by Kiki Swinson
“Why don’t you be the first?” Rachael roared.
I took another sip of my coffee and before I could utter a word to defuse the argument that was about to come on, Grandma Hattie spoke up first. “Now, y’all stop that mess. I ain’t trying to hear it this morning. I want peace and quiet. You both understand?”
“Yes, ma’am,” Carmen replied. But Rachael remained quiet and rolled her eyes as if she was truly disgusted. Grandma didn’t press the issue. She just wanted everyone to get along.
“You hungry?” she asked Carmen as she handed her a glass.
“Yeah. Whatcha cooking?”
“Corned beef hash, eggs, and grits.”
“Oh yeah, make a plate of that as quickly as possible,” she said as she poured herself a glass of the apple juice. After she put the juice container back into the refrigerator, she took a seat at the table with me and Rachael. “What’s on the agenda for you today?” she asked me.
“Well, I hadn’t planned anything.”
“How long do you plan on being in town?” Rachael asked.
“For a while,” I said.
“What’s ‘a while’?” Carmen asked.
I took a deep breath and then sighed. “Well, I was going to surprise you guys, but since we’re on the subject, I was going to find myself a place out here and settle down for a while. Who knows, I may make this my second home.”
Shocked by my response, Grandma Hattie turned around from the stove and said, “Oh, my God! Are you serious?”
“Yes, ma’am,” I replied.
“So, where would you like to live? Because we have a lot of nice places around here,” Carmen said.
“They just built some new condos downtown near Waterside and I’m sure you’ll like them,” Rachael said.
“Oh yeah, those condos over there are pretty,” Carmen added.
“By any chance would you know how much they are running?” I asked.
“Nope,” Carmen replied. “But they shouldn’t be that much since the economy is screwed up and ain’t nobody buying anything.”
“Would you mind running with me by there a little later, so I can check them out?”
“I sure can,” she continued.
“I wanna go, too,” Rachael said.
“Sure, sweetie. You can ride with us,” I said.
“Oh, so you ain’t trying to be up in Rodney’s face today?” Carmen teased.
“Why are you always worrying about me and my man?” Rachael snapped.
“I’m not worried about you and Rodney!”
“All right girls, now I told y’all stop that mess!” Grandma interjected. “I’m not in the mood for it this morning.”
“Tell her to stop worrying about my boyfriend and get her own.”
“Carmen, please leave your sister alone,” my grandmother pleaded as she placed a plate of food in front of me and one in front of Carmen. And then she handed us both a fork for our corned beef hash and eggs and a spoon for the bowl of grits.
“Grandma, this looks delicious,” I complimented.
“Yeah, Grandma, you put your foot in this,” Carmen said, and then she dug her fork deep into her plate.
Rachael got up from the table and grabbed herself a bowl and a spoon from the dish rack. Immediately after she sat back down, she filled her bowl up to the rim with cereal and milk. When Rachael mumbled a few things underneath her breath, Carmen didn’t react. Instead, she ignored Rachael and continued her conversation with me. While we sat and ate, Grandma joined us. For the rest of the meal, everyone sat in harmony until Aunt Sandra arrived. She had some clown with her when she walked into the kitchen. Both looked like they were high as gas, and Grandma Hattie was not pleased at all.
“Sandra, what have I told you about bringing folks into my house?” my grandmother snapped.
“Stop tripping, Mama! You done let me bring Smoke up in here before,” she replied as she marched to the stove with her right hand covering her mouth. I knew right off the bat that she didn’t want anyone to see what her mouth looked like, so I turned my head. When she approached the pots on the stove, she removed the lids from them to look inside.
“Girl, if you don’t get out of my pots.... You ain’t washed your nasty hands.”
“My hands are clean,” Sandra protested as she leaned over the stove and into the open pans.
Disgusted by Sandra’s lack of cooperation, Grandma Hattie abruptly got up from her chair and got Aunt Sandra away from the stove. “Move your butt out my way!” she said, and pushed her to the side.
