RUNNING THE STORE was second nature. We lived in a suburb of Seattle that was its own little town and it wasn’t long before I recognized a few familiar old faces who stopped by to shoot the breeze with my dad on their way for morning coffee.
The plan was for me to start off with half days from eight to noon so I could still have the afternoons to write. Jessie worked three full days, and then two half days. Sam, one of the full-time employees, had worked there as long as I could remember and a handful of other staff filled out the remaining shifts.
There was only thirty minutes left in my first shift when Ryan walked in the store. He was dressed in a pair of jeans and a pale blue polo that emphasized his muscular build. He looked like he’d been lifting weights the last few years because his shoulders, chest and arms were much more developed than I remembered.
He stopped next to where Jessie and I were stocking some shelves. “Hello ladies, how’s it going?”
“Hi Ryan,” Jessie chirped with a big smile.
“Hi.” I waved and turned back to my stacking. Our pizza dinner had been surprisingly fun, which ultimately had left me feeling confused. It was easier to despise him—that was a simple emotion.
“What are you smiling about?” Jessie asked.
“Signed the partnership papers yesterday. It’s official.”
“Oh Ryan!” Jessie squealed and clapped her hands together, bouncing up and down. “That’s wonderful!” She threw her arms around him and gave him a big hug.
“Congrats,” I mumbled as I turned away, trying to focus on stacking paint cans. I couldn’t force myself to pretend I was as excited as Jess, because I wasn’t. Everything was changing—yet, it felt like I was falling backwards through time.
Chapter Forty
I took Simone to the airport Tuesday morning. She’d finally stopped talking about the apartment thing, but it was simmering under the surface like a shark circling. She gave me a passionate kiss at the airport that caused a twinge of guilt but it was washed away by the wave of relief when she walked onto the plane and I was free again. One more confirmation my aversion to commitment was the right decision.
AT FIVE A.M. Thursday morning my brothers and I arrived at the hospital. My father was in one of the pre-op rooms being prepped for his quadruple bypass. Scheduled to start right at the stroke of seven, in my opinion it wasn’t a minute too soon. His skin color had become grayer with each passing day and the doc said it was because he wasn’t getting enough oxygen to his heart. Though the doctor seemed confident that the bypass would be successful, I had to admit I would feel a lot better when it was over.
“Nothing to it,” Dad said. “Dr. Winthrop does about five of these a day.” He asked questions about the grandkids and the office, keeping the atmosphere light. “I’ll see you boys on the flip side.”
“THE SURGERY SHOULD take four to five hours,” Dr. Winthrop said. He was dressed in his blues and wearing red crocs, just like the docs in Manhattan General. A blue cap covered most of his short salt and pepper hair. “We’ll call you as soon as we’re clear and give you an update.”
SITTING IN THE waiting room, time seemed to stand still. Phil, Nick and I talked about their kids and the office. Mundane, topics that were easy. Like normal, I avoided talking about myself. I tried to read over some of my father’s cases that I’d brought with me but it was difficult to concentrate.
I paced.
My mind went crazy places with my father’s life on the line. I stood with my hands shoved in my pockets and stared out the wall of windows at the landscaping that effectively simulated a forest as childhood memories flooded over me. Birthdays and holidays, vacations and sporting events. What if Dad didn’t make it through the surgery?
I tried to pretend I wasn’t in a hospital—but it was impossible.
My mind drifted from one thing to another until I found myself thinking about my time with Alexis at Manhattan General. How wounded she’d looked lying in that bed all banged up. How even when she was half out-of-it from drugs she could still be funny—talking about a prince having to kiss Sleeping Beauty to wake her up. I chuckled at the memory. For just a moment I let myself go there and remembered what it was like to kiss Alexis.
What was it about her that made me open up in a way I wouldn’t do with anyone else? It was like Alexis could see me—the real me—where others couldn’t. I wasn’t conscious of pulling my phone out of my pocket and dialing her number. Suddenly it was at my ear and ringing in time with the pounding of my heart.
“Oliver?” She didn’t bother with hello and she didn’t sound particularly friendly—which made me wonder if she was still mad about Simone showing up, but it pleased me she knew my number.
“How did you know it was me?”
“I’m psychic, of course, and my mom and dad have caller id.”
“Hey, is this a good time to talk?”
“I guess. How did your dad do? Is his surgery over already?”
I exhaled. Of course she remembered. “He’s still in surgery. Probably another hour or two.” I hesitated. Why exactly had I called her? “Could you come to the hospital?” What did I just say? I barely recognized my voice. I sounded like I was twelve again. I felt like I was twelve again.
There was only a slight hesitation. “Sure. I just got off work. Are you at Swedish? What floor?”
“We’re in the Cardiac ICU waiting area. Room 262C on the second floor of the center building.”
“I can be there in twenty.”
SHE WAS WEARING tight jeans that showed off her slim figure with black knee high boats and a black double breasted pea coat. A checked red scarf was wrapped around her neck. Her hair was parted on the side and hung free in a mass of blond waves. She would have definitely made me look twice if she’d walked by. Thankfully, she walked right up to me and gave me a hug. She smelled good—something rich and warm and sexy—not too flowery or sweet.
