by Tim Waggoner
I sighed and holstered my trancer. “We really need your help, Deacon.” I tried not to sound as desperate as I felt. “All of us do – Incubi and human, Earth and Nod.”
He continued to stare at me for another few seconds before the tension left his body and he relaxed.
“Very well, I’ll help. On the house, even. But don’t think you can take advantage of me like this in the future,” he warned.
“Noted,” I said, smiling with relief.
I turned to Jinx. Now that the threat of violence had ended, he looked like a kid who’d just been informed that Christmas was canceled this year.
“I’m not going to get to hurt anyone?” He made a pouty face.
“Cheer up,” I told him. “I have a feeling you’re going to get your chance to wreak maximum havoc soon.”
He grinned. “It’s about damn time.”
“Could you scoot over a little, please?” Abe asked.
Lizzie glared at him, but she did as he asked, although it wasn’t easy, given the way her legs were folded.
The Deathmobile might be larger in its Night Aspect compared to its day form, but it was still a tight fit for all of us. Jinx, Russell, and I sat in front with Connie. I sat on Russell’s lap – purely out of necessity, of course. Jack, Lizzie, Maggie, and Abe were jammed shoulder to shoulder in the backseat, and Bloodshedder – who’d been waiting for us in the alley – lay half on, half off the closed casket in the rear of the vehicle. I had no idea if there was something in the casket; up to that point, I hadn’t had the courage to ask Connie.
The Darkness wasn’t with us. As soon as we were on the street, he simply disappeared into the shadows.
“He’ll meet us there,” Maggie had explained.
I didn’t ask her how the Darkness traveled; I figured the less I knew about him, the better.
Connie drove at the Deathmobile’s top speed, and we were all pressed back against the seats – or in my case, against Russell – as the vehicle rocketed through the streets. I thanked the First Dreamer that it was so late; otherwise, the traffic would’ve been too thick even for the Deathmobile to maneuver at this speed.
I wasn’t comfortable that Maggie and Abe had insisted on joining the rest of us for our assault on Perchance to Dream. Maggie’s presence was a necessity because the Darkness wouldn’t have agreed to help us without her. But Abe didn’t have an Incubus – and probably never had – and he wasn’t trained for combat, at least as far as I knew. I was surprised when he insisted on accompanying us, and I’d almost told him he couldn’t, but then the Darkness had said, “Let him.” So, to keep the Darkness happy, I agreed.
Besides, Abe was probably holding, and while I’d gone without pharmaceutical help for half a day – not counting the headache pills I’d taken at the Rookery – there was a chance I might need a boost before this was all said and done. None of the Incubi seemed to care that Maggie and Abe were coming with us. They were used to doing crazy things.
“I’m still not clear on why we’re helping you instead of beating the holy living shit out of you,” Jack said. Smoke curled out of his mouth as he spoke.
Abe coughed and Maggie cracked open a window.
“Mayhem, remember?” Lizzie said. “Lots and lots of it.”
Jack smiled, revealing nicotine-stained teeth. “That’s right! Bring it on, baby!”
The stink of tobacco on his breath was fierce, but Jinx can produce some nasty smells of his own when he wants to, and Jack’s stink-breath was like roses in comparison.
As the Deathmobile raced toward our destination, I couldn’t help fearing that we’d be hit with another Incursion along the way, but removing the tiny metal sphere from Jinx seemed to have done the trick – because nothing happened.
Our grand plan? We didn’t really have one. Look, I’m a cop, not a military strategist. And it’s almost impossible to strategize when your enemy isn’t human and doesn’t always think rationally – or at least in ways humans recognize as rational. Plus, I kept hearing the voices in the void whispering for me to hurry, hurry, hurry. Regardless of whether those voices were real or imaginary, I couldn’t escape the feeling that it was more important that whatever we were going to do, we did it fast. And yes, it did occur to me that I wasn’t acting anymore rationally than an Incubus. So what?
After a bit, Abe spoke. “I wish Budgie were here. I’m sure he’d be a big help.”
“Budgie?” Russell said in my ear.