I sat back and watched Sandra as she gave her mother the most vicious look she could muster up.
Carmen saw it, too. “Don’t be looking at Grandma like you gon’ do something to her,” she blurted out.
Grandma Hattie kept her back turned to Sandra as she prepared Sandra’s plate. But she did acknowledge what was going on. “I don’t care how she looks at me, just as long as she doesn’t try her luck,” Grandma said.
With her arms folded as she leaned against the refrigerator door, Sandra said, “Y’all too paranoid around here for me!”
“You made us like that,” Rachael joined in.
“You need to mind your business and stay out of grown folks’ conversation,” Sandra snapped.
“Mama, ain’t nobody trying to hear that mess you talking,” Rachael snapped back, waving her hand in the direction of her mother like she truly didn’t matter to her.
With his two-week-old clothes, smelling like he needed to be sprayed down with a fire hose, Sandra’s friend Smoke stood there like he wanted to jump to Sandra’s defense, but he kept his mouth closed. I was surprised no one said anything about the odor the two brought in the house with them. Thank God they didn’t stay long. As soon as Grandma Hattie handed Sandra that plate, Sandra raced out of the kitchen with her drug addict friend Smoke in tow.
I sat there in total disbelief as I watched how dysfunctional my father’s side of the family was. Carmen and Rachael had absolutely no respect whatsoever for their mother. But how could they when Sandra had no respect for herself? What I did admire about Carmen and Rachael is that they had a lot of love and respect for Grandma Hattie.
After we all ate breakfast, Grandma started cleaning up the kitchen while Rachael made her way to the hallway bathroom and Carmen headed upstairs to shower and change into outdoor attire.
Once Grandmother and I were alone, I stood up from my chair and walked over to where she was standing. I slid my arm around her shoulder. “Grandma,” I began, “I know you are a strong woman and you can handle your business. But I also know that there’s got to be something I can do to lift some of this burden you got on your shoulders.”
“I’m fine, darling. I am fine,” she insisted.
“Grandma, I don’t care what you say, but while I’m here, I am going to take care of you. That’s the least I can do,” I told her. Reaching down into my pocket, I grabbed the ten hundred-dollar bills I took from my hotel room safe and shoved them into her robe pocket.
She jumped back and reached into her pocket. Her eyes nearly popped out of her head when she looked at the money she had in her hand. “My God! How much is this?” she wondered aloud.
“One thousand dollars,” I said.
“A thousand dollars! Oh no, I can’t accept that,” she replied, trying to hand the cash back to me. But I put up a huge resistance.
“I will not take that money back, Grandma. I want you to keep it and do something nice for yourself.”
“Like what?”
“Why don’t you let me take you to the mall so you can treat yourself to a nice dress. And who knows, maybe you could buy yourself a new pair of shoes to go with it.”
“I don’t know about that,” she said hesitantly. “It’s been a long time since I went to the mall and bought myself something. I probably wouldn’t know which stores to go in.”
“Don’t worry about all of that. Just put the money away before anyone sees it. Go to your room and slip into some
thing else so we can get out of here.”
“Okay, but I ain’t gonna spend all this money in one place because I gotta pay a few bills,” she said, and stuffed the money back into her robe pocket.
I smiled. “Just take care of what’s important and I’ll handle the rest,” I assured her as I watched her head out of the kitchen. She seemed excited about having a few bills in her pocket, and I was pleased to see her mood change.
My Ghetto Ass Family
I sat downstairs and waited for everyone to take care of their business so we could head out. After about fifteen minutes everyone was ready to go.
Grandma Hattie took the front seat, while Carmen and Rachael sat in the back. Carmen gave me instructions on how to get to Lynnhaven Mall in Virginia Beach. It took me only twenty minutes to get us there and when we arrived, I parked near the food court entrance.
“What store are we going in?” Rachael wanted to know.
“It doesn’t matter to me,” I said.
“It doesn’t matter to me either,” Grandma Hattie said.
