by S. M. Shade
After a few moments, Jeremy nods. “I may work on a few things from here as well. I’m not leaving ISH.”
“Damn right you’re not,” Justus says. “Shit is just getting good. Tucker is totally nailing Dare’s sister.”
A snort of laughter leaps from Jeremy and he grins for the first time since we arrived. “You’re going to end up fed to your own pigs,” he tells me.
“We have an understanding.”
Jeremy glances at Dare who is glaring at me. “Yeah, I can see that.”
Landon stands in front of the window, looking out over the lake. “Zoe is devastated too. There’s going to be a memorial outside the mall next week to honor the twenty-two people who were killed. They’re releasing balloons with the victim’s names on them.” He turns to Jeremy. “It might be good for you to join us.”
“No fucking balloon is going to bring her back,” he snaps. “This is the shit I want to avoid. Everyone wants to talk about it or do something. There’s nothing anyone can do and I don’t want to talk about her.”
He gets to his feet. “I said I’d keep in touch. Now, please, get the fuck out so I can go back to sleep.”
Dare nods, and we all head back to the car.
“It doesn’t feel right,” Justus says after an hour of silence. “Just leaving him five hours away.”
“Sometimes a man has to stand on his own. Has to assure himself he can still do it. He’ll come back when he’s ready,” I tell him.
“Too bad the girls aren’t going to accept that as an answer,” Landon replies.
Dare guides us onto another highway. “They’ll have to.”
It’s a little after noon when I make it back to Leah’s and she’s asleep on her couch. She must’ve tried to wait up for me. I need to go to my place to take care of the animals, so I decide not to wake her. She stirs a little when I spread a blanket over her, but doesn’t wake. I leave a note on the table telling her where I am and inviting her to join me.
If there’s one thing the military taught me it was stamina, so I’m no stranger to pulling an all nighter. I must be getting old because by the time I get home, feed the animals and let the goats out to graze, I’m exhausted. My boots get kicked off at the door, I flop onto the couch, and my eyes slam shut.
“Hey.” Leah’s soft voice in my ear wakes me. “I wasn’t going to get you up, but Zoe wants to bring Colin and Ethan out to see the place.”
I reach up and pull her down into my arms. “When did you get here?”
“A few minutes ago. Zoe said Jeremy isn’t coming back.”
“Not right away,” I reply, kissing her forehead. “He needs some time, but we’re going to check in on him whether he likes it or not.”
“Good,” she mumbles. My hands wander down to cup her ass. “Mmm, you wake up awful handsy.” Her lips find mine and she dips her tongue into my mouth. I shift us so she’s straddling me and kiss her the way I know she loves, deep and slow.
“Do we have time for a quickie before they show up?” I ask, ready to drag her upstairs.
The bang of car doors slamming answers my question.
“Damn it,” she breathes, and we laugh.
“Later.” I smack her ass and she squeals, hopping off of me.
I show Ethan and Colin around and explain everything to them. Colin has actually worked on a farm and was a part of 4-H so he’s pretty familiar with most of it. They’re both thrilled to have a place to themselves for a while.
They spend the night with us, and in the morning, I load up the wooden bench and bed frame I just finished. I’ve called the stores that sell for me and had them stop taking orders for a couple of months. The guy I hired to help out can fill the orders we already have, and I plan to be back here by the time that’s done.
“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Leah asks, leaning against my truck. “I don’t like you putting your life on hold for mine.”
She’s so damned sweet. “I’m taking a two month vacation to be with my woman. It’s too late for you to back out now,” I tease.
“What are we going to do after the two months?”
“We’ll figure something out.” I honestly have no idea. I’m hoping the school she works for will be able to find a replacement before then and she’ll move in with me. “Come on.” I open her door and watch as she climbs inside. “There’s someone I want you to meet.”
