Permanently.
Turning my ire back on my best friend, I clench my fists at my sides.
“But you know something, don’t you? You might not know where she is, but you know why she left,” I roar, losing all control over my raging temper.
“Jesus,” he hisses, shaking off my grip. “Take a fucking look at yourself. You’ve finally lost it, man. Like gone off the deep end, lost your fucking mind.” Leveling me with a hard glare, Hoss lowers his voice. “You think if I knew where she was I wouldn’t tell you? You’re my best friend, have been since the day you patched in. I’ve watched you pine away over that girl for just as long, same goes for her. So I’ll ask you again, do you really think I would tell you if
I knew where she was?”
Roughly running my hands through my hair, I tug at the ends and let out a tortured growl of frustration.
“Fuck, I’m sorry. This shit with Gwen being pregnant and wanting to get hitched has my head all fucked up.”
“Don’t doubt that, but brother, here’s the thing. You fucked up. Told you once, told you a thousand times not to let that bitch on Vengeance property, but you didn’t listen.” I don’t know why he’s telling me this, but after punching him in the face and threatening to kick his ass, I owe him the respect of hearing him out at least.
“Gwen is straight off the bus from Crazy Town, Sarge. As in, whacked. How she ended up knocked up is anyone’s
guess since I know you’re religious about wrapping your junk, which led me to thinking maybe she’s just playing you, brother,” he offers up.
If I hadn’t seen the baby bump she was sporting and the ultrasound picture dated the day before, I’d be inclined to agree with my best friend. But I had, so I knew Gwen wasn’t just blowing smoke up my ass in an effort to tie my shit to hers. There is no denying she’s pregnant, and if I did the math right, there’s no denying the baby she’s carrying is mine. I might not have fucked her in weeks, but Gwen’s twelve weeks along, which lines up with one of the last times I had my dick in her.
“She’s not,” I deny as unfortunate as the case may be.
Grunting out a sound of pity, he crosses his tattooed arms over his chest and leans back against the wall.
“Question. You always provide the dick covers, or you take what’s offered?”
Not sure what he’s getting at, I ask,
“Come again?”
“You take your own stash of wrappers with you when you fucked her or was that bitch covering the both of you?”
Jesus, fuck. I hadn’t thought of that. Delving into memories of Gwen, memories that I didn’t want to be rifling through, I come across several times that Gwen was ready and waiting with a condom in hand when I showed up at her place or she met me back in my room at the clubhouse. One
of those times being the last time we were together.
“Fuck,” I hiss. “Fucking fuck me.”
“That’s what I thought,” Hoss nods. “She saw you, you know. Emmy. She saw you with that cunt the day she told you she was knocked up. Thought her world had ended when I looked into her eyes. They were dead, brother. Empty.”
“Say what?” I demand, my body vibrating in a mixture of shock and anger.
“Must have shown up when you were inside with Gwen. Emmy was hunkered down behind her car off to the side of the lot when I found her. She watched the whole thing. Gwen climbing you like a tree. Her putting her filthy mouth on you. All of it. Saw you ride out with that cunt on the back of her bike too.”
“And you didn’t fucking stop her? Maybe think to keep her there so I could explain that shit,” I sneer, glaring at my best, yet soon-to-be-dead friend.
“Nope,” he says, popping the P. “Overheard what Gwen said inside, buddy. Heard you tell her you’d be there for her no matter what. Listened to that bitch wrap you around her little finger, using your kid to do it. And I knew part of what she was offering, you wanted.”
Shaking my head in disgust, I scoff.
“That might be true, but not with her. Never with her,
Hoss.”
“Be that as it may, Emmy had the right to know,” he mutters under his breath, so quietly I almost miss it.
Closing the distance between us, I go toe to toe with the one man I trusted implicitly.
“I’m only going to ask you this once, and so help you, God, you better hope your answer isn’t, yes.” Sucking in a deep breath through my nose, I ask, “Tell me you didn’t tell my girl that Gwen is pregnant.”
Without a second of hesitation, Hoss answers with,
“Can’t do that, brother. Wish I could, but it’d be a lie.”
I don’t think. I can’t. A red haze drops over my vision, obscuring everything but the rage relentlessly fighting to be set free. Something I allow a moment later when I plow my fist into Hoss’ face.
*****
Four months later…
“Can you believe it? In eight weeks we’re going to be meeting her,” Gwen coos from her spot on the couch beside me.
No, I can’t. I mean, logically I can, what with Gwen being seven months along and all. But I just can’t get my
head around it.
It’s been four months, two days, three hours, and fifteen minutes since the last time I saw my Emmy. When she left, she took my heart and soul with her. And I haven’t been able to think about anything but finding her ever since. All of my available resources, money, time, markers, you name it, have gone towards tracking her down and bringing her home.
