by DeLuca, Gia
I ripped my comforter from my bed and shoved it into the washing machine in the hall closet. I slipped off my clothes and drew a hot bath, filling it with capful after capful of lavender-scented bubbles. I eased myself inch-by-inch into the sudsy hot water and stayed until it turned cold and my fingers and toes were shriveled beyond recognition.
As I toweled off and wrapped myself in a fluffy robe from the back of the door, I heard a rustling from the front door. Carys was home.
“Evie?” I heard her yell.
“In here!” I yelled back, popping the lock on the door and swinging it open.
“Hey, girl,” she said, barely containing her excitement and staring at me as if I were some sort of stranger she barely recognized anymore. Our entire friendship, we’d never gone this long without talking or seeing each other.
I wrapped my hair into a turban and slinked out to the hall and down to my room, Carys in tow.
“How was it?” she asked, plopping on my bed.
I tossed her my phone. “Pictures.”
She thumbed through my photos, lingering on some longer than others. “Did you ever get lonely all those months by yourself?”
“I wasn’t alone,” I replied, though in many ways I was, especially come nighttime. Everyone in the group seemed to have some kind of travel buddy but me.
A glint of something on her finger caught the light that trickled in through my bedroom window, causing me to spin around. “What’s that? On your hand?”
Carys bit her lip, smiling sheepishly.
“Carys,” I said sternly. “Let me see.”
As if she were going to burst at any moment, a smile filled her face and she held out her left hand. A dazzling diamond solitaire, the biggest I’d ever seen, damn near took up her entire ring finger.
“Are you engaged?!”
“Mm hm,” she said, nodding vigorously.
“You guys have only been dating a few months!” I said. As much as it surprised me, it shouldn’t have. This was Carys Harrison, a whimsical free-spirit who never had a rhyme or reason for anything she did in life. Jax was the same way.
“I know it seems kind of crazy,” she said hesitantly. “But when you know, you know, right?”
“Was this a mutual decision, or did he pop the question out of the blue?”
“Completely unexpected, Evie,” she sighed, dreamily recalling her proposal. “He took me to Palm Springs to celebrate a gig I’d booked. We spent all weekend at this beautiful spa hotel getting massages and eating five-star dinners. That last night, we went on a walk outside under the stars, and he asked me.”
“Wow,” I said. I grabbed her hand and pulled it closer, trying to get a better look at her rock. It sparkled and shimmered from every angle, throwing prisms on the walls as I turned her hand. “It’s beautiful.”
“Thank you,” she said, pulling it out of my grasp and clasping it over her chest. “I’m so happy, Evie.”
Carys glowed. No—she radiated from head to toe. Every ounce of her spilled and leaked that happy, giddy, new-love only the lucky ones ever got to experience.
“When’s the wedding?” I asked.
“May seventh,” she said. “Which reminds me…”
“Yes, I’ll be your maid of honor,” I said, recalling our childhood pact. Though, to be honest, I’d never thought Carys would get married. Her parents’ divorce left her with a jaded perception of what the definition of “forever” meant.
She stood up and wrapped her arms around me. “Also, just so you know, Jude is Jax’s best man.” She squeezed her eyes tight, wincing.
“That’s fine,” I said.
“You sure?” she asked again. “You’ll be spending a lot of time with him during the week of the wedding.”
“We’re adults,” I said with a shrug. “Not a big deal.”
“Jax and I are moving into our own place,” Carys announced, watching for my reaction.
“That’s cool,” I said, genuinely happy for her. “I just hope it’s close by!”
Carys stared at me as if there was something she wanted to tell me.
“What are you not saying?” I asked. I knew her well.
“Aren’t you curious at all about Jude?” she asked, studying my face. “You haven’t asked about him once.”
“You’ve been home all of ten minutes,” I replied.
“Did you miss him?” she asked.
“Whose side are you on?”
“It’s not about sides, Evie,” she said.
“Why are you trying to feel me out?” I asked.
