by Jerry Cole
Thankfully he made it to the bathroom with minimal effort, brushed his teeth and gave his face a wash. Staring at himself in the mirror, he ran his hands over his face, feeling as if his reflection had changed vast amounts in just a couple of days. Was that a normal thing? He suspected it had a lot to do with Robert and their relationship but didn’t quite know in what ways.
Despite wanting to find Robert and Morgan, Grant clambered back onto the bed. It was still early, and he could probably grab a nap before anyone came up to find out why he wasn’t moving. He had barely managed to slide back into bed when there was the sound of footsteps on the stairs, and Morgan’s whisper-talks that Grant was trying hard not to overhear. Robert mumbled something and then there was a small pause before the knock on the door.
“Come in!”
Robert pushed open the door, smiling fondly at Grant, and then Morgan was coming into the room, the tray in her hands shaking slightly, so Robert rested a hand underneath to help keep it steady.
“Thank you, Daddy,” Morgan said, and managed to make it the rest of the way to the bed, slowly pushing it onto the edge. “I made you breakfast in bed.”
“Wow,” Grant said, grateful when Robert helped him sit up into a position that was comfortable. “That looks great!”
The tea was a little weaker than he liked it, and the toast was burnt at the edges, but Grant was in no doubt that it would taste amazing; Morgan had clearly tried her best, and Grant was going to eat every bit and love it. There was enough for all of them, so Grant patted the bed beside him, and Morgan clambered up next to him.
“So,” Grant said, cradling his mug in his hands. “What are the plans for today?”
“Daddy’s not sure what’s yet,” Morgan said. “I distracted him with breakfast.”
Robert laughed, and brushed crumbs from the bedsheets. “I didn’t say I wasn’t sure, I said it was your choice.”
“Oh,” Morgan said, brow drawing into a frown. “I don’t know what we can do. It’s like we’ve done everything.”
It was said in an exaggerated fashion, and Robert and Grant exchanged a look of amusement. There was both a wealth of places for them to go and if Morgan couldn’t decide, Grant was sure they could come up with something.
“What if I wanted to stay inside and watch movies?” Morgan asked.
Grant actually couldn’t think of something he wanted more. “Just lay around all day doing nothing?”
“It’s not doing nothing,” Morgan protested. “It’s watching things, Grant, duh.”
Robert laughed, pulling Morgan closer to him and kissing the top of her head. “All right, we can watch movies.”
Morgan pumped her fist, something that Grant was fast finding the most adorable thing about her, and while they finished their breakfast quickly, they spent most of it trying to decide what movies they were going to watch. It had been a long time since Grant had what his mother would call a lazy day, and he was kind of looking forward to doing nothing. The only trouble with them was that often, Grant ended up more tired after them than he had before them.
Sending Morgan to get dressed, Robert stretched out next to Grant on the bed. Grant turned to face him, shifting slowly, and then reached across, brushing a hand through Robert’s hair. “What’s up?”
Robert shrugged. “Nothing.”
“I can tell it’s something,” Grant said. “It was also something last night, but you did a good enough job at distracting me.”
Robert shrugged apologetically. “If I knew what was wrong, I’d tell you,” he said with a sigh. That much Grant believed was true. Robert waved at his head, giving Grant a rueful smile. “There’s a lot going on up here lately.”
“You can talk to me about anything, all right?” Grant wanted things between them to improve and if either of them was holding back, it wouldn’t make for good living or existing conditions.
“I know.”
There was the slamming of a door and then Morgan’s footsteps on the landing. Robert gave Grant a long look.
“I would have thought you’d be sick of lazy days.”
Grant was, if he was being completely honest, but he was also aching. Sex with Robert had been good, but his body was protesting the act now that he’d slept on it. “One more can’t hurt.”
There was something about Robert’s expression that said he knew exactly what Grant wasn’t saying and that he would probably hear about it later, but then Morgan was throwing open the door.