“Let’s go inside Macy’s. They always have a sale,” Carmen decided for us.
Grandma, Carmen, Rachael and I climbed out of the truck and made our way inside Macy’s department store. Macy’s was a little too small-scale for me, considering I normally shopped at high-end stores like Saks and Neiman Marcus, but I made do. I saw a few things I needed, like a new robe and bedroom slippers. I even picked up some cosmetics and a bottle of perfume called Unforgivable by Sean John. Grandma Hattie found a nice dress in the full-figure women’s section. Rachael helped her pick out the dress and the accessories to go with it before we left the store. Carmen stood at a distance and complained the entire time about how long we took to pick up the items we purchased. Rachael shut her down with a few comments and told her to stop hating because she didn’t have any money to spend. “Stop messing with broke-ass niggas and you’ll have some money to come and shop with!” Rachael told her.
“Now, why you gotta front on me like you dating a baller? Rodney ain’t nothing but a fucking block hustler! So don’t get it twisted!”
“Call him what you like. But at least he gives me what I want.”
“That little bit of shit he be throwing your way? You acting like he put your silly ass in a fucking 2009 Benz and got you living out here in one of these big-ass houses in Virginia Beach. Shit, you’re far from status like that. So please get off your high horse and come back down to earth. Because you ain’t all that.”
“Bitch, you ain’t all that!” Rachael roared.
Grandma Hattie was a couple of feet away from them, browsing through the glass display case at a set of pearl earrings with the necklace to match, but she swiftly rolled up on Rachael and Carmen and stood between them.
“What is the matter with y’all mouths? Every time I turn around, y’all are fighting like cats and dogs! Y’all need to stop that! It ain’t right. Y’all are family. Family ain’t supposed to treat each other like that. Straighten your acts up before I go upside both of y’all heads.”
Rachael sucked her teeth while Carmen rolled her eyes. I stood behind all three of them and laughed so hard underneath my breath, I nearly choked myself.
“Instead of y’all standing there looking stupid, let’s go before these people in here start talking about us really bad,” my grandmother suggested, and walked out of Macy’s and into the mall.
I followed behind Grandma Hattie, while Rachael and Carmen followed me. We went into a few more stores and then we stopped in the food court. I got in line at the sushi stand and Grandma Hattie and Carmen stood in the Chick-fil-A line, while Rachael got in line at McDonald’s. I was the first one at the table. Grandma Hattie and Carmen sat down right after me. But Rachael was still in line waiting on her order.
“What’s taking that girl so long?” Grandma Hattie asked. “By the time she get over here to this table and try to eat her food, we gon’ be getting ready to leave,” she continued, taking a sip of her beverage.
“It looks like she’s waiting on her order,” I spoke up.
“This ain’t nothing new. She’s always the last person to get her food because she wants her fries hot and fresh out of the grease,” Carmen interjected.
“I’m like that, too,” I began to say, but was cut off by a loud commotion. Carmen, Grandma Hattie and I looked in the direction of the commotion and saw Rachael facing off with two other young girls who had to be her age or maybe a year or two older. My heart dropped at the sight of the altercation that was about to take place. I immediately noticed how Rachael stood her ground, with her mouth going sixty miles per second. It was apparent that she was not about to back down from those two young girls, so Carmen and I hopped up from the table.
“Please go and get your sister before somebody gets hurt!” Grandma pleaded.
“We are, Grandma,” Carmen replied. “Oh Lord! Rachael is about to go upside one of them chick’s head,” she continued, as she picked up speed.
“Who are they?” I asked, sounding out of breath as we raced to Rachael.
“Meka and Mee Mee. They’re sisters who live out Tidewater Park, which is not too far from where we live. They are always fucking with Rachael because Mee Mee used to mess with Rachael’s boyfriend, Rodney. And Rachael supposedly took Rodney from her.”
I frowned with disgust. “Are you kidding me?”
“Nope,” she replied.
