Savannah looked at her sister with seriousness. “Bridgette, I really want you to let go of your guilt. I know you went through so much and I really meant what I said. I don’t blame you. You sacrificed too much for me to ever do that.”
Savannah smiled at her and squeezed her hand. Her words and her gesture warmed Bridgette’s heart. She would always feel some level of responsibility for the miscarriage, but knowing in her heart that her sister didn’t blame her would help Bridgette to heal from the loss and move on. The only question lingering was would she be moving on with or without her husband?
Chapter Forty-Two
B
ridgette wanted to pounce on Nick for what he was doing at this moment. Her heart ached at the confusion followed by the pain etched on her sons’ faces. They were visibly upset at what Nick was saying, but she’d agreed to keep her distance, though she hadn’t gone far. She watched them from the kitchen as they sat out on the deck, and Bridgette fought back tears a few minutes later as she watched Dylan, her oldest twin jump up from his seat, his expression twisted in anger and his face wet with his own tears, swing the French doors open and race past her.
“Dylan, baby,” Bridgette called after her now, nine- year-old son, but she heard his angry footsteps stomping up the stairs. She glared at Nick when he glanced at her as he held Ryan who was also crying. Bridgette felt hatred toward him that she’d never felt before, even though she knew this was probably the best decision right now. They certainly couldn’t continue how they had been, but it still hurt nonetheless that they were separating, even more so for her children.
She’d been with the man almost eleven years; their wedding anniversary was in a few months. It was just a sad end to what she thought had been a good marriage, even though Nick had claimed otherwise. Bridgette still couldn’t comprehend the things he’d said to her a week ago after she’d confronted him about the lease she’d found. It was almost as if he was saying to her that for most of their marriage, he had been unhappy and Bridgette wouldn’t accept that.
Bridgette rolled her eyes at Nick, shaking her head and then headed upstairs to check on her son. She found Dylan in the center of his bed with his knees up to his chest, his arms wrapped around his legs and his face buried in his lap, crying. She sat next to him and enveloped him in a hug, placing a kiss on his head.
“I know it’s going to be tough, sweetheart because you’re used to Daddy being here in the house with us, but everything is going to be okay. We’ll be okay. I promise you that, baby,” said Bridgette.
Dylan continued to sob. “I don’t want him to leave. I don’t want to live here either if Dad doesn’t,” Dylan sobbed.
“Honey, you’ll still be able to see him and spend time with him,” Bridgette said.
“But it won’t be the same, Mom.”
“Sweetie, sit up and look at Mommy,” Bridgette urged her son, pulling his arms apart and placing her hand on his chin to lift his head to face her. She wiped his face with her hands, even though his tears continued to fall. His pain pierced her heart and Bridgette wanted to cry too.
“You’re going to have to be a big boy for Mommy now, sweetheart. I know you’ll miss your Dad, but sometimes mommies and daddies have to have some time apart from each other. You know how when you fight with your brother I have to separate you two so you can cool off?”
Dylan nodded.
“Then once you’ve had time apart, you come right back together like brothers should because you still love each other, right?” Bridgette continued.
“Yeah. I guess so,” Dylan murmured, sniffling.
“Well, me and Dad need that same time, even though we still love each other,” Bridgette said. “You understand what I’m saying, honey?”
Dylan nodded again.
“You know me and Dad love both you and your brother more than anything in this world. That’ll never change and your Dad leaving has nothing to do with either of you. It’s just grown-up stuff, okay?”
Again, Dylan nodded, though Bridgette wasn’t sure if he was quite satisfied with what she was telling him. But, it was all she had because the future regarding the Harper family was unknown.
Bridgette didn’t know if she and Nick’s separation would be temporary or permanent, and the latter disheartened her. She knew her boys would be affected tremendously, and she didn’t want to think about it, but she had to face the truth. She could end up being a divorced single mother, which was something she’d never imagined, and the same for her marriage. Who would’ve ever thought that they would be here?
