by MJ Fredrick
After two hours of haggling with her bank, her money was in the process of being restored, something they warned could take days, but at least they believed her. Willow sat in a restaurant overlooking the Sound, a surf-and-turf meal in front of her. She should be more relaxed—they’d reached Seattle on time, they were flush and Cam had gotten the job. She had everything she wanted—a prestigious account of her own and a man she adored who loved her, only two thousand miles apart.
But all she could think about was that she had a choice to make, and she was so afraid she’d already made it. Otherwise, why would she keep conversation turned away from the question she sensed he wanted to ask?
He told her about the casual atmosphere of the interview, about how young his bosses were. He described the work area they’d shown him, smaller than his cubicle back home, but with state-of-the-art equipment.
“They want me here by the end of next week.” He watched her face carefully, but she merely nodded, keeping her expression blank.
“Sounds like they’re going to keep you busy.”
“Yeah. I need to find a place here. I didn’t want to look into apartments before I got to Seattle, in case I jinxed everything.” He covered her hand on the table. “Hell, I didn’t think I’d be this excited.”
“It’s good to see you happy,” she murmured, saluting him with her wineglass. This one meal would cost them what the past six had, but he deserved it.
“Only one thing would make me happier.”
She leaned forward and smiled, determined not to spoil his mood, but equally determined not to lie to him. “A nice hotel room with a hot shower and a big bed?”
He winked. “And a working heater.”
“And no mirror overhead.”
He lifted her hand to his mouth and pressed a kiss to her palm. “And you in it with me.”
His words had her catching her breath as desire speared through her. “Yes.”
He waved the waitress over. “What’s the nicest hotel in the city?”
Willow stopped him from blowing his relocation money on the hotel the waitress had mentioned, instead settling for a Marriott by the waterfront. She didn’t imagine they’d enjoy the view for a few hours, but it would be romantic in the evening. The room was bright and decorated tastefully, one wall all windows. The bathroom was shiny with a large tub—not big enough for two, but definitely appealing. Though not quite as appealing as the bed.
Cam closed the door behind them and Willow’s pulse skipped. As much as she wanted this, the implications made her antsy. Was she making a mistake, not telling him her plan to leave in the morning?
She crossed to the window overlooking Puget Sound and folded her arms around herself. Cam tossed his duffel on a chair and walked up behind her, his hands on her shoulders, sliding down her arms, bending his head to her throat.
“Today I’m taking my time,” he said against her skin.
He felt different—not his body, but his intentions, his emotions. She felt a confidence in him she hadn’t felt before. His lips were soft but determined on her skin; his hands folded around her wrists and pulled them from around her waist, placing her palms against the window. He slid his hands up her arms to her shoulders, then down, skimming the sides of her breasts before curving over her hips, pulling her back against his erection.
“That doesn’t feel like taking your time,” she said, a little breathless with anticipation.
“Maybe not the first time.” He turned her in his arms, flush against his body, to kiss her mouth.
She curved her hands around the back of his head, holding him to her as he devoured her mouth, his tongue demanding, hot, his hands on her back restless, not allowing a millimeter of space between them. He cupped her bottom and sat her on the window ledge, opening her legs to him, moving between them. She slid her hands under his jacket and eased it from his shoulders, trapping his arms for a moment before releasing him and tossing the jacket aside, then working on his tie. She didn’t have the patience to unknot it, so she slipped it over his head and began undoing his buttons, suddenly hungry to feel his skin beneath her palms. His own fingers slid beneath the hem of her sweater, over her waist, his touch light enough to be almost ticklish, yet definitely arousing as he lifted the garment up over her ribs and closed his hands over her breasts, his thumbs on her nipples.
She gasped into his mouth, then pushed him back, stripping off her sweater and tossing it aside before reaching back to unhook her bra. He choked out her name and lifted her, turning her toward the bed in one movement, lowering her to the plush coverlet, coming down over her. She rubbed the insides of her thighs along his hips, bumping her hips against his, ready, so ready, to feel his skin along hers, his body inside hers. She curled her fingers through his hair again and arched up to kiss him, demanding more, demanding now.
He pulled back to unfasten his slacks, and she did the same, her fingers fumbling in her haste, especially when he stood over her, gorgeous and naked and aroused.
She pushed to her knees and grasped him as she kissed him, sliding her breasts against his chest.
“Will.” He caught her wrist, stopping her caress.
He helped her to her feet on the bed, steadying her with his hands on her waist. He captured her nipple in his mouth, drawing on it, eliciting a moan from her. She curled her fingers through his hair, holding him to her, but he released her and bent his head to slide his mouth down her body, over her stomach, lower.
“Cam, no.” She nudged at him but he wouldn’t stop his descent, nuzzling between her legs. She parted them despite herself, and with just one caress, he sent her tumbling into a climax that had her muscles tensing, then quivering, no longer able to hold her up. He lowered her to the mattress and crawled up her body, pressing against her as he kissed her, revving her desire up again. He entered her in a long, deep thrust.
