by K. L. Hiers
Asta growled but didn’t speak.
“A lot has changed since you’ve been in Aeon,” Grell said as he came to stand beside Ted. “I’m happy to announce that me and Tedward here are going steady.”
“Going what? You mean, you… you two…?” Asta looked horrified. “Oh, fucking gross! I’m going to vomit.”
Ted smirked, proudly wrapping his arm around Grell’s shoulders. “Hell yeah. It’s been great. We’re gettin’ along good, havin’ ourselves a swell fuckin’ time.”
“For the love of Great Azaethoth,” Asta whined, “please tell me you’re not doin’ it.”
“Every day,” Ted replied, enjoying how pale Asta grew. “Sometimes twice.”
“I’m seriously gonna spew.”
“Come on.” Grell swatted at Ted, trying not to laugh. “Easy, love.”
“I have fucking underwear older than him!” Asta complained. “This is beyond sick! He’s… he’s just so…! Ulgh!”
“Look, I’ll spare you the sticky details of our sordid love affair,” Grell soothed. “I do really have something important to talk to you about. We’ve had some interesting developments, and I believe they’re connected to your vision.”
“World ending, Jay being turned into a weapon?” Asta still appeared nauseated. “That one?”
“Well, it’s certainly not about that time you said the Backstreet Boys were getting back together.”
“Ha, shows what you know!” Asra protested, holding his head up high. “I just finished up following them for the entire East Coast of their reunion tour!”
“Wait, so you left Jay with strangers, went to go see some fuckin’ concerts, and then you came back here?” Ted scoffed. “Some great protector!”
“It was only for, like, three shows! Back off, Cat Kicker. Jay is fine.”
“What the hell are you doing back here?”
“Ulgh,” Asta groaned dramatically. “Because Jay went to freakin’ Starkiller to find out what happened to you. He was all, ‘Wahhh, Ted is missing, and I think my cat did it!’”
“But you did!”
“Ahem, play nice, children,” Grell scolded. “Now, Asta, please listen. Humble Visseract and Vizier Ghulk were conspiring with the god Gronoch to smuggle bones from the pits. Ghulk has been sentenced to life in prison for grave desecration and the murders of Humble Visseract, Thulogian Silas, and Sergan Mire.”
“Holy shit,” Asta whispered, his eyes wide. “I really did miss a lot.”
“We’re still not sure how Silenced people are being used to make weapons,” Grell went on. “The bridge is still looking a bit dim, so I’m afraid it’s ongoing. We have someone who is actively working on a theory.”
“Who?”
“Professor Emil Kunst.”
“Hello!” Kunst said, his orb lighting up. “Greetings, Your Highness!
“What the fuck is that thing?” Asta blinked, stretching out and batting playfully at Kunst’s orb.
“Ahem! Do you mind?” Kunst floated out of the way with an indignant huff.
“Nope.” Asta wiggled his butt, preparing to pounce like a cat.
“Leave him be,” Grell warned. “He’s our new Royal Occult Advisor.”
“We have one of those?”
“We do now.” Grell returned to lounge in his throne, summoning a tumbler of whiskey and rubbing his temple as he sipped. “Professor Kunst, if you’d be so kind as to explain to my son your little theory about his visions and the bones.”
Ted didn’t think an orb could show joy, but there it was.
“Absolutely, Your Highness,” Kunst said eagerly. “It would be my pleasure! Ah! Well, as we all know, the bones of the Asra are powerful catalysts for astral projection—”
“What’s your name again?” Asta blinked. “Because it totally sounds like cun—”
“Kunst! My name is Kunst!” Kunst snapped. He cleared his throat, continuing as calmly as he could, “The sheer volume of Asran bones that Gronoch stole suggests he was trying to force a god—”
“Wait, wait!” Asta interrupted again. “How many bones were taken? Whose bones did they take?”
Grell’s expression softened, sadness in his eyes as he replied, “Most of the ancient crypts were pilfered, and the royal chambers—”
“Mommy,” Asta said, suddenly scared and tearful. “Did they…?”
“Asta, please listen to me,” Grell began.
