by Gwen Allen
I lose track of which lane I'm supposed to be in and have to swerve to avoid a collision. Good thing I see a gas station up ahead. The car is almost fully gassed up, but I need to stop before I veer off into oncoming traffic.
I pull over and eye the vending machines with their garish lights. I should get something to help keep me awake. In the end I just sit there with the engine off, ticking away in the cool night. That's a mistake. I need to keep moving or I'll start obsessing about sunlight in Julie's hair or moonlight in her eyes.
Even so far away, I'm always aware of her, thinking of her too much. It's like I'm still listening for the cadence of her footsteps on the marble floors, light and quick like she's always in a little bit of a hurry. In my mind's eye, she is so clear and bright. I can see the way she looks at certain things like paintings and flowers, inclining toward them like she wants to fall into something beautiful.
That's when her eyes become soft and far too pretty. I hate that look, especially when she turns it on me. When she looks at me like that, I feel like her whole being will melt right into me and all her love might pour into my heart and heal me.
I shut my eyes and press my knuckles into my eyelids to force out the visions of her. This is why I haven't bothered to spend the night in a motel along the way. There is no way in hell I can sleep with Julie haunting me.
I get out of the car just as a pink SUV pulls into the rest stop. A pretty redhead is at the wheel and there's a couple snuggling in the back. Their windows are open and I can hear the girl in the back say, "No, we're too comfortable. You do it."
The redhead shakes her head at her friends and gets out to pump gas. Her card won't work so she has to go inside to pay. As she goes by, I start to turn away but then force myself to watch her.
Leaning against the hood of the GTO, I study her under the glaring lights of the gas station. Her shorts reveal long legs. In sandals with high heels, her walk emphasizes the curve of her ass, the motion giving her breasts a little bounce while her long hair sways. Everything about her is casual but perfectly put together to attract the eye.
I can't imagine Julie walking like that or looking like that. She's more like a happy accident. She wears expensive clothes like she doesn't know how they got on her. She moves like people have been telling her to hurry up all her life. If I so much as glance at her, she blushes and then glares at me like she read every dirty thought that was on my mind.
The redhead has disappeared inside the store, but I stopped seeing her long before she was gone. How the hell is Julie blocking out all other women from my sight. Even when the redhead comes out and smiles at me, my whole body rebels at the thought of approaching her.
Her girlfriend is giving her a thumbs up. The guy in the back seat is pointing at my car with approval. The redhead bacons me closer with a smile, but my legs won't budge. My dick stirs but only because my mind fills with thoughts of Julie.
What would she look like in short shorts? I wouldn't want her to wear them in public, but she could wear them just for me. Then I could peel them off her ass slowly before I punished her for putting them on and flaunting herself.
I'm smiling at the thought. I can already hear Julie telling me that I don't get to tell her what to wear, but she says it only after I've fucked her within an inch of her life and thoroughly satisfied her. That's the only time she finds her voice and defies me. Until then, she's obediently mine, writhing under me, begging me for more, taking it gladly no matter how hard I give it to her.
When I shake myself out of my fantasy of Julie, I see that the redhead in shorts is long gone. Her pink car is somewhere down the road. Just as well. If all she does is make me think about Julie, she's not what I need.
I grab a soda and get back in the car. I'm driving into the night as fast as I can and not getting anywhere.
Julie is nothing to me. I shouldn't feel tied to her. I need to forget the curves of her body and the way they fit against me so perfectly, so lovingly. Even more I need to forget her sad eyes when I told her goodbye, the tears welling up but not spilling over, the trembling of her lips, the way her body shook as she tried not to cry and screamed at me to get out instead.
So what if she suffers too. It was so painful to walk out on her, and the pain isn't easing up. It's only getting worse with every mile I put under these wheels. It's like a hand has reached inside me and now my guts are being yanked out of my body every time I push down on the gas pedal.
