“Topher . . .” My voice died, and I practically felt all the blood drain from my face as I met his cool blue eyes with mine.
In front of him, his father turned for the door. “If you’ll excuse me, I have some phone calls to make.”
My heart pounded so hard in my chest I thought it might explode.
“How . . ?” His voice cracked. “How did you know? Are you friends with Julie? I don’t understand.”
If there was any doubt in my mind he heard the entire exchange with his father, this just cleared it up. Yet, he hadn’t figured it out.
“No.” I shook my head. Because there was no point in pretending anymore. “Topher, I’m Julie.”
A moment passed before this newfound information registered on his face, and he flushed, his expression crumpling from one of confusion to rage.
“Wow.” He shook his head and stared at the ground by his feet before he lifted his gaze again. “So you’ve been playing me the whole time, huh? What, were you just waiting for something you could use against me? Or was this just convenient?”
When I said nothing, he choked. “So you were hoping for dirt on me?” Then he brushed past me, and I reached out to grab his arm, but he shrugged me off and stepped back like I might bite.
“You know, I fell for you, P.” His eyes flashed a brilliant blue, full of emotion. “No, actually, that’s being dishonest, and unlike some people, I happen to value the truth. I’ve always liked you. Even from the day you started at Lakeview and I teased you, I liked you. I was just too stupid to tell you or show it. I was too wrapped up in myself and being popular.” He swallowed, then glanced away from me. “I was an idiot, but now I’m glad because JT and Mikey and Luca and Gabby might not be perfect. They might be superficial and vapid and whatever else you think of them, but at least they don’t stab each other in the back.”
My pulse raced as I tried to make sense of everything he just said. He liked me? This whole time?
I shook my head. It was impossible, but I needed a way to make this better. “Topher, please . . . I never meant to hurt you.”
His gaze darkened, so full of emotion, it cut me like a knife.
“Okay,” I shrugged, “I admit it, that very first text was meant to hurt you. But when it didn’t, when you just sort of laughed it off and thought I was someone else, I thought . . . maybe I could use it to my advantage. Maybe I could find something to bring the Royal empire down.”
“Well, that worked out well,” he said, his tone bitter.
I ignored him. “But then I started getting to know you. As Julie first, but also in our tutor sessions and at school. And I realized you weren’t the guy I thought you were. You’re so much more than the king. You’re charming and sweet, and you care about the people around you, even if you haven’t always shown it. You have dreams and goals of your own. You’re super smart, and you—”
“Cut the crap, Ewe. Seriously. I’m done. So done.”
My stomach dropped to my knees. My hands shook as I fought for the words that would earn his forgiveness. But I came up short.
I knew this was how the conversation would go, and yet it was unbearable, worse than anything I imagined. “Please, Topher, I—”
“You probably got a kick out of me trying to prove myself to you, didn’t you? Did you laugh over the texts with your friends? Send Scarlett screenshots of all our conversations?”
“No. I would never—”
“Oh, yeah. Miss Integrity, I forgot.”
“Everything I said in those texts was real. The only thing I lied about was my name.”
“And what were you going to do when homecoming rolled around, P? Stand me up? Make up some lame excuse like you did the day of my game? Only you did go, didn’t you? You probably got a real kick out of the fact that I was so disappointed Julie wasn’t there. Probably laughed about that for days.”
“No, and I was going to tell you. In fact, I hoped you’d realize on your own, and when you didn’t, that day at the game, I almost told you, but I thought you’d hate me.”
“Well, you were right about one thing, at least.”
“So I was planning on telling you this week.”
A hiss of air escaped his lips. “And then, like a fool, I went and told you about my father. I was so grateful that you listened and didn’t judge.” Topher chuckled and ran a hand through his hair, messing it up. “I’m so stupid.”
“Don’t say that.” I reached out and cupped his hand in mine, and he let me, for a moment. Before he pulled away again and my hopes imploded.
