by Alexa Aston
Her words of honesty sobered him and shamed him all at once. This sweet, beautiful lass had, indeed, made her attraction to him known more than once. And while he never hesitated to take what she offered, he also never pushed for more. It had been hard to kiss a lass knowing that his brother also loved her. By the time Robert had stopped being an arse and owned up to his feelings for her, Ferghus had been more than in love with Brianna for years and Robert could do no more than stand aside, lest he start a war with his brother.
Now, everything had changed. He had Ferghus’s blessing to finally be with the woman he loved. He had her kissing him freely again and he never wanted those kisses to end.
Taking her face in his palms, he forced her gaze onto his. “It has never been only you who felt this connection, Bri. It has always been there. Even when it should not have been.”
“When I was married to Ferghus?” she questioned with a frown. He nodded and she swallowed hard. “You told me more than once that you were sorry for calling me a faithless whore.” He flinched as his rotten words came from her sweet lips. “You claimed that you said those words to hide your love for me, so I would marry Ferghus.”
“Aye,” he murmured, running his thumb across her bottom lip. Gods, he wanted to taste her again.
“You know I loved Ferghus, Rob. I always will. But before that, ’twas you I loved. I made that clear to you, did I not?” He nodded again but stayed silent. “Why did you not ask for my hand in marriage? I waited over-long for you. You never wanted me.”
“I always wanted you, Bri. Always. I shall never stop wanting you.” His eyes shifted from her lips to her eyes and back again. Up close, he could see small freckles dotting her button nose. She was so beautiful that his stomach clenched.
“But you could have had me. You pushed me away. Why?”
Taking a deep breath, Robert shifted on his knees. Wee Ferghus whimpered and Brianna detached him from her breast by sticking her finger in between his mouth and her nipple. With the swiftness of a skilled mother, she flipped Ferghus over and had him attached to the other breast.
“’Tis hard to focus with your breasts so close to my face, lass,” Robert smiled provocatively, and she whapped him lightly on the arm.
“I am being serious.”
“So am I,” he murmured, looking down at the tempting flesh.
“Answer my question and mayhap I will let you touch them.” She giggled and raised her brow.
That did it. His groin tightened painfully against his trousers. He shifted and groaned. How had they come to be in this position? It all felt like one of his many dreams. He had done many things to Brianna’s body in his dreams. He would have sworn she was repulsed by him just an hour ago and now she was offering to allow him to touch her perfect breasts. “Robert…”
“Och, Brianna. I pushed you away because by the time I was ready to accept my true feelings for you, Ferghus had already outwardly shown his favor to you for years. ’Twas my own fault. I was too busy traveling and fighting battles and—”
“Bedding other lassies?” she added in for good measure.
His brow furrowed and he ran a hand through his hair nervously. “Aye. I was young and thought I had all the time in the world to settle down and have a family. I am older than you, Bri. You were not ready to take a husband and by the time you were, Ferghus had made his love for you clear to me. He never told me I could not have you, but I knew that if I tried, I would hurt my brother and I could not do that.”
“So… everything you did, or did not do, was to protect Ferghus?”
“Aye. Even calling you those foul words. I thought if I made you hate me, you would forget all about me and be happy with my brother. I was wrong to do it but you were asking me to betray my own kin.”
“Oh my,” she whispered, a sad look crossing her face. “I never thought of it that way. I did not realize at the time how much Ferghus really loved me. I thought he would understand that you and I were in lo—interested in one another and allow us to be together.”
He caught her correction, even if she had not wanted him to. She was about to admit they were in love. They were in love and always had been.
“Brianna, Ferghus would have allowed us to be together. I should have listened to you.”
She chewed her lower lip and a small tear ran down her cheek. “I feel so awful even speaking like this. It feels right, but then it does not. I really did love Ferghus, you know. I still do and always will. He was an easy man to love and he gave me a child and—”
“Shush, Bri,” Robert commanded softly and wiped her tear. “I know you love him very much. So do I. He was a good man and he wanted us to be happy.”
