by Dawn Atkins
“No. I put my foot in my mouth and—”
“That’s part of why she won’t confide in me, I realized. She’s afraid I’ll worry more. So I’m glad you said what you said.”
“I made you feel worse. I didn’t intend that.” He paused, his jaw locked, his gaze fierce. “You matter to me. Both of you. That’s why I overstepped.”
“You matter to us, Jonah. To me.” Their connection snapped into place. She was glad. She felt instantly better.
“Good. I’ll try to keep my foot out of my mouth here on out. Shoe leather tastes nasty.”
“Try rosemary,” she said. “Maybe a bay leaf.”
“And a red wine reduction?”
“Perfect.” She laughed.
“We’re good?” he asked.
“Better than ever, I think.” She remembered the treasure box. “I found something of yours.”
“Yeah?”
Cara retrieved the box from the shelf and held it out. “It was in one of Rosie’s crates. It’s like the puzzle box you helped Bunny make, but bigger.”
He grinned. “I thought this got tossed.” He ran his fingers over the top, making her think of the way he’d touched her. She almost shivered.
“Let’s see what’s here.” He motioned for her to take the stool and pulled up his own, setting the box on Beth Ann’s worktable. He pushed a spot on one side, then one in front and the lid popped up.
“So that’s the secret,” she said.
He put a finger to his lips. “Don’t tell her you know.”
Cara pretended to turn a lock on her lips.
He set the lid aside and rummaged inside, picking up a scuffed baseball. “Caught this at a Cubs game. My dad took us. Best day ever, except Evan ate too many hot dogs and puked on the way home.”
She leaned in to see, their heads nearly touching. Jonah pushed aside a blue ribbon, a pellet gun, a couple of action figures, then picked up a block of pale wood with a paper wrapped around it. “Damn.” He sat back, holding it.
“What is it?”
“Piece of birch my dad gave me after he taught me to carve.”
“Were you close? You and your dad?”
“In the shop.” He peeled off the rubber band and uncurled the paper. “I went through an Indian myth phase. This lists all the spirit animals and what they represent. I did a spirit quest in the woods to find my animal guide. I took a tent, a notebook, some water and a couple granola bars and waited for a vision.”
“And?”
“All I got was stomach cramps and bad dreams. I was too attached to choosing, rather than being chosen. I wanted the eagle for power or the hawk for truth.”
He set the list and the wood on the table. Cara picked up a pink valentine heart that said be mine and showed it to him.
“That was from Linda Latham. She had incredible lips.”
“You kissed her?”
“Are you nuts? I was nine. Girls had cooties. She blew the best bubble-gum bubbles.”
“You’ve had a thing for lips for a while.”
“Only the exceptional ones.” His gaze dropped to hers, making her stomach flutter.
Cara put back the heart and picked up a photo. It was two boys and a woman standing with Mickey Mouse.
“Is this you and Evan?”
“Yeah. Disneyland. I was ten, he was six.”
“Is this your mother? She’s very pretty.”
“She was.”
“Was? Did something happen to her?”
He didn’t answer immediately.
“I don’t mean to pry.”
“It’s okay.” Jonah seemed to force himself to say more. “She left right after this trip. Couldn’t take our dad anymore.”
“But what about you two?” She’d abandoned her children. Cara couldn’t imagine doing that, though she knew better than to judge. Many women couldn’t imagine doing what she’d done either.
He shrugged. “She wrote to us for a while. I think she went to Chicago. That was where her family was from.”
“You don’t know where she is?”
“Don’t look so stricken. Families break up all the time. We survived.”
“It would still hurt.” Though Beth Ann wouldn’t talk about it, losing her father had been hard for her. He’d adored her. No matter how Cara explained Barrett to her, Beth Ann had to be confused.
“She did what she had to do,” Jonah continued. “Everybody does. It was harder on Evan than me. He was only six.”
The same age Beth Ann had been.
“Evan thought Mom left because of him. Plus, Dad went downhill after that. I’d spent time with him in the shop, where he was patient and friendly. Evan only knew the bitter, brooding drunk he became.”
“You were so young.”
“We managed. I made sure Evan ate breakfast, had clean clothes, got to school, did his homework. The practical stuff.” He looked past her, lost in thought. “That had to leave a huge hole in the kid—thinking it was his fault Mom left and Dad fell apart. He filled it with alcohol.” He took a breath. “If I’d explained it more, maybe he wouldn’t have gone that route.”
“Alcoholism is genetic, Jonah. You couldn’t have controlled that. You were a kid, too, remember.”
“I never handled Evan well. I still don’t. I make him feel small.” Jonah’s eyes held anguish. “I miss the mark when it counts. That’s how I am.”
“I don’t believe that.” Cara picked up the curled paper and thrust it at him. “Which spirit animal carries the weight of the world on his shoulders?”
He took it, half smiling. “Let’s see… Looks like…bear. Yeah. Guardian of the World. I’m too much of a grumpy hermit to protect the world.”
