by Shannah Jay
She shrugged. 'There are other ways for us to contact Confex than through them. There are always ways.
But it could take a while to find a route now that we don't have a nearby nexus-point.'
'I'm sure you won't let yourself be distracted.' His eyes turned to the man beside her. 'Your main task, Mak, will be to work out the best way of maintaining our food supplies. Prepare two emergency plans, one supposing relief within a year or two, the other supposing no relief.'
'I think it's a bit extreme to suppose no relief,' Mak protested. 'It's not at all likely to come to that.'
'Oh, is that so? Well, it doesn't matter any more what you think. I'm in charge, and it's what I think that counts now. All you need to think about is how to do as I say. Do you challenge that?'
'No, of course not. Why should I work against the good of the group? Though I do think you're jumping to too many pessimistic conclusions.'
'I will remind you this once only that I'm Exec of this expedition, not you. It's my job to jump to conclusions in an emergency. Your job is to obey me.'
Robler's atavistic pleasure in giving orders made Mak feel uneasy, but it didn’t seem worth challenging the man on a minor point. After all, they would undoubtedly need to work together now, more than ever before.
* * *
A standard day or two later, Soo told Robler that Davred and the rest of the group seemed to have woken up. The images continued to be blurred and the sound non-existent, but she could see enough to realise that they’d all woken from their long spell of unconsciousness and were moving around. It was frustrating how little of their surroundings showed up, but surely there was no lake in the region they were in? It hadn't shown up, even on the additional detailed survey scans that had been done recently.
Robler wasn’t interested. 'Davred Hollunby is not our main priority now. Our own survival must come first. All you need do is to keep an occasional eye on those fools and see whether you can get some clue as to how they manage that instantaneous transmission. If it weren't for that, I'd leave them to rot. After all, it's Those of the Serpent who rule in the Twelve Claims now, not the Sisterhood.'
'Not quite everywhere,' Soo protested.
'Almost. It won't be long before the other claims fall into line. Once we've got our emergency routines operating here, I must give some thought to contacting Those of the Serpent.'
' No! '
'If we're cut off permanently, we may even have to go down and live on that planet. It's one thing to spend a few years in a satellite, quite another to give up a normal life for ever.' He smiled wolfishly at Soo and added,
'In fact, in view of the emergency, it could be considered rather selfish of Mak to monopolise your company.'
Soo took a deep breath, waited until she had her anger under control and said coldly, 'It's up to the individual to choose a life partner, and I've chosen to spend my life with Mak. What I do with my own body is my own business and will remain so. I'm not a commodity to be shared out among you. You do remember, do you not, that freedom of the individual is a basic tenet of the Confederation's constitution?'
'Ah, but what if the Confederation ceases to exist? We might not be able to afford such luxuries as
"freedom of the individual" if we're struggling for survival. You might be needed, Soo, to produce a series of babies, with a range of different fathers - to ensure the survival of our group.'
He sounded as if he enjoyed the thought of that, but she could not hold back a gasp of horror.
He laughed aloud at the expression on her face and strolled off to his quarters. It was amusing to taunt Soo, but though he meant what he said, he’d wait a little longer before he took any action. If the exploration team found themselves to be still within the jurisdiction of Confex, then he’d of course abide by Confederation rules. If, however, this sector of the galaxy were to revert to barbarism, then it would be up to him, as Exec, to set new rules for the group, rules that made for group survival, whatever the cost to the individual.
And, he smiled at the thought, in that case, women would definitely be needed for selective breeding - all the women on the satellite, including Soo. He almost hoped that would happen. He would very much enjoy setting Soo in her place, not to mention that pasty-faced automaton she'd taken up with. Robler knew his own fertility-count was exceptionally high and he would take the greatest satisfaction in fathering a son by Soo - or even a few sons.
He made a tour of the satellite, to sound out the team's opinions on how to deal with this crisis, and had a very interesting chat with Met. He hadn’t realised before that Met's planetary background had given him such useful views on people's duty to the group.
