“Would you like to see more?” asks E. “I have hours of material.”
“No, thank you,” says Dean Schilpp. “We’ve seen enough. Dr. Ingalls? The job is no longer available.”
“We’re sticking with Dr. Elizabeth Hayes,” adds Max Riley.
“And we’re promoting her!” says Dean Schilpp.
“Ha!” fumes Dr. Ingalls. “You haven’t heard the last of me or my machines.”
“Oh yes, we have,” says this huge, hulking guy with a buzz cut and a neck the size of a tree stump. He’s with six of his huge stump-necked buddies. They’re the Notre Dame football players who corralled E when he went wild in front of Touchdown Jesus at the stadium.
“Let’s go, Icky,” says one of the players. “The sooner you’re off campus, the sooner E can teach us his awesome plays.”
“I want a pair of those rocket boots, too, Dr. Hayes,” says another.
They firmly escort Dr. Ingalls and Eddie out of the gym.
When they’re finally out the door, Dean Schilpp turns to Mom.
“Liz, I’m sorry. I was wrong. Will you accept a promotion to Assistant Dean?”
“It all depends,” says Mom.
“What do you want? A bigger office? Extra staff? More research funds?”
“That’d be nice. But what I’d really like is for you to make one very important phone call.”
“To the Nobel Prize people?”
“No, Ali. Just call Creekside Elementary. Tell them E is safe to go back into Maddie’s third-grade classroom.”
“Done!”
“Hey, you guys!” Dad says to me and Trip. “Check this out. I just had a wild idea for a new graphic novel. What do you two think?”
“I love it, Mr. Rodriguez,” says Trip.
“Me too, Dad!”
“Excellent work, sir,” says E, who’s come over to admire the drawing.
And guess what?
Later that day, when Dad sends his Robo-Ball sketch to his publisher, they love it, too. He’s officially working again!
On Monday morning I’m so excited, I’m up and out of bed before Buzz, the floating alarm-clock-bot, zips in to blast my eardrums.
Maddie’s going back to school today! Well, E is going back for her.
It’s a beautiful fall morning, so Trip, E, and I ride our bikes.
We don’t take any bizarro detours, either.
When we arrive at school, Mrs. Reyes, the principal, shakes E’s hand.
“So glad to have you and Maddie back.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Reyes!” says Maddie through E. “And now that all this craziness is over, I hope you and Mom and Dad can get back to gigging with your band.”
I close my eyes. I wish Maddie hadn’t said that. They don’t call themselves the Almost Pretty Bad band for nothing. They’re Not Very Good. Actually, they Pretty Much Stink.
Principal Reyes informs us that “neither Eddie Ingalls nor his twin brother, Freddy Teddy Neddy,” will be coming back to Creekside Elementary.
“They’ve moved to Illinois so his father can teach at their robot and automaton technical school.”
Makes sense. Indiana, Illinois. They both start with the same letter. Dr. Ingalls can still use all his leftover IRAT lab coats. And if Illinois doesn’t work out, he can move to Iowa.
On our way to Mrs. Kunkel’s classroom, we bump into Jacob Gorski.
“Congratulations,” he says.
“You watched the game?”
Jacob nods. “So did the rest of the Robotics Club. Then we took a vote. It was unanimous. We want E to be our new president.”
“But that’s your job,” says Trip.
“Nah. I was no good at it. I even let that seriously evil SS-10K ruin my brand-new EV3RSTORM.”
“Let me take it home someday after school,” I say. “My mom will fix it.”
Jacob’s eyes widen. “Do you think she can?”
“Are you kidding?” says Trip. “Sammy’s mom can fix anything, except maybe a peanut-butter-and-banana sandwich.”
E smiles and says (in his own voice), “Dr. Hayes can work wonders, Jacob. When it comes to bringing robots back to their full potential, she is quite skilled and talented. Just like her son.”
Okay. The big guy’s making me blush a little.
As for Penelope Pettigrew, Ms. Tracey has given her a new job. She’s in charge of making sure that E has the best seat in the third-grade classroom and always has his battery charger plugged in. Otherwise, she’ll be sent down to kindergarten for a few months to relearn her manners.
And me?
Well, every day right around three, when the final bell rings, Maddie signs off, and E becomes E again.
Then he and I just sort of hang out, the way brothers do.
And, sometimes, like brothers everywhere, we even talk about football.
