“Are you going keep quiet, princess? I’m going to remove my hand from your mouth. Don’t make me use this knife. Do you understand?” Slowly, he moved his hand away once Meg nodded her understanding. Neither of them could see the other through the darkness.
Quickly, she gulped as much air into her lungs as she could and coughed nonstop, trying desperately to catch her breath. Meg couldn’t make out his face; she could feel his breath against her ear as he hovered closely above her. The smell of beer and cigarette smoke was evident and when she finally managed to catch her breath, she spoke to him in a scratchy voice. “What do you want from me?” Meg pleaded with him and begged him not to hurt her. She continued to struggle against him but it was useless, she couldn’t break free.
“There’s only one thing I want from you, princess,” he lowered one hand down her body directly to her panties and with one quick pull he ripped them from her body and tossed them aside. A new kind of panic settled within her. Despite his earlier threats, she couldn’t stop herself from screaming. She had to do something. She couldn’t just lay back and let him do this. His hand came crashing down over her mouth and the hint of blood made its way past her lips.
This can't be happening to me. Please, God, get him off me. Still blinded by darkness, her entire body shook with fear. She felt his hands pull both her arms down, pinning them against her sides with the full weight of his legs. She heard something rip and her mouth was immediately covered with heavy tape. She took a deep breath in through her nostrils, her chest rose and fell in panic, and she was held completely immobile and trapped underneath his large form.
Once he finished taping her mouth shut, he lifted the weight of his knees off her arms, and pulled her hands back up, resting them above her head and secured them with one hand. With the other, he reached down between their bodies; the sound of a zipper was undeniable and Meg immediately tensed up everywhere. She tried screaming through the tape for him to stop, for someone to save her, but her words were muffled by the tape.
Meg closed her eyes and prayed over and over, begging God to make this stop, she sobbed uncontrollably. Her body twisted and turned under the heavy weight that held her down. Fear like she never felt before ran through every part of her body. She felt the warmness of her own urine when she lost control of her bladder. He laughed, “What’s wrong, princess? You scared?”
“Please,” she choked out from behind the tape, trying to get through to him, begging him not to do this. John, where are you? Please come back. Please help me. Please don’t let this happen to me, not like this.
She continued with all her strength to hold her legs together, to keep him out, but he pried her shaking knees apart and she laid there completely open to him. She felt him settle between her legs. “You should try relaxing and enjoy this, princess. It will hurt less and will be over a lot more quickly. But then again, I like it when you struggle, it makes me harder.”
She felt the head of his erection rub at her entrance and with one hard thrust he was buried deep inside her. A sharp burst of pain shot through her when he forced his way in and her body tensed up from the invasion. Meg whimpered into the tape. He didn’t care and there was no one to save her now, it was too late. He pulled back a little and then every thrust that followed felt like it was filled with anger. He repeated his savage pounding into her body and Meg lay there, limp, and suffered through the brutal way he took her.
“You’re so fucking tight, Meg. Do you know how long I’ve wanted you? How many times I’ve watched you?” She froze at the realization that this man was someone she knew. Someone obviously close enough to know her name and close enough to have been watching her. The voice continued, “I was just waiting for you to notice me, but you never saw me, Meg. You never looked my way. I knew I had to do something, I—had—to—take—what’s mine” Those words were followed by a loud grunt and then hot spurts of semen as his erection pulsated inside her. He thrust deep, once, twice, then with the entire weight of his body, he fell on top of her. His face nuzzled into the crook of her neck. She turned her head in the opposite direction and cried silently into the darkness.
He pulled out and she felt the liquid run down her inner thighs, down through the cheeks of her ass and on to the sheets. She stopped breathing; she felt a big dip in the mattress and then heard him wiggling back into his pants followed by the sound of a zipper. She rolled over on to her side in a fetal position trying to protect what was left of her. The bastard bent down, pulled her head back and all she could see was darkness. She squeezed her eyes shut and tears spilled down her face. The taste of blood and salt made its way into her mouth. He whispered, “I’ve always wanted you, Meg, but you never gave me a second look, or I would have done things differently.” He licked the side of her face in one long stroke from her jaw up to her temple and then he left.
