by Rachel Jonas
Beside me, with a giant stuffed bear tucked beneath her arm, Shawna belts out a laugh.
“Something funny?”
When I ask, she laughs harder. “Nope. Just watching one of our city’s Golden boys freak the fuck out over his sneakers getting stepped on. Nothing out of the ordinary.”
“It’s like the streets are infested with them,” I scoff.
“Yeah, fairs tend to draw the wildlife out of their natural habitat,” she says with sarcasm. “Not big on kids, I see.”
“Didn’t say that. I just prefer the clean, well-behaved, quiet ones.”
Her brow shoots up. “So… you’re not big on kids.”
I laugh instead of defending my point. “You know what I mean.”
We take slow strides, drinking in the scenery as skyscrapers tower above us. The fair comes to downtown Cypress once a year, and it transforms the entire city. The shops that line the streets are all well-lit and decorated with festive lights. It’s like, for these few days, we’re in another world.
Passing a funnel cake cart, I don’t miss how Shawna glances over. When she doesn’t ask to stop, I guess she’s decided to skip it. Girl’s got one hell of a sweet tooth.
She catches me smiling at her and blushes a bit. “What?”
“Nothing. Just expected you to give in. You damn-near hulked out a few minutes ago when you smelled elephant ears.”
She rolls her eyes with a smile. “I do have willpower, you know. And by willpower, I mean there’s a tiny version of Rose living inside my head. She screams at me whenever I’m tempted to eat bad things. She wins most of our arguments, by the way.”
“Sounds about right.”
Mention of Rose brings tension to my shoulders, recalling the phone call I got after the shoot last week. We hadn’t talked much since then, other than me answering her text when she reminded me about the photo op here with Shawna tonight.
“Isn’t that your brother?”
Shawna nods toward the merry-go-round and I scan the crowd until I spot West and Blue, arm-in-arm, waiting in line for the ring toss game. Judging by the stuffed alligator, giraffe, and turtle he’s hauling around, I’m guessing they’ve been making their rounds.
On cue, he spots me and does a doubletake. I don’t miss how his gaze flashes to my right where Shawna’s walking beside me. He knows we’ve been hanging out, knows it’s Rose’s doing, but I imagine this is still a surprise.
The last one to notice we’re all here together is Blue. When her eyes widen and she forces a smile, I have a pretty good idea what’s going through her head. We approach and I’m curious to see how this will play out.
“West, Blue, this is Shawna,” I say with a sigh.
“Nice to meet you,” West says with a subdued smile.
With what we’ve been through, we’re all very anti-new people, so I’m not shocked he isn’t friendlier. Blue’s no different. She sweeps over Shawna with a look of reservation. Yeah, she’s skeptical of people, too, but I get the feeling it’s about more than that with her.
“Hey,” Blue says in a clipped tone.
Shawna seems to notice the less-than-friendly greeting and offers nothing but a dim smile and a wave.
Blue’s icy stare slices to me just before West speaks up. “You guys having a good time?”
“Mostly, I’ve been laughing at your brother dodging filthy kids, so that in and of itself has been entertaining,” Shawna answers with a laugh. “What about you two? Looks like someone’s on a winning streak.”
She points toward the stuffed toys West is toting.
“We might’ve dominated a game or two,” he gloats.
Once a cocky dickhead, always a cocky dickhead.
I laugh a bit, knowing he likely beat out some hopeful kid to win all this shit, and I’m also guessing he felt zero remorse about that.
“We’ve only won once, so I guess we have some catching up to do,” Shawna says with a laugh, lifting her bear a few inches into the air.
When she finishes speaking, instead of her arms falling back to her sides, the one not clutching the bear slips around my bicep.
Blue’s gaze lasers in on the contact and she arches a brow.
“Joss around somewhere?” she asks suddenly, taking a play straight out of the ‘Cock Block Handbook’.
If this were an actual date, I might be pissed with what she just pulled, but instead I’m only amused, holding in a laugh when I lower my head.
“Um, nope. She was at the loft last I checked.”
I glance up after answering, fully expecting that look Blue’s giving me right now. It reminds me of the one my great-aunt, Cheryl, gives when one of us has done or said something she doesn’t approve of.
Blue’s tried to be subtle about rooting for me and Joss to break through the wall of friendship, anxious for us to discover what’s on the other side. But even with her trying to play it cool tonight, it’s clear how badly she wants it to happen.
Almost as badly as I do.
Almost.
“She’s home alone on a Friday night? That sucks. Maybe I should call and see if she wants to come hang out?”
There’s genuine sympathy in Blue’s tone as she mentions it. When she looks up at my brother, waiting for a response, it’s clear this isn’t just some ploy to rub Joss in Shawna’s face.
Well, not entirely anyway.
“I’m sure she’s fine,” West reasons. “Besides, I have practice in the morning, so I don’t plan to be out much longer.”
When he leans in to whisper something into Blue’s ear that has her smiling, I’m guessing an early practice isn’t the only reason he wants to head home soon. Still, his answer reminds me I should probably call it an early night, too.
