by Kiki Swinson
By the time I arrived back at Mario’s place, I was a fucking nervous wreck. All I could think about was that guy getting shot up in the back of that alley. I immediately turned on the television to see if the local news station had any information about the shooting. But when I turned it to one of the news channels, there was only regularly scheduled programming. I looked down at my watch and realized that it was five minutes till eleven. Frustrated, I flopped down onto the edge of the bed. “Come on now, cut this bullshit!” I snapped.
I sat there and waited patiently for the next five minutes to roll around and it finally did. And just like I had thought, the local news station had one of their field journalists on the scene, broadcasting the story live. The Black female reporter didn’t have much information, but she did indicate that the man found in a dark alley in the rough neighborhood of Huntersville was pronounced dead when the police arrived. The reporter also indicated that it wasn’t clear why he’d been shot four times, but the authorities did believe that it was drug related and that the identity of the murder victim would be revealed after his family had been notified. “If you have any information about this murder, please contact Norfolk Police Department at 1-800-LOCK-U-UP,” the woman urged.
“Oh shit! He is dead!” I said, my hand covering my mouth as I turned away from the television.
I sat there on the edge of the bed with the remote in my hand and turned the volume down. My heart was racing at the speed of lightning. I honestly couldn’t believe what I had just heard. I mean, it was a no-brainer that the guy was dead. Maceo and his partner put four slugs in his body. I turned back to the television and saw the news station flashed the one-eight-hundred number across the screen once again. One part of me wanted to make an anonymous call, but then I had to remind myself that if I made the call from Mario’s house, it could be traced. It would be fucked-up around the board, especially if they somehow found out I was a fucking fugitive. That alone made me go to plan B, which meant I needed to keep my mouth closed.
After the news went off, I took a cold shower. For the moment, it took my mind off the murder. But when I got into bed, my mind weighed heavily on how the guy’s family must have felt after the police gave them the bad news. I also wondered if he had left any children behind. That would really be fucked-up, if that was the case. I tossed and turned for at least an hour before I fell asleep.
I woke up when I heard Mario come in through the front door.
“Hey, baby,” he yelled, “you up?” I heard him make his way down the hallway toward the bedroom.
I sat up in the bed when he turned on the bedroom light. “Yes, I’m up. But what time is it?” I asked him, squinting my eyes from the bright light coming from the lamp.
He smiled. “It’s two o’clock, baby. Get up.”
“For what?” I whined. “I’m tired, Mario, and it’s late.”
“Baby, I picked us up some breakfast from Denny’s, so come in the kitchen and eat with me.”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t even have an appetite right now,” I told him. “So, put it in the microwave and I’ll eat it in the morning when I get up,” I assured him.
Seeing the exhausted look on my face, Mario left me alone. “All right, I’ma let you go back to bed for now, but you better eat this food as soon as you get up.”
I smiled. “I will, sweetheart. You don’t have to worry about that,” I told him, and then I lay back down. Immediately after he turned the lights back off, I began to think about the murder that happened hours earlier. The weight of it felt like a ton of bricks on my shoulders. I wanted so badly to walk in the other room and tell Mario what I had experienced, but I couldn’t because I didn’t know whether or not I could trust him. He was well-known in this area and especially in Huntersville, so it wouldn’t surprise me if he knew the guy who was killed as well as the shooter. I lay there in the bed and began to weigh my options about whether or not I should talk to Mario. I mean, I needed someone to talk to so I could lift this burden. But, for some reason, my intuition spoke louder and told me to keep my mouth closed. I was a stranger and I was in unfamiliar territory—two good reasons for me to listen to my mind instead of my heart.
After thirty minutes of mulling over how I was going to come to terms with this ordeal, I still came up with nothing. I figured the nightmare would go away one day and I would be all right, so I turned over and forced myself to go back to sleep.