“Are you here by yourself?” Her eyes were full of concern. “The waiting part is the worst. Did the doctors give you any indication of what to expect?”
“Thanks for coming. Nick and Phil are over there—” I pointed to another section of the waiting room— “but they’re trying to work so let’s stay here where we can talk.” I led her to some chairs. “Dr. Winthrop said they’d be done in four to five hours, so we should hear something any time, I would think.”
We sat down in two upholstered chairs that sat at right angles to each other. Our knees bumped, then bumped again, so she crossed her legs and shifted away. I didn’t let myself overthink it—I jumped right in. “Alexis, I’m sorry about what happened last Saturday. I had no idea Simone was going to show up.”
Her face stayed perfectly blank as she crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back in her chair. “It’s no big deal, Oliver. I knew you had a girlfriend. Remember? She got me fired.” Her smile didn’t reach her eyes. “Also, I understand the reasons you invited me to dinner. You needed a counterweight to Estelle. No worries.” She tilted her head, causing her hair to hang to one side. “How’s—”
A counterweight? What did that mean? I interrupted her. “That’s not true.” Was it true? “I didn’t bring you to be a counterweight. I don’t even know what that means.” And even if it was true, I realized now my motivations had changed somewhere during the evening. “Simone may have gotten you fired but don’t forget I saved your life.” I had to be crazy-desperate if I was playing the ‘I saved your life’ card.
A frown flickered across her brow. “What?”
“Didn’t the nurses tell you? After the accident I used my tie as a tourniquet on your leg to stop the bleeding. The EMT’s said I saved your life.” I raised my palms. “So there. I think that makes us even. You have to forgive me.”
She was silent for a long time, staring at me with an inscrutable expression. I waited, bracing myself for whatever sarcasm was going to be flung my way.
“That’s rather serious business,” she finally said.
I kept
my expression solemn like hers. “Exactly. We’re forever linked now.” Did I just say that?
Blank. Her face was blank. Why was her face so blank? “Okay then.”
“Okay what? I’m forgiven?” I don’t know why it mattered so much, but it did.
“Yes. I forgive you, Oliver. And the Beast. I can see now she can’t help herself.”
“The..” I paused, trying to convert what she’d said into something that made sense—but it wasn’t happening. “The what?”
She held her hand in front of my face in a stop position. “Don’t ask. Just let it go.”
Instinct told me she was right and I wanted to move away from talk of Simone. “Did you say you got a job?”
Alexis shrugged. “I’m bored. I’m broke. I can’t write. I need to do something. My dad offered me a job at the store so I took it.”
That meant Ryan Leeds would have more than enough opportunity to see her. “But aren’t you going back to New York?”
She dropped her gaze, suddenly fascinated by the fringe on her scarf. “I’m not sure—”
“Oliver!”
I looked up and Phil was waving me over. The doctor was standing with them. I jumped up and hurried toward them asI tried to evaluate the expression on his face. Had everything gone okay? Were there complications?
“Your father’s surgery went well. There was some weakening of the heart wall that was unexpected but we think we have it stabilized. He’s in recovery now and should be up in his room within an hour or so. We’ll keep him in the ICU for the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours so we can watch him and see how he holds up. He’ll be wired with tubes for his heart, breathing, stomach, bladder, chest and a few arterial lines to measure his blood pressure, but don’t worry. It’s only for a few days until he stabilizes. Expect three to five days in the hospital and then we’ll send him home. You have someone to stay with him?”
We all nodded.
“Fine. Let me know if you have questions. I’ll stop by the room later once he’s settled and see how he’s doing.”
PHIL AND NICK briefly said hello to Alexis before I walked her to the door.
“Thanks again for coming.” I smiled, noticing for the first time how her eyes had little freckles in them that matched the freckles on her nose. She was so familiar, as if I’d known her for a very long time. “You made the day tolerable.”
“And that’s supposed to be a compliment?” For the first time I heard coldness in her voice. “Where’s Simone?”
“Simone went back to New York.” I shoved my hands into my pockets before I did something stupid, like wrap my fingers behind her neck and pull her to me so I could kiss her. “I wouldn’t have wanted her here with me, anyway.” It wasn’t the politically correct thing to say. It was simply what I felt. “I wanted you here with me.” Then I slid one hand behind her neck and kissed her.
Chapter Forty-One
I wasn’t expecting Oliver to kiss me. One minute he was talking to me and the next his lips were on mine. He kissed me slowly, as if savoring every second—as if we had all the time in the world. His skin was warm, his breath minty from his gum. One thumb stroked my cheekbone and for those few moments I had the overwhelming sense that maybe, for the first time in my life, I was exactly where I was supposed to be. Everything about the kiss felt right—even the butterflies in my stomach.
When he pulled back, Oliver looked as surprised as I felt. A frown flickered across his brow and he opened his mouth to speak but his phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and glanced down. The picture that filled the screen made it easy to see who was calling: Simone Bouchard, Supermodel Girlfriend. He had the decency to look guilty as his eyes flicked to mine to see if I’d seen.