“I like you,” I blurted, stepping in front of him, forcing him to face me.
When his eyes met mine, my heart jumped in my throat. “I know I’ve given you a million reasons not to trust me, but it’s true. And it’s part of why I waited so long to tell you. I know it’s no excuse, but once I started falling for you, I was just so afraid you’d hate me. A part of me hoped to somehow salvage us. To . . . to . . .”
“See, that’s the thing, P.” A bitter smile curled his lips. “There is no us. There never really was.”
My shoulders slumped under the weight of his words, and my thoughts reeled from the whiplash of the last few days when he stepped past me once more and murmured, “I gotta go, or I’m gonna be late.”
And then he left me, standing there staring after him, with my heart in pieces at my feet.
Chapter 26
PENELOPE
I sat on the living room sofa, staring at my phone, wishing for Topher to call. But of course he wouldn’t. He was on his way to Bucknell for his meeting. And besides, I betrayed him. I lied, used his secret to my advantage, blackmailed his father, and broke his heart in the process. I was the lowest of lows. A snake in the grass. Worse than any Royal. What was it Topher said? JT and Mikey and Luca and Gabby might not be perfect. They might be superficial and vapid and whatever else you think of them, but at least they don’t stab each other in the back.
He was right, so right. But I was faced with an impossible choice. My father lost his job because of me. It was my fault he was ready to break down in the kitchen yesterday. My fault he wouldn’t have a paycheck in two weeks. So I had to make it right, didn’t I? And the only way I could think of to do that was with leverage.
Moaning, I sunk my head into my hands. No amount of reasoning with my choices would make it right. And as I waited for my father and Sara to get home from her game, I bowed my head and let myself fall apart.
TOPHER
The overhead lights glinted off the ice-blue water of the Olympic-sized pool. In front of me, Eric Bower, the recruiter for the Bucknell Bisons, gave me the lineup of players on the team and their stats for the past couple of years.
He used his hands as he spoke, clearly passionate about his job, which made it easy for me to zone out, for my mind to wander back to Penelope and the moment I heard the familiar sound of her voice at my doorstep.
I remembered how I stood there, listening for a moment, ready to jump in and defend her if need be, but hanging back because I was so certain her presence had something to do with my meeting. That maybe she had come for moral support. To make sure I didn’t let my father sway me. And maybe, just maybe, if she had, it meant she had feelings for me too.
But I was wrong. She hadn’t come for me. She’d come for her own gain.
I could still feel the vestiges of shock roiling in my gut. The stabbing betrayal as she used my secret against me to blackmail my father. Then telling me how she was really Julie and that she’d lied to me all along.
I swallowed over the lump in my throat. To think that just last night, I beat myself up over the fact that I had feelings for them both when all along they were one and the same. The signs were there, I could see them now. The day in the library when P freaked out about her phone going off just as I sent Julie a text. The way she sometimes acted like she already knew something about me without me having to tell her. How freaked she got when I asked for her phone number. The weird face mas
k she wore when I called her, and the odd lilt to her voice. I’d have to be a complete imbecile not to realize.
The day at my game . . . The red tank and the dark jeans. The fact that Penelope said she couldn’t come and Julie promised to be there, yet it was P who showed up. I should’ve known . . . But I’d been so desperate to be seen by someone as Topher, not King or captain of the water polo team, or the most popular guy in school, that I was blinded to the truth.
“So what do you think, Elliot?” the recruiter asked, spreading his arms wide. “Do you see yourself here, playing for Bucknell?”
My eyes met his, and I nodded, despite the fact that I had only been half-listening the entire time. “Yes, sir, I do,” I said, because it didn’t matter where on the roster I’d be or how state-of-the-art their gym was. All that mattered was that come August, I’d be four hours away from my father and Lakeview. And far away from Penelope Ewe.
Chapter 27
TOPHER
By the time I arrived home after my meeting at Bucknell, it was dark.
