by Ava Bell
“Sam, I don’t want to wait too long before we get married,” I say. He looks up at me and smiles.
“Well, how soon were you thinking?” He teases each nipple with his tongue.
“Now . . . how about now?” I look down at Sam while he nibbles and bites on my nipple.
“It’s Saturday, Maggie; we will have to wait. Besides, don’t you want to have a wedding?”
I grab his face and pull it close to mine, looking him in the eyes. “No, that’s not important to me. As soon as we get back, I want to get married.” Sam kisses me as he throws the blankets over our heads.
For the next twenty-four hours Sam and I stay under the covers, only getting up long enough to eat and go to the bathroom. I’ve never been so happy.
On the drive home Sunday afternoon, I call Aunt Virginia to tell her the news. She is completely ecstatic, even though she knew about it all along. Sam carries our bags into the house while I unbuckle Ellie and grab her bags, but just as I bend over the seat to grab Ellie’s doll, a sharp pain shoots through my stomach. I catch myself as my knees buckle. The pain is like a hot knife slicing into me. I catch my breath and stand up, looking around to see if Sam noticed. This is the third time in the last two weeks I’ve experienced this pain. I walk slowly up the steps and follow Ellie into the house, with each step a struggle not to scream from the pain. I slowly make my way up the stairs under Sam’s watchful eyes. I was trying to hide any sign of my discomfort from him, but I was not successful enough.
Just as I start to close the bathroom door, Sam stops me and pushes it open.
“Maggie, what’s wrong? And don’t lie to me.” He stands and waits as I drop my head, looking at my feet.
“Sam, please, just let me get into the shower. I’ll be out in a minute,” I say, stripping down to my underwear and bra.
I turn on the shower and continue to get undressed, but Sam watches my every move. It’s no use in hiding the pain that rips through me with each movement and when I open the shower door, the steam bellows out and the warm water beckons me. I stand under the hot stream of water and let it run over me. Sam continues to lean up against the counter. He knows I’m taking my time as I lather up my hair. I can hear his loud sighs while he waits. I step out and the cold air hits me. Sam holds the towel out, so I step forward as he wraps the towel around me, holding me in his arms.
“I’m not playing games with you. There’s something wrong and you’re not telling me.” He turns me to face him and looks into my eyes.
“I’m not sure what’s going on, but I’m achy and I feel nauseous.” He runs his hands through his hair as I tie my robe and grab the brush. We sit on the bed, and I can tell Sam’s upset. Our weekend was so perfect and now it just seems like a distant memory when my health seems to take center stage once again.
“First thing in the morning, you and I are going to see your doctor. No arguments.” With that, he walks out of the bedroom and downstairs.
I’m curled up on my bed when I feel small hands wrap around my neck and I pull Ellie towards me as we lay silence and when I wake, it’s still dark and Ellie is between Sam and I. This is the first time she has slept in the same bed with us and I feel safe and comforted as I lie there listening to their slow steady breathing. When I wake the next morning, Ellie is still snuggled up against me, and I can feel the warmth radiate off of her body. I struggle to open my eyes, and every bone in my body is screaming as I sit up. I can hear Sam in the shower so I slowly walk downstairs to start breakfast. Sam is the first to come downstairs and I immediately see the worry on his face.
“Maggie, go ahead and get ready. I’ll feed Ellie and take her to school. I’ll pick you up afterwards, so please be ready.” His usual smile is absent; I know he’s serious. I kiss Ellie goodbye and finish getting ready.
Sam is quiet on our drive into town, and I hate when he’s like this because I feel like I’m a burden to him. I sit next to Sam after I check in with the receptionist. As I sit and look out the window that looks out on to a lush garden, I think about how this past year with Sam has been more than I could ever hope for and I know it’s all about to change. Sam is due to go back out on tour in one month and I know he won’t go if there’s something wrong. I don’t want to hold him back, but I’d be lost without him . . . we both would. Ellie has gotten so attached to him and he’s been such a great father to her. I’m suddenly pulled out of my thoughts when the nurse calls my name. As we walk down the long hall, Sam places his hand in the small of my back. After the nurse takes all my vital signs, Sam and I are left alone in the exam room. He glances at me and gives me a reassuring smile. I smile back but it’s a weak one at best.
