by Ward, H. M.
Sean’s fists are on either side of my head, his nose touching mine, he breathes in my face, “You have no idea who I am or of what I am capable. I admit, I’m infatuated with you and always have been. But you are a diversion, and right now that’s a very bad thing for both of us.”
My heart thumps rapidly in my chest, my body screaming for me to run, but I can’t move. Sean is pressing into me, crushing me, holding me in place. “This isn’t you,” I say softly.
“That’s where you’re wrong, because this is me. I am a monster and always have been. It’s not part of me, it is me. Whatever you think you saw wasn’t real. I used you like you used me.”
“I did not use—”
“You did,” he breathes in my face, pressing in nearer. “Every hour of every day has been about getting what you want. Well, what you want and what I want don’t match. They never have. I said what you wanted to hear to get what I need and I need those documents. I want them, Avery, and I will do anything I have to do to get them. Make no mistake about that.” Sean pushes off the wall and suddenly he’s across the room, looking out the window at the ocean.
I catch my breath and watch him, staring in silence. This is the end of my old life, I can feel it. What I was yesterday is gone—that girl no longer exists. Sucking in the cool night air, I move across the room and step up behind him. Hesitantly, I reach up, hand shaking, but stop without touching him.
Bringing my hand back to my side, I say, “I know you feel guilty about Bryan, about what happened, but it doesn’t have to go this way. Even if you don’t want to be with me, you don’t have to do this.”
“It’s not about you. It never was. You’re a nuisance, a mite that crawled under my skin and distracted me from my goals.”
His words make me want to cry, but I blink them back. I know what he’s doing; he’s trying to push me away. He lied to me, drugged me, and faked his shooting. It’s the aftermath of Bryan’s death that has him like this. He’s not spoken of it, but I can sense it. He blames himself. If things with Bryan hadn’t gone down the way they did, I’d have Sean talking about white picket fences.
“Fine,” I manage without a tremor in my voice. “How do I get you the documents?”
He rounds on me. “You have them?”
I nod. “I think so. If I’m right, I’ll give them to you under one condition.”
“You’re in no position to be stipulating conditions, Miss Smith.” The corners of his mouth twitch at the use of my pet name.
“Oh I think I am, Mr. Jones. You see I have something you want.”
“That something that will get you killed if you keep it.”
“Yes, but you won’t kill me to get it.” I pat my palms together and look up at him.
Sean smirks, making my pulse race faster. A wolfish smile crosses his lips. “Why on earth would you think that?” He moves toward me, one pace at a time, his body language more menacing than ever. “After everything I’ve done, why do you still think you can save me? Some people are just destined for Hell. You can’t stop it.”
“You’re not there, yet.”
Sean smiles down at me, taking a piece of hair and tucking it behind my ear. “I could have pushed you too far so many times. I could have broken you like I broke that girl, like I broke my wife. That’s what you fail to see, Avery. I don’t have demons, I am a demon. Every second I’m in your life will cause you more and more pain. Agony will have a new meaning after this, so don’t play games with me. You can’t win.”
The stupidest idea I’ve ever had crosses my mind. The information in those documents could be used to own every powerful family on Long Island, including the Ferro family. Eyes locked, my lips twist into a grin. “You’re all bark, Sean. You always have been, and this whole time we’ve been together, I’ve learned your tricks, your moves. Maybe I didn’t see them before, but it’s clear now.” I pace around him as I talk, and sound more confident than I feel. “The way I see it, as long as the documents are in my possession, I own you. If I take Miss Black’s job, I’ll own everyone. I won’t need you to protect me, because Black won’t want to lose me, and if those papers happen to end up in the hands of a reporter, well, I’m guessing the Ferro family would be ruined.” I stop in front of him, and look up into his face.
Anger and pride are warring within him. He enjoys it when I act this way, but he fears it, too. It means I understand him more, that I’m not the innocent girl he first met. It means I’m more like him. As I speak, his blue gaze narrows, his hands ball into fists, and he folds his arms over his chest. He laughs in my face. “You think you can take Campone’s place?”