Carys averted her eyes to the tan carpet under her feet.
“What are you not telling me?” I demanded. “What, does he have a girlfriend now, or something?”
Her eyes slowly made their way back to mine and she shrugged one shoulder. “Sort of.”
Her words were like a punch to the gut, sudden and unexpected. Sure, I’d told him not to wait for me, but I never thought he’d move on so quickly. It felt intentional, a slap in the face. But I had no one to blame but myself.
“What’s her name?” I asked.
“Samantha,” she said. “Samantha Angelico.”
“How’d he meet her?” I had to know everything. I had to know who this woman was that suddenly made me look like chopped liver.
“Her dad is buying out J-Corp,” Carys said. “She was learning the business from Jude. They were spending a lot of time together. And to be honest, Evie, I don’t think he really likes her. I think she’s just a placeholder.”
It felt good to hear that, but still. “That’s a shitty thing to do. What does she look like?” I couldn’t help myself.
“Like you,” Carys said with a sigh, “if you were Italian and had longer hair and lash extensions and spray-tanned and wore Louboutins.”
I laughed, trying to picture her in my mind. “Is he happy?”
“I don’t know. He’s happy enough. He was really hurt when you left,” Carys said delicately. “You did a number on him.”
“He did a number on me,” I snorted. “Why are you making me feel like I’m the bad guy here?”
“Evie, I’m not,” Carys said, her words jerking me to attention. “No one said anyone’s a bad guy. I’m just telling you. You told him to move on. He moved on. I just wanted you to be prepared.”
“Fair enough,” I sighed, tension ripe in my shoulders as all my pent up excitement flooded out of me. I’d been looking forward to seeing him again, but not anymore.
“Were you expecting to get back together when you returned?” Carys asked. “Had you given any thought to it while you were gone?”
My lips curled into a bittersweet smile, my head hung low as I unraveled the towel from around my hair. “I’d forgiven him. I was going to tell him when I got back.”
JUDE
“Good morning,” Samantha moaned as she stretched her arms above her head, her body wrapped in my bedsheets. She leaned over, placing a quick kiss on my cheek before slipping out. “I’m going to jump into the shower. I’ve got an appointment with my facialist in an hour.”
She sauntered to my bathroom, shutting the door behind her, and I sunk back into my pillow, wondering how the fuck I got here. She wasn’t my girlfriend, but I’d allowed her to insta-girlfriend herself right into my life. Long days working together turned into drinks down the street, the occasional dinner, and the occasional movie. Dinners with Jax and Carys and the occasional, “Will you be my date for so-and-so’s wedding next Saturday?”
Her once-annoying personality began to grow on me, and soon I found myself tolerating her more and more. In three months, I’d be selling J-Corp to her father, who was mistakenly under the impression that we were dating. We weren’t dating. We hadn’t even fucked. We were filling voids and playing house, a couple of kids playing roles with no intention of ever fulfilling them. But to the outside world, we appeared to be together.
Most nights, I’d listen to her breathe and feel the warmth of her body under the covers
next to mine and pretend she was Evie. If I squinted hard enough, and with a little help of the early morning sun, her black hair became brown. The curve of her hips matched Evie’s, and sometimes I’d rest my hand there as we watched movies in bed. There was never any love. There were never any feelings.
Samantha filled the gaping void left by Evie, and in return, I filled her need to feel worthy of a man’s attention. She dragged me along as her date to weddings and parties, and judging by the sheer amount of her friends moving on to the next phase in life, I began to understand why some girls tried to insta-girlfriend themselves into guys’ lives. Watching the way she longingly looked at her friends on their special days almost made me feel sad for her.
I pulled the covers off my legs and shuffled down to the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee. I hadn’t been a coffee drinker until the sleepless nights caught up with me, and then it became an endless cycle. Coffee all day. Toss and turn all night. Rinse and repeat. I hadn’t had a restful sleep in months.
“Hey,” Jax said as he stacked boxes by the front door. The time had come. He and Carys had recently become engaged and had signed a lease on a place of their own.