Asta was already gone through a portal, no doubt headed down to the pits to see for himself.
“Fuck,” Grell muttered, downing his drink and holding it up as he continued to chug.
“Right, so maybe I’ll try to tell him later?” Kunst asked quietly.
“Uh, much later.” Ted noticed that Grell hadn’t stopped drinking. “Okay? Please? I think we need to have some family time.”
Kunst didn’t move.
“Some private family time.”
“Ah, yes. Well, as you wish,” Kunst said, his orb hovering low as if he was sulking before he slipped away.
Ted came over to right Grell’s glass and spare his liver some significant damage—if that type of thing was possible for an Asra. “Hey, hey, easy, big guy. Why don’t you go down there and talk to him?”
“And tell him what?” Grell asked flatly. “That despite searching the castle and every last inch of Xenon, we were never able to find all the bones, including but not limited to his mother’s? No, I think I’ll be skipping that conversation.”
“Well, hey,” Ted tried again, “shouldn’t we find out why he came back? He was supposed to be watching over Jay! Why is he here?”
“He left your dear roommate in the care of a god and one of the most powerful witches that’s ever lived.” Grell snorted. “I think he will be just dandy.”
“Well, I wanna know,” Ted huffed. He grabbed Grell’s arm and tugged. “Come on. Get up.”
“I dun wanna,” Grell protested, sticking out his lower lip.
“I’ll give you head,” Ted promised with a coy grin.
“Both cocks?” Grell continued to pout.
“Yes, for fuck’s sake, let’s go.”
Grell was cheerier as they headed down into the pits, resuming his cat body and slinking beside Ted as they walked back to the royal crypts.
Ted was thinking of this like a removal for work to maintain his confidence—except there was no body to pick up and the angry next of kin was a young cat monster who might try to eat him.
As they came to the end of the crypts, he heard Asta’s sobs before he saw him, but already knew by the sound that he’d transformed.
Asta’s feline form was as lean as his human body, sleek and shining black. He had gold ornaments like his father, though not nearly as many. He was curled up in front of Vael’s slot, still empty except for the music box.
Grell hesitated to get any closer, nudging Ted ahead of him.
“Hey!” Ted protested, trying to keep his voice down. “You’re coming with me!”
“I brought you here!” Grell hissed back quietly. “I didn’t agree to talking!”
“Talk or no you-know-what!”
“That’s just evil.”
“You’re a dick!”
“Tease!”
“You know I can hear you idiots,” Asta drawled.
Clearing his throat, Ted tiptoed toward Asta. “Right, look. I guess we got off to a bad start. Like, a lot. But I’m… I’m really sorry about Vael. Like, so fucking sorry.”
Asta scoffed, turning to stare Ted down. He was poised as if to pounce, and there was nothing playful about it.
Ted was very certain his bites would be much more painful now.
“And you know,” Ted continued nervously, “that probably sounds like bullshit. I had to tell people that I was sorry for their loss all the time with my old job, and it didn’t feel real. I wasn’t honestly sorry the dead person had, well, died.
“Because I didn’t know them. I wasn’t genuinely sad they were gone because I wasn’t gonna miss
’em. It always felt so fuckin’ fake. But I’m thinking now I’m still sorry. Yeah, I didn’t know them, just like I didn’t know Vael, but I’m so goddamn sorry that you guys lost him.”
Ted poured his heart into every word, and the silence that followed was absolute torture. He held his breath, waiting for Asta’s response.
Some of the tension eased from Asta’s shoulders, and he finally settled back down. He turned his head away, sweeping a paw over his face with a sad little purr.
Ted remembered to breathe again, grateful for Grell nuzzling up to his side in a show of silent support.
“You shouldn’t be down here,” Asta mumbled at last to break the silence, his lashing tail proving that not all of his fight had left him. “You’re not family.”
“Through a very weird set of circumstances—not my fault, totally your father’s—”
“Hey!” Grell griped.
“I sort of might be, you know, one day.” Ted shrugged awkwardly. “I mean, if I accept his engagement thing officially.”
“Did he get you to help move a body?” Asta raised his brows, a curious-looking expression on his feline face.