She heard the door close followed by loud footsteps going down the stairs and finally the front door slammed shut; Meg’s body shook violently as she laid there and sobbed. She cried out for her mother, her father, and John, but no one was there. She was painfully aware of every muscle in her body when she rose from the bed. Carefully, Meg walked down the stairs and went directly to the door and locked it. Once she made it back to her bedroom, she locked that door too and turned on the light. Her eyes took a while to adjust to the brightness. With trembling hands she reached up to pull the heavy tape from her mouth and tugged at the end of the tape. This is going to hurt. She had to get it off. Her body stiffened, anticipating the pain and with one quick tear the heavy tape ripped away from her skin. She threw the tape to the floor before quickly smoothing her hand over the soreness. She rubbed over the entire area frantically with her hand trying to soothe the sting that was left behind.
A loud sob escaped, this one filled with hurt, fear and anger as her thoughts went back to the terrifying and horrible reality of what just happened. She walked into the bathroom and slid to the cold tile floor with her back against the door. She continued for what felt like hours to cry uncontrollably. Loud heavy sobs escaped her lungs, sounds she never thought existed inside her filled the tiny bathroom. There were times she struggled to catch her breath, as the word no escaped her throat every time she exhaled. With her legs bent, her arms wrapped tightly around them and her chin cushioned on top of her knees, Meg tried desperately to protect herself. The pain in her vagina flared up; she felt sore to the point that sitting was almost unbearable. She managed to part her knees slightly and slowly look down. Bright red blood covered her inner thighs, proof that her virginity was lost in the most brutal of acts. Her panties were torn to shreds and sitting on the floor just outside the bathroom door. She recalled how violently he ripped them from her body. She looked up toward the ceiling. Why, why me? Why did this have to happen?
* * * *
Meg figured she must have blacked out at some point. She stirred at the sharp sound of the phone ringing. Every awful memory of the night before flashed back and made her shudder. She felt angry, scared, overwhelmed, and completely drained of energy. She assumed it was Sarah calling her, wanting details about her night with John. Meg wiped her tear stained face with the back of her trembling hand.
What do I tell her? What do I tell my parents? I can’t fix this. I’m leaving in two days, and I’ll be damned if I’m staying around waiting to see who did this to me. Getting the police involved would just result in delaying my leaving this county. Everyone will know what happened. My parents will be worried sick. What am I supposed to do? I have no clue who raped me. And Meg wasn’t so sure she wanted to know.
She stood up and walked out to her bedroom. She stared at the clock on her night stand; quarter past eleven in the morning. Shit. I have to pull myself together.
Still not thinking straight and feeling completely numb inside, Meg knew she a total basket case. Somehow, she found the strength to steady herself. I can do this. She took a few more steps around the room and tried shaking off the hopelessness she felt.
Meg shuffled herself back into the bathroom, locked the door behind her, and turned the water as hot as she could bear before stepping inside the shower. She watched in horror as blood made its way from her body and down the drain. Before she knew it, the water turned cold and she found herself sitting on the floor of the bathtub, not moving, tears streaming down her face. She held onto the bar and pulled herself upward. She washed her hair and soaped her entire body from head to toe. All of a sudden, Meg was overwhelmed with the need to scrub every part of her body, to free herself of the dirtiness that clung to her skin, obsessed with the need to feel clean. Meg scrubbed every inch of her body with great focus but knew she would never feel clean again. She scrubbed frantically between her legs. It felt as though she had been ripped apart there, and with one final rinse, she turned off the water. Shivering from the cold, she wrapped a towel around herself and heard the phone ringing again in the room next to her. I need to get my head on straight here. I need time to think. But there’s no time she realized. I need to tell someone, but who do I tell?
