by Jewel E. Ann
He reached over and squeezed my leg while shaking his head.
“Maybe … but my scenarios had more fictional flair.” I laced my fingers with his.
“I don’t need any more flair. I have enough sitting right here next to me.” He chuckled.
As we pulled up to their house, my nerves got the best of me. Quinn squeezed my hand as he leaned over to kiss me.
“It’ll be fine. I love you and they do too.”
A nervous smile was all I had to give before Eddie opened my door. Quinn grabbed my hand again as we walked to the door. He didn’t bother knocking before he opened it.
The moment we walked in, six year old Ellen charged at Quinn. He released my hand and easily scooped her up in his arms.
“Quinn!” she squealed.
“How’s my favorite niece?”
“Good.” She smiled while tilting her chin to her chest and rolling her eyes up to give me a shy gaze.
“Do you remember Addy?” he asked as her arms squeezed around his neck.
She nodded.
“Hi, Ellen. Did you have a fun Thanksgiving?” I asked.
Still staring at me with alien awe, she continued to nod without verbal response.
“Where’s your brother?” Quinn asked as he set her down and took my coat.
“Kitchen,” she softly replied before turning and running.
“Hey, man,” Mitch called as he came down the stairs.
They shared a hand shake. Then, without hesitation, Mitch gave me a big hug. “It’s about time Quinn got his head out of his ass and got back the best thing that’s ever happened to him.”
Pulling back, I wasted no time correcting him. “He didn’t get me back. I went to New York for him, and he did not exactly welcome me with open arms. So, actually, he still has his head up his ass.” I smiled.
Quinn grabbed my arm and pulled me into him. “Thanks, baby. You know it really hurts getting thrown under the bus like that.”
“Yeah, well, it hurt getting thrown out of your condo on my ass.”
“What?” Mitch asked in surprise.
Nine year old Ethan bolted down the stairs. “Hey, Uncle Quinn.”
“Hey, buddy. Thanks for saving me. Let’s go find your mom.” Quinn followed Ethan to the kitchen.
“Don’t think you two are done with your little story,” Mitch chided as I followed Quinn and Ethan.
“I’d better let Quinn tell you the rest. I’m sure he’ll put a much more creative spin on it.”
“I heard that,” Quinn hollered.
Alexis was in the kitchen. Doing what, I wasn’t sure. She was dressed for dinner with the Queen and had an apron on that looked brand new. She had numerous containers on the counter filled with food, but they looked like carryout containers from a restaurant. There weren’t any pots or pans on the stove, and the oven was shut off. Then I caught sight of the light on in the microwave.
After she gave Quinn a big hug and asked Mitch to open a bottle of wine, she plastered on her beauty queen smile and acknowledged my presence.
“Addy,” was all she said before she removed the container from the microwave and exchanged it with the next one on the counter.
What the hell?
“Hello, Alexis. Is there … anything I can help you with?” I asked, dumbfounded by what I was witnessing.
“I’m good, unless you want to grab some baby carrots from the refrigerator. The best restaurants in Chicago don’t have much that’s considered vegan, so I hope Quinn told you to eat before you came. There’s dip in the fridge too, but I think it’s a sour cream dip.”
Quinn had already followed Mitch and the kids into the dining room, so he missed that little zinger.
“So, when did you get all this stuff?” I asked as I looked at the containers of meat and creamy side dishes.
“Last night after Quinn called and said you’d be coming. I had Mitch run and pick it up from that new French restaurant by his office. We did the same thing for his parents when they came for Thanksgiving: picked everything up the night before and popped it in the microwave the next day. I transferred everything to nice serving dishes for Thanksgiving, but I figured since Quinn’s my brother and you’re a vegan we could just serve them in the carryout containers.”
Deep breath … I am peaceful, I am strong.
“That’s fine, however, I’m not sure what my being a vegan has to do with it.”
“Oh you know what I mean. Your kind just aren’t … oh what’s the word I’m looking for?”
