She could feel Julius rise from the bed and his presence looming over her.
“I’ll put the food in the fridge if you decide you want to eat it later. I’ll come straight home after I leave the office. I love you, Savannah,” he said, and then she heard their bedroom door close.
Savannah sobbed under the makeshift fortress of darkness she’d been in over the past few days. As much as her husband and sisters tried to console her, Savannah still felt alone. They would never be able to understand how she felt. How could they? Bridgette already had her children and Ivy would rather suffer through ten root canals than to even entertain the thought of having them. Julius was a man, and though he’d always talked about having children from the very beginning of their courtship, he would never grasp the full implication of not having a uterus, and that was the reality of it.
Savannah also had to face another reality—the state of her marriage. Could she and Julius survive such a blow so early in their marriage not even yet a year in? She loved her husband and wanted them to be able to go the distance, but what if Julius couldn’t really accept her infertility? They hadn’t talked about it much, but that was more on Savannah’s end. He acted as if he was supportive, and Savannah felt it was genuine, but what about later on? How was her barrenness going to affect him? Would he question his own manhood like she was questioning her womanhood? She was going to be stripped of the one thing that society said made her a woman, and that was hard for her to accept. What if he couldn’t handle it or even worse, sought out another woman who could give him what Savannah couldn’t?
Those thoughts had been whirling around in Savannah’s mind since seeing her oncologist, Dr. Stein. They were all consuming. Even though she spent most of her time in bed, minus a few showers. Savannah rarely slept. She’d pretend to be asleep when Julius came into their bedroom to avoid conversation, and though she knew that didn’t fool him most of the time, he didn’t prod her. She’d feel the soft touch of his full lips on her cheek and then the warmth of his breath as he whispered into her ear that he loved her, and then when he left out of the room, her tears would fall like they were doing now.
Savannah sobbed for their marriage, for the loss of the baby they couldn’t have and for the arduous battle ahead of her to rid her body of the cancer that had invaded it and turned their fairytale into a nightmare.
Chapter Eight
B
ridgette thought about her husband’s warning to let Savannah and Julius handle her recent diagnosis, but it was fleeting, especially since Savannah hadn’t been taking any of her calls and was refusing visitors. Nick knew her well enough to know that when it came to her sisters she would always make sure they were okay, even when they acted as if they didn’t want her to. Their mother would’ve done the same had she been alive, and she’d expect Bridgette to do the same. It was obvious Savannah needed her big sister.
As she made the drive to Savannah’s house, she thought back to the day her parents had brought her home from the hospital as the newest addition to the Alston family.
Ten-year-old Bridgette hadn’t been at all thrilled about another baby being in the house because she already had then two-year-old Ivy to contend with. Ivy was going through the dreaded Terrible Twos and was annoying. Bridgette often had to look after her while their mother was cooking or gardening or doing some other household chore because Ivy was a handful. Much like she was now as an adult. She’d pull things out of place, put any and everything into her mouth and then attempt to throw a temper tantrum, that was unless their father was around because he’d put a quick stop to it with his famous stern look.
Although Ivy grated her nerves, the toddler adored her big sister and Bridgette wouldn’t have admitted it then, but she felt the same about her. Anywhere Bridgette was in the house, that’s where Ivy wanted to be also, and when Bridgette wasn’t in her eyesight, she went all over the house looking for her and calling out for “Bre Bre”. So, having another little girl in the house had taken some getting used to on both of their parts.
Ivy was jealous because she had to share attention with a new baby and she wanted nothing to do with Savannah the first few months of her life. If she saw Bridgette with her, Ivy would cry and pout with her little arms folded and a scowl on her face and then yell, “My Bre Bre. Not yours. Don’t like you!”
Bridgette chuckled at the memory. She’d had to break up many fights between the two of them growing up, but now Savannah was the one breaking up the fights between Bridgette and Ivy.