No matter how intense, the pain of leaving her isn't enough to stop me. I'll crush that pain inside me. I'll freeze it out. I'll burn it. I refuse to pine for her. She should have never come into my life.
I'll just keep driving out of reach of every memory I have of her. I'll cross the whole country if I have to. I'll know I'm far enough away when I stop hearing her voice, seeing her eyes, replaying every expression on her pretty face and stop feeling her silky skin under my fingertips.
How far is that?
I'm starting to think that I'll never be able to get away from her no matter how far I go. The further I run, the more intense the desire and the memories of her. They're clawing at me, trying to drive me back to Julie against my will. My heart hurts so much like it's trying to tell me go to her or die without her.
But there's no going back. That's why I said goodbye to her like I did, so I couldn't turn back.
And because she can't know.
She can't know what she does to me. How I ache for her. How hard she makes me come. She can't know that she wrecks my heart and my soul with how she takes me inside her, like she could swallow my soul every time I make her come and she cries out in ecstasy.
Julie can't know what's in my heart or that I even have one.
Chapter 25
~
Julie
The café has been closed for a little while. Everyone is gone but me. I'm puttering around, doing busy work so I don't have to go upstairs yet and lie awake all night. I'm tired but I know that won't put me to sleep.
A knock on the glass door startles me. I have the lights off in here and the closed sign is up, so I don't know who it could be. I wonder if one of the staff forgot something. When I go to look, it's not anyone who works here, though the guy's face is familiar.
He knocks on the glass again. I go up to tell him we're closed though the sign on the door should have already told him that. As I approach, I wonder if he might be a customer who lost or forgot something. Then I recognize him. He's that friend of Vince's I met at the party.
"It's me, Jake. Vince sent me," he shouts so I'll hear him through the glass.
I hesitate then open the door as worry overtakes my caution. "Why did he sent you? Is something wrong?" I ask as soon as he's through the door.
"It's not bad news or anything," he says with a smile. "Could I have something to drink? I'm parched. Just a bottle of water is fine."
I nod though I really just want to know why Vince sent him. As I go to the wait station where we have the beverages fridge, he follows me.
"What did Vince want? Why did he send you?" I ask.
Jake smiles again and stammers. "He, just, you know, wanted me to look out for you and stuff."
I'm confused and disappointed too. What exactly was I hoping for? That Vince was on his way back and he couldn't call me to let me know himself? I'm an idiot.
Of course this guy doesn't have any kind of good news from Vince. He's just here to bug me. I want to kick him out as soon as possible so I can be miserable in peace.
"As you see, we're closed. This isn't a good time to stop by," I tell him, but he shows no sign of leaving. Sipping on his bottle of water, he wanders toward the back of the café.
He walks through the kitchen and toward the storage area.
"If you could go now that would be good," I tell him as I follow a few steps behind him. "I have some things I need to do."
"Sure, sure. No problem," he says but he doesn't move to go. He's looking around the back, like he's looking for something.
"Did you need to use the bathroom?" I ask him and point to the two restroom signs right up ahead.
"Yeah. No. Are you here all alone or what?" he asks and smiles at me again as he heads into the kitchen and I follow.
I don't know why the question makes me uncomfortable. I move to go to the front of the house, but he's standing in my way.
"One of the dishwashers is cleaning up by the garbage cans in the back. I'm sure he's almost done," I lie. I'm not sure why, but my instincts tell me not to let on that I'm alone here.
Jake nods several times, but I have a feeling he can tell I'm lying. Am I really such a bad liar? I gulp. Damn. I don't want to give away that I'm scared. I don't even know why I'm scared. Because he has me trapped back here? I'm not sure if he's blocking my way to the front deliberately or if he just isn't aware that's what he's doing.
"I was in the back just now. Just taking a look around. There's no one there. You're such a little liar. Good thing you're cute," he says and smiles again. He sets down the bottle of water, like he needs his hands free.
