by Dara Girard
They held each other as if nothing else mattered, but their feelings for each other.
"I have to go," he said.
"I know." She didn't move.
"I'm not going to disappear."
She reluctantly released him.
Frederick studied her face, a muscle twitched at his jaw. "I hate leaving you." He looked at the house and narrowed his eyes. "I could go back in and—"
"No, I don't want you to go back in there. You've done enough. I'll talk to him. I know how to deal with my father."
Frederick hesitated then sighed resigned. He got into his car then lowered the window. "Call me."
"I will."
"Tonight."
"I know."
"I won't sleep until you do."
A faint smile touched her lips. "I promise. Now go."
He sent her one last searching look then started the car. Janet watched him drive away and whispered. "No matter what happens, I am yours."
Chapter 41
Daddy I hate you! I hate you. I hate you. The words bubbled up in her throat, but she didn't let them out. Janet couldn't move or speak. She felt like someone had scraped out her insides leaving her hollow.
Beverly came outside. "Janet, come inside."
Janet turned and looked at the house. For the first time the sight repulsed her. It wasn't a home; it was her father's kingdom. It was his domain and he could rule it anyway he wanted. He controlled their lives, as though they were chess pieces on a board without feeling or thought. And for the first time Janet realized that no matter how good she'd been, no matter how many times she'd stood by his side, he wouldn't bend. Unlike Beverly and Maxine, she'd been foolish enough to ask for his permission and his blessing, and he'd refused her. Her love for him wasn't enough.
"I can't go back in there."
"It's going to be okay. Daddy has calmed down."
A rush of fury engulfed her. "Calmed down? All that matters now is how he feels, how he thinks, what he wants, but what about me! What about what I want? No I won't calm down. I'm furious. I'm furious that no matter what, I'm never good enough for him." Janet swallowed hard as tears fell down her face. "I didn't ask for him to care about my grades, my degree, or my job. But I was the one who told Frederick to go to him and ask for my hand because I respected him as my father and this is how he treats me and Frederick, a man more wonderful than you know." She vigorously shook her head. "No, I can't go back in there."
Beverly held her hands together pleading. "You have to. Please, Janet."
"What's the use of being good? I never hiked up my skirts or dresses when he wasn't looking like other girls did, I never snuck out with boys. I stroked his ego, listened to his fears, always believed in him and tried to be a good daughter. Why isn't it ever enough for him to trust us?"
"Give him time, Janet. You can't leave like this. Think of Dee-dee. Think of us."
"I am." Janet took a deep breath and walked into the house. She passed by her mother and sisters, who were still sitting on the stairs and stormed into her bedroom. She stood on her bed, ripped the poster off the ceiling and then grabbed her suitcase from the closet. She opened her drawers and began to pack.
Mrs. Barnett came into the room. "Janet, don't be hasty."
She continued packing.
"Your father will come round. Just know that he's thinking of you. We really don't know this Durand person. We didn't even know you liked him. We all know him to be arrogant and—"
"He has his faults. So do I, but I more than like him. I love him and I want to be with him. He's amazing. If only I could tell you all that he's done. But this isn't about Dur-Frederick. This is about you trusting me. Do you trust me?"
"Janet—"
"Do you!"
"I don't know," Mrs. Barnett said helpless. "Sometimes I don't know you. I don't know who you are. You are my daughter but the way you think is so foreign to me."
"Is it really that foreign? Isn't this what you wanted? That I move from my father's house into my husband's?"
"Yes, but—"
"But what? I could've left months ago and lived on my own, but I stayed because you'd both suffered so much. Now I follow your rules and it's still not enough. It will never be enough. I'll never measure up to his—your standards. I've found a man I love and I will marry him."
"But he's not Jamaican."
"No, he's not." Janet snapped her suitcase closed. "But Wilcox is." She moved towards the door. "You can be proud of him."
Mrs. Barnett stopped her, but didn't know what to say. Janet kissed her mother's cheek. "I love you Dee-dee," she said in a soft voice.
