“What are-”
I don’t see it coming so when his hand connects with my face. It comes with so much force that it sends me falling to the ground on my side. I gently cup my stinging cheek with my palm and glance up at my husband from under a curtain of brown hair.
The haze in his gaze clears and the anger that was there a second ago dissipates and morphs into sorrow and regret. Jack’s brows pull together in a pained form and he crumbles to his knees where he was standing. His head is buried in the palms of his hands, his body shaking with the force of his sobs.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he chants.
Forgetting about my cheek, I move beside him and pull him into my arms.
“Shh, it’s okay.”
“I’m so sorry, baby. I don’t know where that came from. That’s never… I would never-” He takes a shuddering breath and now it’s his turn to wrap his arms around me and pull me into his chest.
Jack sits back on his ass on the cold floor and I plant a knee on either side of his hips and settle onto his lap. He rocks us back and forth, tears still leaking from his eyes.
“Are you-” His words are cut off by a ragged breath, but I answer anyway.
“I’m okay,” I lie.
We sit in stunned silence, Jack still rocking us back and forth for several minutes before my head rises and falls on his chest with the deep breaths he takes.
“We didn’t know it at the time, but our mission was fucked before we even got there.”
“You don’t have to tell me this, Jack.”
“I know, but I feel like I should. I’ve been so closed off since I got here, and I think you should know why. It’ll also explain the nightmares.”
I burrow closer into his chest and wait for him to continue.
“I still don’t know how it happened, but our location was compromised almost as soon as we landed. They came at us from all directions with much more firepower than we were prepared for.” He pauses. “It was supposed to be an easy mission. Get in, gather the intel, and get out. As soon as the shooting started we got separated. I think that was their plan all along. Separate us and drive us in different directions and towards the men they had hiding behind bushes.”
“Seriously, Jack, it’s okay if you don’t want to continue. I know you didn’t mean to…”
He silences me with a soft kiss. “I need to.” After taking a couple more calming breaths, he goes on. “I didn’t see them coming. Years of being a SEAL and trained to see things before they happen, and somehow, between all the chaos, I hadn’t noticed I was walking into an ambush of my own. They took my weapons and my dog tags…”
“That’s how your tags ended up on the dead body, isn’t it?”
“That’s what I’m guessing. I have no idea what they did with them after they ripped them off my neck.”
“How… how long?”
“A year and a half. They weren’t going to send someone in after me.”
“What? Why?”
“America doesn’t negotiate with terrorists,” he says so calmly. “Not even for one of their own.”
“Then how?”
“My team. When Caleb and Sam found out that what happened and that they weren’t being ordered to go back in for me, they came anyway.”
“I don’t know much about the Navy, but isn’t that frowned upon? Or going against orders or something?”
“It’s more than frowned upon. It’s cause for disciplinary action. But my team didn’t care. No man left behind. Our CO was able to set up a mission close to where my last known location was and sent the guys in.”
“So, he was in on it?”
Jack places a soft kiss on the top of my head. “He was, and if they find out what he did he could get jail time.”
“Wait,” I say, leaning back to get a better look at my husband. “How do they think your team found you?”
His lips twitch. “Another SEAL team found me. They were there on a different mission. Purely a coincidence.”
I scoff, “That seems too easy to be a coincidence.”
“I agree, but I’m not questioning whether they bought it or not, and neither are the guys. Hell, Caleb is retiring soon, and I doubt Sam will be relisting again either.”
“And your CO?”
A sadness passes over his eyes. “I haven’t heard from him since I was released from the hospital in the States.”
“Do you think they pieced it together and went after him?”
Jack shakes his head, his grip tightening around my back. “I’m not sure, Nika. I’ll have to ask the guys.”
Jack doesn’t tell me what exactly happened to him while he was held prisoner, but my imagination runs wild with the possibilities and I’m not sure if I want to know the truth. As the weeks tick by, that becomes the last thing on my mind, though.
I never understood why women stayed with their significant others after they hit them the first time because despite them begging for forgiveness and promising it won’t happen again, it always does.
Now I understand.
* * *
High school Graduation
“I can’t believe we did it! We’re high school graduates!” my best friend screeches in my ear as we exit the building after the ceremony.
“I know,” I answer. “It feels surreal.”
“So, what should we do first? Go cage diving? Sky diving? Bungee jumping?” She bounces on the balls of her feet, an excited smile lighting her face.
“Or,” I say, wrapping my arm around hers to try and dial down the crazy. “We can do what normal teenagers do and bribe someone into buying us alcohol then going to an underage house party.”
Londyn pauses, her lips purse while she contemplates my suggestion. “Deal. Oh! Jack’s brother is over twenty-one. He could buy us booze.” Her eyes light up at the thought and I can’t help but laugh.
“Xander is twenty-three, yes. But I doubt he’ll buy us booze.”
“Why not?” She asks with a pout. “He let Jack take the car before he had his license.”
I stop our advance to meet up with the guys and playfully smack her on the arm. “Excuse me, but Jack had his license. It is just his learner’s at the time, but it was a license.”
Londyn laughs. “Whatever you say, Nika.”
