She’d forgotten to eat.
There was no way she could tell Jake that, though. He’d be furious. He had no idea how she watched her weight, agonized over it. Except for when she was a little girl, she always cooked their meals, watching exactly what she put into hers. She made sure that Jake always got more meat, that she used low fat products and gave herself small portions although she tried not to make it obvious by pushing her food out, making it seem like she was eating more than she really was.
As little Ally she didn’t have a choice in what Jake gave her. But Jake didn’t like to eat junk food and he certainly wouldn’t permit her to eat anything that was bad for her health, let alone feed it to her himself. Besides, little Ally didn’t worry about things like calories and what the scales said.
When Jake returned, he held his doctor’s bag in his hand. Pulling out the surprisingly small blood pressure machine, he clasped the cuff around her arm. Ally tried to breathe evenly as it tightened.
“It’s low,” he announced, frowning down at her, his eyes thoughtful. “It’s been nearly six months since your last check-up. I’ll take some blood from you and do some tests.”
Ally knew better than to argue. “Can we do it in the morning, please?” she asked tiredly.
“You might be lacking in iron,” Jake said, obviously thinking out loud. “But I suppose it might be best to wait until tomorrow. Besides, it’s Saturday tomorrow and the lab won’t open until Monday.”
Ally let out a sigh of relief. Needles were not her favorite thing. Thinking the conversation over, she tried to sit up only to have Jake push her softly back down.
“I didn’t tell you that you could move, Ally,” he said sternly, his voice still worried. He glanced over at her desk and his gaze turned thoughtful.
“What have you had to eat today?” he asked.
Uh-oh. How had he guessed?
Ally looked over at her desk and saw the empty yoghurt carton. Damn it. Thinking furiously, she debated whether she could get away with a lie. But Jake seemed to have a sixth sense when it came to lies, especially when it came to her.
“Don’t even think about lying to me, young lady,” he said intuitively. “We both know I can tell when you lie. And that I will not be pleased if you attempt to tell me anything but the truth.”
Ally gulped heavily. “I had yoghurt for breakfast.”
“And? What else?”
“And nothing.”
His eyes widened before his face grew very stern. “You need to eat more for breakfast, it’s an important meal. So what did you eat for lunch? And snacks?”
“I forgot.” Her voice was small, tense.
“Forgot what? Forgot to eat lunch? Ally, that is not good enough. Is yoghurt really all you have had to eat today?” His voice rose with each word. “That is totally unacceptable. What were you thinking?”
“I didn’t mean to,” she said lamely. “I just got caught up in my work.”
He raised a brow. Standing, he started to pace across the room. Uh oh, she knew what that meant; he was preparing to scold her.
“I know you’re smart, Ally. You know you need more for breakfast. Didn’t your empty stomach clue you in that you needed to stop and eat? What about when you went to the bathroom? It would have been easy to stop by the kitchen and get a snack. No, don’t tell me that you forgot or got caught up in your work. It is not a valid excuse, young lady.”
Ally gulped. She knew that look on his face. She was in for a spanking, no doubt about it.
He gazed down at her and shook his head, sighing. “I can’t have you compromising your health this way, baby. Don’t you realize how it tears me up inside every time you’re sick? Just the thought of losing you…” his voice trailed off.
“Jake,” she said, alarmed by his pale face, the haunted look in his eyes, knew he was thinking of Natalie, his wife who died. “I’m fine. I’m not ill. I promise. I just neglected to eat. As soon as I get some food into me, I’ll be all good. I’m not going anywhere.”
She sat up. Jake leaned down and picked her up in his arms. He stood and carried her out of the study and along the passage to the kitchen.
“Put me down, Jake, I’m too heavy for you to carry around.” She knew it was the wrong thing to say as soon as it came out of her mouth. His stern look reinforced her thought and she slammed her mouth shut on further protests.