I hold my breath and step back, but there isn't anywhere to go. My way out of the kitchen is cut off. If I keep backing up toward the sinks, I'll only be further from any way out.
"What do you want?" I ask him though I don't want to know.
"I told you. Vince sent me. You know how it is. Now that he's leaving town, Vince has no more use for you. He passed you on to me. He said to go ahead take a crack at you. He said he taught you a thing or two, so you'll treat me right."
"You need to get the hell out of here," I tell him, but he only keeps grinning.
Everything this creep is saying is an ugly lie. I just wish I had realized that before I opened the door to him. But there is a small voice in my head that believes him. It's reminding me that Vince did throw me away. Why wouldn't he toss me to this guy?
I can't think that way, or I'll just want to curl up and die. My back is against the range and I try to think of what's behind me that I can grab and use to defend myself. I can't take my eyes off him. I can't turn my back to look or he'll be on me.
Right now he is approaching me slowly, not making any violent moves. Knowing that my first move to defend myself might be my only chance, I can't waste it. I don't want him near me, but I let him get closer and just stand there waiting for an opening.
He gives me yet another sickening smile. "Let's see what you've got under there," he says and reaches for my denim skirt. I jump sideways, out of his reach.
"I do love it when a girl wears a skirt. It's so feminine. Not that I mind pulling a girl's pants down either." He laughs and the sound chills me to the bone.
How am I supposed to do this? I'm shaking. My vision is going dark at the edges. He's grabbing for my wrist now. I try to dodge but he's faster and too strong. His hand clamps down on my wrist painfully.
It's now or never. With my free hand, I reach up. My hand grips a cast iron skillet that's hanging on the rack. If only I can get it off the hook faster. Jake yanks me toward him and I fail. I'm empty handed and helpless.
Jake laughs again as I stumble against him. He turns me around and pushes me face down over the prep area. One of his hands is under my skirt, trying to grab hold of my panties. His other hand holds my head down painfully.
As I struggle, I see a cutting board. It's right in front of me. It's heavy enough, but I need to be able to swing it. I thrash and kick and he pushes me down harder, like he wants to split my head open.
I hear him unzip, and I start to struggle again. I can't get free but my denim skirt shifts and it's in his way. Just as he lets go of my head so he can get his cock into position and my skirt and underwear out of his way, one of my feet connects with his shin.
He grunts and falls back half a step. That barely gives me enough room to turn and swing the cutting board. I hit him but only on his arm. He yelps, but he isn't seriously hurt. As he blocks my next swing easily, he only laughs at me. Taking the cutting board out of my hands, he throws it aside like it's nothing.
"Vince didn't say you'd put up a fight. That's a bonus. There's so much to like about you, Julie," he taunts me as I try to get away.
He's trying to turn me around again, but his arm must have taken some damage because he can't quite manage it. It's not enough though. His hand is around my neck and I'm starting to black out.
I hardly have the will to fight, but I would rather die than let any other man inside me especially now that I have Vince's baby to think of. I have to fight him off. I have to.
I'm about to pass out when I see the impossible. Vince is here, enraged, grabbing Jake by the hair, slamming his head into the wall. Am I hallucinating? I have to be.
Vince and Jake are punching each other, lurching across the kitchen, knocking things down. Not believing my eyes, I slump to the floor. There is so much racket, but maybe I'll pass out despite all that noise.
Then I see Jake grab a meat cleaver, and I snap back to reality. I scramble to my feet and my eyes go to that cast iron skillet. I'm faster when I go for it this time. It's off the hook and in my hand and then I'm swinging it sideways. I will crack Jake's head open!
When I make contact, it's sickening and I scream and drop the skillet. I watch horrified as Jake drops to the floor with blood running down from his cheekbone, spilling over his neck. I don't think I killed him. He's just hurt.
"Julie, are you Ok?" It's Vince. He's holding me lightly while I look from the horrifying sight of Jake bleeding on the floor to Vince's bruised and battered face.