Chapter Forty-Three
I
vy stood in the bakery section at Publix; pondering over what baked good she wanted to indulge in. She would do anything right about now for a slice of Bridgette’s German chocolate cake, and her sweet potato pie for that matter. This was one of the effects of pregnancy that she hated, and why she looked like the Goodyear Blimp, but if she didn’t satisfy these cravings, her crankiness would be on a hundred. Savannah had fallen victim to it the other day, and Ivy felt bad afterwards, but she hadn’t bothered to apologize to her sister because she couldn’t promise that it wouldn’t happen again.
Savannah was being a pest, and for good reason, but Ivy just didn’t have the patience for it anymore. Her threshold had reached its limit. Pregnancy hindered what little filter she had, but if you asked Bridgette, her sister would say she never had one. She could recall Bridgette being the same when she was pregnant with Dylan and Ryan, but she seemed to forget that.
She’d called Ivy to reprimand her for speaking to Savannah the way she had and urging her to apologize. Ivy wasn’t surprised. In fact, she’d expected it because that’s what Bridgette did, made everyone else’s business her own, which is why Ivy was in the predicament she was now.
If Bridgette would have just kept her nose out of Savannah’s marriage and hadn’t felt the need to fix her fertility problem, then she wouldn’t have set this chain of events in motion. Ivy would be in Paris now working with one of the top fashion designers in the world instead of being stuck in Atlanta while her figure burgeoned. Ivy knew it was irrational thinking, but that’s how she felt. It was another big opportunity she’d had to pass on that would’ve taken her career to another level.
Ivy finally settled on a box of assorted doughnuts and a half of a chocolate cake. She would’ve love some red wine to go with the chocolate, but she’d have to settle for almond milk, which she needed to get, so she pushed her cart toward the dairy section. As she made her way in that direction, she stopped when she saw him and thought about going in the opposite direction before he saw her, but it was too late. He already had.
He was standing at the counter of the fresh seafood department. A smile spread across his face as he waved at her. Ivy waved back, but she was reluctant to move. She didn’t know whether to go over and say hello or wobble back from which she came. But she wouldn’t have to decide because he was headed her way.
“So, we meet again. How are you?” Kean asked her, his eyes resting briefly on her belly before returning to her face.
“Well, considering the circumstances,” said Ivy and he chuckled.
“I’d say so. Pregnancy seems to agree with you. You look radiant,” he complimented her, which made Ivy blush. But, he’d always had that affect on her.
“Thanks for saying that, Kean. Even though I feel the opposite.”
“You’ve always been beautiful, and I don’t think that could ever change. Your baby’s father is a lucky man,” he said, his voice showing a hint of disappointment and Ivy’s smile disappeared. She hated lying to him, and now she questioned if she wanted to keep lying. His light brown eyes that always mesmerized her told her the answer.
“About that. You see—,” Ivy began.
“Daddy, we found the salad dressing and Mommy let me get Cookie Crisp this time.” Marley ran up to them, holding up the box of cereal. “Hi. I remember you. You have a baby in there,” she said, pointing at Ivy’s stomach.
Ivy smiled. “Hello, princess. And I certainly do.” Ivy rubbed her stomach. A few seconds later, Marley’s mother, Octavia walked up with a bottle of salad dressing in her hand.
“Hello,” she said to Ivy, smiling at her.
Ivy returned the gesture. Octavia was looking just as cute and fashionable as she’d seen her the last time, in a sunny-yellow dress and brown wedge sandals. Her natural hair was tied into a neat bun at the top of her head. Ivy couldn’t help but to feel fat and frumpy in her presence. She’d never been the jealous type, but there was something about Octavia that made her feel that way. Maybe it was because of her past relationship with Kean, and now she questioned whether Kean had been with Octavia the entire time they’d been seeing each other. But, it didn’t matter now or did it?