I Didn’t See This Shit Coming
The constant ringing of my cell phone woke me in the morning. I knew it was Carmen calling me, so I reached over to the nightstand and picked it up.
“Hello,” I said, sounding groggy.
“Girl, get up. It’s eleven o’clock in the morning.”
“Carmen, what do you want?”
“I was calling to see if you were all right. Grandma told me you were outside when that boy got killed last night.”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I told her, even though I was lying.
“Well, girl, it’s been a mess out here. The homicide detectives been knocking on everybody’s door trying to find out if they saw anything.”
“Did they knock on your door?” I asked, and then my heart started beating uncontrollably as I waited for Carmen to answer me.
“Yeah, they came to our door this morning, but Grandma told them she ain’t seen shit. Then she sent them right on their way.”
“Do you think they’re coming back?”
Carmen sucked her teeth. “Hell nah, those crackers ain’t coming back. They got the message when she told them she didn’t see shit the first time.”
“Did you know the guy who got killed?” I asked her.
“Yeah, I knew Lil D. He was working for that guy Maceo I showed you at the restaurant that night. But word has it he was a snitch, so it wouldn’t surprise me if I found out Maceo had him killed.”
Knowing Carmen had an idea that Maceo could have had something to do with Lil D’s murder gave me chills all over my body. I wanted to tell her everything I saw. But I knew the telephone was the worst device to talk on when you’re saying something incriminating. So again, I elected to keep my mouth shut. She and I talked for a few more minutes until I ushered her off the phone. I had to use the bathroom really bad, so I told her I would call her back.
“Am I gonna be able to see you today?” she yelled through the phone before I pressed the end button.
I sighed heavily and told her, “Give me a couple of hours. I’ll let you know.”
“You just don’t want to leave Mario’s side,” she spat back.
“What are you talking about, Carmen? Mario doesn’t have anything to do with this. I just got a few things I need to take care of. And if I have enough time, I’ll call you and let you know.”
“Yeah, right! You know that nigga ain’t trying to let you out of his sight. It wouldn’t surprise me if he got your ass on lockdown. It’s been about a week now since you had your spot out there in Newpointe and I bet you haven’t slept there one night. Have you?”
“No, I haven’t,” I replied.
“Well damn, have you been there long enough for the furniture people to bring you your furniture?”
“Yes, I have, smart ass!” I replied sarcastically.
“You mean to tell me he let you out of his sight long enough for you to do that?”
“Mario doesn’t have ties on me like that, so mind your damn business, please.”
“Don’t worry, I will. But remember you just met that nigga, so don’t get all caught up in his world. I know you’re used to living the big life and fucking with niggas with money, but Mario ain’t the type of nigga you need to be selling yourself to. Between me and you, he used to sell plenty of drugs out here in Huntersville. Mad niggas know and respect him because he made a lot of money out here. Now, I don’t expect you to drop him like a bad cold, but you need to be careful.”
“First of all, I am not naïve, so don’t talk to me like I am. Remember, I have built my life around being
an aggressive attorney, so I know bullshit when I see it. As far as Mario is concerned, I don’t care what type of lifestyle he had before we met. He and I are just friends, so if he told me to get out of his house today, there won’t be any love lost. So, I’m gonna tell you this only once: I am a big girl and I don’t get caught up in the lives of men I deal with. I know how to disconnect my feelings when I’m fucking them. And I know how to separate business from pleasure, which is something a lot of women don’t know how to do. So if I tell you I got my end covered, believe me.”
Instead of commenting, Carmen remained silent, as if she was speechless.
“Are you still there?”
“Yeah, I’m here.”
“So, you don’t have anything to say?”
“No.”
“All right. Well, like I said earlier, I’ll give you a call later to let you know whether or not I’d be able to stop by.”
“Okay,” she said, and then we both hung up.