“Wait… how did you know that?”
“That’s how he got my mother.” Asta scoffed, and then he actually laughed. “Old man used the same trick twice!”
“That is not what happened!” Grell argued loudly. “Vael knew the consequences—”
“What the hell?” Ted demanded, unable to resist grinning at Grell’s obvious misery.
“When my mother’s favorite uncle died, he wanted to help take him down to the pits,” Asta replied. “And that old bastard over there is all, ‘Oh, but it’s dirty and gross and you don’t wanna do that,’ just playin’ it up.”
“Mmm, did he now?” Ted batted his eyes.
“Yeah,” Asta said, almost smiling now. “My mother’s stubbornness was legendary, and the best way to make him do something was to tell him not to do it.”
“So you courted your future husband by telling him moving bodies was gross, which made him want to move a body, and that’s how you got engaged?” Ted grinned. “Kinda sweet.”
“Perhaps I was a very nervous and shy little prince at the time and was having a bit of trouble asking the very hot man out on a date,” Grell said, holding his nose up in the air.
“You? Shy?” Ted scoffed. “Bullshit.”
“No, it’s true,” Grell replied firmly. “I was quite awful. Braces, pimples, just wretched. I had explained to Vael that helping with the entombment would mean an engagement, obviously, and he said, ‘Oh, but yes, I would just love to be married to you,’ and that’s about how it went.”
“He’s a liar,” Asta drawled.
“I know,” Ted said with a smooth smile. “I didn’t know about the engagement body thing until I was in court fighting for my fuckin’ freedom.”
“And I already told you that I didn’t think anyone would bring it up!” Grell fussed. “I apologized and have given you many orgasms to make up for—”
“Okay, okay, yes, and I get that, still a little salty because it was a fuckin’ dick move.”
“You two are fuckin’ perfect for each other,” Asta said, shaking his head and turning back to look at the empty slot. He grew quiet again, and Ted thought he heard a soft sniffle. “Have fun getting married.”
“Thanks,” Ted said, hating how easily he still blushed thinking about it. “I mean, I still haven’t said yes. We’re, you know, seeing how things go. But….” He smiled. “I’m really happy.”
“Good for you, Kicker of Cats.”
“So am I, if anyone is wondering,” Grell piped up.
“No,” Asta snorted.
“I do,” Ted said sweetly, reaching up to scratch behind Grell’s ears.
“Hmmph. Thank you.”
“So. Whose stupid idea was this?” Asta mumbled, his grumpy tone betrayed by the reverence with which he touched the music box.
“Mine,” Ted replied, unsure of what to say except to keep being honest. “I thought it could be a promise, uh, that we’re gonna keep trying to find them. Grell picked out the music box.”
“It was a birthday gift,” Asta said with a little smile, glancing back to Grell. “It was my idea, and Daddy had it made for him. Mom always kept his jewelry in here, my baby teeth….” He turned back to the box. “This sucks.”
“Agreed,” Grell said.
“So.” Asta stood up, padding back toward them with a flash of his teeth. “Shots?”
Grell bowed, bumping their heads together. “That’s my boy.”
Ted stepped back, letting father and son have a tender moment. He could hear Asta whispering, but only caught part of it.
“…it’s like losing him again….”
“I know,” Grell soothed, purring sadly. “I know….”
Asta pulled away quickly, shaking it off as if they weren’t just being sweet. “Let’s go get fucked-up!”
“Let’s.” Grell swished up against Ted’s side and ported them out to the pool. There was a line of colorful umbrella drinks and a large bottle of liquor waiting for them, and Ted laughed when he looked down and saw Grell had given him unicorn swimming trunks.
Grell’s matched, naturally.
Asta turned back into a human and put on shorts after Grell yelled at him for being naked, and they shared a toast. The alcohol never stopped flowing, and Asta spent every second spilling every juicy and embarrassing story about Grell that he could.
Grell grumbled and fussed, but he honestly just seemed happy to see Asta smiling again.