“Pretentious?”
“No.”
“Ostentatious?”
“No.”
“Vulgar, showy, stuck-up?”
“No, no, no. Hygienic. That’s the word I was looking for,” she declared as she removed the final dish from the microwave.
“Hygienic? Do you even know what that means?” I questioned in disbelief.
She waved her hand in the air. “You know, clean … well kept. Time to eat! Mitch, Quinn, come help carry the food into the dining room.”
When the men made their way back to the kitchen Quinn raised a suspicious eyebrow at me.
“Is everything okay?” he mouthed as he grabbed two of the containers.
Biting my upper lip, and tongue, I nodded with big eyes that said otherwise. His forehead wrinkled in concern.
Alexis removed her apron, tossed it on the counter, and strutted into the dining room. “Don’t forget your carrots, Addy,” she called out.
Deep breath … I am peaceful, I am strong.
After everyone was seated, Mitch gave the blessing. Then, as if we were at a late night office meeting, everyone started passing around the take-out containers. I set a handful of carrots on my plate, which surprisingly was an actual dinner plate.
“Is that all you’re having?” Quinn whispered.
“Yes, because apparently you forgot to mention that I was supposed to eat before I came,” I whispered between gritted teeth and a fake smile.
He furrowed his brow in confusion. “Alexis, why didn’t you order anything for Addy?”
“I tried but they didn’t have any vegan dishes.” She shrugged her shoulders and continued to eat.
“Then you should have ordered from someplace else,” he returned in a firm voice.
“Alexis, when I asked you about it, you said you had something for Addy,” Mitch added.
“Hello? Are you all blind? What do you think she’s eating?”
“Mommy said you don’t eat meat because you like to get all the attention,” Ellen happily chimed in.
Quinn’s whole body went rigid. “Ellen, Ethan, how would you two like to eat downstairs in front of the TV?”
“But we’re not allowed to eat downstairs,” Ethan protested.
Mitch got the hint and made his move. “Today is a special exception. Daddy will help carry your plates. Let’s go.”
Everyone waited in silence until the kids were downstairs.
“I don’t need a lecture,” Alexis announced breaking the silence.
“If Mother were here—”
Alexis cut him off. “Well she’s not! Thanks to Addy, we will never see her again.”
“Dammit, Alexis!” Quinn’s hand slammed the table. “Addy didn’t kill Mother. She didn’t give her cancer, she didn’t do anything wrong. She only did what Mother wanted her to do. So if you’re going to be upset with someone, then be upset with Mother for not telling us. But Addy is off limits!”
“Don’t you dare talk to me that way. You’re nothing but a pathetic, drunken loser, just like Dad was. You fuck everything that moves and you have absolutely no respect for anyone but yourself. You two deserve each other. I’m sure it’ll be a race to see if she can stab you in the back again before your stick your dick in someone else.”
I stood and reached for Quinn’s hand. “Let’s go.”
He didn’t need any convincing. Without another word he was going to get our coats.
“Going home to braid your a
rmpit hair?” Alexis sneered as I turned to leave.
My ego dragged me backward until I was standing next to the chair she sat in. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” I grabbed a container of food and dumped it down the front of her white dress.
Her arms flailed to the side as she gasped in horror.
Then I repeated with another container of something that had a nice red wine sauce. “It’s pretty pathetic that you spend time thinking about my armpits, because I guarantee you when I leave here I will no longer be thinking about that unsightly mustache on your lip. Better watch that, before long people will think you’re a vegan with poor hygiene skills.”
Her hand instinctively covered her lip. “You bitch!” she yelled as she stood up. “Do you have any idea how much this dress cost? Or how much money I spent on all this food?”
“Oh my God, the food, really? I guarantee you the French chef who made this last night would shit his pants at the thought of you serving it a day later out of the microwave.”
Just as Alexis started to come at me, two strong arms wrapped around me from behind and carried me toward the door. “What are you doing?” Quinn asked as he hurried us out.