Immediately after I rolled out of bed, I went into the bathroom because I had to piss really bad. After I washed my hands, I washed my face and brushed my teeth. I knew Mario was in the living room, probably watching TV, so I wasn’t about to let him run up on me with my breath smelling like shit. I exited the bathroom dressed in a pair of his plaid, cotton boxer shorts and a white tee and walked straight down the hallway toward the living room. The closer I got, I started hearing voices. They were voices of two men talking but they sounded like they were mumbling. I didn’t want to startle Mario and his guest, so before I went further, I yelled out, “Baby, where you at?”
The talking stopped immediately. “I’m in the living room,” he yelled back.
Without saying another word, I turned into the living room and my eyes damn near popped out of my head. Mario noticed my reaction and asked what was wrong. I stood there motionless as my eyes stared directly into Maceo’s face.
Maceo smiled at me and said, “Don’t I know you from somewhere?”
I didn’t know whether or not this was a trick question, so I played the dumb role and said, “I’m not from here, so I don’t see why you should.”
“You probably saw her out in Huntersville because she’s got family out there,” Mario supplied.
“Who you related to out there?” Maceo asked me.
“Carmen and Rachael. They live a couple of blocks away from that little convenience store on the corner.”
“I know who you talking about. I use to fuck with Carmen a long time ago, but she ain’t tell me she had family that look like you.”
Mario looked at Maceo like he was crazy. “Nigga, you trying to holla at my girl?”
Maceo chuckled. “C’mon now, dawg. We family. You know I wouldn’t do no shit like that.”
Mario looked at Maceo like he didn’t believe him, then he said, “Yeah, nigga. Right.”
By the time Mario and Maceo had finished exchanging words, I had taken a seat directly beside Mario. I didn’t know whether or not to embrace him from the fear of being in the presence of Maceo or run for my life because these two were related. What a small world.
Mario placed his hand on my thigh and asked me if I was hungry.
“No, I haven’t gotten an appetite yet, but I’m sure it’ll resurface in the next few hours.”
He placed the back of his hand against my forehead. “Are you all right?” he asked.
“Yes, baby. I’m fine. I’m just not in the mood to eat right now.”
“Damn, nigga, you got homegirl calling you ‘baby’ already. What, y’all getting ready to tie the knot?” Maceo blurted out.
“Negro, can you please mind your own business and let me handle this over here?”
Maceo threw both of his hands up as if to say he surrendered. “No problem, dawg. You got it.”
Hearing Maceo’s voice made me cringe. And I knew if I looked him in his face, I would’ve gotten sick to my stomach, so I tried everything within my power to avoid looking at him. Thank God he got a phone call on his cell.
“Excuse me, y’all, I gotta take this call outside,” he announced, then he made his exit.
Immediately after Maceo went outside, I told Mario I had to leave.
“Where you got to go?” he asked me.
“I got to run a couple of errands,” I lied.
“Sweetheart, I can take you wherever you gotta go.”
“No, I’m fine. You got company, so stay here and entertain him.”
“C’mon, now. Maceo is my brother and he has a key to my spot, so I can jet out on him anytime I need to.”
Oh, my God! Did Mario just tell me Maceo is his brother and he had a key to his house? What the fuck was going on? I couldn’t be around this man, or in this house for that matter, knowing that Maceo had access to it. I had to find a way to break it off with Mario before I got myself in some shit I couldn’t get out of.
I stood up and said, “You are such a sweet man. There are some things that I need to do on my own. I have been with you every day since I met you, which means I haven’t spent the night in my own house.”
“So, what you saying? You need some time to yourself ?” he asked, indignant.
I placed my hand over his shoulder and said, “You know what? That’s exactly what I need.” Then I walked back in the bedroom to gather up my things.
When I was in the room packing my things, Mario came in and tried to convince me to stay. He did everything but get on his knees and even that wouldn’t have made me stay. I truly feared for my life, so I got the hell out of there.
Mario escorted me to my truck. And while I was placing my things in the backseat, he said, “So when are you taking the truck back to the rental place?”