“Keegan told me what Ferghus asked of you, but you have hardly made mention of it.” Detaching Wee Ferghus from her breast, she placed the now sleeping babe on her chest and began to rub his back in gentle circles, helping him to release any air he may have swallowed while feeding.
Robert paused in deep thought, remembering how he walked in on her conversation with Keegan that night. She had proclaimed to hate him and refused to ever marry him. Those words had prevented him from ever saying more about his promise. Even now, he could not bring himself to mention marriage, for fear of her rejection. How could he make her believe he truly wanted to marry her, and not only because of his promise to Ferghus? They had only just broken through a small barrier. Would a confession that strong ruin everything? He could not yet risk it.
“Aye, he did ask me to protect you.”
Nodding, a look of disappointment shrouded her face and he feared he saw resentment in her eyes. Had she been waiting for him to discuss marriage or declare his love? Clenching his fists, he cursed himself a coward. How many times in one lifetime would he injure this woman’s pride?
He opened his mouth to speak when a banging at the door made Brianna gasp and the door opened swiftly before she could cover herself. Keegan strode through the door, stopping quickly when he saw Brianna exposed from the waist up, sitting on the bed with Robert kneeling between her legs.
Keegan’s eyes narrowed at the scene, his gaze shifting from Robert to Brianna’s breasts. She squealed and struggled to cover herself with a wool blanket, but not before Keegan got a good eye-full of her bared body. A smile spread across his lips as he looked her up and down.
Robert was so angry, he was seeing red. Standing up quickly, he pounced on Keegan, grabbing the man by his tunic and almost lifting him off the ground. “How dare you barge into our home! Have you gone mad?” The anger pumping through Robert’s veins scared him. He wanted to tear Keegan apart piece by piece for daring to invade their privacy and gaze at Brianna while she was undressed.
Keegan’s eyes locked on Robert’s. “I see you are moving in on your brother’s wife faster than I suspected. The Lone Wolf is content to allow his brother to die for him, then steal his family?”
Rage left Robert in a daze. He was no longer capable of controlling himself. His right arm pulled back and his fist shot out, connecting with Keegan’s nose. There was a scream behind him from Brianna but even as Keegan fell to the ground, Robert continued to pummel the man, first punching him in one eye then the other. “You dare look at Brianna? I will make sure you never look at her again, you bastard!”
“Robert!” she wailed from behind him, but he was much too crazed to care.
“You are mad!” Keegan hollered from the floor beneath Robert’s body. He found it impressive the man could talk through the blood dripping down his nose and into his mouth.
“Stop it!” Brianna screamed and Wee Ferghus began to wail. That sound, the sound of innocent life, stopped Robert in mid-swing. Grabbing Keegan by his tunic once again, he lifted the man from the ground.
“Why are you here?” Robert growled.
“King Garreth has been looking for you. You were supposed to report back to him and never showed up.” Keegan turned his head and spat the blood from his mouth onto their floor, wiping the rest with his sleeve. With o
ne last quick glance over at Brianna, who was now thankfully covered with a fur, he smiled. “Although I suppose I would never leave home either if I had Brianna’s bare breasts in my face.”
“Keegan!” she scolded him. “How dare you barge into my home and speak that way about me!” Her gaze shifted to Robert and he saw that cool façade consume her features once more. “Robert, I would appreciate it if you kept your violent ways away from my home and my child. Mayhap you should leave. The both of you.”
With her head held high and her long hair framing her face, she turned from them, letting them know they were both dismissed.
“Let’s go, you arse!” Robert shoved Keegan through the door and slammed it much harder than he meant to. Brianna could be mad at him all she wanted, but he would not apologize for defending her and their home.
He had a feeling all his progress with Brianna would be ruined when he returned.