“You’d better get out!” she yelled charging after us.
I tried to free myself, but his grip was too firm. “And who the fuck still microwaves their food anyway? Why don’t you just let your kids smoke a pack of Marlboros for dinner?”
Eddie had the door to the Bentley wide open so Quinn could toss me in and shut it quickly. As soon as he was in the other side, Eddie wasted no time leaving the premises. I straightened myself after being manhandled into the car then crossed my arms over my chest.
Quinn raked his hands through his hair and sighed. “That went well.” He tried to hide his smirk but couldn’t.
I looked out my window to hide the smile that was creeping across my own face. “I think so too.”
My smile turned into an uncontrolled giggle, which made Quinn’s smile even bigger. “My mantra completely failed me.”
“Yeah, I’d say so.”
“How do you know about my mantra? I’ve never told you.” I asked tilting my head to the side.
“Deep breath … I am peaceful, I am strong. You say it in your sleep. The first time I heard it was after our first night together. I thought it was some sort of sex mantra. I thought it was hot. But then I started noticing how you take a deep breath when you’re upset, and I assume that’s what you’re saying to yourself.”
Smar––ty––pants!
“Wow, babe! Your manly status just took a real hit with that confession.”
“How so?”
“Now I know you’re observant, and men are rarely observant.”
“Well, then I might as well let you know that I observed everything at my sister’s house. It was like a game of limbo, seeing which one of you two could stoop the lowest and not get hit.”
“She started it.”
“Real mature. What happened to my intellectually advanced and socially refined woman?’”
“She basically called me an unhygienic carton feeding attention hog then handed me a bag of baby carrots for brunch. And just so you know, I was also sticking up for you.”
“Thanks, baby, but I’ve been pulling Alexis’ hair, snapping the heads off her Barbie dolls, calling her names, and tormenting her boyfriends since she was old enough to walk. I’m pretty sure I can stick up for myself.”
“Fine then, I was just trying to put the bitch in her place.” I pouted.
“And … by bitch, you mean my sister?”
“And … by your sister, you mean bitch?” I retorted.
“I hesitate to ask, but I just can’t help myself … microwaves and Marlboros?”
“Uh … yeah. It causes the formation of carcinogens in foods. Clinical studies conducted by Dr. Hertel showed significant changes in blood samples from test groups that consumed microwaved foods. Most notably in hemoglobin and leukocyte values, which went beyond normal daily deviations, suggesting pathogenic effects such as poisoning and cell damage.”
Quinn looked at me like I’d just given birth to an alien baby. “I can’t believe it––you’re a conspiracy theorist.”
“If by conspiracy theorist you mean someone smart enough to see the corruption and deception through the smoke and mirrors of our corporate-run government, then yes. I am a conspiracy theorist. Marlboros and microwaves, fluoride and Alzheimer’s, mercury and autoimmune diseases, dairy and osteoporosis … Choose your topic and I’ll enlighten you.”
His smile could not have been more exuberant. “Addy?”
“Hmm?”
“I love you.”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
The rest of our weekend in Chicago was uneventful compared to brunch on Saturday. Quinn had to fly home Sunday afternoon. I was worried about how he would handle going back to work and meeting with clients while avoiding the temptation to drink. He had done it for years by choice without the cravings that come from addiction, but those days were gone and every day was going to be a challenge. A challenge that would get easier, but would most likely never be completely gone.
After Quinn said goodbye to Mac and Evan, I walked him to the door. He enveloped me in his arms and kissed the top of my head.
“It’s going to be lonely in bed without you tonight.”
“Well, at least you’ll be in your bed and not the chair.” I couldn’t resist.
“Funny girl, huh? You’re right. I’ll be in my bed, but not alone … I’ll have a big bag of microwave popcorn to keep me company.”
“Real cheeky.” I smirked with squinted eyes.
Our banter came so naturally. Everything about Quinn felt natural, fated … perfect.
