by R. J. Ross
Grandma is a lot nicer, and she was once a member of the U.S.S.R. Yeah, that says a lot, doesn’t it? Well, sort of. Grandma’s awesome. She’s this huge S-class tank--she’s actually almost the same size as Superior, but with, you know, girly parts. She loves the color pink, though, so she’s always running around in pink sweaters and wearing pink heart earrings. I could see her going to a tea party without a second of hesitation--even one with little girls. Just picture this massive, muscular woman that’s over six feet tall sitting at a tiny table with her pinky finger up as she sips imaginary tea. Got the picture? Yep, that’s my grandma.
I get out of the shower and dry off, grabbing a pair of boxers from the counter. I head into the front room again, expecting to head straight for bed. Unfortunately Liz grabs me before I make it. “Wait, what--” I start out.
“You’re going to make the call,” she tells me cheerfully, carrying me to the couch as if I weigh nothing. To her I probably don’t.
“In my boxers?” I yelp as I get tossed onto the couch. Before I can run the TV is on and I’m staring at Grandma Tatia--wearing only a pair of Mega boxers. “Not cool,” I hiss at Liz, grabbing the blanket off of the back of the couch and covering myself.
“Sunny! You are starting to develop muscles!” Grandma says cheerfully. “I told your Grandfather that it was only a matter of time!”
I turn bright red, I know I do. “Um, yeah, it’s all the training for school,” I say. “I got a little taller, too!” I brag, because seriously, I was worried I’d be short my entire life. “But Grandma, is Su--um, is Grandpa there?” I ask.
“Of course!” she says. “Clifford! Your grandson wishes to speak to you!” she bellows, stepping off screen. I hear a whooshing sound and know he came flying. From that loud of a noise, he was going pretty fast.
“Is there a problem?” Superior asks, appearing on the screen. I hesitate, glancing over my shoulder at Dad and Aunt Liz--both are staying out of sight, the chickens.
“Tell him,” Liz prompts. Dad just stands there, frowning slightly. I have no idea what he’s thinking.
“Well… um… Aunt Liz is here,” I say, totally ratting her out. “She wants to know if you’ve told Grandma Tatia about her.”
“And who is Liz?” I hear Grandma ask in the background. The look on Superior’s face is priceless--he looks as if he’s going to blow a gasket or something. I don’t even know what a gasket it, but I’m definitely sure he can blow it if he wants to. “Is there yet another secret you are keeping from me?” she demands, coming into view again.
“Well… honey…” he starts out. “I know it doesn’t seem like long to you, but in my timeline--”
“Enough of the dancing around, Clifford! Who is ‘Aunt Liz’?” Grandma demands, her tone getting sharp.
“She’s… ah… our daughter?” Superior asks in a very hesitant tone.
“Our?”
“Well, her mother’s no longer in the picture--”
“Who is this mother?”
“I think her name was um… Sparky, right?” I offer. I probably shouldn’t have said that, I realize a second too late. Superior is glowering at me as if he would reach through the screen if he could.
“YOU HAD A CHILD WITH SPARKY?” Grandma bellows. “AND YOU DID NOT TELL ME??” Superior disappears from the screen with the tiniest of grunts, and I hear a few crashing noises from off screen.
“Now, Honey--”
“You do not use the affectionate terms with me, you philanthropist--”
“It’s ‘philanderer’ Mom!” Dad calls out cheerfully.
“Yes! You philanderer!” I hear Grandma yell, accompanied by another crash. “I will meet this daughter!” she declares, appearing in front of the screen. “It is not her fault that her mother and I did not see eye to eye,” she goes on, her tone calming down. Superior appears behind her, glaring at the screen darkly.
“This was your idea, wasn’t it, son?” he asks. “I refuse to believe my own grandson came up with it.”
“It absolutely was,” Dad admits, grinning shamelessly. “Liz, come here,” he says, holding out a hand to his sister. She hesitates, shaking her head and waving her hands, but gives in quickly enough when he motions her over. “Mom, this is Liz,” he says, wrapping an arm over Aunt Liz’s shoulders. “Liz, this is Mom.”
