I’d never told Tuesday this, but the first time I’d run hadn’t been my first opportunity. I’d had another a few months earlier and choked. The possibility of getting out and then not making it, as had happened the next time, had been as horrible as I’d feared.
But maybe it had all happened like that for a reason. Maybe I’d been meant to wait for Koz and then Callon? If I let my thoughts run away with me, I might start believing Bitters’ crazy prophecy that the witch had repeated. Maybe I was losing my shit and going to start searching for unicorns in the forest too.
“When someone is very close to death, I pick up on it easier and from further away. If I was going to sense it, I would’ve as soon as she walked in the room.”
He looked as confused as I was. How she was going to live didn’t make a lot of sense, but my cursed gift didn’t come with a medical diagnosis.
He nodded. He didn’t believe it, even though I knew he’d wanted to.
Well, that solved one problem. I hadn’t given him that much hope.
29
I fell out of the closet as someone ran into the room. After I’d soaked my feet back to life, one excruciating inch after another, all I’d wanted was sleep. I hadn’t cared about food or people or whose room I was in. I’d crawled into the bed and passed out.
I’d woken a short time later, imagining that someone was staring in at me through those big windows. Since it was still dark, I hadn’t gotten nearly as much sleep as I wanted. That was when I’d decided to relocate.
Callon stood at the door, looking about the room, trying to find the problem. “Are you all right?” He leaned forward, looking right at the open doors of the closet and the pillow on its floor.
“Were you—”
More feet sounded in the hall. Callon backed out of the room, the door still in his grip. “She’s fine. She tripped.”
I couldn’t see who was there, but the loud grumbling and general moans sounded like Zink and Hess.
The footsteps retreated. Callon shut the door and made his way to where I was getting up from the floor.
“What happened?”
“Nothing. A dream, is all.” Shaking hands gripped the blanket as I pulled it tighter around me.
Nothing had been the beating Baryn gave me at twelve. I hadn’t dreamt of that moment in a long time. If I had, I didn’t remember it. Or maybe I hadn’t wanted to. That was when he’d crippled me the first time.
I also couldn’t forget what he’d said. You won’t use your wiles on another person. You ask for help again, and it’ll be both legs.
Callon walked farther into the room, jerking me back to the present.
“Were you sleeping in the closet?”
I pulled the blanket tighter around me. “There’s a lot of windows in this place and not a lot of trees for a quick escape. It was a rational decision.”
He stared at the closet, not responding. His brows dropped lower over his eyes.
Maybe for him it seemed weird, but it was a big, comfy closet by anyone’s standards. Maybe he needed to get out a little and see how the rest of the world lived before judging.
He was scowling by the time he stopped staring. It was probably only a few seconds, but it was long enough to get awkward.
He stood there, hands on his hips, as if he were coming to terms with something.
“I was coming in here to crash. We’re short on rooms and the bed’s big enough that we won’t even know we’re sharing.”
His hair was mussed like he’d already been sleeping. I didn’t ask him about it. I just said, “Okay.”
Why did I have to say that so quickly? Now he was going to think I wanted to be in bed with him, which I didn’t. I didn’t even want to talk to him. It was simply easier to sleep when I knew there were beast ears listening for threats.
I climbed back on the bed and watched to see what he’d do. If he left, I was going back in the closet.
He walked over to the side of the bed and sat there for a few seconds. Was he going to lie down?
“Aren’t you taking you shirt off?” He always took his shirt off when he slept inside. Was he trying to fake me out?
He didn’t say anything, but he pulled the shirt off, threw it to a nearby chair, and stretched out.
I settled deeper into the mattress. Sleep was calling back to me, and I knew I was going to be out for the count soon.
I curled onto my side, feeling sleepier by the second. “Just so you know, we’re still fighting.”
“We aren’t fighting. You’re fighting.” His voice softened as he added, “It’s all right, though. I get it.”
Was he admitting he was wrong? Sounded like an admission of guilt. It didn’t fix anything, but it soothed the wound a bit. Although when I’d apologized, several times, I’d been very clear. None of this wishy-washy business. His apology was falling short of the mark, but I was too comfortable to fight right now.
He sounded as relaxed as I did. Why was it so comfortable to sleep near him? Had to be that he could kill people with a snap of his jaws. That was awfully convenient in times like these.
I turned onto my back, facing the ceiling. As mad as I’d been, there was one thing that tempered the anger, besides the fact that my hands weren’t exactly clean in all this. He really wasn’t going to hand me over. I believed it now, beyond a doubt. Otherwise he would’ve tried to get Hecate to get rid of the spell. He hadn’t even asked for it.
There was one thing that puzzled me, though. “Why wouldn’t you have tried to strike a deal with the Magician that would keep you and your people safe?”
There were a lot of people here. I’d screwed him over to save the soul of just one person.
He groaned, slightly exaggerated if you were to ask me, before he asked, “This again?”
“Yes. You never answered.” I turned to look at him. I’d stare him into a confession if need be.
He was lying on his back, his eyes drifting shut as his head rested on his arms. “Issy has this necklace she wears that dates back to the Glory Years. Can’t even imagine what it went through before she found it, and she’s been wearing it for a decade at least.