After I explain everything that’s been going on to Dr. Mirabile, he orders a series of test and a full blood work-up and he tells me it will be twenty-four hours before he will know anything. His office will call me tomorrow afternoon, but waiting is the worse. Sam and I seem to go through the next twenty-four hours just barely existing and this seems to be my life lately, waiting and wondering what my fate is. Remembering what my mother went through hurts even more, but I put on a fake smile and go through my day like any other day.
The next afternoon when my phone rings, I don’t even look to see who it is. I just take a deep breath and answer it. My legs go weak as Dr. Mirabile tells me that he would he would like to admit me into the hospital for more tests and Sam can tell by the look on my face that the news wasn’t what I had hoped for. I toss the phone on the table as he reaches for me and holds me in the comfort of his arms. I fight back the tears that threaten to break me. Sam buries his face in my hair and I can feel my body relax as he holds me up and walks me to the sofa. We lie there holding onto each other until Sam finally speaks.
“This doesn’t mean anything, Maggie. Please don’t give up,” he whispers in my ear, and I can feel everything begin to slip away.
TWELVE HOURS LATER I’m lying in a hospital bed and being transported to radiology. I stare at the ceiling, counting the tiles as I’m being pushed down a long hallway, the same hallway I’ve walked down hundreds of times during my twelve-hour shifts. First they do a CT scan and an MRI, followed by more blood work, and I feel like a human pin cushion by the time they’re done with me. Sam sits next to me and holds my hand while Dr. Mirabile stands at the end of the bed. My body goes numb and I feel Sam squeeze my hand tight . . . tighter. I turn my face away from Sam because I can’t bear to look at him, but I can feel his body tremble. Lymphoma, the worst kind, the kind most don’t recover from. Dr. Mirabile continues to speak, but I don’t hear what he is saying. There’s no need to hear. Being a nurse, I know what I’m up against and I know the treatment options, that they are just a Band-Aid and nothing more. Before he even walks out of the room, I’ve already made up my mind about continuing any available treatment. I’ve seen how it destroys the body and the quality of life is non-existent. I can’t do that, I won’t do that. I feel Sam’s head laying on my lap as I continue to stare in the opposite direction, and I can feel his body shake while he holds my hand. I reach over and lay my hand on his head, and he kisses my hand over and over. I can feel the tears as they stream down my face. I know if I look at him he’ll see the fear in my eyes and I’ll break down. I need to be strong for the both of us.
The next morning Sam goes to pull the car around to pick me up and I change into my clothes. Just as I finish buttoning my shirt I hear a small knock at the door, and before I can open it, Josh peeks his head in.
“Can I come in?” he asks. I can see by the look on his face that word has traveled to my former co-workers.
“Sure, come in.” I wave my hand to him and he walks to me with his arms out.
“Maggie, I’m so sorry,” he says, holding me close. “I’m here if you need me. You can fight this, Maggie, I know you can.” He pulls back and looks me in the eyes and I can see the sincerity in his words.
“Josh, you and I both know that it’s pointless. I’m not about to put my family through that.
I just want to enjoy what time I have loving my baby girl and my family.” I step back and throw my purse on my shoulder. Josh swallows hard and looks around the room. I can feel the awkwardness between us. When we ended our relationship there were things that were left unsaid, and I feel as if now might be the best time for me to say them. “Thank you for everything, Josh. I wish only good things for you.” I take his face in my hands as he looks up, and I can see there are tears forming in his eyes. “You were so good to me and Ellie and I will never forget that. Neither will Ellie. You deserve so much in life; success, happiness, and love.”
I wrap my arms around his neck and whisper in his ear, “Thank you for loving me enough to let me go, I’ll always love you for that.” I kiss his cheek and walk past him towards the door. Just as I’m about to walk out, Josh turns and smiles. I blow him a kiss and walk down the hallway to the elevators.