“Let me look.” She took it from him, her fingers brushing his, sending heat along her nerves. “That’s not all it says about the bear.” She read, “‘The bear is brave, strong, industrious, protective, strong-willed and a healer.’ That’s exactly you, Jonah.”
He shook his head, not buying it one bit. She had to get through to him.
“It’s true. I’ve seen it. With Beth Ann. With me. You’ve made me feel safe. You’ve given me hope that…one day…I might heal.”
“You will. Don’t doubt that.” His gaze was fervent. “Give yourself time. Find a solid, steady guy who’ll be there for you, thick or thin, who’ll give you what you need when you’re ready. You deserve that. You’ll get it.”
Cara was so moved tears pricked her eyes. “You don’t know how good you are.” Who could be more steady or solid or patient than Jonah? Her heart swelled with emotion. She cared about this man and he cared about her.
Maybe she’d given up too soon.
Her gaze landed on the name plate Jonah had made. It didn’t even say her daughter’s real name. None of this is real. They were on the run, in hiding. This was no time to explore pointless hopes. She had to fulfill her promise to Rosie and get on with her plan.
She picked up the piece of birch and held it out. “Carve the bear, Jonah. That’s your spirit animal. I’d stake my life on it.”
That sounded pretty dramatic, but it felt somehow right.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
“I’LL GET IT!” CJ dashed for the café phone, trailing drips of purple paint from her roller. Jonah watched her go. What the hell was going on? It was Monday. They’d closed early to paint the café, everyone intent, pushing to finish as soon as possible, yet CJ lunged for the phone each t
ime it rang.
It wasn’t her ex. He knew that because she seemed nervous, not terrified, as she’d been the day the pay phone rang.
Jonah turned back to his work, nodding at Hector and Ernesto, who were masking the front windows. They’d hired Hector as full-time busboy since Ernesto had begun doing more cooking. They got busier every day, thanks to CJ. She was a wonder.
They had a good crew today. Hector, Ernesto, Darlene, Evan and Nicolette, with Charlie, Darlene’s boyfriend, outside changing the sign. Even with CJ stopping every ten minutes for the phone, they should finish by nightfall.
CJ returned from the call, so pretty, even in paint clothes and a bandanna, she made him ache.
He almost wished he’d never had her naked in his arms. He couldn’t forget the look of her, her sweet cries, the velvet of her skin, the way body heat had intensified her pink smell. It was all fuel for restless nights. More than once he’d given up on sleep and gone to his shop to lose himself in wood and work. The extra hours hadn’t hurt, considering the new projects he’d taken on for her. He still had three pieces to finish for his show, three weekends away.
This thing he had for her should pass soon. The intensity was due to him waking up again, the way a numb arm tingled when the blood returned in a rush. He’d be happy when he got past it.
“Was it the call you’re waiting for?” he asked her.
“The what? No. I wasn’t…” She blushed, flustered that he’d caught her out. “It was an order. Two dozen good-luck buns.” They’d been doing a brisk take-out business on the fortune rolls. CJ knew her stuff, for sure.
“The machine could have taken that.” He opened his mouth to ask her what she was up to, but Evan interrupted.
“Check the wainscoting,” he said. “Does it look straight to you?”
“You measure it?” Jonah asked. “Use the level?”
“Yeah, but—”
“Then it’s straight.”
“Okay.” Evan seemed surprised Jonah had taken his word for it. Since he’d talked to CJ about his brother, Jonah had been trying to see things through Evan’s eyes more.
“This is really coming together, huh?” CJ said.
“It’ll look great for Devil’s Anvil Reborn,” Evan said. “Next Thursday.”
“Right,” CJ said. “That’ll be fun.”
“I was thinking maybe you could make a special batch of those lucky rolls?” he said. “With only coins and clovers? They’re going to L.A. to meet with a record label and tape an E! segment about bands on the verge, so I figured the good luck would be a nice touch.”
“That’s clever,” CJ said.
“You think so?” Evan wore the painfully eager look Jonah remembered from after their mother left. He’d craved approval, but their moody father had been oblivious.
“It’s smart. Yeah,” Jonah said, his voice rough. It wasn’t your fault Mom left. He wished to hell he’d said that to the poor kid.
Evan did a double take at the compliment. “I’ll get back to it.”
“That was a nice thing to say,” CJ said when Evan was out of hearing.
“I don’t give him enough credit,” Jonah said. “You’re not the only one who hovers too much.” It was funny, but since that moment with the rocking chair, he’d been noticing changes in himself. The talk about Evan added to that. Now his brain felt like Rosie’s spare bedrooms after they’d taken out the last of the junk for the parking-lot sale—full of light and air, with space to breathe and move and think.
The door jangled and Beth Ann stuck her head in. She was riding a bicycle with high handlebars and a banana seat. “Charlie says to come check the sign angle.”