"Vince?" I only mouth his name. I don't have the voice to speak.
Vince is smoothing hair back from my face and saying my name.
"He isn't dead, right?" I ask once I manage to speak.
"He can go to hell. Are you Ok?" Vince says.
That's when I remember. "I have to go to the hospital," I say and start to move toward the front door.
"Are you hurt," Vince asks looking me over as he keeps his arm around me and walks next to me.
"I'm pregnant. I have to make sure the baby is Ok," I tell him as calmly as I can.
"What?" He's stunned and stops in the middle of the restaurant.
"What? You're surprised that when you tried to get me pregnant, you actually got me pregnant? If I lose this baby, I will kill you," I tell him.
He just looks shocked, and at this moment I don’t give a crap how he feels about this baby because if anything happens to it, he is dead.
"Ok," he says and then takes a few deep breaths. He gets out his phone and starts rattling off information, giving his name, the address of the café, asking for an ambulance.
The ambulance is for Jake. Vince takes me straight to his car. Parked under the streetlight, his car looks kind of filthy. He helps me take a seat on the passenger side and then gets behind the wheel. The car roars to life and then we're off.
As he drives me to the emergency room, the adrenaline wears off and fear overtakes me. I can't lose this baby. It would kill me. It's all I have of Vince, even as he sits next to me in this car, gunning the engine, gas pedal to the floor. He's miles away. We aren't in this together. It's just me and the baby. I can't lose it.
Chapter 26
~
Julie
The hospital is a blur. The lights are too bright. The antiseptic smell makes me sick to my stomach. I'm reminded of my dad, and I can't stop crying uncontrollably as Vince makes demands and gets his way every time. Everyone he talks to ends up saying, "Yes, sir" and doing what he wants.
I guess it's good he's taking charge. I'm seen right away and they give me an ultrasound.
"Everything looks good," the doctor says, and I dissolve into tears. "We'll want to keep a close eye on you."
I nod and thank the doctor a million times. Then I'm just overwhelmed for a while even as I get cleaned up and the nurse ushers me out because other patients were bumped for my sake, and they're waiting. I'm out in the hospital hallway, crying but so relieved. Soon enough, I
realize that Vince is only inches away and I want to wring his neck.
When I look over at him, I see that he's crying too. He was there the whole time, right by my side, holding my hand. But I was so scared that I might lose this baby that I didn't dare look at him. Now I see him crying and I don't know what to do. Does he actually care about this baby at least? Does he want to be a father?
"What now?" I wonder out loud.
"The police are coming here. They'll want to talk to us," he tells me, but that's not what I was asking about.
I don't explain myself. Instead I snap at him, "No kidding!" I'm still furious.
"Take it easy," Vince says.
"Fuck you, Vince. I almost lost this baby because of you. I almost got raped!"
"Me?" Vince says, confused.
"Jake is your friend. He said I was up for grabs. I wonder where he might have gotten that idea?" I tell him. I know most of what Jake said was a lie, but I also know that Vince isn't completely innocent.
He looks stricken, frowning deeply. "I never thought he..." Vince starts to say.
"You didn't think, did you? You labeled me a slut when you knew me for all of five minutes. You're an immature jerk who doesn't know his actions have consequences!" I yell at him.
"I would die for you," he tells me. "You have to know I would never let anyone hurt you." The look in his eyes is deadly serious.
"Whatever. The baby is Ok. That's all I care about. You can go to hell." I blink a few times and realize he was supposed to be out of town. "Why are you here anyway? I thought you were leaving."
"I tried, but I realized I would never be able to get away from you," he says looking defeated and so tired. It's like the whole time I haven't slept, he hasn't slept either.
But he doesn't get my sympathy. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I ask angrily. "Did I come chasing after you? No! Not on your life!"
"You need to stay calm. You are carrying my baby," he lectures me.
"If you start treating me like some kind of baby incubator..." I warn him.