“I know I can.”
Chapter 8
There have been a handful of times I’ve truly been afraid around Sean, where my gut tells me to flee or fight. This is one of them. My words have broken something inside his brain and, I swear to God, I heard it snap. His blue eyes narrow and he looks ready to break free, ready to allow the animal trapped within to escape. Using his body like a bulldozer, he pushes me back into the wall, his normal emotionless expression regaining control of his face.
In a lethal voice, he lowers his head so we’re nose to nose. “Don’t you dare!”
“You can’t stop me.” Heart pounding, I hold my breath, ready to scream. The vein on the left side of Sean’s head looks like it’s going to pop it’s throbbing so fast. “You said yourself, whoever gets those documents wins. I have them. I win.”
“I have you, so you lose.”
“Mel will kill you if you hurt me.”
Sean laughs and backs away. The sound frightens me, because it’s so far removed from what he normally sounds like. It’s not a sound of joy, it’s a chime of something dark. “Don’t you get it? Everyone around you was a plant: cops, narcs, even assholes like me. Everyone around you wants to be first to get to your mom’s stashed documents. She made a fatal error, taking the documents with her. I’m sure she thought they’d be leverage, but in the end they just led to her early demise, and they will do the same to you. You can’t keep them. It’s not an option.”
“What are you saying?”
“Mel is playing you just like everyone else. There’s no one you can trust, Avery. There’s nowhere to go.”
Trystan’s name pops into my head. There’s no way he’s involved in all this. It’s as if Sean knows what I’m thinking and laughs that horrible sound again. “He can’t protect you, but I’m sure he’d give you what you want. A little house and a baby are right up Scott’s alley. He’ll get the family he never had. Go back to him. You’re perfect for each other. Just give me the documents first.”
His reaction to Trystan throws me off. My face scrunches together as I try to decipher his meaning. “Go back to him? You think I belong with Trystan? Is that why you’ve gone nuts?”
“You were already with him.” My body stiffens without meaning to and a chill runs over my skin. Sean glances at me out of the corner of his eye. “It’s fine.”
“No, it’s not fine. I don’t even know what happened that night, so how can you be so sure?” The memory of Trystan’s kisses lights up in my mind. I wanted him so badly, but I really just wanted him to be Sean. “Things didn’t progress very far.”
“Scott told me he’d steal you if I didn’t treat you better. Imagine, all it took was Mr. Big Shot dropping his pants and you fell at his knees like a cheap whore. Wait a second...” Sean smiles at me, as if he couldn’t care less.
My shoulders square off. “You told him to take care of me. He did.”
“I didn’t tell him to nail you.”
“He didn’t.”
“You two looked pretty cozy together.” The anger fades from his face. Sean runs his hand through his hair. “It doesn’t matter anymore. Just give me the documents and go back to Scott. It’ll ensure your survival and his.”
“Sean, I wanted you, you dumbass!” I’m so livid, so furious, and so afraid he’s going to walk out that door, ruining his life and mine. “I’ve alw
ays wanted you!”
The corner of his lip twitches up and then falls. He steps toward me. Gazing down into my face he breathes, “I want things that would make your skin crawl. What I want is so far past what you want, what you need, that you can’t even fathom it. The things I’d do to you,” he bites his lower lip and lowers his gaze to my chest and back to my eyes, “you’d never forgive me. That’s what I want. That’s what I need. We’re incompatible, so it’s time to stop pretending. You go on with your life and play the happy wife, while I do what I have to do.”
“Sean, it doesn’t have to be like this.”
“It does.” His jaw locks, as if he’s keeping himself from saying more. Sean walks out the door without another word.
Chapter 9
Peter stands next to his car, scanning the dunes for me. I have no idea what to tell him. Sean’s lost his mind. When Peter sees me, he runs over. “Are you hurt?”