“I can see we need to have a little chat, miss.” He sat her on a kitchen stool and reaching into the fridge pulled out some orange juice. Pouring a large glass, he placed it in front of her with the order to drink it all. Pulling a face, orange juice was not her favorite drink, Ally nevertheless sipped at it slowly.
She watched Jake warily as he turned on the oven and stuck a frozen lasagne in to heat. One of his patients had given it to him. Ally had frozen it so she wasn’t tempted to partake of the creamy pasta dish. Now it seemed she wasn’t going to have a choice.
Two crackers covered with relish and cheese landed in front of her.
“Eat,” Jake ordered her abruptly.
Ally picked one up and took a bite without protest. She knew that one hint of rebellion from her and she was going to end up with a roasted bottom. Not that she wasn’t getting her bottom spanked anyway, but she’d prefer to avoid him using her hairbrush or, she gulped, the paddle.
Her stomach growled loudly when the food hit it, making Jake’s face darken further in anger. Ally gulped, feeling a tiny bit afraid. Her body shook, the trembles catching her unawares as the glass fell from her hand.
“Ally?” Jake took a step towards her, his voice concerned as he held out a hand towards her.
The past came rush back, stealing her mind. Old fears rose inside her as she was sucked back in to that terror. That fear. Ally fought it back, blinking. This was Jake in front of her. Jake would never hurt her.
Jake would never put her down, make her feel stupid or inferior.
“Ally, baby, talk to me.” His voice was calm, soothing. “It’s just me, just Jake. You know I would never hurt you. Come on, baby, come back to me.”
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m sorry.” Tears ran down her face. Jake pulled her into his arms. Ally crumbled against him, burying her face in his chest as his arms surrounded her, holding her tight.
“What have you got to apologize for, baby?” he asked as she cried.
“I don’t know. Anything. Everything. I’m sorry dinner wasn’t ready. I’m sorry I’m such a bother. Please, don’t leave me, Jake, I can be better, I can.”
“Hey, hey now.” He pulled back, his hands grasping her face firmly. “I’m not going anywhere and neither are you. You could never be a bother. I don’t expect perfect. Perfect would be boring. Perfect would mean I never got to spank you again.”
She snorted and he grinned.
“I want Ally. I want you to be you. I want honesty, communication. I’m not perfect, far from it. Are you planning on leaving me because I work too much and leave my wet towel on the bathroom floor and snore in my sleep?”
She smiled a little. “No.”
“No. Because life would be very boring if it was perfect, little one. I love you.”
Ally rested her head against his firm chest again, letting him soothe her. His heat surrounded her as his arms kept her safe and secure. She never felt as happy or as safe as she did in Jake’s arms.
“I love you too.”
Jake pulled back and used his hand to raise her chin so she was forced to face him.
“Feeling better now??” he asked, his gentle eyes searching h er face.
She nodded. “I’m sorry, I—”
“Shh.” His finger landed on her lips. “Enough apologizing. Did I frighten you, baby? I didn’t mean to.” He knew some of her past, knew about her emotional scars, her pain.
Ally shook her head. “I’m not scared of you, Jake. I know you would never hurt me otherwise I wouldn’t be with you. I promised myself that I would never be with a man who hurt me again. If I didn�
��t trust you then I’d certainly never let myself be little around you. I have to trust you to be like that with you. I-I just seem to be having trouble lately…” she let her voice drift off.
A look of recognition crossed his face. “Ahh, this has to do with you waking up last night? You had a nightmare?”
Ally nodded. When she’d first moved in with him, she’d had nightmares regularly. Only then, she’d wake up screaming and Jake would hold her, soothe her until she drifted back to sleep.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked his voice slightly sad and Ally squirmed, feeling guilty for not confiding in him. “I thought they stopped a few months ago.”
“I kind of hoped they were gone. I’ve only had a few in the last couple of months. Mostly when you’ve been out. I don’t know why I didn’t tell you. I guess I didn’t want to be a burden. You’ve been so good about this, so tolerant of my-my problems, I wanted to handle this by myself.”