JAMES PATTERSON has had more #1 bestsellers for children than any living writer. He is the author of the Middle School, I Funny, Treasure Hunters, and Daniel X novels, as well as House of Robots. His blockbusters for adults, featuring enduring characters like Alex Cross—in addition to his many books for teens, such as the Maximum Ride series—have sold more than 300 million copies worldwide. He lives in Florida.
CHRIS GRABENSTEIN is a New York Times bestselling author who has also collaborated with James Patterson on the I Funny and Treasure Hunters series. He lives in New York City.
JULIANA NEUFELD is an award-winning illustrator whose drawings can be found in books, on album covers, and in nooks and crannies throughout the Internet. She lives in Toronto.
BOOKS BY JAMES PATTERSON FOR YOUNG READERS
THE HOUSE OF ROBOTS NOVELS
House of Robots
(with Chris Grabenstein, illustrated by Juliana Neufeld)
House of Robots: Robots Go Wild!
(with Chris Grabenstein, illustrated by Juliana Neufeld)
THE TREASURE HUNTERS NOVELS
Treasure Hunters
(with Chris Grabenstein and Mark Shulman, illustrated by Juliana Neufeld)
Treasure Hunters: Danger Down the Nile
(with Chris Grabenstein, illustrated by Juliana Neufeld)
Treasure Hunters: Secret of the Forbidden City
(with Chris Grabenstein, illustrated by Juliana Neufeld)
THE MIDDLE SCHOOL NOVELS
Middle School, The Worst Years of My Life
(with Chris Tebbetts, illustrated by Laura Park)
Middle School: Get Me Out of Here!
(with Chris Tebbetts, illustrated by Laura Park)
Middle School: My Brother Is a Big, Fat Liar
(with Lisa Papademetriou, illustrated by Neil Swaab)
Middle School: How I Survived Bullies, Broccoli, and Snake Hill
(with Chris Tebbetts, illustrated by Laura Park)
Middle School: Ultimate Showdown
(with Julia Bergen, illustrated by Alec Longstreth)
Middle School: Save Rafe!
(with Chris Tebbetts, illustrated by Laura Park)
Middle School: Just My Rotten Luck
(with Chris Tebbetts, illustrated by Laura Park)
THE I FUNNY NOVELS
I Funny (with Chris Grabenstein, illustrated by Laura Park)
I Even Funnier (with Chris Grabenstein, illustrated by Laura Park)
I Totally Funniest (with Chris Grabenstein, illustrated by Laura Park)
THE DANIEL X NOVELS
The Dangerous Days of Daniel X (with Michael Ledwidge)
Daniel X: Watch the Skies (with Ned Rust)
Daniel X: Demons and Druids (with Adam Sadler)
Daniel X: Game Over (with Ned Rust)
Daniel X: Armageddon (with Chris Grabenstein)
Daniel X: Lights Out (with Chris Grabenstein)
OTHER ILLUSTRATED NOVELS
Public School Superhero (with Chris Tebbetts, illustrated by Cory Thomas)
Daniel X: Alien Hunter (graphic novel; with Leopoldo Gout)
Daniel X: The Manga, Vols. 1–3 (with
SeungHui Kye)
For previews of upcoming books in these series and other information, visit middleschoolbooks.com, ifunnybooks.com, treasurehuntersbooks.com, and daniel-x.com.
For more information about the author, visit jamespatterson.com.
JIMMY PATTERSON MISSION STATEMENT
We believe a kid who reads is a kid who can succeed.
We believe it’s every adult’s responsibility to get books into kids’ hands and into kids’ lives.
We want to make reading fun for kids—through stories and voices that speak to them and expand their world.
We want to make books available to kids—through teacher scholarships, bookstore funding, school library support, and book donations.
We want every kid who finishes a JIMMY Book to say:
“PLEASE GIVE ME ANOTHER BOOK.”
Learn more about our initiatives at JimmyPatterson.org.
MEET E AND THE ROBOT GANG IN THEIR FIRST ADVENTURE!
Hi, I’m Sammy Hayes-Rodriguez. Maybe you’ve heard of me? I’m the kid everybody’s making fun of because my mother made me bring a robot to school with me—the dumbest, most embarrassing thing to ever happen to any kid in the whole history of school. (I’m talking about going back to the Pilgrims and Mayflower Elementary)
I need to tell you a wild and crazy story about this robot that—I kid you not—thinks it’s my brother.