Chapter Ten
Brianna’s nerves were on edge as she sat on the floor in front of the hearth fire, trying to keep herself busy by repairing some of Robert’s tunics. Her mind had been racing since their intimate moment hours earlier. She tried so hard to hate him, but she could not. Robert had always been in her heart, even when he should not have been. She had been a faithful, loving wife and would have continued to be so for the rest of her life. But she was no longer Ferghus’s wife, and life went on. Yet, somehow, it felt like a betrayal to move on so quickly. It was not that she did not still love Ferghus, but her desire for Robert was turning into a burning need that kept her up at night, aching for his touch.
Mayhap it was her body’s doing, but she had fully healed from childbirth and was desperate to feel Robert’s touch finally after all these years. He spoke so sweetly to her and smiled much more often than he had in the past. Now that he was free to love her, he was making an effort to right his wrongs and she could not help but love him more for it. She had boldly kissed him and offered to let him touch her breasts. She had truly wanted him to, but Keegan walked in and ruined that.
It may have been wrong, but Robert’s possessive outburst had only made her want him more. She did not like violence and had been afraid in the moment, but Keegan was overly bold and had no right to barge into their home and gawk at her breasts. His words had been offensive and he deserved to be put in his place.
Hours had passed and Wee Ferghus had fallen asleep not long before. Night had come and Brianna ate her meal alone. She was not upset, for his duties as one the king’s most trusted warriors kept him quite busy and she was proud of his achievements. Robert was well respected, almost revered by the other warriors who referred to him as the Lone Wolf. She knew they meant it as a sign of respect, but she also knew how much Robert hated the name.
Now, as she awaited Robert’s return, her mind was reliving their interaction over and over, almost obsessively. He was so large and strong, yet kind and protective. Still, something niggled at her relentlessly. Was he only staying with her and Wee Ferghus because her husband asked him to? Mayhap he did not want to be there with them at all. She had meant to ask him to leave as soon as she recovered from childbirth, but now the thought of losing Robert’s presence made her feel hollow inside. Somehow, they felt like a real family. What if he preferred to leave? He had an opportunity to discuss his promise to marry her, and yet he intentionally avoided it. Perhaps his love for her no longer existed. The thought made her squeeze her eyes shut with humilation. She did not want to be a burden.
Her fingers worked quickly as she pulled the bone needle in and out through the linen fabric of Robert’s tunic. She had been playing the role of wife to a man who more than likely wanted to flee and go on living his free life. That thought left her feeling unfocused. “Ouch!” Dropping the needle, she sucked at the blood welling up from her fingertip. This sudden doubt left her confused. She wanted Robert and he wanted her, she had no doubt of that. But her want was born of a love so intense it made her feel dizzy and helpless in his presence. Was his no more than lust?
She wanted to tell him how she felt, but she had tried that enough times in her life and it had only left her in pain. Ferghus had saved her heart and lifted it up, but now he was gone. Perhaps she had been foolish to offer herself so freely to Robert earlier, but the man drove her insane with his powerful presence, piercing blue eyes, and crooked smile. Even the scent of him made her dizzy with need.
The door opened so quietly behind her that she would not have even noticed if not for the flicker of the hearth fire in front of her. Looking up quickly, she saw Robert walk in with the stealth of a true warrior. She was thankful for his ability to walk in silence, for it prevented waking up Wee Ferghus.
“Is aught amiss?” she asked quietly, wondering why he had been gone for so long.
“Nay,” he whispered back as he carefully placed his sword against the wall near the door, then walked over to her and sat down on the furs next to her around the hearth. His body heat felt better than the heat from the fire. His natural scent was so familiar to her and it made her heart beat faster to sit so closely to him. Her breasts ached just thinking of him touching her. Why was she so nervous suddenly? He had not even once tried to touch her. Why should she expect it now? And yet, something felt different between them suddenly. She remembered the night he discovered how Ferghus had fondled her underneath the table. It was the first time a man had truly touched her and it had excited her beyond belief, especially because it felt forbidden.