“His Incubus. It left him a long time ago.” I lowered my voice to a whisper. “At least, that’s what he likes to pretend.”
Abe whistled a trio of notes: one high, one low, one high. “That’s how I used to call him. He loved to fly. He was a bird, you know. He’d take off and sometimes I wouldn’t see him for hours. But he always came back when I whistled. Until one day he didn’t. I was afraid he’d gotten lost somehow, and I went all over town whistling for him. I kept searching for days, but I never found him. I hope nothing bad happened to him. I like to think that he fell in love with the freedom of flying so much that he couldn’t bring himself to be tied down by me. I hope that’s all it was. I hope I didn’t do anything to drive him away.”
I turned to look at Abe and saw Maggie patting his hand in sympathy. I wondered if she believed his story, and then I decided it wouldn’t matter to her if he was telling the truth or not. Either way, she would’ve comforted him. I turned back around, and we continued driving in silence.
It seemed to take only a few more moments for us to leave the city and enter the suburbs. As we turned onto the street where Perchance to Dream was located, Russell shifted beneath me, and I felt something hard poke my behind.
I looked at him. “I could make a joke and ask if that’s your rapier or if you’re just glad to see me – but I won’t.”
His cheeks colored a bit as he replied, “I appreciate your restraint.”
Despite our attempt to fool the Lords by giving the targeting device to Itchy, I had to assume they knew we were coming. There was an excellent chance that someone who’d been in the crowd at Wet Dreams was on their payroll, just as Shocktooth had been. Probably multiple someones. The moment we’d walked out of the bar, those someones had been on the phone to Perchance to Dream. And if that was the case, then the Lords would be ready and waiting.
As we approached the building, I said, “Get ready, everyone. And as Jinx always says…”
He grinned. “It’s showtime!”
Connie yanked the Deathmobile’s wheel to the left, its unearthly tires quite literally shrieked, and we shot into the parking lot. Fluorescent light from the streetlamps in the lot provided sufficient illumination, and we could see rows of parked cars. Parker Schulte had told us Perchance to Dream operated around the clock, which only made sense as it was staffed by Incubi who never needed to sleep.
Our plan was a simple one, so much so that it didn’t really deserve to be called a plan. More like a half-assed idea. We were going to drive right up the building’s entrance, get out, rush inside, and start fucking shit up. Like I said, not much of a plan, but when you’ve got powerful Incubi on your side, you don’t need much more. Or so I hoped.
But before we could make it halfway across the parking lot, the air outside the Deathmobile shimmered, and I experienced a too-familiar sensation of vertigo and nausea.
“They’re throwing an Incursion at us!” I shouted. “Be–”
My words were cut off as a dozen of the cars in the parking lot began to twist and reform, – their bodies, frames, engines, transmissions, tires, and interiors merging and rearranging in seconds to form a trio of mechanical monsters, each of which stood twenty feet tall. The makeshift creatures had multiple headlights for eyes, grills for mouths, engines for chests, and tires for hands and feet. The light glowing in their eyes was a roiling mix of colors, and I knew we were seeing the Maelstrom energy that animated them. The creatures looked exactly like what they were: nightmares made real.
One of the metal giants
rolled forward on its wheeled feet to block our path. Connie stomped on the brake pedal, although it was obvious she didn’t have enough room to stop. She shouted, “Hey, DM! A little help!”
The Deathmobile’s headlight beams turned green, and it trained the light onto the car-bot as we skidded toward it. The verdant beams struck the creature’s engine-block chest, and the metal began to rapidly corrode. But not, however, rapidly enough to prevent the car-bot from stepping forward and slamming its tire hands down on the Deathmobile’s hood. The car-bot struck the hearse’s hood off-center, and the impact sent the Deathmobile into a spin. Connie swore, Maggie screamed, Abe remained silent, Bloodshedder started barking – and Jack, Lizzie, and Jinx whooped with delight like they were on a carnival ride.