“Hello, Octavia. I love that dress by the way. I can’t wait until I can get back into my regular clothes. At this stage, all I’m comfortable in are stretch pants and sneakers. Neither of which I would’ve been caught dead in before,” Ivy said, resting her hand on her stomach. Octavia chuckled. “Thank you. And I certainly remember that feeling, but from the looks of it, you won’t have too much longer. Do you know what you’re having?” she asked.
“Don’t know yet. We’re going to wait until the delivery date.”
“How exciting. Well, whatever you’re having, I’m sure you’re going to love being a mother. It’s the most rewarding feeling in the world,” Octavia said, cupping Marley’s small, round face, making her giggle.
Ivy’s only response was to smile because she had no words. Again, she didn’t want to have to lie.
“Mommy, I want a baby too. I want somebody to play with,” Marley announced.
Octavia glanced at Kean and the awkwardness between them wasn’t lost on Ivy.
“Well, baby girl, you’ll have to talk to your Daddy about that one,” said Octavia and Ivy made that comment her cue to escape.
“It was good to see you all again,” said Ivy, making eye contact with Kean before averting her eyes back to Octavia and Marley. “Enjoy your cereal, princess,” she said to the little girl with the complexion of a shiny, new penny who smiled her snaggle-tooth smile and then Ivy headed toward the dairy section. She glanced back briefly to see Kean’s eyes still on her. She’d wanted to tell him the truth about her pregnancy, but she was glad for the interruption. It was obvious that he was a happy family man now so it didn’t matter whether he knew or not. And for some reason, the thought of him with Octavia bothered her.
Ivy had always been forthcoming about wanting to keep their relationship somewhere between platonic and intimate. Even though they’d never had sex, they had developed something more than a friendship. She didn’t know how to define it or if it was even important to, but she was feeling some type of way about seeing him with his daughter’s mother twice now. They were definitely a couple and it bothered Ivy. Maybe it was the hormones of being pregnant or a reality that she was being forced to face, but she couldn’t help but to wonder if Kean was the one she’d let get away. That was surprising to her because she hadn’t been looking for “the one”.
For years, she’d battled being in committed relationships versus staying single, but still dating—the latter winning out most of the time. She didn’t deal well with the lies and deceit being in relationships often brought, at least the few she’d been in, so she’d opted to date for pleasure and fun, and if they had money that was even better. She wasn’t a gold digger and never had been because she did quite well for herself, but she did like nice things and it was always a plus when she didn’t have to spend her own money, and that was just being honest. And Kean Hawkins certainly fit that criterion.
She missed their late night chats when they were both away due to their careers, and their trips together to some of the most exotic places in the world, but mostly being in his presence. She loved his native New Orleans accent and how he challenged her every chance he got, whether they were discussing pop culture, sports or politics, it always made for a great debate. She didn’t know what it was about Kean, but he sparked something in her that she’d never felt with any other man. She couldn’t explain it, but she was almost certain that she probably would never have that feeling again. And she was okay with that or was she?
Chapter Forty-Four
“D
o you think I’ll be a good mother?” Savannah asked Julius as they enjoyed an alfresco dinner out on the deck. Spring was in the air again and it was the perfect evening to watch the sunset over the horizon of the lake. Julius had prepared blackened salmon over a bed of yellow rice with a zucchini, squash and carrot medley, and they were sharing a chilled bottle of pinot grigio.
“You’re going to be an excellent mother. That I’m sure of,” said Julius.
“How can you be so sure? I can’t even cook a decent meal,” said Savannah, a concerned look on her face.
Julius chuckled. “Sweetheart, don’t concern yourself with that right now. That won’t be something you’ll have to worry about doing for a while anyway since the baby will be drinking formula for the first year,” said Julius, cutting into his salmon with a fork.