I opened the front door and headed inside to find my mother lying on the couch, watching a movie. “Where’s Dad?” I asked without preamble.
She pointed toward the back of the house. “In his office.”
I nodded without another word, then headed down the hall all the way to the end of the house to the massive room with vaulted ceilings and a marble fireplace he called his office, and pushed open the door.
My father sat at his desk, his brow pinched and his mouth a flat line as he glanced up from the account ledgers in front of him. “Knock next time,” he barked, but I ignored him. Instead, choosing silence as my weapon as I plunked down the paperwork I’d been holding on top of his ledgers.
“What’s this?” He peered up at me, not even bothering to glance down to read them.
I tapped a hand on the papers, then turned, calling over my shoulder, “It’s a contract with Bucknell. I signed it.” Then I slammed the door shut, with my father’s voice trailing behind me.
Later that night, I stared at the ceiling, trying to ignore the incessant buzzing of my phone beside me. I didn’t need to check the screen to know who it was—Penelope—the same person it’d been for the last two hours. Apologizing. Explaining. Asking if we could talk. Asking for forgiveness.
But I didn’t want to talk. I had no time for explanations, and I was all out of shits to give, which meant forgiveness wasn’t on the table. Not now. Maybe not ever.
I swiped my phone off my nightstand in time to see another incoming text, so I clicked to my contacts. My finger hovered over the erase button. I could delete her. Block her. Ignore her at school. Then I wouldn’t have to hear from her again.
But in the end, I clicked off, cursed, and powered my phone down, then tossed it across the room to where it landed on the chaise lounge underneath the bay windows, away from me, so I wouldn’t be tempted to check it.
With a grunt, I rolled onto my side and punched my pillow even as my chest tightened and my throat bobbed. And when I closed my eyes, her brown eyes were the first thing I saw. As dark and rich as the espresso I drank nearly every morning. The feel of her lips, the warmth of her skin underneath my palms as we kissed, haunted me when all I wanted to do was forget.
So why couldn’t she just leave me alone? She’d gotten her revenge on me after all these years. She’d gotten what she wanted. Shouldn’t she be happy?
Unless . . .
No. I growled and flopped over onto my back.
I wouldn’t even go there.
Nothing about my relationship with her or Julie was real. Even if she did have feelings for me, did it really matter when she lied? When she betrayed me like she did? It was unforgivable. Something I couldn’t move past, so it was best I bury her and any feelings I had along with it.
PENELOPE
I stayed home sick on Monday like the coward that I was, but when Tuesday rolled around, I knew there was no avoiding Topher forever. It was time to face him.
As it turned out, my fretting over our tutor session at the end of the day was all for nothing because the moment I stepped inside, Principal Bell caught me just outside the office and waved me over.
My pulse skipped as I crossed the hall and a million fears came to life. What if Topher’s secret somehow got out? What if Ms. Stone was fired and Principal Bell was calling me in for questioning? Topher would think I did this, too, that I outed his father’s illicit relationship to the whole school.
“Miss Ewe, just the woman I wanted to see.” Bell smiled.
He didn’t look upset, I mused, and he hadn’t called me back into his office, so it mustn’t be too serious. Still, I couldn’t help but feel like it must be something bad.
“Um, did I do something wrong?” I asked.
“What?” His brow creased. “Oh, no. Of course not. I actually have good news.”
I exhaled, partly relieved.
“Turns out, you’ll get to lighten your load. Topher will no longer need a tutor.”
“Oh.” My stomach dropped, and I glanced to the ground at my feet.
Maybe not so good, after all.
“Everything all right?” he asked, dipping his head to try and catch my eye. “I thought the news would please you. It seemed like—”
“No no. Everything’s good,” I rushed to tell him. “That’s great news, actually.”
“Okay, well . . . we’ll still keep up our end of the bargain in terms of your tuition, but just keep your schedule open in case we need you again.”