Once Sam and I are home I call Aunt Virginia to let her know that Sam will be by to pick Ellie up, but she insists on bringing Ellie herself, so I don’t argue with her. This will be a good time for Sam and me to tell her the news. I’m upstairs putting on a pair of comfortable sweats when Sam wraps his arms around my waist.
“I hope you have something pretty and white to wear on Friday.” I whirl around and look at him, confused. “I’ve made an appointment at the courthouse. Friday will be your wedding day. No arguments.” As we stand silently looking into each other’s eyes, Sam cocks one eyebrow and swats me on my ass. Shocked and speechless, I watch Sam walk out of the room, and I grin as I finish slipping on my shirt. I take a deep breath when I hear Ellie and Aunt Virginia walk through the door. I hurry to finish up the sweet tea I’ve made for us and I set out the baked goods that were a complimentary gift from the bed-and-breakfast. Aunt Virginia hugs me and sits in the chair next to me at the table. Sam joins us after putting a Disney movie in for Ellie and sits across from me. It’s not easy telling your loved ones that your life is slowly coming to an end, but Sam helps to fill in any gaps as I explain everything to her. She’s devastated, but I know she’s strong like my mother was. It’s in their genes.
Later that night, as I watch my aunt drive away, I sit on the front steps in the dark, alone. I haven’t had much time to myself in the last twenty-four hours and I feel the need to just be still and quiet. I listen to the sound of the crickets chirping while a warm breeze washes over me. It’s the small things like this that I’ve taken for granted. I can’t even begin to process the thought of leaving Ellie and Sam. My biggest fear is that they will forget about me, and I know that sounds silly, but it’s still there. I wipe the tears from my eyes and face when I hear the front door open. Sam quietly sits on the step next to me. He reaches for my hand and raises it to his lips, softly kissing the back of my hand. We sit quietly as his small gestures tell me I’m not in this alone.
Over the next three days I find it harder and harder to concentrate on simple tasks, and my phone is constantly ringing with calls from my dad, Sydney, and Aunt Virginia. When I finally forced myself to call my dad, it was heart-wrenching. I know all the memories of how my mother suffered came rushing back into his mind, and he insisted on flying up tomorrow, but I talked him into waiting until things settled down.
Friday morning I wake to the sound of Sam in the shower, singing. I lay there with my eyes closed, listening. It’s a song I’ve never heard him sing. Usually when he’s writing a new song, he always asks my opinion, but this one is new to me. I glance over at the clock and see that it is much earlier than I had expected. Ellie isn’t due to be at school for another three hours and our appointment at the courthouse is later this afternoon. I giggle as an idea pops into my head, and I quickly sit up, removing my tank top and shorts. Then I grab a huge white bow from a box of bows in the closet and tie it around my waist. I jump back into bed before Sam finishes his shower. I hear the door open as I lay sprawled across the bed in hopes of enticing him. I watch Sam walk around the bed out of the corner of my eye, and suddenly feel the bed dip on one side as Sam lies down next to me. I feel his hand caress the side of my face as I lean into him, and his fingers travel down to my waist, to the bow. He slowly pulls the ribbon until it is no longer around me. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him to my lips. As I run my fingers through his wet hair, droplets of water sprinkle my breast while he kisses his way lower. Sam makes his way down between my legs and I spread them, giving him better access. I arch my back when he finds that one spot that makes me throw my head back and whisper his name. “Sam.”
“I love the way you taste,” Sam says, pushing me to the edge of my release.
“Don’t stop. Right there, just stay right there,” I mumble, my body shuddering.
Sam leans over me, looking down. “God, how I love you! You have no idea how my heart races when I look at you.” I pull him against me and he kisses me . . . slow, soft, and with so much passion.
We lie there breathlessly, tangled up in each other’s arms and legs. I hang on to every kiss, every caress, and every unspoken word as we stare into each other’s eyes. I’m not sure how long I will have this, but from this moment on, I promise myself that I will savor every minute with him and not take any of it for granted.