“Ooh, let’s go see,” CJ said to him, her eyes huge with excitement. That fake smile hardly ever made an appearance these days. He liked that.
The sign looked damn good, he had to admit. CJ was thrilled.
Bunny rode past on the bicycle.
“You stay clear of the highway,” CJ called to her.
“Rosie give her the bike?” he asked.
“Yes.” She sighed. “An early birthday present, she said.”
“That was nice of her.” Since he’d heard about the upcoming birthdays, Jonah had been working on gifts for CJ and Bunny. He hoped the one for Bunny would make up for her hurt feelings. She’d barely spoken to him since he’d told her to lay off the personal talk. She’d only been in to use the computer, then left. “Rosie thinks the world of your daughter.”
“I know. She also gave her a giant dollhouse, a sewing machine and lawn darts, for God’s sake. Those things are deadly. I don’t know how kids survived the ’60s.”
“Little higher…to the left,” he yelled up at Charlie.
“Got it!” He made the shift and started securing the bolts.
“Rosie seemed glum when I talked to her about how the sale was going,” he said “You think she’s having second thoughts?”
“We made more money than she expected,” CJ said. “She has things on her mind, I guess.”
She seemed nervous, too.
“I feel bad about all those gifts,” CJ said. “We can’t take any of it with us. It’s more to say goodbye to.”
They’d be saying goodbye to him, too, in a few weeks. That gave him a sinking feeling. “You pay Rusty to fix your car yet?”
“In two weeks. It’ll be my birthday present to myself.”
“A transmission is a pretty sad gift.”
“Has to be done,” CJ said.
“If you’re going to leave, yeah.”
Once the sign was set, they went back inside.
“You got a call, CJ,” Darlene said. “Someone named Frieda.” She held out a napkin with a number on it.
CJ snatched the paper and ran for the phone. That was clearly the call she’d been waiting for. Frieda was the friend Rosie was visiting. Why would she call instead of Rosie? His scalp prickled. Something was wrong and this time he wasn’t letting it slide.
He caught up with CJ as she was picking up the phone. “Hold on,” he said. “You need to tell me what’s going on with Rosie. Right now.”
She searched his face. “I can’t.” She bit her lip. “I promised her.”
“I don’t care. I need to know.” What the hell was it?
CJ bit her lip, then spoke. “She had surgery this morning. They’re taking out a tumor in her stomach. It’s just outpatient, but—”
“She has cancer?” He felt like he’d been dropped into ice water.
“They’re doing a biopsy to find out.”
“Jesus Christ. When did this happen?”
“It started three weeks ago.”
“Three weeks? And no one told me?” He couldn’t wrap his mind around that.
“I wanted to, believe me. I begged Rosie to tell you, but I had to promise to keep it a secret to get her to go to the doctor in the first place.”
“But she told you she was sick?” He fought to keep his voice low.
“By accident. She fainted in the kitchen. Scared me to death. She said it had happened before. I told her to get checked, but she was going to just wait to die.”
“That’s Rosie.”
“I couldn’t let her do that, so I made a deal to stay until she went to the doctor.”
“That was why?”
CJ nodded. “Also, I found out the café was in foreclosure. She dropped the letter from the bank when she fainted.”
“She’s losing the café?”
/>
“Not anymore. She thought she was dying so it didn’t matter.”
“Why didn’t she tell me? I could have helped with the money. Dammit.”
“We worked it out. Selling off the shop caught her up with her mortgage and we’ve been making more money in the café, so she should be okay.”
“That’s what the new menu was for? And the renovation?”
She nodded. “She wanted you and Evan to be off living your lives when she died. She wanted to protect you, so she didn’t want you to know.”
“Protect me from what? From being there when she needed me?”
CJ took a step back and he realized he’d raised his voice.
“Sorry.” He took a breath and spoke in a lower voice. “I’ve been frying burgers and sanding furniture like any other day while she thinks she’s at death’s door—and losing her café.”
“You know how stubborn she is. So she went to the doctor and when he wanted to operate—”
“She refused. ‘Once they sink a knife in you, you’re done.’” He shook his head over his aunt’s fatalism.
“Exactly. So I made another deal. I said I’d stay for the surgery. She agreed as long as I kept it secret from you.”
“Damn.” Jonah was disgusted that this had been going on and he’d been clueless. “I knew something was up, but I let it slide.”
“You asked me, Jonah, and I had to lie.”
“I should have asked her, made her tell me.”
“You said she’d rather boil in fryer oil than confide in you.”
“Doesn’t matter. I’m family. If I can’t be there for her when her life’s on the line, what’s the point?” He fought to rein himself in. He’d failed Rosie without even knowing it.
Jonah thought about what CJ had done. “You gave up so much. You put your plans on hold.”
“It wasn’t a sacrifice. I love it here. So does Bunny.”
CJ was such a good person. “I can’t believe you did all you did for Rosie. For us. I think you’re the one whose spirit animal is the bear. You sure as hell have been the guardian of Rosie’s world.”