“Um, hi, Ms. Tatiana, ma’am,” Aunt Liz says, looking like a little girl.
“Oh, she is beautiful!” Grandma declares. “I wish to meet you in person--I will go pack!”
“You can’t,” I hear Dad and Superior say at the exact same time. “At least not how you’re planning, Mom,” Dad goes on. “Look, I’ll arrange for you both to fly down, but if you fly yourself down you’re going to get a lot of attention.”
“You seem quite eager to get us back,” Superior says, his expression going sharp, “especially considering the fact you were the one that sent us up here.”
“Things have... come to light,” Dad admits, “and if I don’t tell you now, you’ll fly off the handle and I can’t have that.”
“What’s come to light?” Superior demands.
“Kunnins.”
“When?”
“Just the other day. He’s working with a friend of ours.”
“Who?”
“Shadowman.”
***
Morning comes. It finds us waiting for a plane to land--and me discussing something important with Dad and Mom. “I don’t know if I should go,” I say again. No, this isn’t the first time we’ve had this conversation. “I mean, what if you need me?”
“Sunny,” Dad says, placing a hand on my shoulder and looking me in the eye, “I don’t like the man much, but do you really think that your granddad and I aren’t capable of dealing with one old man?”
Well, when he puts it like that... I sigh and look at the plane that’s about to land, trying to imagine how the norms are dealing with both Superior and Grandma flying with them. I wish I could see it. We head for the gate, and I shove my hands into my pockets as I move to Zoe’s side. “So how’d your date go?” I ask her.
“He made me leave when we got to the newer models,” she admits, pouting. “I just wanted to look under the hood!”
“Sure you did,” I say, reaching up and patting her on the shoulder. “But at least he trusted you long enough to take you? What did you do after that?” I ask.
“Making notes for your next date with Adanna?” she asks with a little grin. “I don’t think she’ll find a car show nearly as interesting as I did.”
“I could... um... take her to the zoo?” I ask.
“She lives at one.”
“Oh, right. Well it doesn’t matter, I’m heading off into the wilds with her dad and your boyfriend as soon as we get home,” I say reluctantly. Actually I was really looking forward to this camping trip, you know? It’s just the whole intrigue with Kunnins and the grandparents coming back--I really feel like I’m going to miss out on something big, as usual. I know I’m not planning on becoming a super hero or anything, so I should just get used to being left out, but it still sucks.
“The SVSC?” she asks. “Tell me how it goes, okay? It sounds like a lot of fun!”
“SVSC?” I repeat.
“Super villain summer camp,” she explains. “Max is completely stoked. He had T-shirts made and everything!” Adanna and I tormented Max for a week before he found out what was going on. Shame, that, it’d been a lot of fun to torture him with Panther’s “plans.”
“You’re kidding, right?” I say, staring at her incredulously.
“This is Max we’re talking about,” Zoe says, looking at me with a dry expression. “He offered to get me one in pink camo.”
“Did you get it?” I ask.
“Of course not! I don’t look good in pink,” she says, shoving her hair over her shoulder.
“They’re here,” Dad says as a plane lands. “Get ready, kids, we need to look like a normal, happy family.”
“We’re not o
ne?” I ask.
“Sunny, every plant in the building has turned to face you and your mom,” Dad says dryly. I glance around, blinking as I see he’s telling the truth. “Thankfully not many people look at plants.” He wraps an arm around Mom’s waist, looking just slightly tense as people start coming off of the plane. It doesn’t take much searching to notice when my grandparents get off--they tower over more than half of the people, and are twice as broad through the shoulders as the ones as tall as they are.
“Zoe! Sunny!” Grandma says, heading straight for us and hugging both of us at the same time. It’s a bit hard to breathe for a second, but I ignore that fact. She smells like candy. I hug her back, as tight as I can, and she lets out a laugh. “You have been working out!” she tells me. “I almost felt that, kitten.”
“A little,” I say modestly, grinning up at her.
“Now where is this Liz?” she asks us, turning as we point to Aunt Liz, who’s lingering far behind the rest of us. “Well don’t just stand there, come here!” she calls over loudly. Aunt Liz turns bright red, but heads over, pulling her baseball hat down a little lower. I guess a white haired young woman does tend to stand out a bit, huh? I watch curiously as Grandma heads straight for Liz and places massive hands on her shoulders.