Her mother stared at her with fear. "Where will you go?"
"I don't know. I have some savings."
"Please stay," her mother whispered. "If people were to find out..."
"If anyone asks, tell them I'm traveling."
"But it's not safe out there. Who will protect you? You could get murdered."
"It doesn't matter," Janet said. "In this house I'm already dead." Janet left the room and raced down the steps, past her sisters, who still hadn't moved, and grabbed her coat from the hall closet.
"Where are you going?" her father demanded.
She didn't turn to him. "I'm leaving," she said then opened the front door.
He rushed in front of her and slammed it closed. "No, you're not."
Janet stared at him with defiance. "Yes, I am."
Mr. Barnett raised his voice. "If you leave this house you will fall into sin and find yourself cast into hell. You will find yourself drawn into all sorts of abominations."
"No I won't. God will watch over me."
"But I—"
"You. Are. Not. God."
Janet heard a collective gasp from her sisters and even she couldn't believe the words that had escaped her, but somehow they freed her. She finally saw her father clearly, as though a film had been removed from her eyes. Yes, that was it. All her life he'd been like a god—a supernatural force to be obeyed and feared, but now she saw that he was just a man: A man who would turn to dust just as she would. That made them equal. And just as she had flaws he had them too and she could forgive him for that. At that moment, Janet let her feelings of hatred melt away.
"I love you, Daddy, but I can't live with you anymore." She pushed past him and walked out the door closing it firmly behind her.
Mr. Barnett stared at the closed door shocked. She was gone. He hadn't been able to hold onto her, she'd slipped out of his grasp. An outsider had stolen her from him. No, that couldn't be. Janet wouldn't do this to him after all he'd done for her. He waited for the door to open. For Janet to reappear and apologize, but she didn't. His face darkened with anger and his heart hardened. Let her go then! The world could have her. He turned to his wife and daughters. "There will not be one tear shed for her," he said in a quiet voice filled with anger. "Not one. Understood?"
They nodded.
"I'll change the locks tomorrow."
Mrs. Barnett stared at her husband as if he'd gone mad. "Winston."
"If she doesn't want to be part of this family then she won't be."
His words pierced her soul and she feared the irreparable damage his actions would do. She looked at her daughters. "Go get your dinner," she said then she turned to her husband. "Winston, come here." She walked into the family room.
Mr. Barnett followed his wife at a leisurely pace and when he saw her take a seat, said, "Speak fast woman, I want to get mi dinner too."
Mrs. Barnett spoke slowly gathering her courage. She'd never confronted her husband before. That wasn't her role. With the necklace incident she'd kept silent, with Brother Jerome she'd followed his will, but now things had changed. She didn't understand Janet but she understood love and when her daughter talked about the Original she saw her face glow. Mrs. Barnett couldn't allow her husband to diminish that. Tonight her daughter mattered more than her fear.
"You are not going to lock my daughter out."
He pointed to the door outraged. "Did you see how she spoke to me? Her fadda?"
Mrs. Barnett flinched at his tone, but kept her voice low. "Because she was provoked." She held up a hand. "I'm not saying it was right, but we must honor her request. You must. I know that he is not Jamaican," she said quickly. "But his friend is and we can trust Jeffrey. He is careful in his choice of friends and as shrewd as his father was." She waved her hand when he opened his mouth again. "I know he is Anglican, but like Jeffrey he attends church and he's a wealthy man."
Mr. Barnett sniffed. "I knew it. You're just thinking about his money. His money won't save her soul or make her happy. I know—"
"You don't know your daughter!"
Mr. Barnett stared at her.
"You run this house from your study and you love your children, but you don't know them. You haven't taken time to."
"I do know them."
"Then why can't you see that Janet is just like you? Remember how your family didn't approve of me? They thought you could have done better and your mother told me so. But you married me anyway. I am not going to watch another child of mine run away from us. Yes, I know about our rules and our ways. But we can't hold on so tight, Winston. We have raised them. Now we must let them go. You must let them go. Especially now, or it won't get better with the other two."