Squeezing him tighter, I said the words I’d been wanting to say since we left Alexis’. “Thank you for what you said yesterday.”
He leaned back to look at me. “What did I say?”
“You said that it wasn’t my fault your mom died. You’ve never said those words to me, and although I knew in your heart your felt them, it meant a lot for me to hear them.”
“Baby, I’ve been a real jerk. There are so many wrongs that I’ll never be able to right–– so many things I’ve said and done that were cruel and, rightfully so, unforgivable. But what you did for my mother was amazing. I can’t imagine what it must have been like to watch her die. You knew the consequences, the pain, the contempt, and yet you still said yes. I love you, and I’ve said before that if I were a better man, I’d let you go because you deserve so much more.”
Happiness is a choice, a state of mind. Thinking that Quinn made me happy would have implied he made my choices for me. That wasn’t true. However, he made all the colors of my rainbow shine brighter, and I couldn’t imagine deserving or needing more than that.
“You did let me go, more than once. And I came back, more than once. Oh God, what does that say about me? I just can’t take a hint, can I? When we first met I accused you of stalking me, but look who’s stalking now? How can I be so smart and yet so stu—”
His lips captured my mouth, and I felt hypnotized by his touch as my thoughts faded. The rest of the world ceased to exist when our bodies connected. After I fell limp in his embrace, he inched his head back and grazed his thumb over my then swollen lips.
“Stop analyzing. It’s simple … you are brilliant and I am, and may always be, a fucking idiot. But I promise you, no one will ever love you as much as I do; thankfully, loving you is a no-brainer.”
“Ah, babe, you will forever be my favorite ignoramus. Now get going before I have to explain to Mac why I’m dragging your sexy ass back to the bedroom.”
Placing his hand on the back of my head, he pulled our foreheads together. “I’ll see you later beautiful,” he whispered.
“Goodbye, babe. Have a safe flight. I love you.”
He grabbed his bag and turned back. “Never goodbye,” he said with a wink.
My heart ached a little, as it always d
id, when we parted. Life was too unpredictable and definitely not “fair” in my book. The present was our only guarantee, which often filled the past with regret and the future with uncertainty.
*
Journal Day 100
Grateful for 100 days of life-changing perspective.
Monday morning Mac was just plain giddy. Her first official prenatal visit with the midwife went great. She found out she was further along than she originally thought, but with her irregular menstrual cycles we weren’t surprised. The countdown was officially on, twenty-seven weeks until her due date.
“Addy, you have to get your ass relocated to my zip code. This is ridiculous! I hate to play the ‘you owe me’ card, but right now I have an excess of hormones raging through my body and I cannot be responsible for what comes out of my mouth.”
“I know. As I recall I was the recipient of your hormonal and not-so-discrete vulgarity on Thanksgiving.” I handed her a cup of raspberry leaf tea and sat next to the fireplace.
“Jesus Christ, Addy. Do you have any idea how crazy horny I was after walking in on you getting ready to mount your Arabian horse? I’m talking The. Best. Porn. Ever! I carried your smoothies back to the kitchen just as Evan was coming inside from taking out the garbage. I shoved down his running pants and sucked him off while I flicked my bean. The poor guy didn’t know what came over me. The upside has been his eagerness to take out the garbage every morning since. This morning he woke me up at 6 a.m. to make sure I knew he hauled out the garbage.”
The disgusted grimace on my face felt permanent. “Oh my gosh, Mac! TMI! And for the record, the BJ garbage story … NOT The. Best. Porn. Ever!“
She sipped her tea and shrugged her shoulders. “I guess it depends on what you’re into.”
I shook my head in rapid succession as if it were really possible to erase the visual in my head like an Etch A Sketch. “You know I’d love to stay and chat, but I have a plane to catch.”
“Ah yes, you have to get back to New York and act out the happy ending to your epic love story, which of course ends in Chicago.”
“Mmm, if it’s truly epic, it will never end. Now go pee, and I’ll meet you in the car.”