West draws Blue close by her shoulders when he speaks again. “Well, it was nice meeting you, Shawna. Pretty sure we’ll see you again soon.”
Blue doesn’t say anything else about Joss missing from the picture tonight, but one final glance in my direction tells me it’s still on her mind.
Shawna offers a polite smile and waves at West and Blue again. “Great meeting you both.”
With that, they’re gone and it’s just us again.
We continue our slow trek toward the Ferris wheel, but she’s noticeably quieter than she was a moment ago.
“Getting bored?”
One of her bright grins flashes up at me. “No. It’s not that.”
“What is it then?”
She hesitates, taking time to gather the right words, I guess. “Meeting them just went a bit differently than I thought it would.”
I glance over, observing as she watches the crowd. “What were you expecting?”
She shrugs and I wonder if she’s not as impervious to being snubbed by Blue as I thought.
“I guess it’s just one thing getting to know all of you through Pandora’s posts, and something completely different seeing that you’re actually real people.”
A laugh slips out. Not quite the answer I was expecting.
“That came out wrong,” she mumbles to herself. “I mean, I knew you all were real people, but I guess I bought into the hype that there wasn’t any depth beyond the captions beneath your pictures, you know? There’s a lot more to your crew than most of us realize. You guys are solid, and… it makes me think.”
When she adds that, I glance at her again. “Makes you think about what?”
Her gaze lowers and she’s gently twisting the ear of her bear, hesitating like she’d done before.
“About… you and Joss,” she finally admits. “I thought the pics of you and her were just that, pics, but I guess I’m wondering if everyone’s right about you two.”
I don’t have to ask what she means. I’ve read the comments, know what people assume.
“You don’t have to explain anything to me,” Shawna rushes to say. “I know we’re not a thing and we only meet up because this is what Rose wants. These are just my thoughts.”
Most girls wouldn’t ha
ve said any of this out loud, wouldn’t have been so transparent. Especially ones who look like her. The hot ones don’t usually have vulnerable moments like this, ones in which they acknowledge that they don’t just have their pick of any guy they want, that there’s competition.
“We’re all close,” I say first, laying the foundation for where I see this conversation heading.
“Which is pretty dope,” Shawna adds with a smile.
“I’m sure you kept up with all the stuff that got shared on Pandora’s app these past few months, so it’s no secret that Joss’ homelife went to shit around the same time mine did.”
Shawna nods. “Yeah, it sucks what her dad did. Both your dads. I can imagine that brought you two closer,” she adds.
I consider her response, but it’s wrong.
“Thing is, there wasn’t really room for Joss and me to get any closer. Not as friends anyway.”
The moment those words leave my mouth, I realize I probably should’ve kept that last part to myself, knowing how it can be interpreted.
Knowing how I meant it.
When Shawna doesn’t answer right away, I’m pretty sure that means the comment didn’t go over her head.
“Shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to just blurt it like that. I—”
“No, it’s fine,” she says, dismissively waving her hand. “You only said what was in your heart, and the only person who’d get pissed at someone for that is Rose.”
Laughing, I have to admit she’s got her mother pegged.
There’s an awkward silence between us now, as what I’ve just admitted seems to settle with us both.
“So, you like her like her,” she says with a slow nod.
If I were going to deny it, now would be the time.
“Since we were twelve,” I admit.
Shawna draws in a breath but takes that pretty well. “Wow. Seven years. That’s a long time to be into someone.”
Fucking tell me about it.
“So, I’m guessing that must make living together kind of awkward.”
“Damn, you don’t miss much, do you?”
She laughs, not taking my teasing her to heart. “I mean, Pandora makes it kind of hard to miss shit. You’d have to be living under a rock not to know every move the city’s ‘Golden Crew’ makes.”
She isn’t wrong. You’d think Pandora didn’t have anyone else to talk about but us.
“Well, to answer your question, sharing the loft’s been pretty chill.”
“So far maybe, but give it time,” she adds with a suggestive grin. “I’m curious. What’s kept you two from crossing the line all these years? Just fear of screwing up your friendship?”
I don’t answer quickly enough, and she draws her own conclusion.
“Ah, I see. Joss is the scared one.”
She’s more perceptive than I realized, leaving me to feel pretty shitty about how my bluntness must be making her feel.
“We don’t have to talk about this.”
“You kidding?” she asks with a laugh. “I’m getting the inside scoop on the Virgin Vixen from Pretty Boy D himself. People would kill to be having this conversation with you.”
Glancing over, I take in her lighthearted expression. “You really are okay with this?”
The sound of shrill screams and laughter surround us as she casually waves me off.
“So, I told you I moved here six months ago, but I didn’t tell you why.” She pushes her hair behind both ears, then takes a deep breath.
“I thought you came because Rose talked you into it. Were you running from a bad breakup or something?”
“Mmm… probably not the kind you’re thinking,” she shares with a smile. “There was a guy back home, but we were just friends. His name’s Tim.”
“Like a friend, friend? Or friends-with-benefits?”
“Like the kind who have shared a bed on several occasions, and never laid a finger on each other. Not even once,” she answers. “We were tight like you and Joss, but only since high school, so not quite as long. Still, we did everything together except date and… touch.”