“The gem has notches and chips on every side, and a crack that runs almost completely through it, except for this one spot that somehow holds it all together. The thing refuses to break, and for all its flaws, when the sun hits it, it’s the most vibrant thing you’ll ever see.”
He paused, his eyes staying closed. It was really nice that Issy had some jewelry but what did that have to do with me?
“You remind me of her necklace,” he finally said. “Maybe I don’t want to be the one who strikes the final blow that breaks you. Maybe I’m afraid of what I’ll become if I do, because we’re both hanging on to humanity by our fingertips.”
I watched him, his eyes closed, and I finally got it. Really got it this time.
We were more alike than I’d realized, both of us afraid of what we might become in this crazy world in an effort to survive.
“Go to sleep, Teddy.”
The door creaked. I squinted one eye open and watched Issy walk in the room. She put a pile of clothes down, rested a hand on the dresser, and bent over slightly, pausing to breathe.
“You didn’t have to do that. I would’ve come down,” I said, sitting up in the large bed, the late morning light streaming in.
“I wanted to check on you.” Issy turned, smiling.
I must’ve slept fifteen hours. All I’d wanted to do last night was lay my head down and never get up again. All the days of traveling, of pushing unused muscles beyond their limitations, had built up until they demanded payment.
Issy took a step toward me before she bent over, a coughing spasm stealing her words. She braced her hand on the bed.
Forget me. She needed someone to check on her.
“Are you all right?” I reached out, unsure how to help her, even as I worried direct contact might bring on a vision that would make a liar out of me.
She
waved off my hand and straightened, albeit with a struggle. I sagged back on to the bed and let out a breath, glad I wouldn’t have to find out.
The wheezing noise abated after a few minutes, and her chest stopped heaving. The pendant Callon had talked about last night hung around her neck.
“I’m fine,” she said as soon as she got her wind back a few minutes later.
Her “I’m fine” felt a little familiar. No wonder no one ever believed me. I hoped I pulled it off a little better than she did. I had a bad feeling about that, though.
“Callon said you’re going to be around for a while?” she asked, punctuating the question with a smile, in contrast to the eyes that were still watering.
He’d definitely told her a lot more than that. The fact that she was still being pleasant said he must’ve softened it a bit.
Did she know that the Magician was on our tail? Might be following us here right now? Because I couldn’t imagine how anyone would be welcoming to someone with that kind of baggage tugging along behind them.
“Not sure how long, exactly.” The witch said around a year, but the date hadn’t been etched in stone.
Issy waved her hand and then took a seat on the bed beside me. “I see your face and know what you’re worried about. That’s not your fault. That was going to happen. It’s in the prophecy.”
I smiled. She had to be talking about Bitters’ prophecy. If there were any more weird wizards floating around talking about me, I didn’t want to hear it. Were Callon and I the only ones who didn’t believe in prophecies?
It was a bit convenient at the moment. Could I let fate take the fall for all this? It wasn’t really my place to tell her what to believe in.
I was still debating when another series of coughs had her bending over. As soon as they paused, she got up, grabbing on to the dresser as she made her way out of the room.
“I’ll be letting you have your privacy now,” she said in between her lungs rebelling. She waved her hand toward me, her eyes tearing as she left.
I wanted to help her, but I knew she’d only tell me she was “fine” again. I hadn’t realized that could be a bit irritating.
I gave her a few minutes’ lead, for her pride’s sake, before I stuck my head out the door to make sure she hadn’t collapsed. It was empty. Looked like Issy had made it downstairs.
The hum of voices reached the hallway, along with the smell of food. My stomach wanted to charge forward. My gut wanted to go back to the pile of clothes she’d brought, throw on the heaviest thing I could get my hands on, and run out into the raging snow until there wasn’t another soul around. I knew what was coming for me, and the idea of standing still seemed foreign.
I sat down on the top of the stairs. Elbows on my knees, I planted my face in my palms. Hera’s words drifted back to me again, as they did so often now. Callon could protect me. He was my only shot. I couldn’t run without him now anyway.
He wasn’t running anymore. He’d found his spot to take a stand, and I was pretty sure it was fight time.
Callon had been right, too. I either wielded my magic or someone wielded it for me. I didn’t want to embrace what I was, but my gut was taunting me and calling me stupid if I didn’t try.
My gut was also telling me what our best shot was. I hadn’t dreamt of Baryn’s breaking my leg when I was twelve for nothing.
I stood and then trudged along as if I were going to my last meal, telling myself that this wasn’t the end of the world. I’d learn to wield my magic and I’d be in control of it, right? I’d lay out parameters, lines I wouldn’t cross. I’d make it work because it had to.
Why was I so averse to it, anyway? Was it really so bad to save good people using the lives of the evil? My morals weren’t as pristine as the snow around this place. They’d been dinged up and dirtied before, and even more so recently.
I continued to follow the sound of voices, one in particular, which were conveniently in the same direction as the smells. My stomach was growling almost as loud as Callon’s beast did.
