She wouldn't have minded so much as it was only for a short time, and with the full responsibility of her small son removed from her shoulders she would have been less than honest to deny that it made no difference. For all her love for Graham hadn't changed, she found her new freedom surprisingly welcome. It might have been more appreciated if it hadn't had to be set against a future which might only be made more difficult because of it. Graham, being so young, might forget more easily than she would.
One discovery, after her return, was to give her some moments of great joy, a joy which was to alleviate a little of the black depression that haunted her. She was out looking for Graham and Miss Webb one afternoon. Having got ahead with preparations for dinner, she gave in to the temptation to take a walk. So far, since she had come back, she had kept almost entirely to the house, reluctant to explore those places she had learnt to love and must leave again. When Graham chatted to her about the creek and the stockyards, the horses and all the men, she made no comment, gave no indication that her heart might be aching.
This afternoon, however, she hadn't been able to resist coming out. Slipping into a pair .of jeans and thin top, she let her long, fine hair blow free and ran down to the paddocks. The sun was still hot, but not as hot as it had been immediately after lunch. It would only grow warmer as the Australian summer progressed. Everywhere was quiet, she felt she had the whole place to herself. Wade was out with some contractors, putting down a bore on cue of the far reaches of the station where the land was scarcely more than barren desert. She had heard him fly out. If could be hours before he was home again.
It was in this strangely lighter mood, as she ran with flying footsteps over the burnt up grass towards the creek where she hoped to find Graham, that she came across Firefly. At first she couldn't believe it. Without realising what she was doing, she halted abruptly, leaning over the picket fence towards the peacefully grazing horse at the other side of the paddock. Firefly had been a beautiful little filly, not as powerful as some of Wade's big Arabians but a thoroughbred for all that, through and through. Inexperienced in the ways of horses until she had come here, Vicki had learnt fast, but Firefly, while being able to live up to her name, had never put a foot wrong.
Vicki, after the first terrible seconds of heart-stopping contemplation, knew beyond all doubt that it was the same little horse Wade had given her. Suddenly, impulsively, she called its name, her pure, clear voice ringing over the space between them. 'Firefly!'
The horse reared, lifting its head as it whirled, with a graceful elegance of shining mane and dancing hooves. Then it halted, as Vicki called again, this time her voice warm with excitement. Responding, Firefly tossed her head some more, whinnying as she trotted curiously towards the girl who was running to meet her.
Recklessly Vicki threw her arms around the prancing mare's neck, tears tumbling down her cheeks as she realised Firefly loved and recognised her. Joyfully she hugged the little horse while Firefly nudged her again and again.
'She remembers you, Vicki. I'm glad.'
Startled, Vicki turned. It was Jeff Curry. Her face flushed with happiness and damp with tears, she stammered, 'I never thought Firefly would still be here.'
'I don't suppose you did. She missed you, Vicki.' Jeff's smile faded bleakly. "We all did. Vicki—I'
Vicki broke in hurriedly, sensing danger, if not quite sure where it lay. Glancing away from Jeff's taut face, she said quickly, I thought Wade would have sold her.'
'He wouldn't part with her.' Jeff appeared to take hold of himself. 'Nor would he ever allow anyone to ride her, after you went.'
She drew a swift breath, aware that he was watching her closely. 'I—I suppose he had his reasons.' Tears still clinging to her long lashes, she rubbed her cheek adoringly against the horse.
Then Wade was there, appearing from nowhere, staring grimly at the tender hand Jeff had laid on her arm. As she shook it anxiously off Wade came closer, his eyes remaining on Vicki as she stood, slim and straight, between them.
'I never dreamt,' she swallowed nervously when he didn't speak, 'you would keep Firefly. I'm—I'm grateful.'
It must have been the wrong thing to say before Jeff, as she saw anger flash through Wade's watchful eyes.
As Wade's mouth hardened, Jeff excused himself, 'I'll see you later.' He must have been speaking to Wade, but it was at Vicki he looked.
As soon as he was gone Wade turned on her curtly. 'Do you have to make remarks like that in front of Jeff? Why shouldn't I have kept the horse? She's from good stock.'