CHAPTER 8 ESCAPE FROM DSHERESH VALE
Within two days, the Elder SS'Habi had given permission for the group to exercise outside the grove, though everyone was to stay on the same level of the valley and no one must touch the glistening creamy pathway that was used only for approaching the High Council.
'Must not!' repeated the Elder SS'Habi, fixing her eyes on each member of the group in turn. 'Iss very much forbidden.'
'We shall be most careful, then,' agreed Herra. 'May we ask why not? It's always easier to obey a rule when one understands the reason for it.' She waited, smiling politely, as the Elder SS'Habi blinked a few times and rolled her eyes.
'Iss - painful.'
'For whom?'
'For all. Iss bad. Iss disturb alignment, unless have honour to visit High Council.'
'Then I repeat, we shall be most careful. Is one allowed to ask for a more precise explanation of alignment?
I don't understand your use of the term. I ask because, like you, we of the Kindred seek for truth and understanding.'
'Iss not possible to explain. This one much regrets. Iss good to seek truth. But iss not in your truth to understand alignment.' The Elder SS'Habi made the complex gesture with two of her legs which they had come to understand as a farewell, and Herra inclined her head in reply.
Two SS'Habi guards were left, as usual, at the edge of the grove and since they always gave the appearance of listening carefully, Herra shook her head slightly at the questions brimming in Katia's eyes.
'Well, my very dear friends,' she said instead, 'let us take advantage of the permission to exercise. We need to build up our long-distance stamina. And remember - don't tread on the special path. We don't wish to damage the alignment, do we?'
* * *
A week later, when the rest of the group were out exercising, Carryn sought out Herra. 'Elder Sister, may I seek your wise counsel?'
'Little Sister, my knowledge is there for all to share.' So it has come, Herra thought, the question I have been dreading.
'Elder Sister, you are still a Healer, aren't you?'
'Yes, child. That Gift is always with me.'
'Then may I ask what's wrong with me? I - I know shock affects the body. But - well - that's over now and my body hasn't - it hasn't returned to normal.' She was pleating the material of her robe as she spoke, avoiding the older woman's eyes.
Herra reached out to take Carryn's hand. 'And can you not guess what has happened to your body, dear child?'
The hand quivered in hers and then became rigid. Carryn made a gulping noise, as if nausea threatened.
'Sometimes,' said Herra softly, 'the truth is not pleasant.'
'No.'
'But when on has vowed one's life in the service of our Brother, one learns to face the trials he sends. One can learn from them and one - '
'No! No! No! '
' Breathe slowly! ' Herra held Carryn's hand tightly and would not allow the girl to pull it away. 'The truth is sometimes hard to face,' she repeated gently.
Carryn gave a wail of sheer terror and fell to the ground, burying her head in Herra's lap. 'You can stop it. I know you can! My mother told me. Sometimes it's dangerous for a woman to bear a child, and a Sister Healer can stop it. Herra, please, please stop this one! I can't, I just can't, face it! I don't even know
who the father is, and whoever he is, he's evil, he's of the Serpent. Oh, please, Herra, stop it!'
'We only stop pregnancies when it's necessary for the woman's health. You're in excellent health, Carryn, young but well developed. There is no danger to you.'
Carryn jerked upright, her eyes filled with horror. 'You can't mean that! You can't ask me to have a Serpent's child!'
A shadow passed over them and Benjan sank to the ground at the other side of Carryn. 'We're here with you, little one. You'll not be bearing it unsupported.' He took hold of her other hand.
The girl's breathing was still ragged and sobs were tearing at her throat, making her gulp and gasp in the effort to control them.
'A baby,' said Herra, 'is not responsible for the sins of its parents.'
'But who knows what sins its father has committed, what soul-darkness he has passed on to it? I can't bear that! I can't, I can't! ' Her words were shrieks of despair.
' Breathe slowly! Calm yourself! '
The sobs lessened, but the wild panic was still there in Carryn's eyes. Herra looked over the girl's head at Benjan. She didn’t question his right to be there; his love gave him the right - and something else also spoke of the need for his presence. She knew that he was necessary at this time.