“Alexis—”
“Good bye, Oliver.” I turned and right on-cue the automatic doors swished open like I was in a movie. I walked from the brightly-lit hospital into the muted lighting of the outdoor sidewalk like an automaton set on forward. And fade to black. My bubble had been burst before it had even had a chance to float. Oliver was with Simone Bouchard—the new face of Chanel. That was the only thing I needed to know about him.
RYAN AND JESSIE were watching a movie when I got home.
“Come in and watch with us.” Ryan motioned as I paused in the doorway. “Jess picked it—it’s a chick-flick. You’ll love it.”
“What is it?” I was oddly numb, operating on auto-pilot.
“Miss Congeniality with Sandra Bullock,” Jessie said. “Benjamin Bratt is hot.” She pretended to fan herself while she watched Ryan out of the corners of her eyes for a reaction.
“Not as hot as Miss New Jersey.”
I remembered how Ryan used to hate to watch romantic comedies when we were in college.
“That’s only because she carries a concealed weapon.”
“Two concealed weapons—”
“Oh please.” Jessie rolled her eyes but her lips were twitching. “You’re not juvenile enough to be making boob jokes are you?”
“Juvenile? Look at the—”
“Thanks,” I walked across the room, “but I’ve seen it.”
Ryan paused in his bantering with my sister and looked up at me as if he’d forgotten I was there. “Come on, Lex—”
Jessie started poking Ryan in the side and giggling. I left them to their movie and went into the kitchen. I didn’t care what was going on between those two. I didn’t. But I felt oddly depressed as climbed the stairs to my room with my peanut butter toast.
I flopped down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. Why had Oliver kissed me? Did he think I was easy? So in love with him that I would kiss him even when he was dating someone else? Which obviously I would. There was no joy to be found in this kiss, because there is no point, my evil twin whispered in my ear. Oliver doesn’t care about you anymore than Ryan did when he slept with Jeanette.
Who was I to Oliver? Who was I to anybody? I flopped back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. No job, no future—no plans. Somehow, I had become a nothing.
Chapter Forty-Two
I watched Alexis walk away, waiting for her to turn around—but she never did. I don’t know why I kissed her. Well, I guess I did know, but I almost wished I hadn’t. She made my life infinitely more complicated. Yet, I couldn’t stop thinking of her.
THEY ROLLED DAD into his room shortly after we arrived in the ICU. The ‘room’ was basically a glass cubicle where the patient could be observed by any number of the nurses who had stations positioned inside and outside the ICU units.
Simply put—Dad looked like hell. He had tubes and wires coming out of every part of his body. They’d split his chest open, right down the middle, then glued and taped it shut and put a bandage over that. Half the room was filled with machines monitoring his status, each giving a different reading of some different function.
The nursing staff would only allow two of us in the room at a time so we decided to take shifts. Since my caseload was the lightest, I offered to take the night shift and stay overnight with him. Philip would take the morning shift and Nick would take the afternoon.
AFTER MY BROTHERS left, I sat next to Dad’s bed and tried to read the paper but the lighting was so muted it was difficult. Plus the fact I couldn’t concentrate. There was no TV in the room and even the hallway noise was hushed so I took it as a sign that I needed to be still too. I slid my hands into the pockets of my jacket and leaned back in the small wooden chair. The nurse had explained my father was so heavily medicated he would probably sleep most of the next two days. She said I didn’t need to stay, but they were just words. We both knew I would.
I closed my eyes but even though my body was tired, my brain wouldn’t shut off. Bits and pieces of conversations seemed to float in the air around me, pulling me in different directions.
Don’t leave before you say goodbye, son. Oliver, are you happy I’m here? Oliver, when will you be coming back to New York? How long have you and your pretty friend been dating? Any plans in the fut
ure we should know about? I understand the reasons you invited me to dinner.
I pushed out of the chair and ran my hands through my hair, weary in a way I didn’t remember experiencing before. I stood next to Dad’s bed and looked down at his face. He had aged dramatically in the last few weeks. Even his hair looked more silver as if a reflection of the stress his body had been going through.
Memories from my childhood pushed away the voices. Happy memories of fishing and skiing, soccer and basketball; camping vacations and trips to exotic locales. My dad had done a good job raising three sons on his own. I picked up his hand and his fingers were cool to my touch. I wrapped both my warm hands around his, trying to impart my own good health onto him. I imagined it was me lying in that bed, fighting for my life. Who would I want to be holding my hand in that moment?
The answer came quickly: Alexis. And like that—I knew what I had to do. It was time to step up and be the man I intended to be. I didn’t love Simone—hell, I didn’t even like Simone half the time. And I didn’t love my job enough to sacrifice my own integrity. Life was too short. As soon as I got back to New York I would tell Simone the truth—face to face and put an end to this charade.
A wave of relief washed over me and I promised myself I wasn’t going to run away from a relationship that mattered to me—regardless of how scared I got. I would do a better job than my father and brothers had—and Estelle’s toxicity would not poison my life. I was imagining freckled eyes and crazy hair when one of the machines started beeping. An urgent, repetitive beep beep beep that made my own heart keep pace.
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