'Otherwise,' Vicki spoke bitterly, 'you'd have let her go?' 'Maybe.'
'Wade McLeod,' she whispered fiercely, 'please don't make me hate you more than I do!'
His smile was mirthless, his eyes suddenly calculating as they rested on her slender figure. His gaze wandered slowly, almost insultingly so, over her long blonde hair, down to her long legs, then back up to where her breasts curved, frankly seductive, under her thin body shirt. 'It seems you think I shouldn't object when I find my wife holding hands with my foreman! Maybe,' he added softy, 'you won't mind if I take a few liberties? I could give you something to really hate me for before you leave. I remember you weren't always quite so eager to dislike me!'
A spark of something unreadable flickered quickly through Vicki, before she suddenly clutched at her pride. Firefly nudged her and she turned her face to the horse again, not wanting to remember how she had once felt about Wade, nor how that night she had spent in his arms had never ceased to haunt her. It had made such an impression she had never been able to look at another man. How often, when telling herself she couldn't, because of Graham, she had known he was not the real reason. Now Wade was older, looked definitely older as he stood looking down on her so coldly. So, come to think of it, was she, but nothing .seemed to have changed.
Making an effort to steer clear of what she felt instinctively to be dangerous ground, she said, 'A lot of time has passed since then. Anyway, I'm very happy to see Firefly again. Graham loves the pony your grandfather gave him. Perhaps we can go riding together.'
'Perhaps.'
'Graham's coming on quite well.'
'I believe.'
An underlying sharpness edged his voice and her eyes flashed. 'Do you always use such an economy of words?'
'As regards your son, you mean?' he drawled sarcastically.
She wanted to scream, 'He's yours as well, isn't he?' but the contempt in his face deterred her. If you like,' she agreed frigidly.
"No, I don't like!' His low exclamation of anger alarmed her, as his hands came out to pull her suddenly away from the horse. 'There's a lot of things I don't like about this whole situation, but much that I'm forced to put up with.'
'Don't worry,' her breathing quickened almost audibly when-he didn't let her go, 'you'll soon be free to marry again. Very soon, I should imagine, if your grandfather has many more attacks like his last. Or you might simply prefer to lead the bachelor existence you've grown so fond of!'
'And you?' he bit out harshly, a vicious look on his face. 'You don't have to pretend you won't enjoy your freedom! You won't have to look guilty when a man like Jeff looks you over and holds your hand.'
She glared at him. 'No, I won't, will I?' she jeered.
Why, you little'
'Don't say it!' she cried sharply, feeling wildly she might lose all control if he called her a tramp. That brought back memories she still couldn't bear to think about.
'Perhaps the time for saying things is past.' There was a savage ruthlessness in his expression as he twisted her nearer. Then his arms were around her, his lips covering hers, crushing them with the hard warmth she recalled so vividly. For a moment she resisted, fighting the rising, hungry urgency in her body, as the whole of her was caught up in emotional turmoil. Before she realised what she was doing she had entwined her arms around his neck, as if urging him to hold her closer.
One of his arms was about her waist while the other went around her back, his han
ds moulding her to him. He seemed to take a cruel pleasure in letting her feel the full strength of his hard muscles.
Then Graham was calling from the other side of the paddock, his small, shrill voice bringing Vicki sharply back to earth. As Wade slowly lifted his head she flushed scarlet and dragged her arms from his neck. The speculation in his eyes as she did so told her fetter than words that he was well aware where they had been.
'Your son, madam!' his voice mocked. 'He still makes a habit of turning up when he isn't wanted.'
'I wanted him!' There had always been moments in Vicki's life when she found herself uttering the last thing she intended. This was one of them, as she knew she and Wade were thinking of exactly the same thing. The flush on her face deepened uncomfortably and she was glad Graham reached them before Wade could jeer at her remark.
Wade's tall body must have disguised the fact that she was with him. Halting a short step ahead of Miss Webb, Graham blinked at her, before' looking up at his father. "Nurth Webb and I've been down by the creek.'
