“I can’t believe you’d associate with her after what she did.” His father spoke in a voice so low that he almost missed the words. But Shaun heard them, and they were like gasoline thrown on a fire.
“What she did? What about you, Dad? You drove her away, and then you finished the job by telling me to get lost. If you’re alone and unhappy, then I guess you’ve gotten what you deserve.”
The pump clicked off. Shaun was finishing the transaction when his father said, in a stronger, more belligerent voice, “I never wanted to be a father.”
Shaun stared at him, his white hot anger burnt out in a second, doused with those icy words. He crossed to his father’s side of the pump and looked him in the eye. “You never tried to be one either. You could have at least tried.” He climbed into his truck and drove away, leaving his father in the pool of light that surrounded the gas pump. He looked small and alone there.
Back at home, Shaun didn’t know what to do with himself. He was too upset to sleep or even to sit still and watch television. His whole life seemed to have shattered into fragments, and he couldn’t get the pieces back together no matter how hard he tried. Patience was back, but he didn’t know if she was staying. He was going to be a father, and he had absolutely no idea how to handle that. It wasn’t as if he had a great example to follow. He didn’t really know how he felt about his mother right now and…and everything was a mess.
He wandered around the apartment in the dark, pacing like some animal in the zoo. That’s how he felt—trapped and needing to break out, to run. He thought about walking the few blocks to the nearest bar. A couple of drinks would help him cool down, relax.
No, he’d gone that route before, and it didn’t work. He hadn’t even liked it.
He’d already walked over half the town, after he’d first seen Patience. There was no way he wanted to do that again so soon. But it seemed like he might put in the same number of steps, circling his apartment again and again. He paused in front of the entertainment center where he’d put up a grouping of photos. Shaun wasn’t even sure why he’d put them there, except that’s where Patience had put them in their old place, and he was still hopeful she’d come back. He’d wanted everything to look nice, for her.
Now he wasn’t so sure she was going to come back. How could he convince her he’d changed when at the moment he wasn’t convinced himself? He picked up a picture of his graduation. It showed him and Patience, flanked by his parents. His mother was beaming with happiness. His father wasn’t even smiling.
They were standing side by side in the picture, and for the first time Shaun realized how much he and his father looked alike. Right now he thought they might even look alike on the inside. If God sees our hearts, is he looking at my Dad and me right now, and thinking about the family resemblance—two angry, bitter hearts beating with self-hatred?
A wave of disgust swept over him, and he threw the picture. The glass shattered, and the frame flew apart as it hit the wall.
TITLE
Orchard Hill: volume three
Chapter 6
“Thanks for coming,” Shaun said as Joseph and Isaac walked up to him as he sat in the emergency room cradling his bandaged hand. “They gave me painkillers, and then told me I couldn’t drive myself home.”
“I don’t know why you drove yourself here,” Isaac replied. “How many stitches?”
“Just five. I was cleaning up some broken glass and…”
“I get it.” Isaac, who was usually the calmest, most patient person Shaun knew, seemed very annoyed with him. “And how did the glass happen to get broken?”
Shaun slumped a little farther in the chair. “It was from a picture frame. I threw the picture,” he admitted.
“This is not going to look good when you see Patience tomorrow—today, now.”
Joseph put a hand on the pastor’s shoulder. “Ease up Isaac. Let’s get Shaun home before you get into the lecture.”
Isaac, perhaps recalling that they were in a public place, desisted. “All right. Shaun, come with me. Joseph will follow in your truck.”
Shaun was tempted to ask if he could ride with Joseph instead. But in spite of the fact that Isaac clearly thought—no, knew—that he’d messed up, he was still the person Shaun wanted to talk to.
Isaac had a few things to say to Shaun himself. Once they’d pulled out onto the highway he started in. “What happened? Everything seemed to be going well. When did it change?”
With a sigh, Shaun answered, “When I saw my dad. He pulled up to the same pump I was using at the gas station.
Isaac echoed that sigh.
Shaun continued. “I know things went well today, but it was hard. I guess seeing my father just put me over the edge.” Shaun told him about the encounter.
“And then he told me he never wanted to be a father. He never wanted me, Isaac. When I got home I looked at a picture of the two of us together. We looked so much alike and…”
“And what?”
“I started to wonder, if maybe I’m just like him.”
“How so?”
“Angry. Bitter. Always hurting the people who love me. Maybe I’m doomed to turn out just like him. Maybe Patience and the baby would be better off without me.”
There was a thick layer of silence surrounding them in the cab of the truck. Then Isaac burst out, “Of all the stupid, idiotic…I thought we’d gotten beyond this, Shaun.”
