business falling for.
Because that’s exactly what happened. I didn’t just want her in the physical sense—I fell for her. Hard and crazily fast too. I fell so hard that, despite knowing that what we were doing was wrong on so many different accounts, I didn’t care. She didn’t either, and that’s not how it’s supposed to be.
We should both care more about ourselves and the consequences our unofficial relationship could bring.
It has to end.
Cutting my gaze to my phone on the edge of the bed beside me, I illuminate the screen and stare at its blankness. 12:10 a.m. It’s so fucking quiet without her. We’d normally be texting by now, hopping on FaceTime every few days or so too. The only reason we never sent pictures was because she’d have to delete them...just like she did with our messages. That was the plan all along; I’d told her to clear them out nightly. It still took me by surprise at the moment.
When Mack found the phone and powered it on, I was lowkey expecting him to call me out, gritting my teeth as I waited for all to be revealed, but there wasn’t anything on it—not even the burner number connected t
o my phone. I don’t know if she ever added it to a contact list at all, but that phone was squeaky clean, leaving Mack thoroughly confused as he swiped through every screen and menu possible in an attempt to find something.
What cemented the fact for me was that a lot of these women are good people who simply made bad choices? Benni’s cellmate refusing to incriminate either one of them. Because of where Mack found it—items closest to you are deemed yours unless claimed for or proved otherwise—it appeared as though it were hers, tucked deep into the metal post of the bunk, but Reynoso didn’t say a word throughout his inquisition, even when Seg was mentioned. The back and forth continued on for a bit until, finally, he got tired of going in circles and escorted her to the hole, leaving me to finish sweeping the rest of the cell.
Something I didn’t do.
I merely sat at the edge of Benni’s bed with the phone in my hand, wondering how the hell we got here and what the fuck was I thinking. It wasn’t until the telltale buzzer went off with Delfino’s entry that I hopped onto my feet and slipped the phone into one of the plastic bags Mack had asked me to bring in when the sweep started.
The mattress buzzes ever so slightly as my screen illuminates on its own, and for the briefest moment, my brain registers the incoming message as Benni out of habit.
Obviously, it’s not.
It’s Kass, and I actually find myself groaning a little, scrubbing a hand down my face.
Not now, Kass.
Kass: You up?
I debate for a good three minutes whether or not to text her back. Between the week I covered for Zhao and getting back on track with my normal schedule during Ryker’s shitstorm of a mess, I haven’t seen her in a couple of weeks. I didn’t want to, didn’t need to when I had the only girl I wanted.
The girl I’m about to lose.
End of the day, though, Kass and I are still friends regardless of the benefits, and I have enough crap to feel shitty about for me not to humor her and spare her a reply. None of this is her fault.