Meg pressed her temples with her index fingers and massaged slowly before walking over to the bathroom counter. One look in the steamed mirror and her eyes filled with tears again. There were no scratches on her face or neck. Her bottom lip was a little swollen and a small cut appeared from where she sank her teeth in from the pressure of his hand against her mouth. Dark bruises appeared along her upper arms and around her inner thighs. What the fuck, that bastard! A sob escaped her chest. She let out one long scream and tears flowed uncontrollably again. Meg’s eyes were red and swollen from steadily crying all night and all that morning. She had never felt so scared and all alone. She froze when the thought hit her. What if I’m pregnant or what if he passed on some sexually transmitted disease? This isn’t something she could deal with or think clearly about right now, so she set those thoughts aside and decided to deal with it later. No way in hell was she going to visit her family doctor; he knew her family and Meg didn’t want him to know anything about this. She would have to wait until she got to Toronto. She decided it would be best to ask Eva to refer her to her doctor right away and get checked out there.
This is my home, the place I grew up in, where I’m supposed to feel protected and safe. Every fond childhood memory had been replaced by something horrible and repulsive. After Meg finished drying her hair, she went back into the bedroom and tugged the sheets from her bed. They were stained heavily with blood, and the smell of urine filled her senses. She shut off her emotions and pulled the fitted sheet from the mattress. That too was soiled with the same awful fluids from her body. She knew there would be no way to clean it. It was soaked through. She removed the pillowcases and then ran down to the laundry room in the basement. Meg stood in front of the washing machine, paralyzed. She didn’t want to keep any of this stuff. Closing the lid to the washing machine, she grabbed a large plastic bag, rolled up the saturated sheets, and put the material inside before turning on her heels and heading to the garbage in the garage. As she was about to leave, she noticed the window was open and knew that must have been how her rapist got in. She walked over and shut the window and cursed low under her breath. Bastard.
* * * *
In a state of confusion, Meg somehow managed to get back to what needed to be done before her parents got home. She took one last look at the mattress and decided it had to go. There was no way she would consider sleeping on that thing again without thinking about what happened. After tidying up her room and getting rid of the evidence, she grabbed what was left of her panties. At one point, she must have moved them to the top of the dresser but she couldn’t recall when she had done that. She headed back down to the garage and threw the panties, along with the t-shirt she was wearing, in with the sheets she’d disposed of a few hours earlier.
Meg’s mind was all over the place, her head was pounding relentlessly. She stopped what she was doing, and it was then she decided no one would ever know what happened to her. She fully intended to get out of Door County, and she vowed she would never come back. This part of her life will be left behind, she decided. And no one, absolutely no one, will ever know about it. “Not even Sarah,” she whispered out loud. She knew her parents would be devastated. They would make sure she stayed and searched for the bastard who did this to her and press charges. All Meg cared about at this moment was getting the hell away from here. She didn’t want to stay behind and have this nightmare take over her life; she decided to forget it ever happened.
The phone rang again, and this time Meg swallowed hard and picked up. “Hello?”
“Hey, Meg, so how was your night with John? And I want every delicious detail; don’t leave out a single thing.” Excitement was clear in Sarah’s voice. The phone dropped from Meg’s ear for a brief moment, and she felt sick to her stomach. She knew she had to hold back the threat of tears and disguise the shakiness in her voice that was still there or it would be a dead giveaway to her friend that something wasn’t right. She tried desperately to get her emotions in check to get through this conversation. A beep came through the phone, it was the other line.
“Sarah, hang on. It’s the other line.”
“Oh, maybe it’s John! I’ll hold.”
Meg pressed the button on the phone to take the other call. “Hello?” Her voice was small and still a little shaky.
“Hey, Meggie. It’s Mom. How are you, sweetie?” After everything she had been through, the moment Meg heard her mother’s voice she had a sense of longing to be held by her, to be told that everything will be okay. She wanted her mom’s arms wrapped securely around her and to make it all go away.