“Ah,” I said. “Forgot you were moving today. Let me get cleaned up. I’ll help you. Where’s Carys?”
“We took the first load down earlier this morning,” he said. “She’s already unpacking at the new place.”
“You go ahead,” I said. “Leave some boxes here for me to take. I’ll meet you down there in about an hour.”
Samantha traipsed out, her long dark hair piled into a mess on top of her head and her generous breasts practically spilling out of her paper-thin tank top. Tiny shorts barely covered her ass as she bent over to slip her shoes on.
“Moving day, huh, Jax?” she observed. “Can’t wait to see the new place.”
“You’re welcome by anytime, Sam,” he said. They’d become well acquainted over the last few months, getting along famously. Even Carys liked Sam, though I suspected she kept her at arm’s length for Evie’s sake.
“Bye, babe,” Sam said, planting a dry kiss on my lips as she walked out. We were always going through the motions, like an amusement park ride that wasn’t going to stop until one of us spoke up.
***
An hour later, I carried three cardboard boxes up two flights of stairs to Carys and Jax’s new place. The cool December breeze made for perfect moving day weather.
“23B,” I said to myself, scanning the hall for their door. Jax said it’d be open, so I helped myself, barging in with my armful of their shit. I placed it gently on the floor by my feet. I stood up to brush the cardboard dust from my hands and found myself suddenly greeted with the prettiest blue eyes I’d seen in months.
“Evie.”
“Hi, Jude,” she said coyly, elbow-deep in a box of dishes.
“When did you get back?” Just as I’d caught my breath from climbing up the stairs, I’d lost it again.
“Yesterday,” she answered. “I was going to call you, but…”
“It’s okay,” I said, trying my best to play it cool. “How was Europe?”
“Beautiful,” she said with a dreamy sigh. It pained me to make small talk with her when we’d always been so deep. We didn’t always see eye to eye, but we always saw soul to soul. That was gone, and all that was left was this awkward exchange and formal pleasantries. Fuck that.
“Oh, Jude, that box can go in the bedroom,” Carys said, coming in from the other room. “Thanks!”
I carried it off, feeling Evie’s eyes on me the entire time.
“I’m going to grab another load from my car,” I announced, passing back through the living room.
Evie popped up, following me down to the parking lot. “I’ll help you.”
We walked in silence. There were so many words unspoken, and each of us was lost in our own thoughts. I popped my trunk and leaned in, grabbing the smallest box I could find and handing it to her, our hands brushing as I passed it off.
“I can take more than this,” she said with a laugh.
“It’s all right,” I said, stacking three large boxes and hoisting them up. “So, you’ve been back a day?”
“Yep,” she said. “I was going to come by and see you, but…” Her eyes fell to the ground as our shoes shuffled along the gravel pitted concrete.
“But what?”
“Carys said you had a girlfriend,” she muttered.
I laughed. Of course she did. “Sort of.”
“What do you mean, sort of?” Evie whipped her face my way.
“You wanna hang out tonight? Just us?” I asked. “We can talk.”
“You? Want to talk?” she said, shaking her head as we climbed the stairs to the second floor.
“With you? Yeah.”
“Hey,” Carys said as we entered the apartment once more. “Jax and I are taking everyone out to dinner tonight at Blue Wave. Hope you don’t mind, Jax invited Sam.”
I went to give Evie a look, but her eyes refused to meet mine.
EVIE
I peeled my sweaty moving clothes off and climbed into the shower, rinsing the day away. Dinner with Jax, Carys, Jude, and Sam was in an hour. The thought of seeing Sam, the woman who took my place the second I left town, made me nauseous, but I swallowed those feelings as best I could, burying them deep within me.