I sent two prospects out to her old man’s place to see if she was hiding out there, only for them to come back and report that Skull had run them off his land with a shotgun and the promise to gut me if I even thought about sniffing around again. Before they left, the boys had the chance to snoop around, though. They said there was no sign of her car, Diesel’s shit in the yard, or anything that would lead them to think she was there laying low.
I’d been to every one of her friend’s houses to ask if they’d seen her, and if they weren’t there or wouldn’t answer the door, I showed up at their jobs, refusing to leave until they told me what I needed to know. Emmy was gone, and no one knew where.
My last ditch effort to find her was hiring a PI. A guy I knew had given me the contact info of a friend of his, telling me if there was anyone who could find my girl, it was this guy. He was an ex-spook with contacts ranging all the way up the CIA food chain, which he was willing to use for the right price.
Speak of the devil. I’ve been expecting this call for hours, so when the phone rings, I practically launch myself
off the couch and run to answer it.
“Yeah. Tell me you’ve got something for me,” I demand in a voice low enough that only he can hear me.
Gwen isn’t an idiot. She’s a lot of things such as petty, demanding, self-centered, and materialistic, but she’s not stupid. She knows I’ve been searching for Emmy. Knows that if, no, fuck that, when I can I’ll be bringing her home. I’ve got no idea how all this is going to work when I do, but I can’t worry about that now. I just have to get her back first, then I’ll concern myself with the details, and how I’m going to tie Emmy to me so that she can’t leave me, ever again.
“Nothing,” Jax deep voices booms down the line. “She’s in the wind, man.”
“Shit,” I groan, scrubbing my hand over my face.
“Might not have anything on your girl right now, but while I was digging, I heard some shit I thought you’d want to know.” Not waiting for me to confirm, Jax goes on to share, “Parents of the dickhead she was married to are spreading some vicious shit about you woman. They’re telling folks she had him killed.”
“The fuck?” I snap.
“Yeah, it’s some pretty whacked shit, man. Apparently, they’re sharing far and wide that your girl put a hit on her old man because she found out he was cheating on her.”
“Who? Who are they telling?” I ask, even though I have
a pretty good idea already.
/>
Chuckling, Jax confirms my suspicions.
“Their cronies at the country club, a few prominent business dudes, the Mayor's wife. No one important, just everyone who could possibly start an investigation into that shit.”
“It wasn’t her,” I say needlessly.
“Know that,” he scoffs. “I’ve been investigating Emily Matthews for months now, man, and not one thing in her file points to her being a cold blooded killer. The woman’s sweet as sugar, and just as bad for you.”
“What the hell’s that supposed to mean?” I snarl defensively. I don’t like the way Jax's voice softens when he says Emmy’s name. Not at fucking all.
“Cool your jets, Sarge. I’ve got a woman of my own waiting for me at home; I’m not after yours. Unless you count hunting her ass down to return her to you, that is,” he says, not even attempting to hide the humor in his tone. “All I meant is that your girl is the kind that plays havoc with a man’s heart. She’s that rare combination of sweet and strong that men like us get off on. And I should know because my Gretel is exactly like her.”
I should be relieved that Jax is taken, that he’s tied to a good woman he thinks the world of, but I’m not. His insight
into Emmy’s character only further reminds me of all I’ve lost. That she’s not here.
My head hangs in defeat as I ask,
“What do we do now? It’s been months, Jax. Fucking months. I don’t know where she is. If she’s hurt. If she needs me. Nothing. I need her back, man.”
Sighing heavily, Jax replies,
“Never been in this situation before, Sarge. In all the years I’ve been doing this, there hasn’t been a man, woman, or child I couldn’t find given enough time. When some dumbshit motherfuckers kidnapped my wife to get to me, I tracked their asses across eighteen states and had her back inside a week.”
That does not fill me with hope.
“In saying that, I don’t think your girl’s in danger, just really, really fucking good at hiding. That tells me she’s had help or still getting it, which means someone knows something.”
“Yeah, but no one’s talking so I don’t see how that helps us,” I grunt dismissively.
“Maybe not now, but someone will fuck up. They always do. And when that happens, we’ll have her,” he tries to reassure me.
“Don’t know if I can last much longer without knowing she’s okay, Jax. It’s killing me,” I admit softly, checking to
see that Gwen is still sitting where I left her. She is.
“I’ve got eyes and ears in every hospital, urgent care clinic, and doctors office this side of the Mississippi. If Emmy turns up at any of them, I’ll know within the hour. Not hearing anything means she’s not hurt. Wish I could give you more than that, man, but that’s the best I’ve got for now. Hold onto that, Sarge. Hold it tight until we can bring your girl home.”
Hanging up the phone feeling even more lost than before I picked it up, I don’t go back to join Gwen. Instead, I head up to my bedroom and drop my ass onto the side of my bed.
Gwen and I don’t share a bedroom. We haven’t slept together since she moved in a month ago, either, but that’s not for her lack of trying. When Gwen told me she was being kicked out of her apartment for not being able to pay her rent on account of losing her job, I told her she could move in.