“Will do,” I said, hooking my thumb toward the hallway. “If that’s all, I guess I’d better get going.”
He nodded and flashed me an encouraging smile, and just as I turned, I smacked into a brick wall. Only, it wasn’t a brick wall, after all. It was made of flesh and bone, and when I blinked up into the cerulean blue eyes I knew so well, my heart went into overdrive.
“Topher,” I breathed, but he barely looked at me. “I’m so glad—” I started, but he didn’t even give me a chance to finish. The second his eyes met mine, he glanced away again and headed down the hall like I hadn’t said a thing. Like his shoes were on fire, leaving me staring after him with a dagger in my heart.
I groaned as I laid my head on Scarlett’s shoulder. Though it was lunchtime, I’d barely touched my food. Instead, I updated her on everything that happened, then vacillated between lamenting over my current situation and reading her the texts I sent. And though talking about it at school wasn’t ideal, it was the only chance I’d get seeing as how I was grounded indefinitely.
Finally, she snatched the phone out of my hands, and I protested, grabbing at the air in front of me. “Hey!”
“You need to stop,” she said. “Rehashing it and beating yourself up isn’t healthy.”
“Who cares.” I glowered. “I’m a terrible person.”
“You are not a terrible person.”
“I am. So terrible he won’t even talk to me. I mean, I knew he’d be mad, but I thought he’d at least hear me out, let me explain, but he wants nothing to do with me.”
Scarlett sighed and ran a hand through the length of her hair, quiet for a moment before she said, “Maybe you just need to give it some time.”
“And if he still wants nothing to do with me?”
“Then you’ll move on,” she said, and I swallowed over the lump in my throat because I hated that option. I didn’t want to move on.
“So does this mean you can’t go to homecoming next week?” she asked.
“That’s what you’re worried about?” I sat up. “Homecoming?”
“What?” She shrugged. “It’s our senior year.”
I groaned and stared off into the distance in the direction of where the Royal boys played football. Shirts versus skins. Topher was skins. Of course, he was. And his abs nearly brought me to tears.
“To think I had a date with Topher Elliot, and I blew it.”
“Well,” Scarlett held up a finger, “technically
, Julie had a date with Topher.”
I shot her a glare, to which she smacked her lips. “Alrighty, then.” She stood, dusting the grass off her legs. “I have to pee.”
I flopped back into the grass and snatched up my phone where she left it, before I opened my text to Topher, then stared up into the clear blue sky—the same shade as Topher’s eyes—and I typed, I never meant to hurt you.
I hesitated, finger over the send button before I quickly erased it, because it wasn’t really true.
TOPHER
A week had passed since I found out about Julie and the incident with Penelope. A week since I accepted Bucknell’s offer. A week since I took control of my life.
Yet, I wasn’t any happier.
And I knew why.
I may not be able to do anything about the Penelope-Julie situation, but I could, however, do something about the burden of my father’s secrets and lies.
So if he wasn’t going to tell my mother, I would. She deserved to know the truth. And no matter the fallout, whether they got a divorce and Dad lost his bid for mayor or some of his business, it’d be worth it. Because anything was better than living a lie.
When I got home from school, it was just after two o’clock, and I found my mother in the kitchen. Her hair was pulled up, a mass of blonde waves atop her head. Flour covered her cheeks and the pink apron she wore. Next to her on the counter was a tray of cookies and a recipe book dusted with a thin coat of flour.
“Hi, honey,” she glanced up from where she was rolling some kind of dough on the marble countertop. “You’re home early.”
“Yeah.” I rapped my knuckles on the counter. “I skipped practice. There’s, um, something I need to talk to you about.”
“What is it?” She straightened while she wiped her hands on a dishtowel, eyes wide at the seriousness in my tone. For a moment, my resolve faltered, and I wondered if I was doing the right thing.
Hate Notes: A Sweet Enemies to Lovers Young Adult Romance (Lakeview Prep Book 1) Page 19