'Carryn wants me to stop the pregnancy,' she told him.
'No!' he said instantly, then looked at Herra in puzzlement. 'Why do I know that it’d be wrong, Elder Sister?'
'You know it,' she corrected. 'The God has spoken through you, as he speaks through some of us from time to time. It's a precious Gift, which you must learn to use wisely, Benjan Starborn.'
She turned back to Carryn. 'Listen, dear child. I know that the baby you carry is of the line of Benner. He was the first to take you and the child is his. That line carries many Gifts, as well as dangerous traits. If our Brother wishes to preserve those Gifts through the child you carry, then who are you to deny that need?' Her voice was stern now and she let go of Carryn's hand. 'Did you so lightly promise to serve the God that you can now gainsay His will? If you destroy the life you are carrying, then you are not truly of the Kindred.'
Carryn moaned and Benjan clasped her hand more tightly.
Herra was relentless. 'How many Sisters have borne children to men they didn’t choose, Carryn, in order to further the Prime Lines? They knew their duty! They did it willingly. How many recently have borne children of Davred's line? Did Katia complain of this? No! She disliked the idea of sharing Davred, but she accepted her duty!'
'It may not be Benner's child,' Carryn threw at her. 'Even you can't possibly know that. There were other men too! Till I could scream no longer. Who knows which of them is the father? They carried no Prime Lines! They were the scum of the Serpent's lair.'
'I know whose child it is. Dare you doubt me? Dare you deny that our Brother speaks through me?'
Carryn collapsed in more tears and Herra gestured to Benjan to let go of her hand. 'Come, Benjan. Carryn must face this on her own. She must accept the duty which lies before her. No other can do that for her.'
Herra walked briskly from the grove and Benjan followed, but less briskly, with a pitying glance over his shoulder at the small, sobbing figure crumpled on the ground.
Herra was sitting outside the grove on a rock when he joined her. She was staring down towards the lake, but she could see nothing save Carryn's pain. 'We cannot help her any more. She must face and accept her duty.'
'It's hard for one so young.'
'Yes, very hard. But we shall all be tried to our limits before this Quest is ended. Think not to escape yourself, my friend! Think not that I can escape, either. Such weapons as we shall become do not grow by the wayside. Their every edge must be forged in a white-hot furnace.'
When the others returned from their walk, Herra gestured to them to sit down. 'Carryn is facing the fact that she's carrying a child. It's her truth and her destiny. We cannot face it for her. When she's ready, she'll come out to join us.'
An hour later, some SS'Habi brought them a midday meal. Herra didn’t even notice them, for her eyes were fixed on the grove. Davred rose silently and gestured to the SS'Habi to accompany him out of earshot.
'Not now! We can't eat now.'
'Iss - problem?' One of them asked hesitantly.
'Yes.'
'Iss - need of something?'
'Yes. Need of peace and time.'
A tentacle briefly touched Davred's arm and he allowed it to flutter across his forehead. When it dropped, the group of spiders walked away. He hardly noticed them go as he returned to his place within the group.
None of those keeping watch looked up to greet him, not even Katia.
As the long hours of the afternoon passed without a sign from Carryn, the tension rose. Even Jonner sat very still at the back of the group, though his eyes flickered occasionally from Herra's motionless back to Benjan's grave features.
At one point later in the afternoon, the Elder SS'Habi and two very yellow companions joined them to stand behind Jonner. Only he turned round to look at them, but they paid him no attention. Their strange crystal-faceted eyes were fixed unblinkingly upon Herra, as if they could read something in her still body.
From time to time Jonner and Narla had to move, to relieve their cramped limbs, but sitting so still didn’t seem to affect those more fully trained in the Sisterhood. Only the wind rippled their garments or ruffled their hair. It made Jonner's flesh crawl to see them. At times like this, he had to admit to a sneaking fear of their self-control and their understanding of things for ever beyond his ken.
