by Serena Grey
“And what about Carole?” She retorts, an edge of pain in her voice. “What do you two have?”
I have already inferred that she must have seen me with Carole on the balcony, but that can’t be all. “Is that what this is all about? Carole? Did she say something to you?”
“You used her, just like you’re using me.” Her eyes are accusing. “You wanted the shares she had in your company.”
“And she threatened to sell them to the man who wanted to take over my company, if I didn’t marry her.” I shrug. “A man she was sleeping with I might add, along with a few others.”
She stares at me. No doubt, she has convinced herself that Carole is some innocent victim of my cruelty. “You’re just saying that.” She says finally.
I laugh humorlessly. “Maybe you should try to get your information accurate before you start throwing accusations.”
“It doesn’t make any difference.” She says resolutely. “Even if she did all those things, it doesn’t change the fact that you don’t love me. I’m just the girl who was stupid enough to marry you so you could teach your ex-girlfriend a lesson.” She gets up from the bed. “I can’t take it David.”
I watch her put on a robe and fasten the zippers of the bags she has packed. “What are you doing?” I ask, although I know, I know that I haven’t managed to convince her to stay. Apparently, sex is not enough for her.
“I am leaving.”
My throat thickens as I try to fight the desperation rising like bile in my throat, “Don’t threaten me.” I say, getting off the bed.
“Why not?” She flings each word at me. “Will you marry someone else to teach me a lesson?”
“Don’t test me Sophie.” I reach for her. God! I want to beg, but somehow I can’t find the words.
She ignores my touch.
“Fine.” I turn away. “Do whatever you like. Go back to Ashford. I’m sure your little boyfriend will be more than eager to find you a place in his bed.” I snort with derision. “But while you’re at it, you might want to ask yourself why you married me.”
She looks like she can’t believe what I just said. “I love you.” Her voice breaks on the words and my chest clenches.
She loves me. Even in her pain, she loves me.
I almost back down, but she’s already cast me in the role of the villain, and that is a role I know how to play.
I laugh mockingly. “What love? Did you fall in love with some stranger you barely knew Sophie, just because he asked you out to dinner. Get real sweetheart, this has always been about sex.”
“Not for me.” She argues, tears in her eyes.
“Then you’re a liar as well as a fool.”
“I hate you,” her voice is low but decisive. “I hope I never have to see you again. Carole was right about you. You use people, and when you’re done with them, you toss them away like rubbish. You’re not worthy of my love.”
Each word pierces me like a barb, because I know she’s right. I turn away from her. “Do whatever you want Sophie.”
I’m so angry, with her, with myself. I can’t even bring myself to look at her, because I know I’ve just ruined the best thing that’s ever happened in my miserable life.
I can’t sleep. I spend the night in my study because I can’t bear to sleep on our bed alone. I’m assaulted by unfamiliar emotions, loneliness, heartache, pain... I don’t want her to leave. I won’t be able to bear it. As soon as morning comes, I go to her. I’ll do anything she wants, and if it’s not enough, then I’ll leave, if that’s what she wants, if she hates me that much.
I open the door to the guest room where she spent the night, and see her body stiffen on the bed. She lies still, pretending to be asleep. Words fill my head, but I can’t bring myself to say anything. After a few minutes, I leave her lying there. I’ve always known that I didn’t deserve her. Now she knows it too.
I give Mrs. Daniels the day off, sure that Sophie would want to be alone to do whatever she’s decided. Downstairs, I instruct Steve to take her wherever she wants to go.
Leaving me is probably what’s best for her. She deserves better than an empty carcass with a barely beating heart. She deserves a man who’ll love her, everything about her, and never hesitate to announce it to her, and to the world.
I just wish I could be that man.
Sophie
Chapter Eight
I always thought of love as a beautiful feeling, and it is, when you’re happy. When you’re sad, it’s a monster that tears at your insides, until the pain spreads to every part of you, until you just want to be numb, to lose the ability to feel, to ever feel again.
I have no clear idea where exactly I’m going when I leave the apartment. I just know that I can’t stay there anymore. I feel humiliated and empty. Each memory of last night is like a raw wound in my mind. I remember every hurtful word David said to me as clearly as if I can still hear them. I can’t believe that he would use my body’s need for him to prove his point.
That our marriage is nothing, only sex.
How could I have been so stupid? I was so desperate for him to love me that I ignored all the signs that he didn’t. I lied to myself because I wanted to belong to someone, to be happy for the first time in my life.