Bridgette pulled into the driveway of her younger sister’s two-story, brick home and parked her SUV in front of one of the two car garages. She turned off the ignition and grabbed her purse, flinging it on her shoulder and picked up the bright-pink box with her bakery’s logo displayed on the top that was resting on the passenger’s seat. It housed one of her famous sweet potato pies Savannah loved so much. It would be a peace offering for driving out to her sister’s house unannounced, but the way she saw it, she didn’t have much of a choice since Savannah was ignoring her.
Bridgette pressed the lighted doorbell, sending a melodic chime on the other side of the front door. Seconds later, Julius appeared at the entrance, a dishtowel in his hands. The smell of something savory permeated out onto the porch where Bridgette stood. Her brother-in-law was obviously whipping up one of his delicious specialty dishes. Along with his dark chocolate good looks and intelligence, his excellent culinary skills had obviously sealed it for her baby sister. Savannah wasn’t much of a cook, neither was Ivy for that matter, so it had to be a plus to have a man that loved to. Bridgette could only wish that Nick would step in front of a stove.
“Bridgette? What are you doing here? Did Savannah call you?” Julius asked, a bit of surprise in his voice.
“No, which is the reason I’m here. She still hasn’t been taking any of my calls. I just need to lay eyes on her and make sure she’s okay,” said Bridgette.
Julius had ushered her into the foyer and shut the front door behind her.
“Did I catch you guys at a bad time? Smells like you’re cooking something delicious.”
“I’ve got a veggie lasagna baking in the oven. It’s one of Savannah’s favorites. I’m hoping it’ll entice her to want to finally eat something. You’re welcome to stay for dinner,” said Julius.
“It smells divine and thank you for the offer, but I’m not going to stay too long. I’ve got to get home to cook dinner myself. I just want to check on my sister and then I’ll be on my way.”
“Sweet potato pie?” Julius asked, pointing to the box.
Bridgette looked down at her hands as if she’d just realized she was carrying it. “Yes. I guess we had the same thought,” said Bridgette, referring to Savannah’s recent non-eating habit.
“Here, I’ll stick it in the fridge.” Julius took the box from her. He put his nose to it and sniffed. “It sure smells good.”
Bridgette followed her brother-in-law to the kitchen.
“Can I get you something to drink?” He opened the fridge and slid the box onto a shelf before closing it. “I’m going to make Savannah a cup of chai tea. Would you like a cup?”
“Sure. I’ll take a cup.” Bridgette removed her purse from her shoulder and placed it on the large, granite island. Julius must have been in the process of making a salad before answering the door. There was a large, wooden salad bowl sitting on the other end of the island with tomatoes, cucumbers, carrots and a bag of mixed greens next to it.
Bridgette took a seat on one of the bar stool chairs and watched her brother-in-law fill a white teakettle with water before placing it on one of the burners on the stove. After turning it on, he washed his hands at the built-in sink on the island, grabbed a paper towel from a nearby roll and dried his hands.
“Are you coming straight from work?” he queried, tossing the crumpled paper towel into a nearby trashcan.
Bridgette nodded. She was wearing a pink shirt that also had her bakery logo stitched on the front. “Yes. It’s been
so busy. It’s wedding and baby season,” said Bridgette, and then quickly regretted her last two words. She and Julius gave each other an awkward look. “I’m sorry, Julius. I didn’t mean to mention…”
Julius silenced her by putting up his hands.
“There’s no need for you to apologize, Bridge. It’s okay.”
“I know it’s a sensitive subject and I don’t want to say anything that could hurt you or Savannah.”
Julius sliced the vegetables for the salad on a cutting board.
“It’s fine, Bridgette. Really. You don’t have to tiptoe around anything with me. You know we can talk about anything. We’re family.”
Bridgette smiled. She was glad she hadn’t offended her brother-in-law because that was the last thing she wanted to do, especially since she’d scolded Ivy for doing that very thing. “I know. How are you though? I haven’t had a chance to talk with you much since we were all here a few weekends ago for Easter,” said Bridgette.
