Ken had said very little in the days following his announcement. He spent time writing letters and if they were involved in his plans to live in London she didn’t know and she was afraid to ask. If he answered in the affirmative it would be one more nail in the coffin of their troubled marriage. They were pulling in different directions, both convinced they were right, and neither would give in.
Behind her on the promenade a group of children were about to perform a play depicting a beach scene of Victorian times. It had been the work of teachers in the school nearby but the suggestion had been hers. In the cricket field, some of the local teams were giving demonstrations and helping interested youngsters to learn the game. Another of her ideas. She thought of her work and for a moment doubted its validity at a time when almost the whole world had been at war. She could have been better occupied making munitions or running an office directly connected with the conflict rather than organizing fun events.
She held Anthony’s hand and walked down to the edge of the tide, where children were splashing and fooling about, working hard at doing nothing, as her father often said. Anthony danced in the waves, shrieking with the rest.
On their way home they stopped to see the end of the Victorian-style drama, which had been a comedy played for every laugh they could get. The faces on those taking part and in the audience, which was made up mostly of the actors’ families, showed pleasure. But Eirlys didn’t share their joy. It was all a pretence. Her contribution to the war effort had been to force people to pretend to have fun when their hearts were breaking, as hers was now.
Then she saw Harold and Percival enjoying the last few minutes, pointing at the performers, sharing the laughter and knew she was wrong. There was nothing false about the audience’s enjoyment. What better way of coping with the tragedies still being played out all around them than with the joy of innocent laughter? Her work was worthwhile and would continue to be. The tragedies of death and suffering would be with many families for always.
As though to add validity to her sombre thoughts, the crowd moved back to allow a blind man to pass, his solicitous companion guiding him and whispering reassurance. The young man’s face was deeply scarred and she daren’t imagine the experiences that had caused them. Guilt for her selfish mood overwhelmed her. The consequences of the war would never end for many citizens of St David’s Well. With Ken and her father safe, she was one of the few lucky ones.
She went home, if not happy, then at least less miserable than when she had set out. Her decision had been made. She was going to stay here, where she was needed, assure Ken of her belief in him, and live for weekends and holidays when he would come home and she could demonstrate her love and trust.
When she told him her decision, Ken seemed resigned when she hoped he would be disappointed. He shrugged as though it was the answer he had expected.
‘Sorry, Ken,’ she said as the hurt of his reaction wrapped around her. He didn’t care whether she stayed or followed.
‘It’s your decision, Eirlys. I thought you’d refuse to come with me. I know how low I stand on your list of importance,’ he added bitterly, leaving the room without giving her a chance to respond.
‘Ken,’ she called, and started to follow him, but Percival gave a yell, then complained that Harold had pinched his sweets, and she went at once to deal with it. Ken was right, she thought with shame. Concern for the boys came before him. She wondered whether it would ever change.
Settling the argument between the brothers, she thought into the future, to a time when the boys were grown up and no longer in need of her. Perhaps then, she would be able to concentrate on her marriage. Her life was pulling her in too many directions and she couldn’t let go.
For the rest of the evening Ken immersed himself in his books. He went out several times to use the telephone outside the house but said nothing of what he was doing. She wondered whether he was making arrangements to leave, set up his business in London and begin a life in which she had no part. The thought was frightening, but she was more worried by her lack of regret. She was capable of managing without him, wasn’t she? The thought alarmed her: didn’t that mean she was incapable of real, caring love? Needing no one could turn on its head, and remind people they didn’t need her. Using independence as a safety net was not something of which she should be proud.
The next morning, she went into her office to find a suntanned stranger standing there and papers spread haphazardly across her desk.
‘Can I help you?’ she asked politely. Then she recognized him as a young man who had worked there until he had been called into the Army. ‘Ralph? You’re back! How wonderful. When did you come home? Have you seen Mr Johnston and Mr Gifford? They’ll be so pleased that you’re home unharmed. Will your mam be having a party?’
He laughed. ‘Which question d’you want me to answer first?’ He spread his arms apologizing for the untidy papers. ‘Sorry about the mess, I’ve—’
‘It’s all right, I’ll soon sort it out. Leave it to me and go and see the others.’ She started to pick up the papers and stopped in surprise when she saw they were hers, from her desk drawer. He put a hand on them to stop her.
‘No, I’m afraid that isn’t how it is, Eirlys. I’m back here, to my old job arranging the entertainments. Thank you for keeping it all going for me. From what I’ve heard you’ve been doing very well. You’ll be glad to relax and return to your previous position, won’t you?’
She stared at him and her stomach lurched, her heart raced painfully. Had she heard correctly? She wanted to ask him to repeat his words but no sound would come out. Her face was frozen in disbelief.
‘Sorry, Eirlys if it’s a shock but I thought you’d know. It was promised when I was called up, me and thousands of others. You must have understood your position was only temporary until the war ended.’
‘No, I didn’t know. I made this job. I started with practically nothing and made it up as I went along. Everything that came out of this office since 1939 has been mine, so how can you come back and take it and tell me it’s yours? You had nothing to do with any of it. Holidays at Home. That’s what it’s called and I did it all.’