As I’d hoped, Mona is working when we pull up to Keith’s furniture to unload my work. Her face lights up and she cackles when I walk in with my arm around Leah. “I’m glad to see you took my advice,” she says, grinning.
Turning to Leah, she says, “This must be the baby.”
Leah’s brow furrows and she looks up at me. “Baby?”
“The first time I saw you together, he tried to tell me he was babysitting for a friend. Like I’m too old to see through that,” she laughs.
Leah’s lips twist and she shakes her head at me. “Well, he still calls me kid sometimes.” She reaches to shake Mona’s hand. “I’m Leah.”
“Mona,” she replies with a laugh. “He looked so miserable last time I saw him. All smiles now, though. I’m happy to meet you. Keep that man in line. Ain’t too many out there like him.”
Leah smiles at her. “I’m well aware. I won’t let him out of my sight.”
We chat for a few minutes after I get everything unloaded. On the way back to the truck, Leah shoves me.
“What?”
“Babysitting me?”
“You are young,” I chuckle.
“You’re the one who likes to suck on nipples.”
Laughing, I hop into my truck. “Only yours, sweetheart.”
* * * *
Leah pulls at her dress. “Do you think this looks okay?”
Okay? I want to tear it off of her. “You look beautiful,” I assure her.
“Is it appropriate though?” She turns and looks in the mirror.
She’s nervous and upset and it doesn’t really have anything to do with the dress. We’re getting ready to go to a memorial being held at the mall where the shooting took place. Now that the investigation is complete, they want to give the family and friends a chance to mourn and say goodbye.
“Sweetheart.” I cup her face in my hands. “It doesn’t matter what you wear. This isn’t a funeral and no one is going to judge. Wear whatever makes you comfortable. I’m sure Frannie wouldn’t mind.”
Her entire face lights up when she smiles. “Frannie practically lived in jeans and tee shirts.”
“There you go.”
When we leave a few minutes later, she’s dressed in jeans and a baby blue tee.
If I’m dreading this, I can’t imagine how hard it is for Leah and the others who survived it. She’s chewing her nails to the bone when I park in the lot, and I brush her hand away from her face.
Wide eyes meet mine. “I can’t go inside. The elevator. I don’t want to see it. Or the food court. There was so much blood.”
“We aren’t going inside. The memorial is being held in the field on the north side.” I point to our right. “See?”
A crowd is starting to gather and two people are filling balloons from helium tanks and handing them out. Another person is distributing candles in little paper holders. “Leah, if you want to go home…”
“No. I’m all right.” She hops out of the car, and I grab her hand as we walk across the lot.
The side of the mall is plastered with large pictures of the victims, ranging in age from sixteen to fifty-five. Zoe and Landon approach with Sadie and Justus right behind them. Leah holds up until Zoe walks up to Frannie’s picture and bursts into tears.
Tears stream down Leah’s face as she rushes to Zoe, and hugs her. Sadie joins them and they just stand there and cry together for a few moments.
I nod at Dare and Justus, and we walk over to get the balloons and candles.
The man filling the balloons gestures to the table beside him. “Feel free to borrow a marker if you’d lik
e to write on it,” he tells us.
The girls each collect a candle to hold, and we all walk toward the back of the field, letting others through to the balloons and candles.
“Are you okay?” I ask Leah, and she nods. I hand her a marker and offer the balloon. “Do you want to write anything on it? They’re going to be released at the end of the memorial.”
Placing the unlit candle at her feet, she writes Frannie’s name on the balloon and the words Be Happy underneath. “I didn’t know what else to say,” she murmurs, handing me the marker.
“It says all it needs to, sweetheart,” I assure her.
She hands the marker to Zoe and picks the candle back up.
Whoever planned the memorial did really well. Friends and family of the victims have a chance to talk about their lost loved ones. Frannie’s mother shows up and says a few words, but she’s too frail to stay long. With candles burning in our hands, we stand and listen as the lives of twenty-two people are celebrated and their unnecessary deaths mourned.