'Fine,' Wade smiled at Miss Webb, who for once was depriving him of more than his share of her attention as her gaze rested on Vicki's hot cheeks.
Wade's eyes glinted as he read the startled, surprise in the nurse's face. He spoke to Graham. 'Your mother and I have just been looking over her horse. When she's stronger you can take her out riding; Miss Webb, too, of course.'
As Graham almost visibly grew ten feet taller, Vicki wondered hollowly how Wade, while hating being a father, always managed to say the right thing. How was she going to tear Graham from the station when the time came? Clearly he adored Wade, for all he received little encouragement.
They turned towards the house. As they moved, Wade's hand came under Vicki's elbow, but the hard dig of his fingers warned her this was no friendly gesture, no silent apology for his rough caresses of a moment ago.
Under cover of Graham's excited chatter, he said softly, 'I'll get one of the boys to ride Firefly out a bit. She should be ready for you next week.'
'That won't be necessary, surely?'
'She hasn't been ridden for a long time.' His voice, only loud enough for her ears, seemed to be telling her something. 'Not since you were last at Baccaroo.'
'I see.' She wasn't altogether sure she did, but had no intention of asking a lot of questions. The more detached she kept herself the easier it would be in the long run. It must be sufficient, right now, that Firefly was still here. Adoringly she patted the horse goodbye, as they left the paddock.
The men were coming in from their day's work, some riding, others in jeeps and Landrovers, open trucks. Horses were not used nearly as much as they used to be on cattle stations in the Outback, she heard Wade telling Graham. A lot of horses were even turned loose and ran wild. Some of the wild stallions could occasionally be dangerous, and these Graham must learn to look out for, especially when he was out with his mother.
Listening with half an ear, Vicki watched the returning crew warily. Some she recognised, but there were new faces which she didn't. Whether familiar or not, she soon realised' they were mostly staring at her curiously, and nervously she tried to wriggle from Wade's side, muttering an excuse about having to see to dinner.
To her dismay and surprise, Wade objected. 'Don't you want to see Graham's pony?'
'I—well, I'm not sure.'
'Mummy!' Graham's small face was suddenly eager. 'Please!' He tugged her hand. 'You've never ever seen him.'
'Well,' weakly Vicki gave in, I suppose I could.' Yet she had no desire to expose herself to the speculation in dozens of pairs of eyes, which she knew might be a possibility if she walked the length of the complex with Wade and Graham. 'It was only dinner,' she continued protesting apprehensively. 'I should really get it started.'
'Perhaps Miss Webb will see to it, for a few minutes.' With a smile meant to charm, Wade glanced at the nurse, Tm sure just a word of advice to the girls will be all that's necessary, until Graham's mother returns.'
'Oh yes, of course, Mr. McLeod I'- Miss Webb was full of words of advice-—he couldn't have put it more aptly.
'Did you have to get rid of her?' Vicki whispered fiercely, her heart aching that he hadn't called her his wife. She forgot she had been pondering on ways and means of getting rid of Miss Webb permanently.
'Not really,' he replied, still retaining his hold on her arm, although not so tightly. 'I just thought it might be a good idea to let everyone see me with my family. I'm tired of finding members of my crew loitering around the house, trying to catch a glimpse of you.'
'Maybe it's understandable,' she muttered unhappily.
'Very,' he agreed dryly.
Vicki swallowed. 'But what sense can be in it?' she exclaimed. 'I'll soon be gone. They'll be even more curious then.'
'That will be my problem, not yours.' 'Yes, I realise.' Her face went white. 'I didn't think.' It didn't take long to inspect Graham's pony. At least, it mightn't have done if he hadn't insisted on demonstrating how well he could ride. Vicki was forced to watch as Wade, with a mysterious tolerance, helped him saddle up. After this, she and Wade stood, she supposed like a pair of fond parents, admiring Graham's amazing prowess around one of the stock yards. He had the appearance of a boy who had ridden for years, not weeks.