I shake my head and tell him what Marty told me to say. “Sean’s fine. Marty took him because it was an easy way to get to me.” The lie tastes like acid in my mouth, burning my tongue as I speak it. Peter is a great guy and I don’t want him hurt because of me. Sean and Marty made sure that Sean’s brothers would be safe. Their plan provides safety for everyone if Sean is able to take over Campone’s criminal activities. Peter can’t know, and I won’t tell him. He’s been kind to me, and I don’t want him to get hurt.
“Where did he take you?” Peter opens the car door for me, waits for me to get in, then he shuts it gently behind me, ever the gentleman.
“I don’t know. He just wanted to talk to me.”
“About what?” Peter jumps into his seat and we shoot across the bridge like it’s on fire. He can’t get me away from here fast enough. I feel like I’m going to puke. This is the part where I have to decide who to trust and who to cut free. I trust Peter, but I like Sidney. I want to make sure Peter makes it to their wedding.
I stare at the water racing by my window, repeating the things I was told to say. Sean will be deposited at the Babylon train station at midnight and Marty will flee. But that’s not what will really happen. Instead, Marty will turn himself in and Sean will drop the charges. Marty will pay a few fines and everything will be like it was before, except now I know the truth. Up until now, I thought the person I needed to be afraid of was Miss Black. Now, she seems to be the least of my worries.
Peter’s voice reaches through my thoughts. “Avery?”
“Hmm?” I glance over at him. I’d been staring at the causeway, and mentally drifted from the conversation.
“So, no ransom?”
I shake my head. “No, it was personal. With Marty, it’s always been personal. He loves me.” He told me to say that. It’s the only excuse for his behavior that everyone will swallow without question. “He tried to get me to forgive him. I said I couldn’t, that I love Sean.” My voice cracks, because after all this time, after all these tales, I finally get to tell someone the truth. But it won’t matter because once Sean does this, there’s no going back.
I was full of it when I said I could take Campone’s place. I’d be dead in a day. That man was a lunatic, killing as he pleased. The part of Sean that feeds on fear and control will thrive in that life. I can’t let it happen, but I don’t know what to do. Glancing at Peter, I watch the side of his face, wondering if I should tell him everything. The Ferro family is full of devious people, but Peter isn’t a Ferro, not anymore.
I could go to Constance for help, but it’s possible she’s already one of the players in this game. Mel is a question mark, so is Gabe. Amber and Naked Guy are dead because of this, because of me. Bryan is dead too, and Sean is throwing away his cousin’s gift by doing this.
I can’t allow it. I won’t let him do this. Somewhere inside Sean is a man that’s protective and will sacrifice himself to save everyone else. He did it to save the memory of Amanda and now he’s doing it to save me. I need help. By the time I decide to say something to Peter, we’re passing Babylon Village and getting farther east. I didn’t even ask where we’re going. I just got into his car and let him drive.
“Peter, I need to ask you something.”
“Shoot.”
Once I say these words I can’t take them back. Peter has a life ahead of him. Peter escaped this life and all the crap that comes with it. But without him, Sean will die. He’ll fall deeper into Hell and become the demon he thinks he is. “Peter, I—”
Before I can tell him, his phone rings. SEAN FERRO lights up on the screen. “Oh, thank God.” Peter clicks the green button and answers on speaker. “You had us worried, bro. Avery said he didn’t want you. You ok?”
“I’m fine.” Sean sounds pissy, but doesn’t come across with the strength I know he has—he’s going to blindside them all. Every one of Campone’s men will think Sean is weak, recovering from a bullet wound. They won’t see what hit them until it’s too late. Sean is planning a lot more than he said, that much I’m sure. “That little shit was just trying to scare me. I’m in Babylon, at the train station. Any chance you could head this way.”