“I know, but I want to learn. I know I’ll never be a great cook like you and Bridgette, but I want to be able to make the basics that are kid favorites like spaghetti and fried chicken,” said Savannah, sipping from her wine glass. “That’s why I begged Bridgette for Mama’s old recipe book. I’m going to practice.”
Julius smiled. “Well, I applaud your enthusiasm and determination. I’ll be on hand to help if you need me. You know I could’ve been the next chef G. Garvin,” he joked, winking at her.
Savannah chuckled. “You certainly could have been. Maybe I’d be able to have you around more if you’d been a chef,” said Savannah, her eyes fixed on his.
“Come on, baby. Let’s not start this again. We’re enjoying a nice dinner and evening,” said Julius, wiping his mouth with a linen napkin.
“And we are, but I’m only saying what’s true, Julius. When was the last time we’ve been able to spend some quality time together like this?” Savannah asked.
“It doesn’t matter, babe. What’s important is that we’re doing it now,” said Julius.
“But, it matters to me. So, please don’t try and negate my feelings because you don’t deem them as important as I do,” said Savannah, her appetite waning by the second.
Julius sighed. “That’s not what I’m trying to do, sweetheart, but we’ve had this discussion before. Well, several times. And it’s beginning to get a little redundant,” he said.
“Redundant? Really, Julius? Well, what’s redundant is all of the time I seem to be spending alone. We have a baby coming and I don’t plan on parenting alone. We’re both going to have to make some sacrifices,” Savannah huffed, letting her fork rest on her plate. Her appetite had dissipated and now a bitter taste was forming in her mouth. She hated to argue with her husband, but some things had to be addressed.
As newlyweds in their first year of marriage, they’d already been through more than a couple married twenty years. And if they were going to make it further, they would have to be on one accord, which they hadn’t been. They both had great careers that could be demanding at times, but they’d always been able to find a balance, but in the past few months, that had changed.
“And I don’t dispute that, Savannah, but if I want my practice to expand on another level, I have to put in the work. We’ve been doing well these past few years, but I want better. And maybe you can focus more on being home than working,” he said and Savannah glared at him like he’d called her out of her name.
“Meaning what exactly?” Savannah asked.
“Meaning that you can stay at home with our child. You’ve always wanted to be a mother, so that can be your focus and not having to work,” said Julius.
“So, let me get this straight. You want me to be a stay-at-home mother while you fulfill your dreams of becoming the next Johnny Cochran? I don’t think so.”
“That’s not what I’m saying at all. I’m only putting it out there as an option. I know how much you love being a principal and how hard you worked to get there, and how remarkable it is to be in that position for someone your age. I would never tell you to give that up,” he said.
Savannah softened her stance. She reached for his hand across the table. “I’m sorry, honey. I don’t mean to jump on you, but I miss you when you’re not here and it gets lonely in this big house by myself. I just want you to be cognizant of that. All I’m asking is that you manage your time a little bit better.”
Julius smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes and Savannah knew that she’d upset him and ruined their evening. He moved her hand to his lips and kissed it before setting it back down.
“I’ll clean up out here if you want to just go on inside and relax,” he said, rising from his seat.
“Would you like some dessert?” Savannah asked, trying to hide her disappointment. She didn’t want their evening to end. There was no telling when they’d get another. “I picked up dessert from Sugar Rush. Italian Cream cake.”
“Maybe later.” Julius picked up their soiled dishes from the table.
Savannah gently grabbed his wrist to stop him. “Or you can have me for dessert instead? A little brown sugar,” she said in a seductive tone.
They still faced a few challenges in the bedroom since her surgery, and even more so after she’d been thrown into menopause not long after chemo and radiation treatment because her ovaries had been damaged as a result, so vaginal dryness was an ongoing issue for her. But, they still managed to get back to an active sex life.
“That sounds tempting, but I think I’m going to turn in early tonight. I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow and have to be in court first thing in the morning.” He walked back inside the house carrying the dishes and leaving Savannah feeling heartbroken and rejected.
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