In a trembling voice, Meg realized she couldn’t hide that something was wrong, no matter how hard she tried. “I’m okay, Mom. I miss you and Dad, but everything here is good.”
“You sound upset. Are you sure everything is okay?” Meg sensed the caring tone in her mother’s voice.
Her heart swelled. “I’m fine. Oh, before I forget, I started my period last night and made a huge mess. It soaked right through the sheets and onto the mattress. It’s embarrassing, but I asked Will to come by and help me bring the mattress to the recycling place just outside of town,” she lied. “But don’t worry, I’ll sleep on the couch downstairs. I only have a few nights left anyhow.” There is no way in hell I will sleep on that mattress or in that bedroom again. “You’ll need to buy a new mattress, Mom. I’m sorry.”
“Meggie, the mattress was old. It’s time for a new one, but you could have waited for your father and I to get home. We would have taken care of all of that. Is everything else okay?”
“Yeah,” she lied. “I’m fine. I was just thinking about how much I’ll miss you and Dad when I leave and this house. I guess I’m feeling a little nostalgic today. But listen, don’t worry about me. I’ll be okay.”
“Maybe your father and I should come home this afternoon. I told your father this was a bad idea, leaving you all alone and you’re leaving us in two days. I’m sorry, sweetie, your father and I will come home tonight.”
“Oh, Mom, don’t make a big deal out of this. I’ll be fine and I’ll ask Sarah to sleep over tonight to keep me company.”
“No, Meggie. We’re coming home today and that’s final,” she said in a firm tone. “We had a nice weekend, but I’d rather be home with you right now. We can come to the cottage any time. You’re leaving us soon, and we still have a little running around to do.”
Meg wanted to end the call quickly. She knew her conversation with her mother would soon lead to more emotions, and she couldn’t handle that right now. “Mom, I’ve got Sarah on the other line. I’ll see you this evening when you get home, okay?"
A sense of relief worked its way through Meg, putting her mind at ease. She no longer had to worry about staying home alone. She just had to figure out a way to hide what she’d been through from the people she loved most and who knew how to read her well. Meg knew if they had any idea what happened to her, they would spend the rest
of their days worrying and trying to convince her to stay home so they could take care of things. Their hearts would have been broken at the thought of what their only daughter had endured. Meg knew it was better they knew nothing at all.
“Meggie, before I forget, there’s extra money in the cupboard above the microwave if you need it for today.”
“Okay, good-bye, Mom. I’ll see you this evening.”
“I love you, Meggie.”
“I love you too, Mom.” Meg wasn’t sure how she managed to pull that conversation off, but she somehow got through it. Now she had to focus on getting through her conversation with Sarah.
“Sarah?”
“Yeah, Meg. I’m still here, waiting patiently. So, was it him?”
"Was it who?"
“John, silly, who do you think?”
“Oh, no it was my mom just checking in.”
“So, how was last night?”
“There really isn’t much to tell about last night.” Her voice trembled toward the end of her response. And she was certain it didn’t escape Sarah.
“Meg, what’s wrong? I’m coming over. I’ll be there in—”
“No, Sarah. I’m fine really, it’s been a long night with very little sleep and a lot of crying over John. It’s a long story and I’ve got a lot to do today. I have to get laundry done, I need to pack, and I’d like to go see my aunt; she isn’t feeling well. I’ll call you tonight. Maybe we can get together for dinner or something? You can tell me all about your night with Ethan and I’ll fill you in on last night. I’ll call you tonight, okay?” Before Sarah could say another word, Meg hung up. Hot tears streaked her face.
* * * *
She finally finished vacuuming the bedroom along with cleaning the en-suite bathroom and took one last look around. With the exception of the stained mattress lying there, everything looked normal again. But it was far from normal; normal seemed as though it was impossible at that moment. She couldn’t help but wonder if anything would ever be that way again.
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