He’d never seen Isaac lose his temper before. “Beyond what?”
“Beyond you not believing in yourself. Beyond feeling sorry for yourself.”
“What do you mean?”
“Listen,” Isaac growled at him. “You have two fathers—an earthly one and a heavenly one. Granted, the earthly one has been a big disappointment, but you don’t have to be like him. What if you started trying to follow the example your heavenly father set out for you instead?”
“You mean Jesus?”
“Exactly. Think about that for awhile, Shaun.”
He did. He thought about that all the way home while Isaac glowered, staring at the road in front of them. Just before they pulled into his driveway, Shaun said, “I don’t think I can do it.”
“Be exactly like Jesus? Of course not. Not without His help. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. Now go get some sleep.”
“I know you’re mad at me, but thanks for coming to pick me up anyway. And thanks for listening.” Shaun was surprised but not upset by Isaac’s display of temper. He knew from past experience that only the people who cared about you bothered to get upset when you’d done something stupid.
For the first time during the ride home, Isaac offered him a smile. “Now that’s a better attitude already.”
Joseph appeared at his door. Shaun thanked him as well and got out so Joseph could get in. Then, as his friends drove away, Shaun fished out his key and opened the door to his apartment. A few hours of sleep sounded good. He was tired in body and mind, both.
****
In spite of her highly emotional state, Patience was so exhausted that she fell almost immediately into a deep sleep after climbing into bed. But she woke up in the early hours of the morning and could not fall back to sleep.
Around five o’clock, while it was still dark, she got up and got dressed. She was too restless to remain in bed. The baby kicked and Patience wondered if her anxiety was being transferred to him—or her.
She left a note and drove downtown to The Grace Place, Orchard Hill’s only coffee shop. While working there during high school, Patience had become friends with the owner, Grace. She could use some of Grace’s friendship and advice right now.
Normally, she would walk downtown to the coffee shop, but there’d been a dusting of snow the night before. Slippery sidewalks were not something she wanted to tackle in her current state. Grace was turning the sign to “open” just as Patience stopped the car at the curb.
She opened the door to the shop and stepped into Grace’s cinnamon-and-coffee-scented emb
race. “Patience, I can’t believe it’s you.” Then Grace stepped back, eyes widening as she took in her condition. “I really can’t believe it’s you. Wow.”
Patience smiled and shrugged. “Yeah, it’s me.”
Grace insisted on making her a large cup of herbal tea—“No coffee for you, young lady,” she told Patience sternly. The idea of Grace being stern made Patience laugh. No one else had come in yet, so Grace grabbed a couple of fresh-from-the-oven cinnamon rolls and some coffee for herself and joined Patience at one of the tables.
“Are you sure you can sit with me?”
“It’s the day after Thanksgiving. I doubt anyone will be in this early,” she replied. “Now tell me what’s been going on with you.”
“First I want to know all about you and Riley. I heard you’re engaged now.” Riley had been a steady customer, and Patience knew he and Grace were friends, but she thought that’s all they were.
Grace’s eyes lit up as she related the story of how she and Riley started dating. When she told Patience about Riley’s proposal tears came to her eyes.
“That’s wonderful, Grace. I’m so happy for you.”
“Yes, well, I’m happy for me, too. Now tell me about you.”
Patience explained the whole problem with Shaun, and relayed what had happened the day before and about her parent’s interference. When she was finished it felt as if she’d unloaded a heavy burden. She sighed in relief and took a huge bite from the still warm cinnamon roll.
“So what are you thinking now?” asked Grace.
“I don’t know. I’m so encouraged with how well Shaun is doing, but…”
“But what?”
“But what about me? I left him when he needed me most. I just…just didn’t know what to do for him anymore. What if…what if I’m the one who has a problem? Maybe I’m not cut out to be a wife…or a mother.” A tear slid down her face and plopped onto the table.
Grace reached right across the table and grabbed her hand, squeezing it gently. “Patience, you and Shaun got married almost right out of high school. You’re both still very young.”
“Maybe we should have waited.”
“Let me finish. I’ve never seen two people more in love than you and Shaun. If anyone is going to make it, you two will. I knew he was in love with you before he even asked you out.”
Patience laughed. “Don’t be silly. He couldn’t possibly have been in love with me then.”
“A man who doesn’t like coffee doesn’t suddenly start hanging out in a coffee shop for no reason. I can still see him, hunched over in the booth, trying to force down my best brew. Those puppy dog eyes under that shaggy blonde hair followed you everywhere you went. He already had it bad.”
It felt good to remember those things. “Yes, but now things have gotten so complicated.”