‘Until the war, I planned the town’s entertainments, and that’s what I’ll continue to do. I’ll look through your files and see what you’ve been doing while I’ve been away and see if anything is suitable for the future.’ Meeting her anger defensively, he went on, ‘From what I’ve seen so far I’ll have to make a lot of changes. Most of these ideas will go. People will be less easily satisfied now. They’ll demand different, more sophisticated entertainments.’
‘How can you know what people want? Five minutes you’ve been back and I’ve been doing this job for almost six years!’
His attitude hardened further in response to her rising anger and he spoke in a derisory manner of her achievements. ‘Processions, school choirs, amateur concerts, dances run in support of fund-raising for servicemen, all that has gone. Things will be changing, becoming more professional now I’m back. The fighting is over.’
‘Stop talking about the war being over! It isn’t over!’ she snapped angrily. ‘There are thousands of men still out in the Far East fighting the Japanese. They need our help and support. Fund-raising has to go on. The war is over for some of us but not for them. Not for this office.’
‘This office is no longer yours. The decisions will be mine, Miss Price.’
‘Mrs Ward,’ she corrected, before fleeing from the room.
She was crying as she left the office that had been hers for so long. She didn’t go to see Mr Johnston: she guessed he would be too ashamed to want to talk to her. She had done all he had asked of her and more, working hours of unpaid overtime to the detriment of her private life; and her marriage. Thinking of the dingy little office below stairs where she had once worked, she knew she couldn’t go back.
The park that was high above the town and offered a view of the distant sea was empty. She sat on a seat and from her
bag she took the sandwiches she had packed for her lunch. Sparrows gathered in the hope of a feast and she broke up the food and scattered it, enjoying for a moment the anxious scavenging of sparrows, starlings and a cheeky robin as they fought for every crumb.
An hour later she still hadn’t decided what she would do and was still wondering whether or not to tell Ken. Unless something remarkable happened, everything had changed with the loss of her job. Her main reason for refusing to go with Ken to London had gone. She had no job. If Ken left, how would she manage? He wouldn’t be able to support them: starting a new business would leave him nothing to spare; he might be able to keep himself but there would be no surplus. Everyone knew that a business needed propping up financially in the first year, even if it was successful.
He needed her there, perhaps working to subsidize him for a year or so and that was impossible. However much her father tried, it was she who ran the household, her money providing many of the extras. Dadda would never manage without her and that wasn’t an excuse, it was a simple fact. Why couldn’t Ken settle for a local job, a nine-to-five office job that would create a framework for a simple life?
Unwilling to go home she walked through the back streets of the town to the gift shop. Hannah was there with Beth and at lunch time, Alice joined them.
When she told them what had happened, Hannah sympathized, but Alice said, ‘It’s a terrible shock, and Mr Johnston should have prepared you for it. Warned you. Not wait for Ralph to walk in like that. But …’ she added quietly, a hand on Eirlys’s arm to comfort her, ‘but, I think you should have guessed. Women have worked hard throughout this war but it’s the man’s wage that keeps a family. Men need to work and I doubt whether many women will keep their jobs if a man is in need of it.’
‘It’s only July and there are weeks to go before the end of the summer’s entertainments. Ralph will have difficulties just walking in and throwing me out without understanding how these things are done.’
‘Then help him,’ Alice said. ‘Go back and help him.’ Unable to be idle, she took a partly made child’s glove and began picking up the stitches to knit a finger.
‘Absolutely not! If it had been done properly, if I’d been told and given time to adjust I’d have helped willingly but not like this. Ralph made it clear he was taking over and I’m leaving it to him. All of it. I’m not going back.’ Then she cried again.
Beth sat with an arm around her while Hannah made a pot of tea.
‘There’s something else,’ Eirlys said when she had recovered. They waited as she sipped the hot tea then she told them that only hours before this bombshell, she had told Ken she wouldn’t leave the town and go with him to London.
‘Why?’ Alice asked. ‘I’d go anywhere with Eynon.’
‘I want to stay here.’ She glared at Alice, irritated by her attitude, her implication that she was in the wrong. ‘I thought my job was permanent. It’s well paid and I could look after Anthony and myself without his help.’
‘Why?’ Hannah asked then. ‘Why are you thinking of managing alone? If you are worried about the affair he had with Janet Copp, then you shouldn’t. It’s over and best left in the past, not dragged along like a useless anchor. If you can’t leave it behind, then surely you want to be with him, to make sure it won’t happen again? And,’ she added firmly, ‘I’m sure it won’t. Ken loves you and he adores little Anthony.’
‘I don’t know what to do. I can’t think straight, my mind’s in chaos. That isn’t like me at all.’
‘Talk it over with Ken. You can change your mind about going with him. He’d be delighted. We don’t want you to go,’ she added hastily, ‘but if it means your happiness we’ll understand.’
‘I can’t tell Ken. Not yet. For one thing he’d be second best and he’d know it. Secondly I still don’t want to leave St David’s Well. I won’t discuss it with him until I’ve made a decision.’