Callon was at the head of the table, boots kicked up on a chair. Zink was sitting next to him. Hess and Koz were standing a few feet away, plates in hand.
A few other people, including Shifty, were also there, as well as two tall, dark-haired men who looked like brothers. I was pretty sure Shifty was human, but I pegged the brothers as beasts. I was getting better at spotting them.
Callon had been watching the door as I entered, as if he’d known I was approaching. Everyone’s talking faded as I walked in.
Keeping my shoulders square, I made my way over to Callon. His eyes shifted to my feet. I figured he was looking for blisters. He was right, of course. I had them, but nothing I couldn’t tolerate.
I pulled out the heavy chair next to him. “We should probably talk.”
He nodded.
The room cleared.
He sat there, eyes looking smug. I couldn’t say why they looked smug, but somehow they did. Smugness was oozing across the table, nearly smacking me in the face.
He really didn’t make anything easy and then he acted as if I were difficult. Still, there was a massive problem lurking on the horizon, so I would be the bigger person here.
“Before recently, I didn’t know who the Magician was. I won’t pretend to understand the threat heading toward us as well as you do. But what I do understand is we’re in this together at the moment. I wronged you. As I’ve recently discovered, you’ve wronged me as well. Is that a fair statement?”
He crossed his arm in front of his chest but relaxed his shoulders. “I guess I could agree with that.”
I sat a little taller. Not bad so far.
“For the time being, I’d like to make a truce, at least until we deal with the Magician. We’ll leave our bad history alone and call it sort of even.”
Both eyebrows rose. “Sort of even?”
“Your wrongdoings might be slightly worse than mine”—I threw my hands up—“but okay, we can call it even if that’s important to you.”
He tilted his chin down but let that go.
I continued. “For the time being, I won’t poke at you and you’ll refrain from giving me a long list of all my faults.”
I already knew the list by heart, and it was a mile long. He lifted his hand, scratching the shadow along his square jaw, then sucked air in between his teeth as if that last request was going to hurt.
Seriously? This was going to be the stumbling block for him?
He pointed toward me. “I think we should leave that part alone.”
That did leave me open to continue to poke at him. I could live with it. “Okay. Agreed.”
“Then agreed.”
“You might be right about some other stuff. I need to get a handle on my magic. If we can figure out how to practice without having to kill someone, I’m game.”
“And we both know you might not need that much practice.”
He definitely suspected I’d killed that guy with magic when we’d been attacked. He could keep on suspecting. I wasn’t quite ready to lay every card on the table yet.
Callon’s face didn’t move a fraction of a millimeter, and yet I knew he wanted to smile. That made me want to scream for some reason. As expected, both of us did neither.
“Even if we can figure out how I did it, no one dies to save someone else unless they’re going to die anyway. That’s a hard line, and I won’t cross or it breaks the truce. I’m in control of my magic. No one else.”
“That sounds pretty reasonable. Any other hard lines?”
“Yes, but I haven’t thought of them yet. If I find something appalling, I reserve the right to raise issues at a later time.”
“Sure.” It was an offhand comment, as if he’d already thought this all through, as if he’d known what I was going to do before I came down and told him.
I sat back, giving him narrowed eyes. “And don’t expect me to trust you right away, either. That’s going to take a while.”
He
leaned forward and touched my face, his thumb brushing my lower lip. I didn’t know what he was going to do, but he stopped short of kissing me.
With a light in his eyes and a straight face, he asked, “How’d you sleep last night?”
Bastard. A good night’s sleep had nothing to do with trusting him.
“So so.” My voice didn’t lack for bite, but it wasn’t only because he thought he was smart.
Some part of me, not a part I was on board with, but couldn’t quite disown, had thought he was going to kiss me. That same part might’ve hoped he would. But no part of me was admitting I trusted him even a little bit when he was going to act like this over desperately needed sleep.
He leaned back, but that spark was still in his eyes as he looked at me. The one that had made me think he would kiss me.
For whatever reason, he seemed to be in a good mood. If I was going tell him, this was the moment.
“I think I have an idea what to do with the Magician.”
“Which is?”
“You remember Hecate said ‘it won’t work on me’?”
“Of course.” He uncrossed his arms. “Continue.”
He was taking this a lot more seriously than I thought he would. I’d imagined battling it out with him to make him listen. I wasn’t sure if this made me feel better or worse.
“I thought she meant asking her for help wouldn’t work, but I think it went deeper than that. I remembered something the other night, but I’m not sure if I made it up or it’s true. I need a test subject. I think it might work better if I show you. If I can, that is.” It might be easier, too. I wasn’t sure if I could quantify what it was I thought I could do. I certainly didn’t know how to explain it that well.
“Can you get Zink back in here?” He hated me. He’d definitely be the best option to test this out on.
Callon’s eyes narrowed but he nodded. He walked into the hall and said, “Zink, you got a minute?” He walked back into the room. “He’s coming.”
I hadn’t heard Zink respond, but I believed Callon. I made my way over to the couch on the other side of the room while I waited, knowing it would be a better test situation. Plus, if I humiliated myself, the light here was dimmer and I could blame the sweating on being too close to the fire. It was perfect.
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