“Come on,” she said, dragging out the last word. “The movies won’t watch themselves.”
The movies were all for kids, obviously, but Grant found himself enjoying them anyway. It was more about sharing the day with Morgan and Robert, both of whom were practiced at the art of having a lazy day. They broke out the blankets, popcorn and snacks which Robert admonished were to be spread out over the day and when they were gone, they were gone, and also some bottles of juice and a pitcher of water on the small coffee table in the sitting room.
It was the perfect set up, and Grant found himself burrowing down in the couch against the arm. Robert started off the day next to him, but after a bathroom break, Morgan had squeezed her way between them until they were one big pile on the couch.
Morgan fell asleep close to their tenth movie, which was a record apparently. Robert managed to extricate himself—and Morgan, without her waking—and carried her upstairs. Grant had been careful to keep moving on the couch, not wanting to go stiff with inactivity, and he stretched while Robert was moving about upstairs, standing carefully and working the life back into his body.
“All right?” Robert asked when he came back down.
“Yeah fine. Today was good.” He tugged Robert closer and wrapped his arms around his waist. “Did you have a good time today?”
“I did,” Robert said with a grin. “I always have fun with my daughter, but it had this added benefit of having my boyfriend around too.”
“Boyfriend, eh?”
Robert’s face shifted into that same expression and Grant tightened his grip before Robert blew out a slow breath. “Okay, I do know what’s wrong with me.”
Grant sighed, but he couldn’t bring himself to let go. “What?”
“I know you love me, and I love you but – Grant, this is just a vacation for you. You keep talking to Morgan about your mother and how you’ll never let anything happen to her, but you can’t make those kinds of promises. It’s not fair to Morgan and it’s not fair to me—or yourself. You have to be honest.”
It came out in a rush, the words tumbling over themselves, and while Grant wanted to immediately refute every one of them, he forced himself to stay quiet until he had thought them through. It also wasn’t fair to any of them to make promises he couldn’t keep, even as he desperately wanted to.
“I can’t deny I’ll have to go back to Chicago,” Grant admitted. “I have my shit there and an apartment that I have to sort with Seb and Matt, but that doesn’t mean I won’t be coming back.”
Robert gave him a small, sad smile. “Do you know how many times I’ve heard that?”
Grant was hurt, but he also knew it was coming from a place of abandonment in Robert. “God, see, these are the people I wanna find and punch in the face. I just told myself I wouldn’t make any promises I can’t keep but I have to. Robert, I’m coming back. I’ll text and call every day if I need to, but I’m coming back and I’m going to make sure that you know I am.”
Robert looked as if he desperately wanted to believe it. He stepped forward and Grant wrapped his arms around him, holding him close. “I don’t want you to leave at all.”
“Neither do I,” Grant admitted. “I hate that I didn’t just pack everything I own and find somewhere to live here.”
“You could live here,” Robert said, voice muffled by the fabric of Grant’s t-shirt. “You practically have been.”
Grant laughed, because he couldn’t pretend that he hadn’t thought about it. “I want that more than anything.”<
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Robert sighed and finally pulled away. His eyes were red, as if he wanted to cry but couldn’t. He kept his hands on Grant’s waist and looked him in the eye. “I want you to move in here when you get back.”
It was what Grant wanted. It seemed as if they had known each other a lifetime when in fact the timeframe was so much smaller, but Grant didn’t care. If that was going to happen, they had things to work out, but Grant refused to think about any of them in that moment.
“Then that’s what we’ll do,” Grant said decisively.
Robert’s smile could have been bright if not for a slight dim just before he buried himself back in Grant’s arm. It made Grant’s chest constrict painfully because he couldn’t make it better, not until he turned up again on Robert’s doorstep after going back to Chicago.
Chapter Twenty-Five
“But I don’t understand why he has to go,” Morgan said for the tenth time, tears streaking her face and clutching at Robert’s leg.