And guess where the dumb-bot got that goofy idea?
From my mother!
Oh, guess what? My father is in on this idiotic robot business, too. He even called Mom’s lame-o idea “brilliant.”
Good thing Maddie is still on my side.
Maddie’s absolutely the best little sister anybody could ever have. Aren’t her blue eyes incredible? Oh, right. Duh. That drawing is in black-and-white. Well, trust me—her eyes are bluer than that Blizzard Blue crayon in the jumbo sixty-four-color box.
Anyway Maddie and I talked about Mom’s latest screwy scheme over breakfast, which, of course, was served by one of Mom’s many wacky inventions: the Breakfastinator.
Punch the button for Cap’n Crunch and cereal tumbles into a bowl, which slides down to the banana slicer, shuffles off to the milk squirter, scoots over to the sugar sprinkler, and zips down to the dispenser window.
Want some OJ with your cereal? Bop the orange button.
But—and this is super important—do NOT push the orange juice and Cap’n Crunch buttons at the same time. Trust me. It’s even worse if you push Cap’n Crunch and scrambled eggs.
Maddie and I always have breakfast together before I head off to school. The two of us talk about everything, even though Maddie’s two years younger than I am. That means she’d be in the third grade—if she went to school, which she doesn’t.
I’ll explain later. Promise.
Maddie knows how crazy Mom and Dad can be sometimes. But to be honest, even though she’s younger, Maddie keeps things under control way better than I do.
“Everything will be okay, Sammy. Promise.”
“But you totally agree that Mom’s new idea is ridiculous, right? I could die of embarrassment!”
“I hope not,” says Maddie. “I’d miss you. Big-time. And yeah, her plan is a little out there.…”
“Maddie, it’s so far ‘out there’ it might as well be on Mars with that robot rover. They could dig up red rocks together!”
Okay, now here’s the worst part: My mom told me that this wacko thing she wants me to do is all part of her “most important experiment ever.”
Yep. I’m just Mom’s poor little guinea pig. She probably put let-tuce leaves in my lunch box.
Mom’s “Take a Robot to School Day” idea is so super nutty she couldn’t even say it out loud in front of Genna Zagoren, a girl in my class who has a peanut allergy which is why my best buddy Trip, can never eat his lunch at Genna’s table. More about Trip later, too. Promise.
Anyhow, it’s time to begin Mom’s big, super-important experiment: me and a walking, talking trash can going to school. Together.
“Just pretend he’s your brother” is what my mom says.
“I don’t have a brother.”
“You do now.”
Can you believe this? I can’t.
As for the robot? I don’t think he’s really going to blend in with the other kids in my class except, maybe, on Halloween.
He’s already wearing his costume.
“Good morning, Samuel,” E says when we’re out the front door and on our way up the block to the bus stop. “Lovely weather for matriculating.”
“Huh?”
“To matriculate. To enroll or be enrolled in an institution of learning, especially a college or university.”
I duck my head and hope nobody can tell it’s me walking beside Robo-nerd.
“We’re not going to college,” I mumble. “It’s just school.”
“Excellent. Fabulous. Peachy.”
I guess Mom is still working on E’s word search program. I can hear all sorts of things whirring as the big bulky thing kind of glides up the sidewalk. The robot chugs his arms back and forth like he’s cross-country skiing up the concrete in super-slow motion. Without skis.
I notice that E is lugging an even bigger backpack than I am.
Maybe that’s where he keeps his spare batteries.
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Welcome
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Chapter 48
Chapter 49
Chapter 50
Chapter 51
Chapter 52
Chapter 53
Chapter 54
Chapter 55
Chapter 56
Chapter 57
Chapter 58
Chapter 59
Chapter 60
Chapter 61
Chapter 62
Chapter 63
Chapter 64
About the Authors
Books by James Patterson for Young Readers
Jimmy Patterson Mission Statement
A Sneak Peek at House of Robots
Copyright
Copyright
The characters and events in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Copyright © 2015 by James Patterson
Illustrations by Juliana Neufeld
Excerpt from House of Robots copyright © 2014 by James Patterson
Illustrations in excerpt from House of Robots by Juliana Neufeld
All rights reserved. In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the publisher constitute unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you
would like to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), prior written permission must be obtained by contacting the publisher at [email protected]. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.
Little, Brown and Company
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First ebook edition: November 2015
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ISBN 978-0-316-30104-6
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