“There’s my girl.” Jack slides off the tailgate of the truck the guys are sitting on and pulls me into a bear hug. “Congratulations, baby.”
“Thank you. You too.”
“That was a great speech, Nik,” Kyle hollers from his spot on the tailgate.
“Thank you. I thought for sure that I would choke up,” I answer.
I was surprised when I had been named this year’s valedictorian. Surprised. Shocked. Terrified. I hate public speaking and have a fear that as soon as I get up on stage, I’ll not only forget my speech but how to form words. I have nightmares of the audience where they point and laugh at me. To make it that much worse, during some of these dreams, I’m naked. But knowing Jack was somewhere in the audience helped me get through my valedictorian speech.
He stayed over late every night this past week to help me rehearse my speech until I had it memorized and wouldn’t need to rely on my notes. And when my eyes connected with his part of the way into my speech today, I felt all the tension leave my body and I was able to get through it without mumbling and forgetting my words.
“Nah, you did good,” Kyle says, and I thank him again.
“So, what’s the plan for tonight?” Jack asks.
“Well.” I side-eye Londyn. “Londyn wants to go sky diving or bungee jumping, but I think I talked her down to a good old-fashioned house party.”
I laugh when Londyn sticks out her tongue at me before hopping up on the tailgate beside Kyle.
“Oh, thank God,” Jack mutters feigning relief. He has no issues with sky diving. I know that because he has already gone a couple of times this year. He likes the rush of adrenaline.
“Not a fan of bungee jumping?” Trevor asks.
I cringe, wondering how many people have died while bungee jumping. No thanks. “I’m with him on this,” I say, pointing to Jack.
“Dude, are you even allowed to drink?” Kyle asks bringing us back to the party idea, but his question is directed at Jack.
“What does he mean, ‘are you even allowed to drink’?” I look up at my boyfriend just in time to see the ‘shut up’ look he directs at Kyle. “Jackson?”
“It’s nothing,” he says, averting his eyes, running a hand through his shaggy hair.
I don’t believe him.
“Dude, it’s not nothing,” Kyle chimes in, hopping off the tailgate of Jack’s pickup truck. “You could be drafted into the SEALs. That’s a big deal.”
“Our little boy is going to be a Navy man.” Trevor fake sniffs, drawing a line down from his eye to indicate a non-existent tear.
I don’t move. I don’t respond. I can’t. I am speechless. Jack and I have plans. Well, had plans now I guess. Plans to get into the same schools, find an apartment off campus. One we can stay in after we get married, once we graduated college. None of those plans involve him joining the military.
The shit thing about it is, if he had discussed it with me… brought me into the decision-making process, I would’ve been fine with it. I would have even encouraged him. But he didn’t. And for the first time in five years, I’m not sure if I even know the man who stands in front of me now, worry clear in his sea-foam green eyes.
I don’t realize I’m crying until Londyn quickly hops off the truck and wraps me in her arms, turning us back towards the school while telling the guys that we’ll meet them at the party later.
The last thing I hear isn’t Jack trying to get me to stop so he can explain. It isn’t the sound of him shouting my name or cursing. The last thing I hear is the snick of the heavy school door as it shuts behind us. A physical barrier between Jack and me to cement the emotional one he just initiated between us.
This is not how I pictured my high school graduation day going.
“He hadn’t discussed this with you at all?” Londyn asks as we sit against the wall of lockers in an abandoned hallway of the school.
Everyone left as soon as the ceremony was over, so I am pretty sure we are the only ones still in the building aside from the cleaning staff and a few teachers. I don’t care. Outside of these walls holds a future I am not sure of anymore and the more I put off leaving the school, the longer I don’t have to face the unknown.
“Not at all,” I reply, hugging my knees up to my chest and resting my chin on top of them.
“So, what are you going to do?”
I sigh and shrug my shoulders. “I don’t know, Londyn. I’m so mad at him for not telling me he was even considering this, but I get it, you know. We had this whole life planned out after graduation and maybe it was too much for him or he thought he was disappointing me by going against it.” I pause, staring at the wall of lockers across from us but not really seeing them. Our first date plays on a loop inside my head and the words he spoke me that night.
“I will always be the only one taking you home at night. The one you fall asleep next to and wake up beside.”
I guess ‘always’ had an expiration date.
“I don’t want him to go, but I can’t hold him back. I won’t hold him back.”
Londyn’s arms wrap around me from the side and she lays her head on my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Annika.”
“It is what it is,” I say in broken breaths and wipe away the fresh batch of tears sliding down my cheeks.
“Well,” my best friend starts, “if this is the last time for the two you to be together then you should be making the most of it.” She jumps up to her feet, pulling me up with her. “Let’s go get you beautified so Jack can see what he’ll be missing.”
Chapter 20
Dean
“Are you sure?” Dave asks. I can hear the hesitancy in his voice. It’s not every day that you come out to your adult daughter and have to tell her that you’re dating a man she’s considered an uncle her entire life.
“No,” I sigh into the phone, pinching the bridge of my nose and willing the headache away. “But I have to tell her we’re together.”