Julius shrugged. “I’m doing okay under the circumstances. I’m more worried about Savannah.”
“We all are. I can’t begin to imagine what she’s going through emotionally. I still don’t think I’ve completely processed it all myself. I guess I’ve been going through these few weeks on autopilot. It’s the only way I can explain it.”
“Oh, I definitely feel where you’re coming from. It’s hard to focus on much of anything when the person you love the most is going through something so traumatic,” said Julius, using the knife he’d cut vegetables up with to move them off the cutting board, dumping them on top of the mixed greens already in the salad bowl.
Bridgette could tell he loved being in the kitchen. He moved about the space with as much ease as being in a courtroom. He could’ve been a chef if he wasn’t a successful attorney. Just then, a whistle hissed from the teakettle. Julius retrieved two mugs from an overhead cabinet and placed a tea bag in each, filling them with the scalding water. He handed one to Bridgette. She thanked him before blowing inside the mug and then taking a sip.
“Do you want to come on up to the bedroom while I take this to Savannah?” he asked. Bridgette rose from her seat. “Let me do it. I can check in on her while you’re finishing up down here,” Bridgette offered.
A few minutes later, she’d made her way up to their bedroom, gripping a mug in each of her hands. Savannah was just as surprised to see her as Bridgette was by her appearance. There was no nice way to put it. Her baby sister looked a hot mess. She was glad Ivy wasn’t there to tell her so because there was no doubt in Bridgette’s mind that is exactly what she would’ve done since the space between her brain and her mouth lacked a filter.
Savannah was sitting up in bed with pillows propped behind her and a remote control in her hand, blindly flipping through TV channels when Bridgette entered the bedroom. The scowl fixed on her face told Bridgette that Savannah wasn’t too happy about her being there, but she didn’t care. Savannah would have to get over it.
“What are you doing here?” Savannah demanded.
Her tone was snappish, but Bridgette didn’t let it deter her. She’d come to lay eyes on her sister and now that she had, she was mad at herself for not coming sooner. Savannah needed a good talking to and she was going to give it to her.
“Well, if you’d taken my calls I wouldn’t have to be here. So, now that I am get used to it,” said Bridgette, her own tone forceful.
Savannah had to know that she wasn’t there to play nice with her. She needed to pull herself out of the rut she’d climbed in. She wasn’t going to have her going into the hospital sooner than she had to. Unfortunately, there would be enough of that to come.
“Julius made you a cup of tea,” said Bridgette, extending one of the mugs out to Savannah after she’d made her way over to the bed.
“Did Julius call you to come here?” Savannah huffed, ignoring Bridgette’s offer.
“No. I just told you why I’m here. And from the looks of it, not a moment too soon,” Bridgette said, placing the mugs on the nightstand. She surveyed her sister. Savannah looked like she’d aged five years since the last time Bridgette had seen her, which was two weeks ago. Dark circles plagued her eyes and her hair looked like it hadn’t seen a comb in weeks.
“Savannah, I get that you’re hurting, but you can’t shut out the very people who are trying to support you. We’re your family and we love you.”
Bridgette stood with her hands on her hips looking at Savannah who’d turned her attention back to the TV, dismissing her. Bridgette sighed and then sat down at the edge of the bed. She patted the top of the duvet where Savannah’s feet were.
“Sweetie, look at me,” Bridgette murmured, but Savannah continued to ignore her. “Savannah, I’m not going to go away. You know that I’ll sit here all night if I have to. So, stop acting like a brat. That’s Ivy’s thing. Not yours,” said Bridgette, but Savannah still didn’t budge. “All right. Fine. Suit yourself.” Bridgette rose from the bed and walked over to the opposite side. She removed her red Toms and climbed in the empty space next to her sister.
“Bridgette, I’m not in the mood for company, so please just go on home,” said Savannah, finally breaking her silent treatment.
“As I told you before, I will once you talk to me.” Bridgette scooted closer to Savannah’s side. “And the first thing I’d like to know is why are you trying to starve yourself?”