The longest moments were those during which Vicki met several of the station staff, among the crowd which suddenly materialised as if from nowhere to watch Graham. Contrarily, as she listened to Wade introducing her as 'my · wife,' she wondered why he bothered. There seemed no sense in going to such lengths for such a short time and she could quite easily have kept out of sight in the house.
Dinner that evening was better than usual, perhaps because Vicki forced herself to concentrate on it to the exclusion of everything else. In no way did she allow herself to dwell on the non-domestic events of the afternoon. The iced soup she made was perfection and the fruit tart she baked to follow the main course was really something—if a fruit tart could be described this way. When Wade praised it, however, Miss Webb cleverly took the whole of the credit, her eyes so wide and starry she positively glowed.
A cold feeling inside her, Vicki noticed Wade's idle glance concentrate on the nurse's triumphant face. She saw his eyes linger with a hint of interested speculation and something in her stomach churned. It wasn't until she looked away that she realised old Mr. McLeod had also caught that exchange of looks and was sharply suspicious. Maybe she could leave Miss Webb to the old man. If Vicki hadn't ever been good enough for his grandson, it went without saying Miss Webb never would be. And he would certainly be taking no more risks. Vicki was very rarely spiteful, but she felt in this instance, as Miss Webb positively simpered over the table at Wade, that she might be excused.
Yet none of this seemed to solve anything as far as Graham was concerned. Later Vicki realised this and the whole problem of Miss Webb continued to bother her. It had been crazy to imagine she could leave her to the Old Man. Wade would never take any notice of him.
It was, Vicki decided wearily, up to her to fight her own battles. Today, Wade's attitude towards Graham had appeared to be softening, but frightened her almost more than his cold indifference had done. She wouldn't have believed it, but it did. What, when his grandfather died, if he decided to keep Graham and get rid of her? There - would be little point in denying his own son, after the old man went. Graham would be no trouble, especially with a nurse already installed.
So upset did she feel, she was unable to' rest. Her room was clean but still Spartan; there was no soothing, comforting atmosphere to induce sleep. Wade, after he had seen how she had half killed herself scrubbing the dressing room out, had been slightly kinder, but nothing else had changed. She still used the hard little bed and her feet trod the bare lino.
Once she had got used to it, Vicki found this didn't worry her unduly. Tonight she didn't think of it at all. Wade was going off early in the morning. After dinner he had disappeared. Misilgoe had told her he had gone to see Jeff, in his
bungalow, and Vicki wondered how much longer it would be before he came in. It seemed suddenly imperative that she saw him about Miss Webb right away.
At last she heard sounds of him moving next door. He had not been in the bathroom, but sometimes he used the one along the corridor. Her face pale but set with determination, she tapped on the communicating door. It would have served him right, she thought, with false bravado, if she had just gone straight in!
There was a long silence, during which she wondered if she had been mistaken, then he called for her to come in. He was there, after all. He was not in bed and his brows lifted in dry surprise as she opened the door and walked through it, though he must have guessed who was there.
'The last person on earth he jeered harshly, 'I expected to see here!'
I'm sorry,' she said carefully, not looking at him too directly. 'I had to see you, but I don't want to stay. If you would come to my room for a few minutes, I'd be grateful.'
'The bed's too small, for one thing.' His mouth twisted caustically, as if he wasn't too impressed by his own wit. What's wrong with this?' he asked curtly.
'Why, nothing.' She did look at him squarely this time. It's just that you ordered me not to come here again.'
'Dear me!' he grinned, completely without mirth. 'You don't mean to tell me that's what's been stopping you?'
Vicki glanced at him uncertainly. Wade, in this mood, made her- uneasy, but as he was still in his shirt and pants and she in her dress, there could be nothing to be really afraid of. She ignored his jibe. 'I want to talk to you about Miss Webb.'
'Not again!' With a low groan, he considered the glass he was holding before throwing down the contents in one go. 'See how you're driving me to drink?' he said grimly.
'No ...' she stuttered nervously, knowing he hadn't really asked a question but answering all the same. She watched the strong line of his throat as the last of his whisky disappeared, then her glance wandered to his jutting chin above which his mouth curved ruthlessly. She found herself suddenly unable to look away.
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