“Hi,” Liz says.
“And what pow–“
“Mom, do you think we can discuss this in the van?” Dad asks, interrupting her quickly. We had to borrow a van from the black suits to fit everyone in. You can barely fit four people in the Firebird.
“Oh, of course, my love,” she says. “But first we must get our luggage–I have brought presents!” she announces, heading for the luggage area. I stand back and watch as she joins the throng searching for their bags, only to jump as a hand lands on my shoulder. It’s not Dad’s–Dad’s been holding onto Mom this entire time. I look up slowly, seeing Superior (I should probably practice calling him Grandpa,) standing next to me.
“How have you been, Sunny?” he asks me in an almost silent tone. Is it wrong to feel slightly worried right now?
“Um... okay?” I offer, as if he’s going to tell me I’m wrong.
“How about your abilities?” he asks. “You’re the first elementalist in the Superior line, you know.”
Ooooh. So that’s why. “I dunno,” I admit, frowning slightly. “Dad did a test on me last night, said I’m still growing too fast to pinpoint where I’ll end up–that’s why Mom’s complaining because I keep falling asleep.”
“I see,” he says, a satisfied smile pulling at his lips. “I look forward to it.”
“So do I?” I offer in that same questioning tone. I dunno. I mean, I don’t mind taking naps all the time, so it’s not that big of a deal–well, except when the earth starts reacting in the middle of my naps. That’s kind of weird. At least plants don’t try climbing up my pants as often–well, not if I’m awake.
“Good boy,” he says, messing up my hair and heading forward to assist his wife. I blink as Dad moves into the place he just left.
“Don’t worry, Sunny, you’re my experiment, not his.” I give him the dirtiest look I can manage, making him laugh. “Are you packed?” he asks me.
“Yeah, I guess,” I say. “Adanna wrote down a list of stuff I’ll need, so I just went by that.”
“Smart,” he says, watching as Grandma picks up a gigantic suitcase single handedly and heads for us. “I do love her, but that woman would stand out from outer space,” he says silently, almost making me laugh.
“Not as much as Su–um, Grandpa does,” I have to point out, looking at the people staring at Superior. Then again, we’re getting some strange looks too–and Mom keeps moving discreetly to avoid pictures being taken of her. The snap of phones taking discrete shots is really loud.
“We’re ready,” Grandpa Superior (yeah, that works for me) says, heading for us with his own luggage. “Your mother did all the packing,” he drawls when he sees Dad just look at them.
“I figured,” Dad says. “How long do you plan on being here, anyway?”
“Until we’ve taken care of Kunnins,” Grandpa Superior says bluntly. “For real, this time, no fake outs.”
“Then we really should get going, right?” Mom says, heading for us with Zoe in tow. “Zoe’s been getting far too interested in the machines for our own good.”
“I can’t exactly help it,” Zoe says, glancing around. “All these flashing lights just sort of draw your eyes, right?”
“I am ready!” Grandma says cheerfully, now carrying yet another two massive pieces of luggage over her shoulder.
“Mom, use the rollers,” Dad says quietly.
“Oh, yes, but they are just so dinky,” Grandma complains as she puts her luggage down and starts dragging it behind her. We head out, heading for the illegally parked van on the curb and opening the back to put the luggage away. Soon we’re all packed into the van like sardines, with me, Aunt Liz, and Zoe stuck in back and Grandpa and Grandma in the middle. Their knees are touching, I notice. They don’t seem to mind–in fact Grandma takes Grandpa’s hand.
“So tell me, Liz, do you have a family of your own?” Grandma asks Liz, turning to look at us. “Children?”
“Um, yeah, actually,” Liz says. “I’m a foster mom for two of the girls in Nico’s school. I consider them my own.”
“Aubrey and Emily,” Zoe says. “Aubrey’s a healer and Emily’s a duplicator. Liz’s also dating Taurus.”
“Taurus?” Grandma repeats curiously.
“A shapeshifter,” Grandpa Superior says. “He’s the black man with the strange hair that you started watching on the news, remember?”