He gazed down into her face, his voice very firm as he spoke. “You’re not alone anymore, Ally, and you do not have to deal with any problems by yourself. In fact I insist that you don’t. I am here for you to lean on, to be your support. You could never, ever be a burden. You were abused by someone who was meant to love you and that takes some time to get over. I should have realised you were having problems when you couldn’t sleep last night, but it’s been so long that I thought you beyond that stage.”
“I have. I mean, I do trust you, Jake. I don’t want you to think that I believe you’ll ever hurt me. I know you won’t. I do. It’s just sometimes my brain gets overridden by, well, I don’t really know what happens. I just get scared. The nightmares don’t help.”
“This is my fault,” he said suddenly, reproach in his voice.
She stiffened and stared up at him in surprise. “What are you talking about?”
“I’ve been letting you bottle this up. You’ve told me a little of what happened to you, but not everything. You hardly speak of your life before we met anymore. I’ve been letting you get away with that because I didn’t want to upset you. Because when we first met I wanted you to like me, love me, trust me. But we have all that sorted now. So now its time to start talking, my love. The only way to lessen the nightmares is to share them.”
Ally took a deep shuddering breath. “I’m scared to start talking.”
“Why?”
“Because if I let everything out, I’m terrified that I’ll shatter.”
He clasped her face with his hands. “Baby, if you shatter I promise to be right here to pick up the pieces.”
Ally stared at him, knew he meant every word. Warmth infused her. She could talk to Jake. He’d never judge her or put her down or make her feel foolish for her fears.
“But first, honey. I think we’d better get some food into you.”
Jake led Ally to the table. She sat and watched him bustle around, spooning out lasagne onto two plates and whipping up a quick salad.
She was so lucky to have him.
Jake was nothing like him. Like Lyle, her ex-boyfriend. Lyle would never have waited on her, would never have even noticed that she’d worked all day without food unless it affected him. If she’d been late with his meals or had forgotten to get his beer or pay the cable, then he’d notice her.
And not in a good way.
When she’d met Lyle she’d thought he was the man she’d been searching for. Someone strong and dominant. Take charge. A man who would put her comfort, her health and safety above his own.
Ally was odd. Or before she’d met Jake she’d thought she was. That there was something wrong with her. She’d dated men. Nice men. Men that never pressured her, never attempted to take charge, tell her what to do.
They’d done nothing for her. Nada. There had been no spark. She hadn’t been slightly interested in them sexually. And that had worried her. She’d started to think herself frigid.
Except there was one thing that turned her on. Erotica. Stories filled with dominant men and submissive women. Men that were loving, caring, strong and commanding. Men who weren’t afraid to take charge, who put their women’s care and safety above their own. Those sorts of men stirred her blood like nothing else.
Fictional men.
She never thought she’d meet one for real. Never thought men like that existed.
And then she’d met Lyle.
“Hey, there, baby. Where have you gone?” Jake asked in concern.
She blinked and looked at him, flushing slightly. “Sorry. Kind of zonked out there, didn’t I?”
He stared at her. “You’re tired. You need more sleep. I’ve really dropped the ball here, haven’t I?”
Ally hated how he was blaming himself. She wished now that she’d talked to him about her problems. He was right, only by sharing her nightmares would they start to lose the power they had over her.
“What were you thinking about before? I didn’t like the look on your face. It wasn’t a good thought whatever it was.”
She sighed. “I was thinking about when I first met Lyle.”
Jake frowned fiercely. “Through answering an ad.”
Jake highly disapproved of the method she’d used to meet Lyle. She’d answered an advertisement she’d seen on a spanking website. He’d said he was looking for a sweet, little girl to take care of, love and discipline as needed. At the time, she knew nothing of age play, but she’d been sick of being a wimp, of living half a life and playing things safe.