Mr. Barnett held his hands out imploring her to understand. "A man must stand on solid ground or drown. Do you want me to drown? I am not inflexible. I gave shelter to that Wilcox fellow in my house although I despise him. I endured listening to Jeffrey and Beverly telling me they were getting married. But this is too much. Our daughters don't marry outsiders. That is our tradition."
"She loves him."
His hands fell to his sides. "How far must a man bend before he breaks?"
"When it comes to your children, you will bend as far as you need to," Mrs. Barnett said in a soft voice. "Janet wants to leave the house of her father to live in her husband's and you are going to bless them." She stood and picked up the phone.
Mr. Barnett tightened his mouth. "I will—"
Tears threatened, but Mrs. Barnett refused to cry. "Call your daughter and tell her to come home."
"I don't know where she is."
Mrs. Barnett held the phone out. "You have her mobile number."
"I'll call her later."
"Call her now."
He raised his brows in surprise. "So now my word means nothing to you too? You have no respect for me?"
"I will always respect you. You are my husband and the father of my children. You are a deacon in the church. A successful businessman and you are also wrong. Call our child home."
Mr. Barnett snatched the phone away from his wife then angrily dialed. When Janet's voice came on the line he stood paralyzed, his heart twisting with an unrecognizable pain. He remembered bringing her home from the hospital, teaching her to ride a bike, posting her first painting on the refrigerator, and helping her recite her first prayer. He had raised her to womanhood and now he had to let her go.
Mr. Barnett tasted the salt of his tears as he thought of his son buried in the ground, Maxine away in Florida and his father's own harsh words regarding his choice of a wife and knew he did not want to give his daughter that kind of lingering pain. "Janet, I'm sorry." His voice cracked, but he didn't care. "You have my permission and my blessing. Please, daughter, come home so that I can give you away."
Chapter 42
Mrs. Barnett was the happiest woman in Hamsford the day Beverly and Janet got married in a double wedding. They decided to coordinate their color choice and wore simple white satin wedding gowns, with matching gloves, a pearl-crusted wedding headdress with a shoulder length veil, and small pearl necklaces. Jeffrey wore a light-blue tuxedo, while Frederick decided on a contemporary dark brown one. Valerie was Janet's matron of honor, while Beverly selected Francine, who treasured her role for years to come. Elani, Trudy and Tanya were bridesmaids each wearing knee-high ruffled crepe dresses.
Mrs. Barnett beamed proudly wearing a stunning silver-blue designer outfit and matching hat her daughters had purchased for her. Mr. Barnett sat solemn beside her, choosing to wear an old suit he'd had in his closet for years. Mother Shea looked just as solemn as Mr. Barnett, but few noticed her facial expression, instead they were distracted by the floor-length yellow gown she wore, with matching shoes, clutch purse and three foot high ostrich feathered hat. Mrs. Amstead sat in the front pew and forgave Janet. Karen sat in the back and did not; and in the middle, Hattie Seabright wiped away tears of joy.
Three months later, Frederick, Janet and Elani flew the Barnetts, the Perrys, and Aunt Thelma to Frederick's West African hometown to meet his family. After Frederick showed them the three hotels, local radio station, movie production company and twenty bedroom mansion he owned, he and Janet prepared for their second wedding ceremony – in accordance with the native law and customs in that region of the country.
Janet arrived at Frederick's family compound in a horse drawn carriage, with a solemn Mr. Barnett sitting stiffly besides her. While the 'official' marriage was a simple exchange of a bottle of palm wine and three Kola nuts (one for prosperity, one for fertility, and one for a long and blessed union) word had gotten out in the community, and hundreds of people filled the streets outside the residence stretching to the end of the block. Several large speakers were erected, in anticipation of the crowd, to allow the exchange to be heard and experienced by all. Once Frederick's senior uncle accepted Janet, on behalf of the family, the newlyweds drank wine from a large decorative gourd, and then they were off to the reception. Janet, Frederick and selected guests flew in a private plane to a small airport where three limousines picked them up and drove them to the hotel.