“I’m supposed to do it tomorrow.”
“What are you going to do about transportation? Because if you want me to bring that Honda back to the house, I could,” he reminded me.
“I’ll call you and let you know,” I replied, and then I got into the truck.
While I was talking to Mario from the driver seat, I looked through the rearview mirror to see where Maceo was. Unfortunately, he was still hanging outside near the end of the driveway talking on his cell phone. Whoever he was speaking to really had him in an uproar. He made a lot of hand gestures as if to express his frustrations. I couldn’t take being in Maceo’s presence any longer, so I gave Mario a quick peck on the lips and put the truck in drive.
“Don’t forget to call me,” he reminded me as I began to turn the truck around in the middle of the street. Mario lived in the middle of a cul-de-sac, and I didn’t want to drive all the way down to the dead end and then turn around. When I finally turned the truck completely around, I could see Maceo’s expression through my peripheral vision. It wasn’t an expression of cruelty or anything of that nature. It was an expression of invincibility. It was like he wanted me and the rest of the world to know that he was the man and he couldn’t be touched. I avoided eye contact with him as I drove past him. I used to have that same attitude and it got me exactly where I was. This was a situation I didn’t care too much for, so I knew I needed to do something, and do it fast.
Nowhere to Turn
I went back to my place in Newpointe. Even though I had a house filled with furniture, it still didn’t feel like home. I collapsed down on my sofa and wondered to myself what I needed to do with my life to get out of this slump. Here I was in the state of Virginia and I was all alone. I had family and a new male companion, but it still felt like I was here all by myself. I knew I couldn’t go to them with all the problems I had going on. They wouldn’t understand that I was a fugitive and that I had run from the DEA. Not to mention, I had witnessed a fucking murder last night and I knew who the gunman was. I had too much shit on my shoulders and if I didn’t release it soon, I knew I would be headed for a psych ward. I laid my head down against the armrest of the sofa and stared off into the ceiling of my apartment. I felt a headache coming on so this was the best remedy, since I had not one aspirin in my enti
re house. I lay there for about thirty minutes in complete silence until my cell phone rang. I started to ignore it, but then I said “what the hell” and answered it.
“Hello,” I said, even though I knew it was Carmen.
“Whatcha doing?” she asked.
“Lying down on my sofa.”
“You at home?”
I sighed. “Yes.”
“Damn, I just talked to you not too long ago while you were at Mario’s house.”
“I left his house like twenty minutes after I got off the phone with you,” I replied, and then I fell silent.
“I hope you didn’t leave on my account,” Carmen chimed in.
“No, I left because I needed to come home.”
“You sure?” she pressed the issue.
“Yes, I am sure.”
“Come on now, be honest. You ain’t got to front with me. I know you feeling Mario because you wouldn’t have been staying over his house as long as you stayed. So, for you to just get up and haul ass right after you get off the phone with me sends me a clear message that my conversation must’ve had an effect on you.”
“I am sorry, but you are wrong. I told you I needed to come home and that’s about the size of it,” I said, even though that wasn’t the whole truth. I sensed Carmen saw through my story. I guess it wasn’t adding up in her book. If I looked at it from her perspective, I would’ve probably thought the same way. I sighed once again. “So, what’s going on?”
“Well, I called you back to tell you that I was sorry for earlier and that I wanted to make it up to you by taking you out for lunch today, if you got time.”
“You know what? I’ve got plenty of time, so I would like that very much. What time do you want to go?”
“I’m ready now if you are.”
“Give me about an hour to get myself together and then I’ll pick you up.”
“Okay. See you then.”
“All right.”
I called Carmen on her cell phone to let her know I was in her neighborhood and that I wanted her to meet me outside. But she wouldn’t answer her phone. I called her four times back to back and still I got no answer. So reluctantly I had to get out of my truck and go up to the front door and knock. Grandma Hattie answered the door.