“Then you’ll have to work on your problems—together. That’s what Isaac’s been telling Riley and me at our pre-marriage counseling sessions.”
“I don’t know…”
“And maybe your parents aren’t being very supportive, but you have lots of friends here that will be.”
“So you think I should go back to Shaun?”
“Is that what your heart is telling you?”
Patience nodded.
“Then that’s what I think you should do.”
****
Shaun sat in his truck in front of Patience’s parents’ house. Her car was gone. Dread tightened his chest until he could hardly breathe. Had she found out about the incident last night? No, how could she have?
He slid out of the truck and walked up to the front door. In Orchard Hill, friends always used the back door, but he knew better than to consider himself a “back door” sort of guest in this house.
Patience’s father, Jerry, answered the door. He was not smiling.
“May I see Patience?” Shaun asked, feeling no more welcome than he had when he picked her up for their first date years ago. Actually, he was probably a lot less welcome today.
“She’s not here,” Jerry answered curtly. Disapproval marked every line of his face.
“Where did she go?”
“She went back to her aunt’s, of course. You didn’t really expect her to stick around for you, did you?”
“Did she leave a message? A note?”
“No, but you should expect to hear from a lawyer soon. Your marriage is over.”
****
Patience came home in high spirits. She was eager to see Shaun and tell him she wanted to try again. Her mother was making pancakes when she stepped in the kitchen door.
“Good morning, Mom.”
“Grab a plate and sit down, hon’. Breakfast is almost ready.”
“No, thanks. I had a cinnamon roll with Grace.”
“You need more than that. Think of the baby.”
“Have you ever had one of Grace’s cinnamon rolls? They’re gigantic. Believe me, I had enough. I’d rather go see Shaun.”
“Oh, you don’t have to worry about him.”
“What do you mean?” Alarm made her suddenly tense.
“He was already here this morning, and your father told him you’d gone back to your aunt.”
“What! How could he?”
“And he told him you’d be contacting a lawyer for a divorce.”
Patience stared at her mother. She was so astonished she didn’t know what to say.
Her mother put an arm around her and said, “It was for the best, honey. You can do so much better.”
Anger flared, burning through her shock. “You had no right to do this. It’s my choice, not yours.”
“Now, Patience, don’t be difficult. You know your father and I only want what’s best for you.”
“I’m so tired of hearing that, Mom. You think you know what I want, but you don’t. You don’t even bother to ask.”
“Sit down and have some pancakes. We’ll talk about it after breakfast.”
“I just told you I don’t want any breakfast.”
“All right, honey, I didn’t want to have to tell you this, but my friend Viola was working at the emergency room last night. She called and told me Shaun had been in. He’d been in a fight with his father and came in because he needed stitches.”
“What? Why didn’t you tell me right away?”
“So, you see he hasn’t changed at all. Can you imagine? Getting into a fight with his own father. Patience, where are you going?”
“I’m going to find Shaun, Mom.” Her mother called her back, but she kept going, letting the door slam behind her. Right now she could understand very well how someone could come to blows with a parent.
It wasn’t until after she started her car that Patience realized she had no clue where Shaun might be. Scrabbling through her bag, she pulled out the envelope that contained the letter he’d sent her. She noted the return address and set out.
The new apartment was on the second floor of an older house. It had a large lawn, circled by mature trees. There was an outside staircase that lead to the apartment. It didn’t take long for Patience to determine that Shaun wasn’t home. She should have guessed that when she didn’t see his truck anywhere.
Where would he go? What had happened? Had he confronted his father after talking to his mother yesterday? Had his father somehow found out that they went to Jenny’s for dinner and come looking for him? How badly was he hurt?
Sick with worry, she tried to figure out where he might go. It wasn’t likely he’d go to his mother if he’d just had a fight with his father. Maybe he’d go to Joseph’s or…
Isaac! Pastor Isaac had been counseling him. It would be natural that Shaun would turn to him after this incident.
As she drove to the church, Patience wished she’d stayed with Shaun last night. Maybe the incident wouldn’t have happened at all if she’d been there.
On the other hand, what if it had still happened? Maybe her parents were right and Shaun hadn’t changed at all. What if she were going back to
a man who was being overtaken by anger? What if he’d descended into expressing his emotions through violence?
She thought she knew Shaun. What if she really didn’t?
By the time she reached Isaac’s house, she was hoping she could talk to him herself, as well as ask him where Shaun might be. But he wasn’t home, so she had no luck on either count.
Maybe Isaac was at the church. She didn’t think he’d go in to work on the Friday after Thanksgiving, but maybe he had met Shaun there to talk with him.
Orchard Hill Volume Three Page 16