There were conditions, though. I didn’t trust the bitch as far as I could throw her, and if it weren’t for the fact she is carrying my child, she wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t share a bed with her. We wouldn’t be fucking. And we weren’t a couple. After she had agreed, I helped her pack her shit and moved her into one of the two spare bedrooms I have, and that’s where she’s been ever since.
Gwen being here, being in my space is grating on my last nerve. I didn’t think her moving in would be a cakewalk, but neither did I think I’d have to cater to her every whim. I get that she can’t work anymore (she’d been a waitress at a
local strip club before her pregnancy precluded her from wearing halter tops and mini-skirts anymore), but surely she can get off her ass and throw a load of washing in the machine. That’s not too much to ask, is it?
“Sarge?” Gwen’s calls from somewhere too close for comfort.
“Yeah,” I grunt in return, knowing that if I don’t answer her, she’ll just get louder and more fucking obnoxious.
“Who was that on the phone?” She asks as her large belly proceeds her into the room.
I wish I could look at my baby growing her belly and feel all the joy I anticipated I would when I finally had the chance to become a dad. But I can’t because Gwen isn’t the woman I wanted to do this with.
Focusing on her belly button because fuck looking at her judgment filled eyes, I simply and curtly reply,
“A friend.”
“You’re still looking for her, aren’t you?” Gwen returns acidly. See, told you, not stupid.
“Always have been, and always will be. Never hid that from you, Gwen.”
“You need to stop,” she snaps, her voice rising in volume and irritation. “We’re having a baby in less than two months. You need to be focused on that, not finding the
bitch who ran out on you.”
At hearing Gwen call, Emmy a bitch, my head snaps up.
“Don’t you ever let me hear you call her that ever again.”
Narrowing her eyes at me, Gwen props her hands on her rounded hips and stares back at me unperturbed.
“Oh, no. I wouldn’t want to call your precious Emmy a name now, would I? Poor Sarge, still so deluded when it comes to Emily Matthews. Well, you know what? Fuck her and fuck you. It’s me who’s pregnant with your baby. It’s me who’s here day in and day out dealing with your mood swings. And it’s me that will be here long after everyone all but forgets Emily’s name. So how about you take a long hard look at what’s standing right in front of you, and man the hell up. I don’t want to bring a baby into this world without having its father’s full support. And I certainly don’t want to be raising my daughter worried that the moment another woman comes back into town, her father will dump us like yesterday’s trash and forget we exist.”
“I’d never dump my kid, Gwen, and you know it,” I reply resolutely.
“And how about her mother? What about me? You’re happy to have me carry your child, give birth to her, and be around to raise her, but only until your precious Emily comes back, is that what you’re saying? That you’ll take my
child and raise her with another woman given the opportunity.”
“Don’t be fucking stupid. I didn’t say that.”
“No, but you didn’t have to. It’s written all over your face,” Gwen yells. “I’m not asking for you to love me; I know you’re not capable of loving anyone but her, but I am asking you to give us a chance. Not at being a couple, but at us, the three of us being a family.”
Gwen goes silent, allowing the weight of her words to settle over me before adding,
“Our daughter deserves that much from her father. And truth be told, so do I. If you want to continue having separate bedrooms, fine. If you want to go out and fuck around, I can’t stop you. But just know, what’s good for one is good for the other. All I’m saying is that you owe it to me, to your daughter, and to yourself to focus on what you can have, not what you can’t.”
I hate to admit it, but Gwen has a point. Emily is out of my reach for now, but my daughter isn’t. She might not be in my arms yet, but she will be soon, and I owe it to her to give her some kind of family. Even if it isn’t a normal one or the kind she deserves.
“What are you getting at? Spell it out, Gwen. I want both of us on the same page here.”
“I want us to get married. Soon. Not right now, not before the baby is born, but soon,” she smiles tentatively at
me.
“Have you lost your fucking mind?” I shout, making her jump at the force of my outburst. Jesus, Hoss was right. This woman is batshit crazy.
“No, I haven’t. In fa
ct, I think I’m the only one out of the two of us thinking clearly.”
“Not even a little bit,” my mouth spits out before I can stop it. “I’m not marrying you soon or ever.”
“In name only, Sarge. I already told you I’m not expecting what you’re not capable of, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want the commitment that goes along with a ring. Call it security, but I want to know that on the off chance Emily waltzes back into Furnace, that you won’t desert us,” Gwen reasons.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
~ Emily ~
Truth and consequences
At the same time in Torment, Arkansas…
“Darlin’, it’s time,” my dad grumbles. “You’re not gonna be able to hide it much longer, and your boy’s not stupid. Diesel’s gonna start askin’ questions you’re not gonna be able to answer, sooner than you think. It’s been four months, precious.”
“I know that, dad. God, do I. I just don’t know what to do about it yet?” I say finally giving voice to the fear that’s been keeping me awake night after night.
Sarge: Book 8 in the Vengeance MC series Page 19