Not until dusk began softening the shadows did anything stir in the grove. Then, a small figure stumbled to the edge of the trees.
'I will do - our Brother's will,' said Carryn, the words coming jerkily, 'if you will all help me.'
Herra's hand stayed her companions. 'You can make no conditions, Carryn. Either you accept our Brother's will, or you do not. We cannot accept your duty for you.'
Carryn stopped dead, swaying on her feet. 'But you said I wasn’t alone when I joined the Sisterhood. And Benjan said it again earlier!'
'And you aren’t alone, in many senses. But still your acceptance cannot be conditional, or it’s not true acceptance. Until you realise that, you are not truly of the Kindred.'
Carryn turned to Benjan. 'I can't! I just can't bear it alone!' Her eyes pleaded with him to take the burden from her, but he shook his head.
'Little one, it was the same in the Guild. It's the same in life, however and wherever you live it. You must accept your own responsibilities.'
Silence wove around them again and Carryn just stood there, her eyes blank and stupid. Then she covered them with one shaking hand.
'I hadn’t realised,' she whispered, 'how hard you could be, Brother.' Long minutes crawled past, then she raised her head and looked at Herra, the look of one woman to another, not the look of a child. 'I accept our Brother's will, Elder Sister.'
Benjan's sigh of relief was audible to them all.
Herra's outstretched hands welcomed Carryn back into the Kindred. 'You’ve made the right decision, dear child.' Then she turned to the others. 'Let us gather. We need to reaffirm our relationship. One Kindred. One path. One Quest.'
And who shall be next, she wondered afterwards, to suffer the pains of growing stronger.
It was herself.
* * *
Two days later, the SS'Habi came for Herra. They were carrying some ceremonial garments, and at the sight of them, her heart sank.
'Brother, give me strength!' she whispered.
'Please come, Elder Ssisster. High Council iss in alignment. Seek truth. Must speak.'
'Very well. No, Benjan! This I must face alone.'
'I'll wait outside their grove, then,' he replied, 'but I'm coming down with you. You'll need me to help you return.' He looked at the two SS'Habi and repeated emphatically, 'I'm coming down there with her.'
They showed him two sets of the glistening go
lden garments. 'Iss expected. Must wash. Very clean. Must hurry.'
'Don't forget your exercises, the rest of you,' called Herra, as she turned to leave the grove.
'Will you be all right, Herra?' called Katia.
'I'll manage.'
Carryn looked across at Herra. 'We all have to face such trials, don't we?' Her tone showed surprise.
'Sooner or later, child.'
'I'm not a child – not now.'
Herra smiled. 'To me, you are. To me, you all seem very young - except Cheral, of course.'
Cheral smiled smugly, then the smile faded to be replaced by a grave expression as she watched the Elder Sister walk away towards the pools, with Benjan at her side and the two SS'Habi pattering along in front of them.
It was three days before Benjan carried Herra back, pale as death, in rumpled robes, her hair matted with sweat. She didn’t wake when Cheral sponged her down, and she slept for a full day before she regained consciousness. And even then she was weak and querulous, very unlike her usual self.
Just as she was beginning to recover, the SS'Habi came for her again. She made no protest, but squeezed Katia's hand and turned to accompany them.
This time, Benjan brought her back scarcely two days later, unconscious again. His face was grim, but there was nothing he could do to help her, as the High Deleffal wished to speak only to Herra, and the Elder Sister insisted it was absolutely necessary.
Herra had barely begun to walk properly on her own, when the SS'Habi came to summon her yet again.
This time, Davred barred her path. 'You can't continue like this, Herra. Let me go in your place.'
'You're too young. They wouldn’t credit your understanding of life. Even I seem young to them.'
'But you haven't recovered from last time! You can hardly walk unaided!'
'Benjan shall carry me down, then. Understand, Davred, that it means a great deal for them to know our truth. And I learn a little more of their truth each time, so it's not wasted effort. Besides, this is the final visit.