The ballroom, located in one of the grandest hotel in the nation's capitol, had fifty-five round tables covered with stiff white linen table cloths, and attired with fine Wedgewood china plates and 24 carat gold utensils. Sculpted crystal wine glasses, engraved with the family emblem sat alongside large glass canters filled with ginger beer. In the middle of each table, a single etched glass covering was placed over six small round bowls with floating candles. Brightly colored handmade napkins, made by traditional artisans, were shaped in the form of the Saki Bird, a native and beloved bird of the area, thought to bring good luck to married couples. At the head table, Janet and Frederick, now wearing regional outfits, sat alongside Frederick's family including his uncle, his mother's sister, Elani, Mr. & Mrs. Barnett, Mr. & Mrs. Perry, and Aunt Thelma.
Once the many honors, toasts, and blessings were finished, the guests were treated to a banquet of food. As was the custom, several large cows were slaughtered and prepared for the sumptuous feast- avocats aux crevettes (avocado-shrimp appetizer), roasted and curried goat, apricot glazed meat pie, beef pot roast, sugar snap pea salad, fish rolls, jollof rice ( similar to jambalaya), doh doh (fried plantain), grilled salmon, curry rice, pounded yam, vegetable stew, and pepper pot soup. For dessert, guests dined on baked banana pudding, pineapple milk sherbet, Chin-Chin (a sweet pastry), ginger beer and orange spice tea. (Of course traditional wine and beer was available for those who requested them). An over-sized 7-layered white cream wedding cake decorated as an exact miniature replica of the bride and groom, including a photo image of the two, sat on an elaborate table off to the side, guarded by a trio of young men, who stood admiring the female guests.
The women, including Janet, looked like members of a royal court. Their outfits sparkled from the delicate lace to the extravagant headdresses made out of stiff damask that would have made Mother Shea's hat look demure. Each woman tried to out-do the other both with the cost of the material and the complexity of each design. Janet's outfit, and those of her female family members, as was the custom, were all made of the same material. Handmade gold-lace bodice tops, trimmed with precious stones. Their ankle length wrap skirts, made out of a dazzling orange silk, hugged their hips, and complemented their form. Frederick and the men of th
e family wore knee-length tunics and matching trousers all made from one dark green silk trimmed with 24 carat gold piping. The children were dressed in their finest – the girls in formal party dresses; the boys in tailored suites dashed to and fro among the guests.
Following Janet and Frederick's first dance as a married couple, the crowd descended onto the dance floor where the live DJ and six giant speakers kept the music pulsating throughout the night into the early morning. Although the Barnetts didn't join in the dancing or drinking they enjoyed seeing the joy on their daughter's face.
The ceremony was covered by local and national media and was featured on the popular worldwide cable channel African Horizons, so that it could be seen all over the world by their relatives living in the US, England, Canada and the Caribbean.
Upon arriving back home in the States, Mrs. Barnett's joy could not be contained. She'd accomplished marrying off three daughters in the space of one year, which solidified her belief in God and renewed her efforts with the church.
Mr. Barnett missed Janet but soon grew used to her absence. In time he became a frequent visitor to their home and grew to admire and respect Frederick. His admiration increased when Frederick taught him about the power of investing.
Francine went on to the university and became a Women's Studies major. Trudy decided not to go to college and took Beverly's old job.
Beverly took joy in being a wife and helped Jeffrey expand Hamsford, to the thrill of some and the horror of others, and stood by his side when he ran for mayor and won.
Janet moved to Frederick's home in Delaware, where their days were filled with laughter and their nights filled with pleasure. Sometimes Janet would lie awake unable to sleep, marveling at her good fortune—her large art studio where Frederick had hung her degree, the commissioned work that would keep her busy for years, and her ability to travel the world. On their honeymoon Frederick had assured her that she could return to Hamsford as often as she liked, afraid that she may get homesick and miss her old life, but she knew she never would.