So she’d answered the ad and entered a nightmare. No scolding from Jake was going to make her feel worse than she already did.
Reaching across the table, he grabbed her hand and squeezed. “I know you were feeling desperate, baby and that you didn’t know how else to ask for what you needed. I also know you’ve learned your lesson about answering ad’s from strange men, about meeting with strange men alone, and that you learned that lesson in a way I truly wish you hadn’t.”
“I know it was stupid,” she berated herself.
“You were lost and confused, honey. I’m just thankful that Lyle didn’t permanently turn you off the kind of relationship you need. And I can never thank Kevin enough for introducing us.”
She smiled a little. “I feel the same way. I was so horribly embarrassed that Kevin knew about me, about what I wanted. When he found me that day, I thought I would die. I never wanted to see him again.”
“Believe me, baby, as a police officer; Kevin has seen a lot of things during his time. The fact that he is a dom gave him the background to know what was going on when he walked in and found you.”
Ally shuddered, not wanting to remember that day, but it was forever etched in her mind. Lyle hadn’t turned out to be the man she’d hoped for. Oh, for a start he’d seemed like her dream man. Strong, confident, stern. He’d taken her on a few dates, swiftly taking over everything.
She ate what he wanted her to. Slept when he told her to. Worked long hours and handed over all her money to him. He’d moved her into his apartment. Ostensibly so he could look after her better. But she’d soon realized it was so she could become his slave.
Ally had soon ended up doing everything. The washing, cleaning, cooking, and working. Lyle had lost his job soon after she’d moved in. She wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d been fired.
“He was a lazy, no-good asshole,” Jake said harshly. She jolted a little, unused to hearing him swear.
“I know. But he also introduced me to age play.”
She’d never heard about it, not until Lyle had brought it up. She thought she’d find it weird and disgusting. Instead, she’d been intrigued by the idea of becoming a little girl, of having a Daddy to take care of her.
“And he abused you with it.”
She stared down at his hand holding hers. It was large, but the fingers were thin and long. Elegant. Beautiful. Like Jake. She was so lucky to have him.
“Not always. For a start I enjoyed being little Ally with Lyle. But then he started using it as punishment, leav
ing me tied up for hours, making me wear a diaper out in public, humiliating me.”
Jake rubbed his thumb over the top of her hand, soothing her.
“The day Kevin found me I had a diaper on and nothing else. I’d been tied to the bed for hours.” She let out a little sob. “I was a mess. Lyle wouldn’t change me, wouldn’t feed me, he just left me there and when I complained, he-he…”
“He what, honey?” Jake asked even though she’d told him all this before.
“He hit me, over and over. I screamed. The neighbors heard me and called the police. That’s when Kevin came.”
And her life had changed forever. For the better.
“Kevin never gave up on me. He visited me in the hospital. I didn’t want to see him. I never wanted to see him again. But he wouldn’t take that from me. He helped me find an apartment, called me a few times a week. We became friends. I didn’t have any friends left by that stage, Lyle had forced me to cut off all ties with any friends I’d had before meeting him. Then one day, about a year after he’d rescued me, Kevin sat me down. Told me he could help me find what I was looking for. A man who would truly take care of me and fulfil all my needs. I thought he meant himself. I was horrified. He was like a brother to me.”
She laughed a little. “But he didn’t mean himself. He was horrified when I tried to let him down gently.”
“He meant me,” Jake said.
She smiled, looking into his gorgeous eyes. “Yes. It took some convincing for me to agree to meet you, but I loved Kevin, I trusted him and I knew he wouldn’t let anyone hurt me.”
“You were so terrified that first day, your beautiful eyes took up most of your face. I just wanted to pull you into my arms and hold you tight, tell you I’d protect you from the world.”
“And you have.”
“Not well enough,” he berated himself. “Not if Lyle’s still scaring you.”
Ally and Jake Page 2