His gaze remained steady on hers as he moved over her, driving her into the soft mattress, stroking her skin. She bowed into him, wanting to give back, wanting to give more. But she’d gone back to being the one who thought everything through, weighed every outcome. And the outcome here, if she said the words that burned the back of her throat, terrified her. Even as her body responded to his, even as he guided her toward another orgasm, she knew if she said those words, there would be no going back.
“I thought I lost you there for a while,” Cam said a few minutes later, on his back, one arm over his eyes, the other behind her head.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean I got the feeling you were thinking too hard about something else.”
She pulled away enough that they weren’t touching. The move made him drop his arm from his eyes and turn to look at her.
“This is kind of freaking me out,” she admitted.
“What, having sex with me?”
“Not the having sex, which is great, amazing, holy damn. But the ‘with you’ part.”
“Because I’m Cam.”
She nodded, glad he understood. “Because you’re Cam. Don’t you feel weird about it?”
He turned onto his side to face her. “Willow, I’ve been fantasizing about this since you grew breasts. I’ve loved you since I was sixteen. So no, not weird. A fantasy come true.”
Suddenly she was self-conscious of her nudity and adjusted her arm to cover her breasts, though she could still feel his mouth on them. “It would have been so much easier if we’d done it back then, before we had all this baggage.”
“Maybe we need the baggage to appreciate it,” he said when she sat up to reach for her sweater.
She found his shirt instead and pulled it on. He made a garbled sound in his throat and she turned to look at him.
“That is the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen, you in my shirt.”
“I’ve worn your clothes before.”
“Not after we made love. Not when you have marks from my mouth on your skin.” He traced a spot on her throat. “Not when you smell like me, and I smell like you.”
Damn, she was growing aroused again, her nipples brushing against the soft fabric of his dress shirt. If the way he was looking at her, if the way his body was already reacting, was any indication, they might burn out on each other by tonight.
Right now, she didn’t care. She turned to him and let his hands course under the hem of the shirt before they made love again.
***
“Can’t you wait and go back home with me?” Cam tucked her against his chest as they lay in bed and looked out the open window onto the lights of the Sound.
She tensed. She couldn’t put this off any longer. “I need to meet with Gwyn tomorrow.”
“We haven’t heard from her in a while. Are you sure that’s still on?”
She shifted away, not wanting to touch him when she told him she was going home. Still, she had to face him, so she sat up. “Actually, I did hear from her this morning.”
“You didn’t say anything.”
“You were so excited. I haven’t seen you happy in so long, I didn’t want to take anything away from that. I got the account.”
His face brightened. “Hey, that’s wonderful. You deserve it. You should have told me. We would have had more to celebrate.”
“I didn’t think—we’ve been doing all this for you. This is a bigger deal.”
He sobered and brushed his knuckles over her cheek. “Don’t say that, Will. You’ve worked just as hard.”
She should be glad he was focusing on that and not what this meant for their future. In fact, she saw the moment he realized that it meant she had a commitment when she went home, something to anchor her in Illinois, away from him. He got that determined look on his face, eyes earnest, lips tight.
“We can do this.”
She battled back the hope that warmed her chest. She was going to have to be the practical one here. “Long distance.”
“I would prefer not. I’d love you to move here with me. Hell, I tried to stay in Illinois with you but you wouldn’t let me.”
“I didn’t want to hold you back. This job is something you love.”
“You aren’t holding me back.” He tucked a curl behind her ear. “Will, why do you think I applied in the first place?”
She shook her head, frowning, so afraid of the indecision rumbling through her. If he kept talking, kept touching her, would she throw away everything she’d worked for? Because the temptation was great.
“You said I should. You always believed in me, that I could get here. And now I’m here and I want to share it with you.”
“Long distance.”
“To start. Maybe I’ll hate this job, maybe you’ll hate yours. It’s ridiculous to let something as simple as a job keep us apart when we’re right for each other.”
Wariness ran through her like a live wire. “We don’t know we’re right for each other. I mean, we don’t have any experience being a couple, being with each other all the time. I haven’t even seen you in weeks. How do we know we’re good together?”
His mouth tightened more and his brows drew together. “We’re best friends.”
“Who haven’t seen each other every day since high school. Cam, be logical here.”
“I can’t be logical when you’re lying here naked with me.” He skimmed his hand up her side and tried his charming smile.
“Then we shouldn’t be making big decisions now.” The words came out sharper than she intended, revealing her frustration, and he dropped his hand away with a frustrated sigh.
“Will, we’ve known each other almost our whole lives. The timing has never been right, and I know this job is important to you. I’d never want to take that away. But before I send you thousands of miles away, I want you to—”
She slapped two fingers over his lips, terrified he’d ask her to move here with him. “Don’t say it. Don’t you dare say it.”
He frowned. “Why not?” His lips moved against her fingers.
“Because I’ll say no.”
She watched him crumple, just for a second, crumple to ash and blow away, and knew her suspicion about his question had been on target. Then his expression steeled and he pushed her hand away.
