“Please no,” the zombie begged again.
Van brought his clenched fists down and rid the building of its zombie problem. The white sheets became bright red from a growing pool of blood. Standing on the bed Van looked around the room. There was nothing there. Van stepped down and pushed the adjacent bathroom door open with his sword. Nothing popped out. And when the light revealed nothing else, Van felt comfortable enough to leave.
Crossing through the bedroom, Van was about to leave when he heard the whimpering again. He stopped and raised his sword. He looked around the room again. He looked under the bed but found a solid mattress pedestal that no one could hide under. He then opened the closet. Still there was nothing, but the whimpering continued.
Following the sounds to the bed he looked at the young body missing a head. With the tip of his sword he removed the sheet covering it. Between the naked body’s legs was another naked body, its arms wrapped tightly around the cold torso. It was a girl.
She shook with fear.
“If you’re not a zombie you have three seconds to show me. Otherwise you’re about to die. One. Two…”
The girl looked out from behind the dead boy. She was meatier than the others, but still not anywhere near fat. She had dirty blond hair and also seemed to be about 20 years old. Van craned his neck to check her eyes. The circles weren’t there.
“Are you a zombie?” Van yelled.
The girl didn’t speak. Instead she just shook her head ‘no’.
“Are you lying to me?” Van asked again.
“No. No, I swear,” the girl squeaked out.
“Do you live here?”
“I was just visiting my boyfriend.”
“Is this him here?” Van asked pointing the tip of his sword at the headless body.
The girl shook her head ‘yes’ and couldn’t control the tears that flowed out.
“Did you know he was a zombie?” Van barked.
At first the girl shook her head ‘no,’ but then she stopped herself and cried harder.
Van looked down at the bawling girl and felt sympathy for her. “Are you a zombie? And if you are lying to me I swear that I will slice you in two.”
The girl, barely controlling herself, again shook her head ‘no’.
Van allowed his jaw to relax. He scanned the beautiful naked girl and decided that there had been enough killing for one night.
“I’m gonna walk out of here. Once I’m gone you have 30 seconds to get as far away from here as you can. And if you ever bother the family next door, I will find you and I will kill you. Do you understand?”
The girl easing back on her tears shook her head in agreement. Van then turned and left. Crossing into the living room Van addressed Kofi.
“The job is done.”
“Were you talking to one of them in the bedroom? That could be a fifth head.”
“I said the job is done,” Van said looking intensely at Kofi.
“The job is done then. What do I tell the woman?”
“Tell her that she doesn’t have to be afraid of them anymore,” Van said as he exited the apartment.
Kofi watched as Van crossed the street to the car. Kofi then spun around, surveying the jagged trail of bodies. It was a gruesome sight.
Without warning a half naked girl ran out of the bedroom toward the door. Startled Kofi pulled himself out of the way and then turned to watch as the girl continued running down the sidewalk. ‘The job was indeed done,’ Kofi thought.
Kofi then left the apartment and knocked on the woman’s door.
“Who is it?” the woman asked from within.
Kofi’s mind was blank. Everything that had happened had been too much from him. “It’s me, from the people with the swords,” Kofi offered.
The woman opened the door and stared at Kofi.
“The job is done.” He held out her keys.
Elated, the woman threw her arms around Kofi. After a second, Kofi pulled away and headed to the car. Circling to the driver’s side Kofi looked in to find Van sitting with his eyes closed. It was a surprising sight to see Van look so relaxed after having killed four zombies. Kofi wondered if he could ever be so relaxed.
As Kofi got into the car he felt his phone vibrate. Before sitting he pulled it out and looked at it.
“It’s another number I don’t recognize.”
Kofi looked at Van who had opened his eyes. Kofi hit the button and lifted the phone to his ear. “Hello.” Kofi paused while the caller spoke. “Yes, this is them. Uh huh. I think we’re booked for the night. Why don’t you give me a call tomorrow? Ok, thank you. No, we’ll make you our first priority.”
Kofi hung up the call and looked down at his phone. “I missed two calls. I don’t recognize those numbers either.” Kofi looked up at Van. “I think we’re a hit.”
Van closed his eyes. The dream that followed was unclear, but he was sure that it meant everything to him. It disturbed and confused him and had to do with a white flower.
*****
Chapter 6
Mercy
By the next morning Kofi had four messages from people requesting service. Some were single zombie problems and others were families. A zombie family did not share relatives, but rather a line of infection. Most infections occurred during street attacks, but some occurred unintentionally between loved ones.
As research on zombie-ism became better, it became clearer that the zombie craving, though always present, reached its height during times of emotional turmoil. A fight between loved ones could trigger an attack. The feeling that your girlfriend didn’t love you anymore could trigger an attack. And the strangest case on record: one zombie tried on a pair of jeans whose cut was a little slimmer than standard forcing her to try on a size 3 instead. The resulting attack infected everyone in Le Singe Anorexique, a women’s boutique on Melrose Boulevard in Los Angeles.