“Isn’t this enough Sophie?”
His taunting words resound in my ears, and the memories of my easy capitulation make me cringe. I hate him, but I hate myself more.
Thankfully, Mrs. Daniels isn’t in the apartment. I’m glad that I don’t have to face her. I don’t want to face anyone. I feel like a failure, a fraud who attempted to take something that didn’t belong to her in the first place. I just want to go silently. I take the service elevator to the ground floor, leaving the building through the service entrance. This way there’s no chance of running into Steve outside, or seeing the curious looks of the doorman.
The service entrance leads unto a side street. Outside it’s clear and sunny. On the worst day of my life, the weather chooses to be perfect.
I walk along the street for a while, eventually, I find a bus station. I don’t even know where the bus is going when I climb in, but as long as it will take me far away from David. It’s fine with me.
Luckily, I’m in the right bus. After a couple of stops, it goes over the bridge to Bellevue. I make a few enquiries at the station and find a small hotel close to the main street. I intend to stay there only for a little while until I can find a small apartment and a job.
For the next two days, I scour the job listings and respond to ads. I only succeed in getting turned down for jobs as an office assistant, a receptionist, and even as a waitress. At night, alone in my room I succumb to the weariness, heartache, and the pain that thinking of David brings, but I can’t stop thinking about him. I can’t stop aching for him, wanting him, torturing myself with wondering if he cares that I’m gone.
After three days, I still haven’t found a job. After exhausting all the leads from the job listings, I return to the hotel, tired and painfully aware that I have to find something really soon.
I haven’t been in my room for five minutes when there is a knock on the door. I haven’t ordered any room service, so even before I go to look through the peephole I already have a dreadful suspicion in the pit of my stomach. Yet the sight of David standing outside my room knocks the breath out of my chest. My stomach tightens as a mixture of feelings assault me, confusion, longing, regret, and an overwhelming desire.
I’m not going to open the door.
“Sophie.” His voice is gentle, as if he knows I’m just on the other side.
I step back, heart pounding, desperate to get away from the sound of his voice and the temptation that comes with it. What is he doing here, what does he want?
“Sophie, I know you’re in there.” He says. “Open the door.”
I take a deep breath. I don’t know why he’s here, but it doesn’t change anything. It’s doesn’t mean that his feelings about our relationship have changed. There’s no
reason to let myself get affected by his presence, and there’s no reason to be afraid of talking to him.
I open the door.
And my heart tightens in my chest.
I love him.
Just looking at him. I want to cry. I want to forget everything that’s happened and let him hold me. I devour the familiar planes and angles of his face, the piercing blue eyes, wavy black hair, sensual lips that I’ve kissed a hundred times.
This has always been about sex.
The memory of his words mock me, and I step back before I let myself be overwhelmed by my desire for him.
He steps inside the room, his tall frame dwarfing the small space. Compared to his apartment, it’s little more than a shoebox, but it’s not so different from my old apartment in Ashford.
His blue eyes turn in my direction, scorching my face, so intense, that I almost lose myself. His brow creases in a frown. “You can’t keep staying here.” He states.
I stare at him, barely able to process the fact that he’s actually trying to dictate to me, even now. Anger overcomes any longing I feel for him.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, only managing to keep my emotions in check.
“I’ve been trying to find you for two days Sophie.” He takes a deep breath. “Did you think I was going to let you just disappear? Steve was waiting outside to take you anywhere you wanted, but you never came out. I was worried. You weren’t in the apartment...” He stops and runs a hand through his thick hair. “Why didn’t you go back to Ashford?”
Go back to Ashford. I’m sure your little boyfriend will be more than eager to find you a place in his bed.
I close my eyes against the memory of his words. He really expected me to go back. Did he really believe that Eddie was waiting for me in Ashford, or did he say that just to be cruel?
As if, I could ever choose any other man over him.
I fold my arms over my chest in a defensive movement. “I always had plans to move here.”
“Yes, I remember.” the gentleness disappears from his voice, “but I didn’t think you would do so even though you have no job, no friends, nothing waiting for you here.”
“Why do you care?” I retort, “It’s none of your business.”
“On the contrary, it’s very much my business.” He sighs and draws in a deep breath. “You may have a very short memory, but let me remind you that you’re still my wife.”
For how long? I think mutinously. For all I know he’s already working on dissolving our short marriage.