“Stop being dramatic. I just haven’t had an appetite lately. There’s nothing wrong with that. I’ll eat when I feel like it,” Savannah snapped.
“And when was the last time you felt like it?”
“Bridgette, leave me alone. I don’t want to talk about this. I’m not Dylan or Ryan. You’re their mother, not mine.”
“And I’m not trying to be, Savannah. I’m only trying to look out for your best interests. And I have to say, I don’t like what I’m seeing here. It seems to me that you’ve already given up the battle before it’s even started. That’s not the baby sister I know.”
“Yeah, well, sorry to disappoint you, but you’re not the one with cancer in her body. I am. So, excuse me for not acting how you think I should act.”
Bridgette ignored her sister’s angry tone. She was just glad that Savannah was finally talking to her and hopefully getting out some of those emotions she’d been bottling up inside of her.
“Savannah. I won’t even fix my mouth to say I understand what you’re going through mentally and emotionally because I don’t. But, I do know that you have a strong support system around you, including me and you don’t have to fight this thing alone. We’ve been through some tough times and this won’t be any different. Let us help you, honey,” Bridgette said, placing her hand on top of her sister’s.
Savannah remained silent, but there were tears running down the side of her face as she stared at the TV. Bridgette thought that her words had gotten through to her sister, but then Bridgette noticed a baby commercial was on, advertising diapers. Bridgette scooted closer to Savannah so that they were hip to hip and placed an arm around her, pulling Savannah’s head down on her shoulder. Savannah didn’t resist or put up an argument. She released her pain onto her big sister’s shoulder.
“I love you, Savannah,” Bridgette murmured as she rested her head on top of Savannah’s. “We’re going to get through this. I promise.”
Chapter Nine
After leaving Savannah’s house, as Bridgette cooked dinner for her family and they sat down to eat, she didn’t participate in much of the conversation that was going on between her boys and their father because she couldn’t rid her mind of the heartbreaking image of that baby commercial and Savannah’s reaction to it.
Sleep didn’t come easy that night either. Bridgette tossed and turned until she’d finally got up at three-thirty so she wouldn’t disturb Nick, to make herself a glass of warm milk like her mother did when they were growing up and couldn’t sleep. She went into the family room and made herself comfortable on the red leather sectional, o
ne of her favorite accents to the room other than the red wall. She had quite a few red items displayed throughout the house, an ode to her sorority, Delta Sigma Theta.
When Bridgette turned on the large, flat screen TV over the fireplace, that same baby commercial came on as if haunting her. She hurried to change the channel, but it only deepened the angst she already felt. She thought about Savannah crying on her shoulder like a scared little girl and Bridgette couldn’t hold back her own tears. She hadn’t cried while she was comforting her baby sister because she needed to be strong for her, but being alone made it easier for her to release her own pain.
It was hard seeing their father deteriorate from cancer and then a few years later, have their mother suffer a brain aneurysm and never recover afterwards. That had been difficult enough, but seeing her baby sister having to go through this was the most painful for Bridgette because she herself was a mother and she knew that being able to have children was a blessing and one of the greatest gifts a woman could give not only herself, but to her husband as well. And both Savannah and Julius deserved that.
Now, here it was the next morning and as she sat at her desk in her office at the bakery, a tear rolled off her face and splattered onto her desk, snapping Bridgette out of her gloomy thoughts. She plucked a tissue from the box sitting nearby and wiped her eyes and face. She needed to get herself together for the long day ahead of her.
Wednesday was truly Hump Day for Bridgette and her staff, and she always came into the bakery early before everyone arrived to get all of her administrative duties out of the way so she could focus on baking. They would be prepping for three weddings and a handful of birthday parties for the upcoming weekend and she had two cake tastings on the schedule for today as well. Not to mention the daily heavy traffic of customers that came through for their favorite sweet treats. Sugar Rush was steadily thriving and Bridgette couldn’t be happier, but Nick was beginning to complain more than ever about her “trying to do too much” as he always put it.
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