A lump forms in my throat when I realize how easily I could be standing here looking at a picture of Leah or writing her name on a balloon. Chance. It’s only by chance that she survived, and I’m so grateful. It’s terrifying how quickly everything can be taken away from you for no reason. Anyone can be going along with their lives one second and dying on a convenience store floor the next. I won’t take one second of my life with Leah for granted.
After the families speak, they announce it’s time to launch the balloons. “Be Still” by The Fray begins to play through the speakers and there’s not a dry eye anywhere. I stand behind Leah, with my arm around her middle as she looks up and releases her balloon.
We stand there, watching the early evening sky speckled with color while the music fills the night.
Chapter Eighteen
Leah
The last two months have been the best of my life. It took a little while for Tucker to adjust to living in an apartment and even with the jobs he did for Striking Back, he was bored. Though he wouldn’t admit it, I know he missed his woodworking. Just when I was to the point where I thought we’d have to live separately and stay with one another on weekends, some good luck fell into our laps.
Habitat for humanity began work on two houses just down the street from us, and they were only too happy to have Tucker as a volunteer. Now when he doesn’t have an assignment from Striking Back, he spends his days building and teaching the younger volunteers while I’m at work.
My supervisor was disappointed that I wanted to leave, but after I outed myself as the author of Growing Up Me, and explained I’d like to try writing full time, she understood. She even let me hire my own replacement.
I’ve taken my time and weighed the applicants carefully. These kids have become very important to me and I want to know I’m leaving them in the hands of someone who actually cares about them.
All my fears were put to rest once I interviewed Lesley Loden. She has a degree in social work and five years experience working with troubled teens at a residential treatment center. The center recently closed, so she’s looking for work. I’ve had Lesley come in over the past two weeks and meet with students, and they’ve taken to her with ease.
Today is my last day and the feeling is bittersweet. I love my job, but it’s not right for me right now. I’ll be happier living at the farmhouse with Tucker, writing my heart out. Since it’s my last day, the principal arranged for the students I counsel to have the same lunch schedule so I can have lunch with them and say goodbye.
My office is cleaned out and my car is packed up as I head to the lunchroom. When I walk in, I’m mobbed by students and we sit down, laughing and chatting. The room suddenly goes silent, and I notice my students grinning and covering their mouths.
Something is going on.
I start to ask a question, but my mouth falls open at the sight of Tucker, dressed in a white dress shirt and black slacks. Dead silence reigns as he walks over to me and reaches out his hand.
Taking it, I stand up. “What are you doing here?”
His eyes never leave mine as he drops to one knee. I feel like I’ve been crushed, all the breath squeezed out of me. This can’t be happening. I’m dreaming. Have to be.
Holding up a beautiful diamond ring, he says, “Leah, I love you more than I thought I could ever love anyone. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to listen to you type while I watch TV and run with you every evening. I don’t want to spend another day without you as my wife. Will you marry me?”
I want to scream the answer from the roof, but my brain to mouth connection seems to be struggling. After a few seconds, one of the female students yells, “Do it, Ms. Bolt. He’s hot!” Everyone laughs, and I take the ring from the box.
“Yes!” I cry, diving into his arms.
The cafeteria turns to bedlam with kids cheering and stomping their feet. “Let’s get out of here,” Tucker murmurs in my ear, and we walk toward the door. I wave goodbye to all my students and leave with a smile on my face to start a new phase of my life. One I’m really looking forward to.
“Landon and Zoe married in an old western town, Dare and Ayda had a zombie wedding in a graveyard, and Justus and Sadie married in a hot air balloon. You realize we have to top that?” I laugh as we head to Tucker’s truck.
A devilish smile breaks across his face.
Tucker and I waste no time packing up and moving back to the farmhouse. Landon surprises Ethan and Colin by finding them an apartment near their school where they can live together, so I don’t feel bad for reclaiming Tucker’s home. Which, I guess, is my home now too.