Perhaps that was why she felt so nervous at the moment. The thought of being with Robert was exciting, yet forbidden. Only, now it was not at all forbidden. She had to keep reminding herself that she deserved to continue her life, even if it would always hurt just a little.
“I was only helping the king decide on new places to set guards. All is well,” he whispered into her ear. Looking down at his tunic in her hand, he smiled widely. “You mended my tunic?” He sounded surprised yet delighted.
“Aye. ’Twas torn. Of course, I mended it.”
“I like it. You repairing my garments, I mean.” His body pressed against hers as they sat, the fire flickering over his serious features. He looked nothing like Ferghus and she wondered at how she could so deeply love two men who were so different. It made her ache inside to have lost one love and to have another sitting so close, yet wondering why he felt so out of reach.
“’Tis what women do, Rob,” she answered quietly, trying to keep her mind focused. She wanted to reach out and touch him, but she promised herself that the next time she touched Robert, it would be he who made the first move.
“’Tis what a wife does,” Robert amended. She inhaled deeply at his words. Why would he say such a thing? She loved him, no matter how much she tried not to, and at one time she had wanted to be his wife more than anything else in this world, but he had made sure that had not come to pass.
“By mending your garments, I am not trying to play the role of a wife, Robert. You moved into my home to help care for me and Wee Ferghus. The least I can do is mend your tunic.” She paused, breathed deeply again, and turned her body toward his. She needed to make sure he was not here only due to some vow he made to protect her. She preferred him to leave, rather than stay out of duty.
“If you are here only out of obligation, I thank you for being here for us while I recovered from birth, but I assure you I am more than capable of managing life on my own. I took care of my father all alone. I can certainly manage a babe. You are free to go at any time, Robert.”
His brow dropped and he lowered his face toward her just enough to make her stomach quake. “Perhaps I do not want to leave you.”
“Nay?” she breathed the question, still unsure of what they were doing.
“Nay.” His eyes drifted downward briefly before connecting again with hers. It was then she realized she only wore her thin linen night dress. With the light from the fire glowing through the fabric, he could see much more of her body than ever before. She had grown accustomed to feeding her
son in his presence; it was a necessity, but her belly still sagged slightly from the birth and embarrassment flushed her cheeks as she wrapped her arms around her abdomen.
“Don’t do that, Brianna. You are so beautiful.” His large hand came up to tuck a stray hair behind her ear and his mouth descended slowly toward hers.
“I am not. How can you stand the sight of me?” She hated feeling so self-conscious and had never felt this way with Ferghus. But Robert had always been this untouchable man in her mind. He had bedded many women and she was certain none of them had been thick from childbirth.
“You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Now, stop talking,” he murmured just before his lips locked onto hers. It was the first time in her entire life that Robert had kissed her first. Her head spun as she allowed him to deepen the kiss. Every time feelings of guilt for kissing her husband’s brother flooded her mind, she remembered the mysterious message Abigael had spoken to her over a moon ago. Had Ferghus truly spoken from beyond the veil, urging Brianna to not only find happiness, but with his own brother, of all people?
Robert pulled away slowly and her eyes popped open at the sudden loss of his touch. “You are distracted. I am sorry if I upset you,” he said, running a hand through his hair in clear frustration with himself.
“Robert. I am sorry. I want to kiss you, but I admit it feels wrong in a way, and right in another way. I feel torn, but I do want this. Nay… I need this. Is that wrong? Is it wrong to want to feel your touch? To feel this pull between us after such a short time? He has only been gone five sennights.”
She closed her eyes and then squealed when she felt her body being lifted off the floor by Robert’s strong arms. Her arms wrapped around his neck for stability and her heart hammered against her ribs as she opened her eyes to see he was taking her to her bed.
Placing her gently on the bed, she looked up and saw Robert’s formidable form towering over her just before he sat down next to her. His silence was unnerving, but his eyes sparkled with emotion. She felt herself melting into the bed, ready to allow him anything he demanded, if only he kept looking at her like she was the most cherished woman in the world.