‘Wrong way round,’ Beth warned. ‘Making a decision before you tell Ken is insulting him, treating him as a stranger, someone of no importance.’
The three girls picked up the work her arrival had interrupted and unable to devise an alternative way to spend the rest of the day, Eirlys joined them, taking the glove put aside as the town hall clock struck two and Alice left to return to work, and continuing with its tiny fingers.
The shop was busy during the afternoon and Eirlys contented herself with attending to customers, glad not to have time to think. Anthony was home with her father and even the chance to spend extra time with him couldn’t persuade her to go home.
When the shop closed at half past five, she walked a little way with Beth and her baby, then increased her pace and hurried for the last ten minutes until the house was in sight.
A man stood at the gate and from the way he was leaning on the wall he appeared to have been there a long time. ‘Mr Johnston?’ she said questioningly.
‘Eirlys, I’m very sorry for the way you were treated today. I thought Ralph wasn’t coming back. He didn’t keep in touch and his mother told us he’d probably look for something else. Then he changed his mind, asked for his job back, and we couldn’t do anything but agree.’
‘I’m sorry for flouncing out like a prima donna,’ Eirlys said with a sad smile. ‘It was such a shock.’
‘Will you come back, for a month at least, help him through the last weeks of your arrangements?’
‘I can’t. We disagreed immediately and I can’t see us working together.’
‘Ralph is ashamed of the way he spoke to you and, whatever you decide, he wants the chance to apologize.’
‘He does?’
‘He said things he didn’t mean. Since looking through the record of the last years, including the scrapbook we kept of the newspaper reports, he realizes what a remarkable job you have done. But, I shouldn’t be telling you this, Mrs Ward. Will you come into the office tomorrow at ten? You and Ralph can speak calmly and sort out your differences, although, once you talk properly, you’ll probably realize there aren’t any. You both want to do the best for St David’s Well.’
She agreed because it would give her time to plan her future.
Ken opened the door as she walked down the path. ‘What did Mr Johnston want?’ he asked. ‘He’s waited over an hour to see you and wouldn’t come in or tell me what he wanted. More overtime is it?’
‘Something like that,’ she lied.
* * *
Maude saw Reggie whenever they were both free, but with Reggie working all day at the smallholding and Maude helping in Audrey’s café they had little time to talk.
‘Can you get a few days off?’ Reggie asked her one day. ‘I want you to come home with me and meet Mam and Dad.’
Maude stared at him. This invitation usually meant their friendship was reaching a new level.
‘I’ve already asked them and they’d love to meet you. Their house is small, but there’s a boxroom with a small bed and Mam will make it as comfortable as she can. Will you?’
‘I’ll ask Auntie Audrey.’ She felt a little afraid although she knew she was falling deeper and deeper in love with Reggie. Meeting his parents was important. What if they didn’t like her? How should she behave? Formal? Friendly? How would she dress? Her best frock and coat were too warm for July and she hadn’t any clothing coupons left to buy something new.
‘Of course you must go,’ Audrey said, hugging her. ‘Maude, we’re all crazy, the whole Castle family including you, Myrtle and me. We work hard and never think of taking a holiday. I’ll manage fine for a few days. How long would you like?’
‘I thought if I could go on Saturday afternoon, when Keith is here, then take Monday off, which is half-day closing anyway, and come back Tuesday? Mr Gregory has agreed to Reggie having those days too.’
‘Go on Saturday morning, that way you’ll have extra time there.’ She frowned when she saw Maude’s anxious expression. ‘Maude?’
‘It might be too long. What if I hate them or they hate me?’
Audrey laughed. ‘All right, If you’re unhappy, phone me and I’ll send a message for you to come home. Now, go and tell Reggie, book your tickets and plan a wonderful weekend.’
* * *
Shirley sat in the park in the centre of the town clutching a crumpled letter. It was from Freddy and in it, he asked if she would find him a room, so he had somewhere to come back to. He no longer had a home. His parents had died and the rented house, which Shirley had emptied, the contents given away or sold, now belonged to Maldwyn Perkins, who worked in Chapel’s flower shop, and his wife, Delyth. Apart from herself, Freddy had no one. The job he had left was no longer his, he had told the owner of the gents’ outfitters he would not be back. He would have to start again from nothing and rebuild a life for himself, here in the town in which he had no roots except memories.
Shirley was still unsure whether or not she wanted to be a part of it. Then, as so often recently, her thoughts turned to Andy. He had nothing and dared not go home. He was on the run, a deserter coward, a cheat. Like Freddy, he had nothing but he had built his own disasters.
Andy Probert was in her thoughts so strongly she looked around as though expecting to see him. If only he would get in touch, then she could send him on his way and begin to put him from her mind. She needed to talk to him, listen to his excuses for faking his own death rather than fight, then she would walk away from him and not look back. lt was the uncertainty. She was almost convinced that he was still alive but others believed he had died the death he had foreseen, in the sea with others around him unable to help him.
* * *
When Alice was asked to help at the beach one Sunday when Netta was off and Maude was helping Audrey, she was flattered and began to agree, but then something came over her and she shook her head. ‘Sorry, mother-in-law, but I can’t.’
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