But cravings didn’t always break relationships apart. In cases where one was aware of her partner’s zombie status, an infection often brought the unit closer together. With both partners infected it became a shared burden which relieved the stress on both individuals. And of course, zombie lovers always had a partner when they went hunting for prey. But the more success a zombie had in hunting, the more it took them by surprise when Van broke into his home and introduced his head to the floor.
After Kofi called Van and let him know that they had enough work to last the whole next week, Van quit his job. Free to hunt at will, he agreed to accept two assignments per day. The more difficult assignment he scheduled during daylight hours. As a general rule, once the dark circles appeared around a zombie’s eyes, he avoided the daylight as much as possible. That usually meant that when it was bright outside, zombies were asleep in their beds and very easy to sneak up on.
The nighttime hunt was always a little trickier. The night hunt always required Kofi as a backup. But like all of the other hunts, Kofi mostly stood behind Van looking like Barry, the little seen fourth member of The Three Stooges. Barry was the Greek looking stooge that walked around with a samurai sword.
Within the first week, Van and Kofi’s business took in $15,000. Even after the cost of Van’s samurai underwear, that left a lot of profit. If not for his recurring dream, their business could have continued on forever.
Everyone who was willing to fork out $1000 a head had horror stories that led them to hire Samurai Zombie Hunters. Some of them were being stalked. Other clients were rightfully afraid to walk from their cars to their homes at night. And some were the victims of attacks which, according to them, never resulted in infection. But in every case, Van felt like he was performing a great service to Los Angeles. And in that way his new job had a sense of fulfillment.
The dream, however, took away from all of that warm and tingly goodness. It started after the first hired hunt and was always the same: Van, dressed in full samurai attire, stood atop a plateau. All was quiet and he sensed something off in the distance that he had to find. But the moment he sens
ed that distant thing, a swarm of ninjas would crest the plateau from every side forcing Van to fight his way out. Van’s every movement would remove a ninja head. And the bodies piled up around Van like a wall that reached 10 feet high. But refusing to be trapped, Samurai Van would scale the wall and jump onto the heads of the ninjas surrounding it. And as stepped on the next ninja, he would remove the head of the one that he just left.
Running down the side slope of the plateau Van removed ninja heads as he progressed. And finally when he reached another plateau below the first, he paused. Looking around at the ninjas who were now retreating, he would feel good about himself. But that feeling was quickly interrupted when Van realized that the ninjas weren’t backing away from him, they were backing away from a rumbling that they heard above.
Following the ninjas’ gaze back up the slope, Van would see an avalanche of bright red blood rushing down toward him like a tsunami. With only seconds to react he would run to a nearby ninja, pop the ninja’s cap and then throw the headless ninja into the air. Jumping up after it, Van would wait for the wave to hit the ninja body and then plant his feet onto the ninja’s chest and ride the headless surfboard to bottom of the slope.
About to crash into the breakers below Van propelled himself into the air and flew across the field until he landed in a canopy of trees. No heavier than a sparrow, Samurai Van would run across the tops of branches and then leap onto the next tree. He continued without resistance until a gang of ninjas leapt onto the canopy to fight him there.
But like before, a slash of Van’s sword immediately stopped any approaching ninja. And like a rocket, the assassins’ heads would shoot into the air propelled by the fountain of blood. And with enough ninja heads flying through the air, the blood would rain down, causing a flood below.
Knee deep, the blood covered the field. And when Van was out of trees, he propelled himself down and ran through the red. Van’s legs moved swiftly, and when the first ninja seemed to pop up from the ground underneath, he was startled. But after the second ninja emerged, Van submerged his sword and swung. With anticipation, Van sliced and each time he did he felt his steel cut through flesh. Behind Samurai Van a wake of floating heads and bodies developed. The dismembered corpses followed behind him until the blood rain stopped and the body fluid partially receded into the ground.
Sensing that the thing that drew him was close, Van picked up his pace. With the blood beneath him moving from his knees to his shins to his ankle Van moved faster. And when he finally spotted the thing that beckoned him, the blood barely covered the soles of his shoes.
Van slowed and stooped in front of it. What had drawn him was a flower. And in spite of the rain and the ocean of blood, this flower was untouched. It was white and pure and beautiful. And the clouds seemed to part in such a way that allowed the sun to shine upon this one thing and nothing else.
Van reached out to touch this beauty. But as his hand got closer he noticed how red and stained they were and stopped. He knew that if he touched this pure, beautiful thing, he would destroy it. He knew that the only way that such beauty could exist in the world was if he never sullied it with his dirtiness.
The distance that he knew was necessary for that beauty to exist pained him. It hurt him to such a degree that Van fell onto his knees and wept openly. The feeling that followed wrenched his heart. Knowing that he didn’t want to live in a world where he couldn’t even touch such beauty, he rolled onto the ground with his eyes toward the sky and waited for the ninjas to arrive. That was when Van would wake up and cry.