“Be reasonable Sophie.” He continues more gently. “You can’t stay here. It’s a dump, and it’s not safe.”
I wish his voice didn’t affect me so much. “Just leave me alone, David.”
He moves until he’s standing right in front of me, so close that my nose fills with his masculine scent, his cologne, the clean smell of his clothes. All my senses are screaming for more. “Is that what you want?” His tender voice assaults my ears. I look up at him, at the concern on his face. The temptation to shake my head and lean into his chest is so strong. I step back
“Yes.” I lie, looking everywhere but at him, I’m not going to be trapped into thinking he cares about me again, and I can’t be with him knowing that he doesn’t love me. I love him too much for that.
He sighs and steps away from me. “You can have the apartment.” He says tiredly, “I’ll leave, You don’t have to stay here.”
As if I could go back there. The idea of living in that apartment, among all the memories of our time together, is not something I can contemplate.
“I don’t want your apartment.”
“Then what do you want? Tell me, Sophie, because I’m not going to leave you here at this third rate hotel for God’s sake.”
I close my eyes. Part of me wants him to leave, the other part want everything that’s happened to go away, so I can go to him and take comfort in his touch.
“Look,” he says when I don’t say anything. “Let’s be reasonable. You want to stay in Bellevue? Fine. I’ll get you a place to live. I have the resources to do that.”
I shake my head. “No.”
“Don’t argue.” His tone takes an air of finality. “You are entitled to a lot from me, and I don’t mean just because we’re married. Much of what I have is yours now. Think about it. You can go to art school, design jewelry, do anything you want. Whatever you want, I won’t fight you. You can have anything you want.”
I want you to love me. The words are silent in my head. That’s all I want. It’s all I ever wanted.
His jaw hardens, “In time we’ll have to discuss some sort of settlement...”
It’s the word ‘settlement’ that does it. I don’t hear everything else that he says. The thought of lawyers, the finality of a divorce, it makes me want to curl up somewhere and weep. Maybe Aunt Josephine was right, maybe I’m weak, spineless, not worth the space I occupy. Maybe David can see that, maybe that’s why he can’t bring himself to love me. Desperation floods my stomach. I feel sick.
“I don’t want your money,” the words come out in a torrent. I feel the sting of tears in my eyes. “You can keep your settlement. I don’t want anything from you. Just leave me alone and let me forget that I ever met you.”
I hear his sharp intake of breath. “Sophie.” He steps towards me, his voice so tender I can’t bear it.
“Please David, just leave me alone.” I whisper.
“That’s the thing,” he says, stopping just shy of touching me, “I can’t.”
I swallow, closing my eyes against the pain and the tears that are threatening to erupt. “It was all a mistake.” I can hear my voice breaking, “I should never have left Ashford with you. I should never have...” I’m about to say that I should never have fallen in love with him, but I stop myself.
He takes my hands, and the sudden contact makes me start to tremble. I look up at him. “I’m sorry I’ve hurt you Sophie.” He says, his voice a little rough. “But it wasn’t a mistake, not for me. I’m not sorry I met you.”
I look down at my hands, entwined in his. I hate that he’s talking like this, playing with my emotions, turning me against myself. I pull my hands away. “Well I am. I meant everything I said before I left David. You’ve hurt me, humiliated me,” I swallow the painful lump in my throat. “I never want to see you again.”
His eyes close and I watch him take a deep breath, when he looks at me again the pain I see in his eyes is crushing. I have to try very hard to remember the hurtful things he said to me and the utter humiliation he made me feel.
I wait for him to go, but he doesn’t move. For a moment, I think he doesn’t believe me. We’re standing so close, I can feel the heat from his body. I almost imagine that he’s going to come towards me, to hold me. My skin heats up in all the places that anticipate his touch.
Finally, he steps back from me. “Just call me if you need anything,” he says finally, his voice impersonal.
I nod and look away, waiting silently until he leaves. Only then do I crumple onto the floor and burst into tears.
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From the Author
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Thank you for reading Claim.
Love,
Serena Grey
About The Author
Serena Grey discovered her first love when she was a child, and has been reading non-stop since then.
Now she also writes, because the stories in her head won't leave her in peace otherwise. When she's not reading and writing, she enjoys cocktails, coffee, ice cream, the Vampire Diaries, Smash, and constantly drools over Gabriel Macht as Harvey Spector in Suits.
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