Tucker goes back to building his furniture while I sit out on the porch and drool over him while I write. We’ve come full circle.
Tucker is sweating and hammering when I leave to meet with my book club at the library, so I’m surprised to find the house empty and dark when I return.
“Tucker? Are you he—”
I’m cut off mid-sentence when strong arms grab me from behind. If it weren’t for the smell of sawdust and soap I’d be scared, but I know it’s Tucker. I just don’t know what the hell he’s doing.
“Tuck?”
He pushes me to the wall and pulls my shirt off from behind. Unhooking my bra, he uses it to tie my hands behind my back.
His hot breath is in my ear. “I read your book.”
Holy. Shit.
“Page one forty-five,” he adds.
My heartbeat triples. I wondered how he’d feel about that scene. It’s nothing I’ve ever done, but it was one of my top fantasies of Tucker when I first moved in the farmhouse. Before he showed me how sweet he could be, he came off as so gruff, and all I could think of was how exciting it’d be to be at his mercy, tied up and bent over his bed.
“So, I can expect a positive review?” I reply, trying to hide how instantly turned on I am.
His palm cracks across my ass leaving a sting. “You’re going to have to give that smart mouth a rest unless you want a sore ass.”
I make a mental note to test that threat once I’m naked.
His hands run around my stomach and slide down to unfasten my shorts, which get shoved down to my ankles along with my panties.
Holy. Hell.
This is happening.
I’m spun around, and he dips down, lifting me over his shoulder. My panties and shorts fall to the floor. “Tucker,” I warn and I can hear a bit of nerves in my voice. Not that I’m worried about him hurting me, but being carried like this with your hands behind your back is a little scary. I can’t grab his back like I did last time.
Ignoring me, he heads outside.
Outside!
“This wasn’t in the book!” I call.
His hand lands on my ass again, making me jump. “So I mixed a little of my fantasy with yours. I warned you that you couldn’t handle my kinks.”
I know what he’s doing. He knows I can’t pass up a challenge and there’s no way I’ll bac
k down now. He trots out the front door with me over his shoulder, my naked ass in the air like it’s totally normal, and I quickly glance around to be sure no one is here. I know it’s deserted most of the time, but what if the mailman showed up or something?
The sun on my ass feels so foreign, but it doesn’t last long. He marches into the barn and to the far corner where we keep the hay pile. He’s obviously planned ahead since there are no animals present and a soft blanket is draped over the hay. On the windowsill is a pack of condoms and a bottle of lube.
Oh god.
The ass scene.
Not all fantasies are meant to be realized and that one may be a step too far. Nothing has ever been near my ass.
He lays me on my side, unties my hands, and rolls me to my back. Straddling my hips he raises my arms above my head and ties them to a beam with a length of soft material. A daring grin cracks his lips when he looks down at me. “Scared, sweetheart?”
My heart is pounding, not from fear, but excitement and anticipation. “Nope.”
My voice says sure, I’m fine with being tied naked in a barn, I do it all the time, but my expression must give me away because he isn’t buying it. Without stopping to consider the consequences, I look around him and exclaim, “Dare! Don’t! I can explain!”
The pure horror on his face is worth whatever revenge he takes. His head whips around, and I burst out laughing. Turning back to me, he shakes his head, a grin plastered on his face. He reaches into a small bag tucked into the hay.
“See, I was going to be nice, but now, I’m just going to make you come until you beg for mercy. Over and over and over.”
Oh. Shit. He can’t be serious.
I’m perfectly capable of having multiple orgasms, but I need a minute or so in-between. I can’t stand to be stimulated right after I come. I’m just too sensitive.
In his hand is a blue rubber vibrator. I’m no stranger to a battery operated boyfriend, but I’ve never seen one like this. He flexes it, showing me how it can bend into a u shape. “Now, be good and spread your legs for me.”