“Sweetheart,” Robert said, sounding tired. Neither he nor Grant had slept the night before, both of them too worried about what was to come, especially once Grant had made the decision to do it. The sooner he went back to Chicago, the sooner he could come back to Maine and make it his home.
Grant crouched down so that he could look Morgan in the eye. “I promise I’m coming back, Morgan.”
Morgan’s bottom lip wobbled, and Robert looked as if he wanted to say something, but thankfully he kept quiet.
“I know it’s sad now, but just think what it’ll feel like when I come back with all my stuff and you know I’m staying here,” Grant paused and then leaned in, “Forever.”
Eyes wide, Morgan looked up at her father and then back to Grant. “You pinkie promise?”
“I pinkie promise,” Grant said, dutifully holding out his little finger. Morgan linked their fingers together and then looped her arms around his neck, squeezing him tightly.
“You have to call every day,” she said, burying her face in his neck. “Every hour!”
Grant laughed gently, even as he could feel tears of his own start to fall. “I don’t know if I can do every hour,” he said. “But I will as soon as I’ve stopped driving for the day I’ll call, and then when I’m in Chicago I’ll call as much as I can, how’s that?”
“Good.” Morgan kissed Grant’s cheek and placed her hands on his face. “I’m gonna miss you.”
Grant’s breath got caught in his throat and he kissed her sloppily on the cheek. “I’m gonna miss you too, sweetheart. A lot.”
Morgan nodded, turning to look at Robert. “And Daddy?”
“Of course, I’ll miss your Daddy,” Grant said, looking over Morgan’s shoulder to where Robert was trying to keep a stoic expression and was failing. “I’ll miss him a lot.”
Robert’s smile was tight, but he came forward to join their little hug. Grant felt awful. He didn’t want to leave, but there were so many things to sort out back in Chicago that he wanted to get them done as quickly as possible so that he could get back here.
“All right, darling,” Robert said, taking Morgan from Grant’s arms. She buried her face in Robert’s neck with her face turned back toward Grant. “Grant’s gotta go.”
Grant tossed his duffel in the back of the car and gave one long, last look at Robert and Morgan standing in the parking lot of the B&B. It felt as if he was seeing them for the last time, even though he knew that was ridiculous. He would be back in a week at most. Perhaps it was what Robert was worried about; that he would change his mind once he was back in Chicago.
As if, Grant thought, sliding into the driver seat of his car and starting it up. He swallowed thickly, fingers flexing on the wheel of the car and then backed the car, waving out of the window. Morgan waved back slowly, and Robert gave him a tight smile tinged with sadness.
Grant couldn’t risk crying while he was driving, so he peeled out of the parking lot and drove down the road, managing to avoid finding anyone he had already met. He hadn’t wanted to say goodbye to anyone, scared that any one of them would manage to convince him to stay, and he couldn’t risk it.
The drive back was torture; Grant shot off a text to his friend in Buffalo, who was only too happy to put him up for another night, but he wasn’t sure whether to send a message to Matt and Seb to let them know he’d be coming home. It was courteous he supposed, but he also knew one of them was going to shout at him and he was already too upset to deal with that.
By the time he pulled into the apartment complex back home – he was glad his parking fob still worked which meant he hadn’t been taken off the lease – he was exhausted and just wanted to fall into bed.
He knew that Matt and Seb wouldn’t let him get away with that, so he steeled himself as he put his key in the lock. The TV was blaring from the living room so for a moment, Grant was convinced that he hadn’t been heard, but then Seb appeared around the corner brandishing a baseball bat.
“Seb!”
“Grant, what the fuck!” He lowered the bat, looking furious. “I thought you were someone breaking in!”
“With a key?” Grant asked, holding up his keyring.
“You’re supposed to be in Maine,” Matt pointed out from the living room, peering around the corner and glaring.
Grant made a face. “I was, until yesterday morning. Decided to come home.”