“Come on now, Mee Mee. You know you don’t want none of me because you know I would stomp your ass all around this damn floor,” I heard Rachael say.
“Bitch, do it!” Mee Mee dared her.
“Yeah, bitch! Try it!” Meka chimed in as she moved closer to Rachael.
As we approached these two young girls, I got a better look at them. The two girls were identical twins. Both of them had caramel complexions and they were about five foot eight, so they were pretty tall. They were kind of attractive young women with their multicolored Mohawk spiked hair styles, but I could tell that they were hood chicks because of the way they were dressed and the way they were carrying on.
“All right, now there ain’t gon’ be no double banking ’round here,” Carmen announced, making her presence known.
Both girls looked in our direction. “We ain’t got to jump this bitch! Mee Mee can fuck her up by herself,” Meka snapped.
“Break it up, ladies! Break it up!” yelled a White male security guard, approaching with another security officer in tow.
Luckily, I didn’t have to say a word. But I grabbed Rachael by the arm and pulled her in my direction before anyone could throw a blow. “Girl, come on, because it is truly not worth it,” I whispered in her ear.
Thank God she didn’t throw up any resistance. She willingly came with me and allowed me to escort her to our table, where Grandma Hattie had been waiting. When I looked back to check up on Carmen, she was in a heavy conversation with both of the security officers. I guess she was trying to plead Rachael’s case about why she was about to go head to head with the ghetto twins. Speaking of which, when I looked to see where those two sisters were, they had disappeared.
Back at the table, Grandma Hattie had a few choice words for Rachael.
“What in the world is your problem today? You are always finding trouble. Why is it that you like to fight all the time?” she asked.
Rachael rolled her eyes and sucked her teeth. “Grandma, you know I don’t be going around messing with people. They got to say something to me first before I go off on them,” she explained.
“Well, who were the girls you were fussing with, and what were y’all about to fight about?”
“They’re twins named Meka and Mee Mee from Tidewater Park. Mee Mee was messing with Rodney and then when they broke up, he got with me. She thinks that I was the reason they broke up. And every time she sees me, she wants to run her mouth and threaten me like she’s going to beat me up or something.”
“Well, are you sure you’re not the reason why they broke
up?”
“Yes, ma’am! When I met Rodney at the skating rink one night, he told me he had just broke up with his girlfriend like a couple of days ago. So, their breakup had nothing to do with me,” Rachael replied defensively.
“Did you tell her that?”
“Yes, but she doesn’t believe me. And every time I turn around she’s always trying to get in my face with that dumb mess! I am tired of it.”
“Well, it’s evident that they don’t really want to fight you,” I interjected, “because if they did, they would’ve hit you a long time ago.”
“Yoshi’s right. Those girls don’t want to fight. They just want to intimidate and scare you. That’s all,” Grandma Hattie said.
“Well, they should know by now that they can’t do that,” Rachael said.
“Believe me, they know it. That’s why when they see you they try to be a little more aggressive. The next time you run into them, just go the other way because you’re only making yourself look bad by standing there and arguing with them. Be the bigger person and tell them you ain’t got time to be wasting on them,” Grandma Hattie said.
Rachael burst into laughter. “Grandma, I can’t tell them that. They will laugh in my face and call me a chump! And if other people are around, I’d really look like a clown saying something like that.”
“So, whatcha want to do? Stand there, argue, and get into a fight, so you can end up getting arrested and going to jail? You don’t want that, sweetie. Jail is not a good place to go. Ask your sister, Carmen. She’ll tell you.”
Hearing my grandmother say that Carmen spent time in jail kind of shocked me, in a sense. I mean, Carmen did look kind of worn down when I first saw her. You know, like she’d been through a lot in her life. So, I guess street life and the jail cell would go hand in hand. Allowing my curiosity to get the best of me, I unconsciously said, “Oh, my God, Carmen been to jail!”
Rachael turned around and looked at me. “Everybody in our family been to jail except for me and Grandma,” she said nonchalantly.