After the second week of work, Van decided that he needed a break. Obligated, Kofi joined when Van went to Bar Bar. After such a long absence Van felt back in his element stepping through Bar Bar’s doors. The walk to the bar was familiar to him. And with his life feeling so unfamiliar recently, the change did him good.
Bar Bar was distinct in L.A. for having a dive bar feel with swanky night club undertones. It was essentially a themed club whose theme was grunge. The bar tops looked sticky but were not. The chairs looked overly painted but had only one coat. The walls looked dark and dingy, but if anyone looked close enough, they could see that the dinge was painted onto a façade. And the graffiti paintings hanging on the walls were sold for $5000 a pop.
But the telltale sign that Bar Bar was swank masquerading as trash was the bar staff. They were all beautiful – a time-tested way to attract beautiful patrons.
“Lemi!” Van called out to the 6’ 1” modelesque guy behind the bar.
“Van!” Lemi called back.
Lemi moved to the side of the bar and gave Van a half hug that told everyone around them that neither was gay.
“Where you been, man?” Lemi asked, genuinely glad to see Van again.
“You know, hookin’ bitches, takin’ names,” Van said with a remembered arrogant smile.
“I heard that you’re some type of professional zombie hunter now. Is that true?” Lemi asked very interested.
“Oh you heard that, huh? Yeah, it’s a little thing that I’m doing,” Van replied with bravado. “I just couldn’t take these fuckin’ zombies trollin’ around this city like they owned the fuckin’ place. Ya know what I mean?”
Lemi lowered his head and smiled knowingly.
“You know what I mean though?” Van asked trying to meet Lemi’s eyes.
“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Lemi replied without looking at Van. “It’s a mess.”
“Yeah it’s a fuckin’ mess. No more though. No more.” Van looked back at Kofi. “Lemi, you remember Kofi, right?”
“Of course. How you doin’ man?” Lemi said, finally looking up.
“Hey man,” Kofi replied.
Van stepped back and aggressively grabbed Kofi around the neck. “It was his fuckin’ idea… a brilliant fuckin’ idea!”
Kofi squirmed under Van’s grip. In the few short minutes that they had been in the place, Kofi was brought back to the position that he hated most in life: Van’s prop. And if it wasn’t for the fact that Van was now his cash cow, he wouldn’t have subjected himself to it again.
“Tell me, how are the bitches tonight?” Van asked, releasing Kofi and leaning onto the bar.
“We just got in a new batch. You should check ‘em out. You’re gonna have your pick,” Lemi said, remembering how effective Van always was in the past.
“I like that,” Van said with a nod. “Kofi, what do you want?”
“Something with vodka in it,” was Kofi’s only response.
Van turned to Lemi. “Give Kofi a Vodka Sour and give me a Anime Freak.”
“You got it.”
Van turned around and joined Kofi. “So what do you think? Any qualified contestants?”
Kofi took a look around the room. He spotted a Eurasian girl in an incandescent pink dress. Something about her made her look equal parts class and sex.
“I wouldn’t mind planting my weed in that one,” Kofi said pointing over to the girl.
“Oh wait. You can’t have that one. That one is mine. But you get next dibs,” Van said looking down at his friend.
“Van? Right up,” Lemi said, sliding the drinks across the bar.
“Thanks man,” Van said to Lemi. “Why don’t you just reopen my tab,” Van said, collecting the drinks.
“You got it, man.”
Van handed the light colored drink to Kofi and sipped on his own. “Umm, that’s good.” Van turned back to Lemi and held his glass up in approval.
“Hey, why don’t you wing me with that chic?” Van asked referring to the Eurasian girl.
“I don’t know man,” Kofi said, trying to gracefully get out of it.
“No, come on. I’ll get you on the next one.”
‘Fuck!’ Kofi thought. “Ok, what do you want me to say?”
“Ask her if she’s ever met a zombie hunter,” Van said staring down at Kofi.
Kofi walked away from Van without a word. Taking a large swig of his drink he worked his way next to the girl that they
both liked. Leaning in Kofi almost spoke under his breath.
“Hey, I was over there and I couldn’t help but notice how beautiful you were.”
The girl turned to Kofi, looked over him once and then turned away. “Thanks,” she said not looking Kofi in the eyes.
“Hey, you ever met a zombie hunter before?” Kofi asked knowing that it would get her attention.
The girl turned and gave a second look at Kofi. “Why, are you a zombie hunter?” the girl asked intrigued.
“I am. You know a zombie that needs hunting?”
“No, but that’s cool.”
“Thank you,” Kofi said, feeling a rush of confidence that he hadn’t felt before.
“Hey Kofi, who’s this?” Van said stepping behind his friend.
Still looking forward Kofi closed his eyes trying to hold onto the moment as long as possible. “This is… I’m sorry; I didn’t get your name.”
“April.”
“This is April.”
“Are you a zombie hunter too?” April asked, obviously more intrigued by the tall good looking one.
Van feigned resentment. “Kofi, you talkin' about work. Let’s have a night off man.”
“You’re a zombie hunter too?” April asked excited.
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