by Ava Bell
I dial Aunt Virginia’s number as soon as he walks out, and tell her that she needs to call Maggie’s dad and that he needs to come as soon as he can get a flight booked. I lean back in the chair and wipe my eyes as the tears stream down my face. When I wake up I hear Maggie calling my name.
“Sam,” she whispers.
I lean over and caress her cheek. “I’m here, Maggie.” She reaches her hand out for me and I lean over to kiss it. I can tell she wants to talk, but she is just too weak, so she closes her eyes as I rub the back of her hand with my thumb. When my phone vibrates I see that it’s Aunt Virginia.
“Sam, he’s on his way to the airport now. As soon as Ellie is finished eating we will be there. How is she, Sam?”
“She’s in and out. They have her on some strong pain medication. Just come as soon as you can.”
MAGGIE OPENS HER eyes as soon as she hears Ellie’s voice, and I hold her while she leans over to kiss her mom. I can barely hold myself together watching Maggie smile as she reaches up and touches her cheek, my heart shatters as I watch Maggie say goodbye to our daughter. When I see Aunt Virginia standing in the doorway, I decide to take Ellie and walk down the hall to the vending machines so she can spend some time alone with Maggie. As we walk back towards the room, Ellie spots her grandpa walking towards us and she runs to him. He picks her up and holds her tight before walking into Maggie’s room and I find a chair in the waiting room to sit as her dad says his final goodbye.
I raise my head when I hear the three of them coming down the hall. We hug and talk briefly before I go back in. Maggie is awake as I sit next to her bed. I can see that she is struggling to take each breath and I try to keep myself together. When I lean over and kiss her, she smiles.
“I love you so much, Maggie. You’re my sun, my stars, and my moon.” I can feel her hand reach up and touch my hair and she runs her fingers through it slowly. She looks at me, pleading with her eyes . . . to let her go, to tell her it’s okay.
I choke back the tears as I whisper in her ear. “It’s okay, Maggie, you can go. I know you’re ready. Just remember that I’ve loved you since the day I saw you and no one will ever take that away.” I lay my head in her lap as I feel Maggie take her last breath . . . and my world crumbles.
When I finally force myself to leave the hospital, I feel as though I’m leaving my life behind. I slowly walk towards the exit, but then I stop. I try to think where my car is parked, not even remembering where I left it less than twenty-four hours earlier, my mind is in a fog and my body is numb as I climb into my car and drive away.
As I sit in the driveway and look at our house, I can’t bring myself to walk through the door. How can I when I know it’s empty, like my heart? I will never see Maggie trot down the stairs again . . . ever. And that thought alone makes me want to scream. I struggle to keep myself together while I unlock the front door and go in, but then I just stand in the entryway, not knowing what to do with myself. I’m lost and I don’t think I will ever find the person I was. My future has no light, no sunshine, no happiness, and as I walk towards the kitchen, each movement, each step, feels like I’m underwater . . . gasping for one last breath.
I take the bottle of tequila and a glass into my office. Sitting behind my desk, listening to the quiet, I pour myself a drink. At this point, drinking myself to death seems like the most appealing answer, but I know I have to be here for Ellie. Losing her mother is going to be hard enough on her, but losing both of us would destroy her world. I’m thankful that Aunt Virginia has her for the night so I can pull myself together and be there for her. As I take a long and slow drink, I glance down at the bottom drawer of my desk. I know that eventually I need to pull it open and take out the pink notebook Maggie put there, but for now, I’ll just pretend it doesn’t exist. I lean back in my chair and take another drink. When I wake up my phone is ringing, so I switch it off and look over at the empty bottle next to me; it’s a reminder that my heart is now only a shell. I slowly open the drawer, and there on top of the pink notebook is the heart-shaped shell I found on the beach the weekend I proposed. I pull the notebook out, throwing it on the desk as if it’s a poisonous snake, backing my chair away from it, just staring at it. I reach out and touch the cover. I already know what’s inside. I know it’s all there because she told me. Every day Maggie would remind me to read it. I wasn’t ready then and I’m not really ready now, but I force myself to open it. As I flip through the pages, I hold the shell tightly in my hand hoping that it will bring me the comfort I need. In true Maggie-like fashion, she has organized everything, down to the smallest detail. There are reminders of future dental appointments for Ellie, her vaccination records, and her schedule for dance class. There are names of her friends as well as her teacher’s names. Nothing was left out. And when I get halfway through it, I slam it shut. I can’t bring myself to look at the page that says: FUNERAL REQUEST. Standing and pacing the floor of my office, I prepare myself to read Maggie’s wishes. When I flip to the last two pages, it’s just too much for me to take, but I can’t pull my eyes away. I read the first few lines, and it’s a love letter she wrote, dated two months ago. I cradle my head in my hands and let the tears go as I softly speak her name.