Incubi…
Russell grabbed hold of me – or maybe I grabbed him. I can’t remember. Connie worked the steering wheel furiously, trying to keep us from flipping over. The Deathmobile’s spin came to a sudden, jarring halt when the driver’s side slammed into one of the light poles. We sat there for a moment, stunned. The Deathmobile’s engine was still running, but the sound was softer, intermittent, as if the hearse was in pain. And since the Deathmobile is an Incubus instead of a true machine, I suppose it really was hurting.
Speaking of hurting, my head was throbbing again, and when I turned to see Russell, I saw why. Blood ran from his nose like a faucet, and I realized the back of my head had slammed into his face when we hit the streetlamp.
“We need to get out of here!” Maggie said. “They’re coming!”
She didn’t have to tell me that they were the car-bots.
Jinx opened the passenger door and hopped out, and I scooted off Russell’s lap and followed. Connie was groggy. Her forehead had bounced off the steering wheel during the wreck. I guess she didn’t dream the Deathmobile with airbags. Russell took hold of her arm and pulled her out of the car. Jack, Lizzie, Maggie, and Abe followed. Bloodshedder kicked open the Deathmobile’s back door and wriggled out tail-first.
The three car-bots rolled toward us, headlight eyes blazing with Maelstrom energy, arms raised, tire hands ready to smash down upon us.
TWELVE
I wasn’t worried about the Incubi having been injured in the crash. If they’d been hurt, they’d heal eventually. Despite Russell’s bloody and possibly broken nose, he seemed OK, and I felt all right aside from a renewed headache. I wasn’t certain about Connie, Maggie, and Abe, but there wasn’t time to check them over. I’d just have to hope they weren’t seriously injured.
Jack and Lizzie didn’t waste any time. The couple ran forward to meet the car-bots’ attack, savage grins on their faces.
“Wait for me!” Jinx called. Cuthbert Junior appeared in his hand as if by magic, and he went running after his fellow Incubi, eager to cause some damage at last.
I heard Connie say, “Oh, my poor baby! Look what they did to you!”
I hadn’t had time to do more than glance at the Deathmobile, but I knew it too would heal, so I wasn’t concerned about it. Instead, I focused on the immediate and rapidly approaching threat: the car-bots. I drew my trancer, flicked the selector to high, and aimed it at the advancing machine-golems.
Each of the Incubi chose one of the car-bots and headed for it. Lizzie reached hers first, scuttling toward it swiftly on her multi-jointed insect legs. She leaped onto its body and skittered upward, hacking at the creature with her unnaturally sharp knives as she went, slicing hoses and belts, and cutting jagged furrows in its metal.
Streams of fire shot forth from Jack’s cigarette fingers to engulf the tire feet of his car-bot. Rubber and asphalt melted together, and the car-bot was stuck fast. Its feet might have been sealed in place, but its momentum caused its body to pitch forward, and the car-bot smashed face-first into the ground, metal tearing and crumpling.
Springs shot out from Jinx’s gigantic shoes, propelling him into the air and toward the third car-bot. Bloodshedder – not to be left out – bounded after him. Jinx raised Cuthbert Junior high over his head as he hurtled toward the car-bot. The springs retracted into his shoes an instant before he landed on the machine-monster’s left shoulder.
Jinx slammed his sledgehammer into the side of the car-bot’s head, the impact making a tremendous sound and causing a number of the creature’s headlight eyes to explode outward. The car-bot’s head bent to the right so far that I thought it would fall off, but it managed to remain attached, although it didn’t straighten. I didn’t know if the metal giant had enough sentience to be angry at Jinx, but it reached for him with one of its tire hands, as if he were an irritating bug that needed to be swatted.
But before the car-bot could strike Jinx, Bloodshedder leaped into the air and sank her diamond-hard teeth into the creature’s wrist. The car-bot let out a shrill honking sound, as if it were in pain, and tried to shake Bloodshedder loose. The demon dog was flung around like a rag doll, but she refused to release her grip on the monster’s arm. Jinx took advantage of the distraction Bloodshedder had created. With an insane cackle that would’ve given insomnia to an asylum full of lunatics, Jinx slammed Cuthbert Junior into the car-bot’s head, over and over again.