“No problem, we were just passing through. I’ll be there in ten.” The line goes dead. Peter lets out a sigh of relief. “I couldn’t stand to lose him, too. Not after everything we’ve been through. He doesn’t talk about it much, but Amanda’s death hit him really hard, and the trial nearly destroyed him. Sean wants to be a pillar of steel, but he’s not. No one can hold it together that long and not break. If I didn’t have Sidney,” he shakes his head and lets out a nervous laugh. Glancing at me, he tips his head. “What were you saying?”
Peter turns onto Montauk Highway, heading toward the station. My gut squeezes hard. He’s going to lose Sean. There’s no way to get out of this and keep Peter’s family intact. I stare at the dashboard, thinking.
“Avery?”
“I can’t tell you.” I look over at him, wishing that I could.
“Are you in trouble?” Peter’s worry lines crease deeper as he glances from me to the road. He slows his approach to the station. “Talk to me. Maybe I can help.”
“I know you can help, but it’s bad, Peter.” Staring at my hands I try to figure out a way to get his advice without involving him, but flounder. “I’m in some messed up stuff, up to my neck.”
“We’ve all been there. Talk to me, I can help.”
“You haven’t been here, Peter. I can promise you that. I don’t think anyone in your family has, and I want to keep it that way.” I look up at him and our eyes meet. He catches my meaning.
“Sean is trying to save you, isn’t he?” I nod. “But he won’t be able to save himself.”
“That.” The word sticks in my throat. “What do I do?”
“Tell me everything so I can help you.” Peter pulls the car over and stops. We’re still in town, not far from my parent’s old house. “Avery, that’s one thing Sean has never understood—he doesn’t have to do everything alone.”
“He won’t ask you for help, and I can’t steal your life. That’s what will happen if you help me. I’m going to get out and walk away. Take care of Sidney.” I push the door open and hop out onto the sidewalk.
“Avery, get back in here. Mel said to bring you back. I can’t let you walk around alone.”
“You need to save your brother. Don’t worry about me. Please, just believe me. I’ll do what I have to do. You keep Sean in your sight and don’t leave his side. He can’t do what he’s planning if you’re there. He won’t take you down with him. Promise me you’ll watch out for him.”
“Avery, I will, but—” Peter is about to say more, but I shut the door. Turning on my heel, I hurry down the street, losing myself in the crowd. I hear his voice calling me back, but I can’t do it. I need to get to the house before Sean, before he has a chance to save me and destroy himself.
Chapter 10
I go in the house through the back door and run into the kitchen, grabbing the coffee can. I remove most of its contents, leaving the
envelopes and some of the other things inside. My cheap jacket has an inside pocket; I stuff the money and the papers inside it and zip them shut, clutch the coffee can under my arm and head for the back door.
As I pull it shut, Sean’s voice comes from behind me. “Hand it over, and walk away.”
Turning slowly, I hate myself for what I’m about to do, but I have to—there’s no other way. Shaking my head, I hold onto the can tighter. “Don’t do this, please. There has to be another way. Sean, you don’t have to pretend. You don’t have to martyr yourself to save me.”
He stares at me, those blue orbs unblinking. “This isn’t for you. It’s not even about you.” He steps closer, closing the space between us. “It’s about me and always has been. Get that through your head.”
“You’re a bad liar, especially when it comes to protecting someone you love.”
“I don’t love you.”
“You mean you don’t want to love me, but you do. You mean you can’t stand the thought of losing me, so you’re doing this. You’ve ensured that everyone is safe, everyone except you. This will destroy you, Sean. You can’t do this.” I tighten my grip on the coffee can and move it farther from him.
Sean reaches out and rips it from my hands. “Too bad, because I just did.” He opens the lid, sees the envelopes, and then seals the can again. “Stay out of sight for a few days.”
“I won’t let you do this.”
“You already have.” He smiles at me and shakes the can, before turning on his heel. Sean’s shoulders are squared and rigid. He doesn’t look back.
Chapter 11
Before Sean even gets to his car, I start fence hopping. Soon, I’m half a mile away with too many houses and streets between us to count. I run and catch a bus that’s just pulling away from the curb. The driver stops and lets me on. “Thanks,” I say.