Ted tried to maintain a respectful distance—wouldn’t it be weird to be all over Grell when his son was right there? But Grell wasn’t having any of that and dragged Ted right into his lap so fast that the eels scattered.
As the hours ticked by, Grell summoned food for them to help ease the booze’s grasp, and Ted was ever so happy to see a tray of big cheeseburgers just for him.
Grell left abruptly for some royal emergency, promising to return soon, and left the two of them alone to finish their meals.
“You’re not that bad,” Asta said, slurring a little as he ate some bright pink cheese. He reached out and nudged Ted’s shoulder. “For a douche who kicks cats.”
Ted wasn’t even going to argue, raising his glass to say, “Thanks, dude. I appreciate that.”
“You really like my dad, huh?”
“It’s a bit more than ‘like,’ you know,” Ted replied with a bashful grin. He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. “It’s… complicated. He’s fuckin’ complicated.”
“You make him happy,” Asta said, the drink having loosened his tongue, and laughed loudly. “Fuck, I haven’t seen him this happy in fuckin’ centuries. Maybe like, eh, when he discovered cable? No, wait, not even close.”
“Thanks, man.” Ted grinned. “I guess I owe you for sending me through that portal. I mean, I could have done without the murder charges, but—”
“You’re gonna marry him, aren’t you?” Asta demanded, suddenly quite serious.
“I still… uh….” Ted became flustered. “I haven’t given an official answer to the court yet.”
“The fuck are you waiting for?” Asta complained.
“That… that is a good question,” Ted said, smothering his doubts into the last bite of his burger.
Asta was relentless, pressing, “Well? It’s not like you have forever, you know. You’ve got what, ten years, maybe?”
“What the fuck?” Ted mumbled through his food, trying to hurry up and swallow to reply. “Hey, humans do live for a decent little while, you know!”
“Whatever,” Asta scoffed. He looked up as Grell reappeared. Eyes narrowed stubbornly, he jabbed Ted’s shoulder. “Maybe you should use what time you have left being happy, huh?”
“Right.” Ted knew better than most how fragile life was.
He had seen for years how quickly and unexpectedly it could be taken away, even from people in their prime. He
couldn’t say how long he had left, but then again who really did? Wasn’t that enough of a reason to seize the moment and do what was going to make him happy?
“Nice to see you two getting along,” Grell declared, slipping back into the pool and grabbing a fresh drink topped with fruit slices.
“Is everything okay?” Ted asked. “What was the big royal emergency?”
“Look,” Grell replied, pointing out to the night sky.
The bridge, once flickering and dim, was now flooding with new light. The illumination was moving slowly, but as the moments ticked by it was fully lit up and glittering with a rush of scattered spheres dancing across it.
“What’s… what’s happened?” Ted gulped, both bewitched by the bridge’s restored beauty and terrified of the possible cause.
“All of those missing Silenced people on Aeon, wherever they were, have finally passed on,” Grell explained somberly. “The bridge is back up and running at top speed, it seems.”
“But that means a whole shit-ton of people just died,” Ted said quietly, reaching for Grell’s hand as his heart sank.
“I don’t know what Gronoch was doing with them, but I have a feeling that death may be a welcome change.”
“Shit,” Asta whispered, his big eyes staring down the bridge with a loud gulp. “Jay. I should probably get back to Jay. Make sure he’s okay.”
“Go on,” Grell urged, “but be safe. No doubt Gronoch is behind this.”
“No problem. I’ll track down Starkiller and Azzy, see what’s up. I’m gonna ask them about the bones too.” Asta blinked out of the pool, naked once more with his sunglasses reappearing on his face. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.” He pointed at Ted. “And you! What’s your answer gonna be?”
“Well… it’s… I’m—” Ted floundered to reply.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Asta said with a toothy grin. “Congrats, you crazy kids! See ya later!” He disappeared into a bright portal with a quick pop.
“Why does he always travel naked?” Ted wondered out loud.
“Loves the whoosh down on his bits,” Grell said with a laugh, tugging Ted back over into his lap. “It can be quite refreshing.”
“I’ll take your word for it.” Ted laughed, kissing Grell warmly. “Mmm. Missed you.”