IT’S BEEN FIVE years since I said goodbye to Maggie, but not a minute goes by that I don’t think of her. Sometimes I can even smell her perfume while I’m sleeping and I open my eyes to an empty bed. Ellie and I are making it day by day as our broken hearts heal; we have each other to lean on during the sad times. We talk about Maggie often, and Ellie is old enough now that she loves hearing the story of how we met. The first couple of years were the darkest. Everything reminded me of her and sometimes I even thought I could hear her singing upstairs. I still have the pink notebook, and keep it in a safe place, along with the heart-shaped shell. Maybe one day I will show it to Ellie. I’m currently recording my third CD, and I hope to be on tour next year. Ellie is excited about it and she has made it very clear she will be traveling with me. She’s so much like her mother in that aspect that I don’t even bother arguing with her about it. Aunt Virginia is still a big part of our lives. She insists that we come for dinner every Sunday and Ellie still enjoys spending a few nights a month with her. Maggie’s dad is also a big part of Ellie’s life and he visits often, as well as my dad and Karen. About a year ago, Ellie and I were having dinner when we ran into Josh. He introduced me to his new wife, who at that time was expecting a baby at any moment. We briefly talked and went our separate ways.
A year ago I hired a Personal Assistant to help me with my business affairs as well as help me keep all of Ellie’s school and dance activities in order. Her name is Briar. She is so good with Ellie and they’ve become very close, as have I. She has become someone that I can talk to and laugh with, something I never thought I would ever be able to do again. And although Maggie will always live in my heart, Briar fills a space that’s been empty for too long. I’ve asked her to consider traveling with Ellie and me next year. She’s thinking it over. So far, we are only just friends and that’s the way I’d like to keep it . . . for now.
THE END
First and foremost, I would like to thank my family and my amazing husband, who’s never-ending love and encouragement pulled me through those late nights when I was tired, frustrated, and ready to give up on my dream. Thank God you love pizza because you’ve had your fair share of it while I sat in front of my computer at dinner time.
My children, Zach and Nadia: for finally thinking your mom just might be cooler than you thought. To my parents, Doug and Sandy, thank you for being proud of me. To my brother Joel: don’t worry you’ll get a signed copy and a big thank you.
To my sister, Marissa Brown: even though you eagerly read and loved my first draft when it was a mess, you looked past all the typos, grammatical errors, and poor format to see Sam and Maggie’s love story just how it was meant to be.
I would like to thank my small group of beta readers: Marissa Brown, Paula Carey Harned, Me
lanie Carr, Stacy Kennedy, and Carrie Sutton. Thank you for you endless encouragement and valuable input.
Thank you to Lora Lynch at Dream Master Designs for your patience while I stressed over my cover. You really did a great job.
Thank you to Champagne Formats for taking care of my baby; you did a fabulous job.
A huge thank you to all the Book Bloggers that were kind enough to share Miles From Home on their pages. I wish you truly knew how much it meant to me. You promoted and pimped a totally unknown and unpublished newbie just as though you would a best-selling-author. Thank you for the love and support. You all deserve more credit than you get.
A big thank you to my blog partners, Paula and Jamie. Paula, you really are my right arm, and I could not have done this without you. You are AMAZING! While you continued to raise two small children, you always had time to take care of whatever needed to be done.
Jamie, you are a master at blogging, and took care of our blog page like a pro. And you have a lot to be proud of. The job that you’ve done did not go unnoticed.
Thank you to my Mercy girls. You all know who you are.
Thank you to Paula Simoes Batista for the kick-ass trailer. Your vision of Sam and Maggie’s story was perfect.
I would also like to thank the following authors:
Cassia Leo: Your books rekindled my love for reading. Thank you for your friendship and believing in me. I will always stalk you!
Sarah Ann Walker: Your words of encouragement were all I needed to keep going when I doubted myself.
Kate Stewart: Thank you for always answering my text messages. Your love and encouragement are greatly appreciated.
Kathy Coopmans: Thank you for being my “sassy” friend.
Hilary Storm: Because you’re a bad-ass author and I aspire to have your attitude one day.
And last but definitely not least, I want to thank my editor, Jill Hope Weinstein aka “The Grammar Goddess” (Easy Edits by Jill). Your words of wisdom and encouragement made me feel like I knew what I was doing. Even though you made me feel like a “real author” I know my book was probably one of your biggest challenges. You made my words look and sound so much better, and I will forever be indebted to you!
Ava Bell was born and raised in Oklahoma where she resides with her super-genius husband, two children, and three dogs. Her passions are Oklahoma State University football and Thunder Basketball. When she’s not working at her daytime job as a healthcare worker helping to bring new life into this world, you can find her in the kitchen cooking or reading a good book. She also loves to travel or just relax by the pool with a margarita.
If you enjoyed her work, please take a few moments to leave a review where you purchased your copy. Reviews are like oxygen to an Indie author and what seems like such a small thing can actually be the biggest to them.