“Why? Because I know you love me, Will. You haven’t said it, but I know you do.”
“I haven’t said it,” she repeated sadly. “I can’t say it.” She couldn’t go on, couldn’t look at him as his expectations dissolved, as his hopes dissolved. God, why had she come here with him? She never thought, never dreamed—
Liar. She lied to herself, lied to him. She did love him, but couldn’t say so, not without everything changing. She’d watched him with Laura and thought to herself how wonderful that would be to have a man who loved her that much. He was her nameless, faceless fantasy husband, but saying so made her too vulnerable.
“What about Laura? How could you have been in love with me all this time and still have been in love with Laura?”
He drew in a breath. “I did love her. Not at first, but you knew her. Everyone loved Laura, and she deserved everything I had to give. And for months I wondered if I’d loved her more, if she would have survived the cancer.”
Her heart twisted with such pain she almost doubled over with it. “Cam, no. You can’t take that on yourself. You can’t believe that.”
He leaned back against the headboard and looked straight ahead. “I don’t, really, anymore. But I didn’t intend to love her, because I loved you.”
His expectant look told her that he wanted her to say the words to him. She couldn’t. “I can get another room,” she managed finally, rolling off the bed, hating the way he was looking at her, hating the way the air in the room thickened with disappointment and pain.
“Don’t be ridiculous.” He pushed to his feet then and snatched up his jeans to drag them on. “Go take your shower. I’m going to go for a walk.”
“Cam, it’s freezing.”
“I’ll be fine.” But he didn’t look at her as he pulled on a sweater and his coat, then slipped out the door.
Their timing had always sucked. Cam jammed his hands in his pockets as he walked down the sidewalk. He’d forgotten his gloves, and who knew the extra layer of fabric provided by underwear made such a difference in cold weather? He’d scared Willow. He’d seen the fear in her eyes and, in retrospect, saw her holding him off from this whole conversation all day, distracting him from it in various ways.
Tonight with sex.
Why? Because she thought he’d forget? Or because she didn’t want to face her own feelings? He knew she loved him, though now that he thought about it, her defenses had been up since the karaoke bar. He’d never had to breach them before. She’d always just been Willow with him. But since they’d slept together, it was like she was closing doors on him, doors that had always been open. What did she think she was hiding? And why?
Yeah, he’d definitely rushed her—she’d just gotten her dream job too. He’d pushed too soon—and she’d panicked. Now he was going to have to work even harder to win her.
But when he got back to the hotel, her things were packed and she was gone.
Chapter Ten
Willow spent the flight home with the scent of Cam on her skin and tears in her eyes. What had she done, just walking away like that? Had she destroyed everything? Had she thrown away their friendship?
Putting distance between them had been foremost in her mind, and she still believed it was the safest thing for them. Otherwise, they would have ended up fighting and one of them would have said something they might regret—or worse, she would have said yes to his proposal and given up the self-sufficiency she took pride in.
She never should have pushed to go with him on the road trip. She should never have called him to help her get away from Jerry. It had been a ridiculous lapse for a woman who didn’t want to depend on a man.
Now, as she approached her house with trepidation, her nerves skittering, she was wishing for Cam again. She didn’t want to see the damage Jerry had done to it, though Cam had
assured her that Brian and his family had cleaned up. She knew Brian had called the police, but that was the last she’d heard. Brian would have let her know if they’d arrested Jerry. Which meant he could show up here. She didn’t really think he’d hurt her, but she hadn’t thought he’d trash her house, either. Because of her anxiety about getting back in time to meet with Gwyn, she’d managed to keep the fear at the back of her mind until right now.
She didn’t want to see the violation by herself, but she had no one she could call. She was a grown woman. She could do this. She mounted the steps, unlocked the door and stepped inside.
The place smelled different, sour, and not just because she’d been away awhile. The rooms were empty, missing mirrors and paintings, her new couch and TV were gone, as well as her computer, leaving empty spaces. Her refrigerator, her beloved retro refrigerator, was still there, but the door was hanging off. God, the thing had cost her a fortune, and now it was ruined. She ran her hand over it regretfully and turned into the bedroom, where the smell was worse. What was that?
Her mattress was gone. He’d slashed it, Cam had said. Where was she supposed to sleep tonight?
She owed Cam’s family so much for taking care of this while she was gone. While she was breaking Cam’s heart.
She missed him so much. She leaned against the wall and slid down, burying her face in her arms and giving in to the tears.
Her phone rang a short time later. She glanced at the unfamiliar number on the display, battling back the disappointment that it wasn’t Cam reaching out to her. But why would he, after she’d run away?
She answered.
“Willow, this is Angela. Cam said you’d be home, and I’m worried about you,” Cam’s mother said. “Do you need a ride from the airport?”
“No, thanks,” Willow said with a shuddering sigh. “I’m home already.”
“Oh, no. I didn’t want you to see that on your own. Are you okay?”
Willow looked around her beloved little home and gave a choked laugh. “Sure. Thank you for everything you did. I don’t know how to repay you.”