Dave is quiet for a few beats before he says, “I wish I was there with you so we could do it together.”
“Me too.” I smile, picturing his smiling green eyes and instantly feel a wave of calm settling over me. “How’d Denise take everything?” I ask.
Denise is… was Dave’s wife. Their divorce had been newly finalized the night before Dave came over for a braai, got sloshed, and spilt the beans to Rebekah about our past which inevitably led to our divorce because I couldn’t deny that I was not only still viciously attracted to Dave, but that I still loved him. Maybe more so than I ever loved her, and didn’t that just make me an asshole.
“She was surprisingly okay with it. You know her brother just came out as well? I think she hasn’t properly processed it yet.”
I can hear the underlining hurt in his voice. He’s not telling me everything. I want to get him to open up to me but now is not the time, not when I’m pulling into Annika’s driveway. I’ll deal with Dave when I get home tonight. Our home. It’s still weird to know that I can finally be with the man I’ve loved for more than thirty years.
“See you at home?” I ask, turning off the engine. My brows furrow when Annika doesn’t step out onto the front stoop at the sound of my car pulling in. Ever since she was a little girl, she was always there to greet me when I came home. That never changed the older she got.
“Ja. I’ll get us a couple of beers. See you,” he says before hanging up.
* * *
Annika
I shuffle towards the front door and pull it open before the person on the other side can knock a third time. My ribs really hurt today and all I want to do is curl up on the couch with Sons of Anarchy and not move. But when I see my dad standing on the other side, that hope gets squashed. Especially when his eyes round in shock and then outrage. That’s when I realize I may have forgotten to cover up the black eye and swollen lip Jack gave me last night.
My dad curses, pushing his way into the house and slamming the door so hard behind him that I flinch, and then wince when the movement sends a shock of pain up my side.
“What the hell happened?”
“Nothing. I’m okay.” I move back to the couch and gingerly start lowering myself down when my dad appears beside me and helps steady me with an arm around one of mine.
“This isn’t nothing, Peanut.”
“I’m fine,” I say, not wanting to tell my father that my husband, his son-in-law, is responsible for this.
Dad curses again and if I wasn’t in so much pain, I’d laugh.
“Your mom’s going to shit a brick when she hears about this,” he says, turning to pace the length of the living room.
“No!” I reach for him and then gasp at the pain radiating from my side. “Fok,” I breathe, collapsing back against the couch. “She can’t…” I heave out a forced breath. “I don’t want her to know. Please, Dad.”
He stops his pacing long enough to study me and I cower under his gaze. It’s the same look he used to give me when I was a teenager and did something he didn’t approve of. I hated that look then and still do now.
“Did Jack do this?”
I flinch at the sound of his name and curse myself for my failure to not react.
“Jesus H. Christ. I’m going to kill him.”
“Dad,” I plead, scooting to the edge of the couch and trying to stand but then my father is there kneeling down in front of me and taking my face between his hands. His two thumbs lightly run over the bruises on my face. At the sight of his own tears pooling in his eyes, my breath hitches and I can’t fight back the sob anymore.
&nb
sp; My father pulls me gently into his arms, still paying close attention to where I may be hurting and holds me while I cry. I’m not sure how much time passes with us like this; me cradled in my dad’s arms. It could’ve been minutes or hours but I’m not in any hurry to pull away yet. There’s something about the comfort only a father’s arms can provide that has me wishing I was a little girl again, when life wasn’t so complicated.
“Why don’t you come have dinner with Dave and me tonight? We can make up the guest room for you.”
Shaking my head, I pull away and wipe the remnants of the tears away with my index fingers. “No. Jack should be home soon, and I really need to make sure he has dinner ready.” I don’t say that he’ll be pissed if he comes home to find I’m not here. Which will inevitably spiral into him accusing me of sneaking around on him. Again. I’m not sure when he thinks I have the time to do that since I come straight home after work at the new school and am here making sure he has a hot meal for when he comes home. Not to mention that I haven’t seen Nate since I handed in my resignation at P.N.P.S.
“Annika, I don’t-”
“Dad, not now,” I say cutting him off. “Please,” I add.
He sighs and I can tell he wants to say more but refrains. I’m pretty sure if it wasn’t considered kidnapping, he would carry me to the car and take me back to his house where he’ll watch over me to make sure I don’t sneak back over here. And honestly, I would probably let him. But every time I think about leaving Jack, guilt begins to coil in my gut and I just can’t bring myself to pack the bag and leave. I settle a hand on my lower belly. At least not yet.
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”
I nod. “Yes. It was an… accident.” I want to hurl after the words leave my mouth. I swore I would never be one of those women who covers up the abuse with the word accident, but here I am. The funny thing is that I can’t even blame it on falling down the stairs. There are no stairs in this house unless you count the two going down to the backyard or the three going down to the front walkway, there aren’t any at school either. More than that though, I’m not even sure why I bother lying to my dad. I’ve never been good at keeping a poker face when it comes to him. “Jack’s not…” I pause, “he’s not this guy.” I gesture to my face and ribs.
Then There Was You (Twist of Fate) Page 15