I really find it hard to combine that strange description with Taurus. I guess it fits? I mean, personally I would say the massive black guy that turns into this amazingly cool Minotaur--I’ve got all his comics, AND the cartoon set. What? Taurus is awesome! Plus, dreadlocks aren’t strange, okay? Maybe someday I’ll do them! Although, honestly, white guy dreadlocks just aren’t as cool--
“Oh!!” Grandma says, her eyes lighting up and a brilliant smile crossing her lips. “The Minotaur man! He is quite handsome! And powerful–you have chosen a wonderful husband!” she says, looking quite enthused. “When is the wedding?”
“We’re ah, not quite that far along,” Liz admits. She’s blushing, I note evilly. “So... um... how is it, living in a fortress of solitude?” she asks. I’m pretty sure she just wants to change the subject.
“There is a town not too far from us,” Grandma says. “They are wonderful people, and so very welcoming! I go there at least once a week to shop and see my new friends.”
“Have they figured out what you are?” Dad asks.
“They know I am a retired super hero,” Grandma admits with a shrug. “They do not care–it seems to be quite a popular place for our kind. There are others that live nearby, as well!”
“Cosmic is just a hundred miles away,” Grandpa Superior says. “We go fishing on Thursdays.”
“So it’s a nice place?” Mom asks. It’s like we’re talking about a retirement home instead of a massive field of snow and ice. “You like your neighbors and there’s plenty of food?”
“Get a bit sick of fish,” Grandpa Superior drawls. “I’m taking a few cows home when we leave.”
“Can you raise cows in that cold of an area?” Dad asks.
“No, but you don’t have to worry about finding room in the freezer.”
“Good point.”
“So what about you two?” Grandma asks. “When is the wedding? I assume, since you are on the same team, it will be a huge affair!”
“Um, well,” Mom starts out hesitantly, looking over at Dad.
“We’re not to that stage, yet,” Dad says.
“You have two teenage children with super abilities,” Grandma says dryly. “The entire world will know as soon as one makes their debut. You cannot tell me that you would have the entire world looking at you as–“
“Shacking up?” G
randpa offers.
“Shacking up!” Grandma repeats with a perfectly dramatic tone. “I was so looking forward to pictures to show my quilting group,” she adds, crossing massive arms over her chest, “and my computer group, and my beading group, as well!”
“She’s found the local YMCA type group,” Grandpa drawls. “She’s got at least four classes in a row. Why do you think Thursday is fishing day?”
“I tell him, ‘You will enjoy beading! It is very relaxing,’” Grandma says, looking at us. “He looks at me like I am crazy. It is very entertaining.”
The three of us burst out laughing, even Aunt Liz. Grandma’s just got this wickedly amused expression on her face that I can’t help but find funny. That and the image of Grandpa Superior trying to hold those tiny beads in a hand to string–oh yeah, that’s hysterical! She seems to think so, too, because she shoots that same grin at Grandpa, who lets out a burdened sigh.
“Cosmic’s wife is in the same clubs, isn’t she?” he asks, changing the subject.
“Oh yes, Felicia is a wonderful woman!” Grandma says.
“Felicia?” Dad asks.
“Oh, she is a duplicator–she was a super villain, she called herself Duplicitous, I believe?” Grandma says in a very casual tone.
“You know Duplicitous?” Liz asks, getting excited. “Can I bring my daughter out to meet her sometime? She’s been doing a lot of research on her work!”
“Of course! I will be happy to have you come!” Grandma says. “It is hero villain relationship–quite scandalous, no? This is why they retired,” she admits. “You cannot have a world renowned super hero such as Cosmic married to a super villain, at least not in my time. It is simply not done. But it was done all the time, if you know what I am saying,” she adds with a wink.
“Nothing as permanent as marriage, though,” Grandpa Superior says, “a few secret dates, that sort of thing. If I remember correctly, Falconess had a fling with her super villain–not your Falconess, her mom,” he says, glancing back at me and Zoe. “I always did wonder if he might have been Missy’s–“
“Clifford!” Grandma says. “We do not speak to children about such affairs.”