AS I STAND in the small office at the courthouse I can’t keep my eyes off of my two favorite girls. Maggie is in her off-white, ankle-length lace dress and Ellie has on a pink dress with a huge bow in the back. Aunt Virginia stands in the back and she wipes her eyes while Maggie and I promise to love each other, take care of each other, and let nothing stand in the way of those promises. We promise we will always stand side by side today and every day. I slip the band with the three different stones on her finger. This is the first time she has seen it and I couldn’t ask for a better reaction from her. Maggie is in a different world as she holds her hand out and gazes at it.
“Sam.” She leans in and whispers, “My God, you never cease to amaze me. It’s perfect, beyond perfect.”
The judge pronounces us “Husband and Wife” and Maggie looks up at me with tears in her eyes. I cradle her face in my hands and wipe her tears away with my thumbs while I lean down and tenderly kiss her for the first time as my wife. I can hear Aunt Virginia sniffle behind me while Ellie squeals and claps.
I wrap my arms around Maggie’s waist as I lift her off the floor and whisper in her ear. “I love you, Maggie Austin, and don’t you ever forget that.” Maggie nuzzles her face in my neck and lets out a muffled giggle.
Afterwards we celebrate with dinner at The Mansion on Forsyth Park Hotel, as the four of us enjoy a nice quiet dinner. I’m bursting to tell Maggie about what I have planned for our honeymoon. She knows I’ve planned something and she’s been asking me to tell her for the past two days, but I need this to be a surprise and it will be our last week together before I go back out on tour.
I can hear Maggie move around the bedroom while I stand in the closet changing out of my suit. When I come out there are several lighted candles and soft music playing. I am blown away when I see Maggie standing in the doorway of the bathroom as the soft glow of the candles bounce off of the walls. Maggie slowly walks towards me in a red and black corset with thigh-high black stockings and red stilettos. She looks at me with want and desire in her eyes and I scoop her up, carrying her to our bed and slowly removing each piece of clothing. As I untie, unbutton, and unhook each piece of the corset, I feel like I’m unwrapping the most exquisite and precious gift anyone could ever receive. Maggie moans as I slowly caress her flawless skin. I lean down to kiss her shoulder and I breathe in slowly as her scent intoxicates my senses. My skin tingles when Maggie runs her fingers down my back. She softly moans while she arches her back, and I slowly move my fingers through her folds of wetness. My whole body is like one single nerve that sends every pleasurable sensation I can imagine through me. Maggie runs her hands through my hair and down my back. I slowly move over her and position myself between her legs as I slide in with ease. Maggie wraps her legs around my waist while I move
in slow methodical movements. Maggie matches each thrust, lifting her hips with each movement, and our eyes lock on one another. I can feel the build of emotion as we both get closer to our release. Our bodies respond to each other like they are one, and when Maggie tightens her legs and arms around me, I hear her scream with passion so pure that it instantly pushes me over the edge.
The next morning Maggie insists we stop by Aunt Virginia’s before catching our flight so we can say goodbye to Ellie. The minute we step into the house, the smell of pancakes fill the air, and Aunt Virginia hurries us into the kitchen for a pre-honeymoon breakfast. As we sit eating and laughing, I can’t help but notice how happy Maggie is. They way her eyes sparkle when she looks at Ellie and how her laugh is infectious fills my heart so much it feels like it might explode. Maggie and Ellie are my whole life, my world, and I can’t think about the inevitable. Most days I don’t even think about how sick Maggie is, mainly because she rarely complains unless the pain is unbareable and to look at her, you would never know it. I know that will change, but for now, I will do everything in my power to make her happy.
When Maggie and I board the small plane, she smiles and nods. “Oh, Sam, you think you can fool me. I know you all too well by now.” She knows where our honeymoon destination is: Hermann, Missouri.
She has no idea how hard it was to get the same cottage we stayed in more than five years ago, but I got it. And for the next five days my plan only includes things that can be done in bed. Maggie looks over at me and smirks as we walk the path towards the small pale-blue cottage. My hand shakes a little when I put the key into the lock and turn it. As we walk in, I can see nothing has changed; same woodsy smell, plaid curtains, and that leather chair. The same one I sat in so many years ago. The same one I sat in and watched Maggie sleep as I slowly fell in love with her. Maggie sits on the edge of the bed, facing me, and the look on her face has me a little confused and worried.