I could feel the savage joy he took in the destruction he was causing, and I didn’t want to spoil his fun, but as the saying goes, we had bigger fish to fry. I aimed my trancer at his car-bot, preparing to unleash a blast of M-energy at the creature’s chest, hopefully finishing it off. Before I could fire, I heard Maggie cry out, “Abe!”
I spun around to see that the streetlamp the Deathmobile had hit had become animate, and like a constricting serpent, it had wrapped around Abe and lifted him into the air. Like the car-bots, its bulb shone with Maelstrom energy.
I wanted to shoot the damn thing, hoping to overload it with enough Maelstrom energy to at least stun it into releasing Abe. But he was held in the lamp’s metal coils fifteen feet off the ground, and I was afraid the fall to the hard asphalt would injure him as severely as the lamp would. Then I saw his bulging eyes and gaping mouth as he struggled for air. His face began to turn purple, and I knew if I didn’t do something immediately, he would die.
Maggie and Connie stood beneath Abe, shouting for him to hold on. Russell ran toward the base of the lamp and began stabbing it with his rapier. The lamp-serpent ignored the strikes from Russell’s sword and continued waving Abe back and forth as it squeezed the life out of him, making it difficult for me to get a good shot. I knew Abe couldn’t afford for me to wait for the perfect opportunity, though, so I started firing, trusting to luck and skill – but mostly luck. A beam of multicolored energy lanced forth from my trancer, but it missed. My second shot came close, but not close enough. My third shot did the trick, though. The beam clipped the edge of one of the coils encircling Abe, and although it was a glancing blow, it was enough. The coils slackened and Abe slipped free.
Russell dropped his sword and moved beneath Abe, as if to catch him, or at least break his fall with his own body. But just as Abe started to fall, a figure emerged from a pool of shadow on the ground. Then the Darkness stepped in front of Russell and caught Abe as easily as if the man weighed no more than a child’s balloon.
The “head” of the lamp-serpent lunged toward them, but I fired once more, this time hitting the lamp’s bulb. It shattered, the Maelstrom energy winked out, and the lamp’s movement ceased, leaving it nothing more than a looping, curved statue.
I turned and shouted to the other Incubi. “Put out their eyes!”
None of the Incubi questioned me, and why would they? As far as they were concerned, I’d just said, “Let the good times roll.”
Lizzie crawled around the side of the car-bot, up its spine, onto its head, and then hung down in front of its face. She thrust her curved blades into its multiple headlight eyes, one after the other – pop-pop-pop! – as fast as she could. Jack thrust his hands toward the car-bot he’d downed, which was busy attempting to pull its legs free of the melted asphalt that held it fast. The cigarettes
that formed his fingers flew off like ten small white rockets, trailing lines of flame as they flew toward the car-bot’s eyes and shattered them.
Jinx kept pounding on his car-bot’s head, taking out more headlights with each blow, until finally all the headlights were out. The creature stopped moving, and Bloodshedder’s weight finally pulled it to the ground. Both Jinx and Bloodshedder leaped free as the car-bot crashed into a half-dozen untransformed vehicles, crushing them. A moment later, it was joined by Lizzie’s car-bot, which also crashed into a number of parked cars. Jack’s car-bot was already on the ground, and it simply stopped moving once its headlights were out. The monstrous metal creatures were now nothing more than scrap.
The Darkness was still holding Abe. He put him down gently, and Maggie ran over to check if Abe was all right. I realized that Maggie and Abe, while perhaps not a couple per se, were at least sweet on each other. I wondered if they’d been aware of that themselves until this moment. I understood then why Abe had wanted so badly to come along with us. He hadn’t been able to stand the idea of Maggie going into danger without him. He’d wanted to protect her. Instead, she – or at least her Incubus – had been the one doing the protecting.
Jinx came toward me, grinning and spinning Cuthbert Junior in one hand as if it were a baton.
“That was a nice warm-up,” he said.
“Warm-up?” Maggie asked. She, the Darkness, and Abe joined us in the middle of the parking lot, as did Russell, Bloodshedder, Jack, and Lizzie. Connie remained with the Deathmobile, stroking its hood softly as the car worked on repairing itself.