When she laughs, so do I because it all sounds familiar.
“I was basically in love with him since the first time I laid eyes on him, but those feelings only ever ran one way.”
I stare down at her again, watching as she gets lost in the memory.
“Long story short, I moved here about three weeks after he announced his engagement to Kipp—a girl who doesn’t deserve him and will never get him. I just couldn’t wrap my head around the idea of watching him start a life with some airhead I can’t even stand to be in the same room with.”
She’s bitter, but I get it. Putting myself in her shoes, it’ll be hard not to rip into whatever motherfucker Joss ends up with.
“Have you spoken to him since moving here?”
“A few times, but it’s nothing like it used to be. I’d like to think he’s hurt about that, but honestly, I think me leaving made his life easier,” she says. “Kipp mentioned once or twice that our friendship made her uncomfortable, so now, he doesn’t have to choose.”
Her comment has me thinking back to the few times girls thought we were close enough for them to give an opinion on my friendship with Joss. They only got a chance to make that mistake once.
“Damn, I brought your mood down,” Shawna chuckles after meeting my gaze.
“Not at all. This is shit I think about all the time, but don’t really say out loud to anyone.”
“Well, from one sad, jilted would-be lover to the next, I get it and you can talk to me about it whenever.”
“Same,” I say back, glancing down at her again. It isn’t lost on me that she’s the kind of girl I’d go for if I could even think about that right now.
“Kinda sucks that both our hearts are in limbo, doesn’t it? I mean, we’ve got so much shit in common. Maybe in a different reality this could’ve been something,” she shrugs as we step into line at the Ferris Wheel. “Or, who knows, maybe there’s still hope for us. Life’s got a funny way of working shit like this out when you least expect it.”
I don’t respond because I hadn’t thought about it that way until now. Maybe the open, honest start to our friendship is good for me.
In more ways than one.
@QweenPandora: Looks like PrettyBoyD and NotJoss were laughing it up with the king and his queen tonight. Not sure if this was a double-date or a chance meeting, but I can’t help but to feel like something’s missing.
Or… like someone is missing. Two someones if you count, both, VirginVixen and MrSilver.
Is the Golden Crew splintering? Or is the emergence of NotJoss simply a blip on the radar that’ll fade with time? Not sure, but anyone else willing to bet VirginVixen is counting down the days until that happens?
Which one is it, PrettyBoyD? The brainy beauty we all know you’ve pined over for years, or the newcomer who seems more than willing to take VV’s place?
Like always, we’ll have to keep our eyes open and a finger to the pulse of the city. We all know our beloved Cypress Pointe will reveal her secrets in due time.
Later, Peeps.
—P
15
Joss
The door to the loft opens and then closes, which has me scrambling to turn off my phone. This time, it’s not because I’m ogling Dane’s half-naked pics. Instead, I’m stalking the ones he posted of him and Shawna tonight. The last of which showcased them smiling big, cuddled up at the apex of a Ferris Wheel. The bright lights of the city provided them a picture-perfect backdrop while he held her beneath his arm. Since there’s no point lying to myself about it, I can admit to the pang of jealousy that hit me seeing him touch her like that—like this second date brought them closer. Like, maybe… they’re starting to fall.
Not your business, Joss. He’s not yours to be possessive over.
Even if it sometimes feels like he is.
I hear Dane’s footsteps coming this way and I reach for the b
ook I’d been reading before scrolling my newsfeed. While finding where I left off, an image Pandora posted moments ago flashes in my head. This time, it’s of him and Shawna, but they weren’t alone. West and Blue stood in the frame, smiling while they all chatted. Honestly, it stung a bit seeing the foursome hang out while I chilled in bed with only my latest book boyfriend keeping me company. I’m not used to being the odd man out with them. Yeah, Dane’s screwed around with several girls throughout the course of our friendship, but this feels different.
Shawna feels different.
Now, I find myself not only hoping Dane doesn’t fall for her, I’m hoping my friends don’t fall for her either. Especially now that they’re all I have left here in Cypress Pointe.
Listen to yourself. You sound like such a hypocrite—wanting him while also pushing him away. That’s not fair. Friendship is safe, it’s what you know, so focus on that. And for fuck’s sake! Let the guy have a life.
Those words are still ringing inside my head when he knocks on the door.
Composing myself, I clear my throat. “It’s open.”
He eases in and I pull the blanket to my waist, remembering I only have on a t-shirt and underwear.
“Hey,” he says with kind of an odd tone. It’s almost like he’s preoccupied, thinking about so many things at the same time. Or maybe it’s just that he’s thinking about her.
My stomach twists when that possibility comes to mind, but I dismiss it quickly, remembering the conclusion I reached.
You’re just his friend. Remember, Joss?
“Have fun?” I don’t sound like myself either when I ask. My voice is too chipper, because I’m putting on an act to mask what I’m really thinking and feeling. With any luck, he bought it, thinks I actually do hope he had fun.
This just in: I don’t. I hope he was miserable with her and thought about me the whole time.