I carefully blew out my hair with a boar bristle brush and took my time applying my makeup. With my new budget, I was able to afford higher quality products, and I’d taken time to speak with various department store beauty consultants to learn the proper way to wear them. I blended a dime-sized amount of sheer foundation into my moisturized skin, followed by some light contouring and highlighting. Rosy pink blush kissed my cheeks, and creamy taupe eye shadow lingered on my lids. Several coats of the most dramatic mascara I had helped my blue eyes pop, and a flick of cat-eye liner finished the look.
I squeezed myself into some black leather leggings and pulled a gray, drapeneck, sequined blouse over my head. I stepped into the tallest black heels I owned, spritzed on some French perfume, and emerged from the bathroom into my quiet apartment. A text waiting on my phone indicated Jax and Carys were down in the parking lot, waiting for me.
“Oh, my God,” Carys mouthed as I walked toward Jax’s car. I climbed in, pretending not to notice the way they stared at me. “I’ve never seen you so va-va-voom before.”
Jax said nothing. He didn’t have to. His face said it all.
“Here I thought I was going to have to do the old one-two mascara and lipstick touch-up with you,” Carys teased. She craned her neck as she looked me up and down some more.
I flashed a coy smile, soaking in the compliments that helped ease my nervousness a bit more. “I learned a thing or two in the last year.”
“Clearly,” Carys said, still mesmerized by my new look.
Jax pulled us into a parking spot twenty minutes later, walking ahead to go snag our table.
“I’m nervous, Carys,” I admitted the second I had her alone.
“About what?”
“To see Jude and Sam together,” I said. She linked her arm into mine as we walked. “What is she like?”
“She’s nice,” Carys said. “Annoying, sometimes. A little superficial. Harmless, really.”
“Are they all boyfriend and girlfriend-y?” I asked, wincing as I prepped myself for the answer.
Carys cocked her head to the side, thinking about it. “Kind of. Not really. They have an interesting dynamic.”
Her answer told me absolutely nothing.
“You’ll see what I mean,” she added. “He doesn’t look at her the way he used to look at you, if that’s what you’re asking. You so still love him.”
“Does it even matter now?” I groaned. “I’m just the pathetic girl who overreacted a few months ago and walked out of his life.”
“He’d take you back,” Carys said. “He’s not over you. Not yet.”
“Clearly, he is if he has a new girlf
riend.” I couldn’t breathe as we entered the place. Dark mood lighting and light jazz played from the speakers. The faint rumble of quiet conversations buzzed all around me. There were candlelight and couples everywhere.
“There’s Jax,” Carys said, dragging me to a corner table where he sat amongst empty chairs. Jude and Sam weren’t there yet.
My heart pounded with every step that brought me closer to the table. Every minute that passed put me another minute closer to seeing Jude and Sam together. I didn’t know if I could do it. I didn’t know if I could see him with another woman. My eyes scanned the perimeter, searching for a clearly-lit exit sign just in case.
“Excuse me,” I said to Carys the second we got seated. “I’m going to run to the restroom real quick.”
I slammed my bag on the counter the second I flew into the tiny women’s room, hunching over and drawing in long, slow breaths. I glanced up at my reflection in the mirror, and for the first time in months, I saw fear on my face.
“Hey,” Carys said, slipping in the room. “What’s going on? You okay?”
“I feel like I’m going to be sick,” I groaned. “I don’t know if I can do this.”
“You don’t have a choice,” Carys said. “They’re here now.”
A punch to the gut.
“You’re doing this,” Carys said. “And you look stunning tonight. We need to show this off.” She playfully pinched my ass.
I stood up straight, tugging my shirt into place. I checked my makeup one last time and slicked on a fresh coat of lip balm. My hand covered my chest where the thumping served to remind me that I was still alive. I was going to be just fine.
“Let’s go,” Carys said, dragging me by my arm to the dining room.
We waded through a sea of people and tables until we returned to our cozy little nook, the backs of Jude and Sam facing us.
“We’re back,” Carys announced, slapping a smile on her face like nothing was the matter.
Jude turned around, nearly choking on his mouthful of beer when he saw me. Oblivious, Sam rubbed his back as he coughed.