Matt and Seb exchanged a look and Grant rolled his eyes, going to dump his bags in his room. It hadn’t been aired out and he threw open the window, leaning against it. The smog and noise of Chicago filtered through the window and the difference between that and Bar Harbor was stark, even without missing Robert and Morgan like a phantom limb.
A knock against the doorjamb brought Grant out of his reverie. Seb was standing in the doorway. “You wanna drink?”
“A coffee?” It was more question because they both knew Grant only drank coffee in very specific circumstances. Seb snorted but went back out into the living room.
Knowing that he wouldn’t get out of talking to them any longer, he left the door of his room open and padded slowly toward the couch where Matt was sitting.
“So,” Matt said, as soon as he was comfortable. “What brought you home?”
Grant didn’t know where to begin. He started with how things had improved with Robert and everything that had happened after. When he got to Tyson’s attack in the forest, Matt and Seb exchanged a furious look and much like Grant, he could imagine they were thinking about finding Tyson and making him pay. “I paid off his loan and made sure he didn’t have to worry about that anymore.”
Seb was sitting on the edge of the couch, elbows resting on his knees. “And you decided to come back to Chicago?”
“I want to go back,” Grant admitted. “I love him.”
Matt didn’t look surprised, even if Seb reeled back, looking everywhere but at Grant.
“I know it’s out of the blue and I know I have commitments here, but I really want this. I’ve made up my mind.”
“Does your mom know?” Seb asked and it was a low blow considering he knew exactly how Grant’s mom felt about her son moving all the time.
“Morgan called her the other night,” Grant admitted. “She loves boats, so as you can imagine, they had a great time talking about the journeys they were going to take together.”
Seb snorted, able to imagine it well.
Matt nudged Grant with his elbow. “So why not just call us? We could have arranged everything over the phone.”
“As if I’d leave you two like that,” Grant said. “I wanted to come back and say goodbye properly. Besides, it’s a hard thing to do, you know. You guys have been with me for decades. I didn’t want to admit I was leaving you for a guy I’ve known a few weeks at most.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Seb said. “We know how you feel about him; he’s clearly turned your life upside down.”
“Besides,” Matt cut in, “It’s not like you’re moving halfway around the world. I’m
sure we can manage a few drives to Maine.”
Grant had felt torn between the two places, but mostly torn between Matt and Seb and Morgan and Robert. It felt like a choice he couldn’t make. Still didn’t, even with Seb and Matt giving their blessing. “What if it doesn’t work out?”
Seb shrugged easily. “That’s something you’ll never know until you try it. You can’t live your life on what ifs, Grant, which is something you already know. You took a chance on Robert, didn’t you? Why not fully commit to that chance?”
Grant wanted to. He wanted to get back to Maine and figure out how they were going to get more people to stay at the B&B, whether he could convince Derek and Sval to let him make regular trips on the boat, especially if they didn’t have to pay him for it. He wanted to teach Morgan so many things, introduce her to his mother. He said as much.
“Well, then,” Seb said, giving Grant a tight smile. “I think you’ve made up your mind.”
“And you’re not mad?” Grant asked, because there was something about Seb’s smile that he didn’t like.
“No, of course I’m not,” Seb said, and his face cleared. “It’s a bit of a change to get used to, that’s all. I can’t pretend Matt and I didn’t see this coming.”
That shouldn’t have been the surprise that it was. They knew him better than most people.
“Besides,” Matt said, “we’re not about to let you move without help, are we?”
“Not a chance,” Seb said with a grin.
Grant felt a rush of relief at that, but he also felt a little apprehension. He wasn’t sure he wanted Seb and Matt in the same place as any of the Bar Harbor guys, mostly for the trouble they could get up to in the same space. “I’ll think about it.”
Matt and Seb laughed him out of the room and Grant could understand why; thinking about it was as good as saying yes in Grant speak.
