“How about we make a pact that we won’t date other people?” Vibro said, staring out the window and pointedly avoiding Sparky’s gaze.
“I’m totally with that.”
“Really?” Vibro said.
“Yes,” Sparky said, taking Vibro’s hand.
Vibro blushed.
“I think I may have found the love of my life and I don’t want to mess it up,” Sparky said, her chest tight with emotion.
“Me too.”
They smiled at each other. A rapping on the window made them jump. Sparky dropped Vibro’s hand, feeling guilty even though she knew she shouldn’t. They weren’t doing anything wrong.
It was Brenda Lee. She made the roll-down-the-window motion. Sparky obliged.
“Are you guys ready? We need to prepare the site. I brought wood for the funeral pyre. Spirit of Compromise won’t be here for another twenty minutes. I wanted us to have a chance to finish up any last-minute details.”
“Spirit of Compromise?” Sparky said.
“Isn’t that a great name?” Brenda Lee said.
“Is it SOC for short?” Vibro said. “I mean, can we call her that? I can’t see myself saying ‘Spirit of Compromise’ every time I refer to her.”
“Uh, I don’t really know,” Brenda Lee said.
Sparky got out of the truck and took the bag of wood from Brenda Lee, who seemed to be struggling with it. She was wearing some sort of caftan thing with lots of brown, orange and yellow patterns of stripes and swirls. Sparky thought if she moved around a lot her caftan would give you a bad case of motion sickness. She hoped the closure ceremony didn’t include any dervish dancing.
“We need the photos,” Vibro said, in a panic as if without them the whole thing wouldn’t work.
“Here’s the keys,” Sparky said, fishing them out of her pocket with the hand that wasn’t holding the wood.
Vibro ran back to the truck.
“You’re in love with her, aren’t you?” Brenda Lee said.
Sparky hated out-of-the-blue questions, and she hadn’t seen this one coming. She had enough of her wits about her, however, not to say, “Madly.”
“What makes you say that?”
“The way you two look at each other,” Brenda Lee said. Sand filled up her woven sandals, and she took them off to empty them. She walked barefoot toward the firepit.
“It’s that obvious?”
“Yes. It’s probably why Wesson and Jennifer are having trouble with closure. It’s hard to know you’re easily replaced.”
“We’re not dating. We’re not even that certain we’re going to act on this thing. It could be rebound infatuation.” Sparky set the wood down by the firepit.
Brenda Lee cocked her head and studied Sparky. “No, I think it’s more than that.”
“I hope so,” Sparky blurted before she could stop herself.
“Let it come. But make sure they both understand in no uncertain terms that it’s over.”
“I will. It has to be. I know I can’t go back to Wesson.”
“And I sure as hell won’t let that trollop back in my life,” Vibro said, coming up behind them.
“Good. Because SOC told me often times…”
“So we can call her SOC?” Vibro interjected.
“Well, really, you have to admit Spirit of Compromise is rather long,” Brenda Lee said.
“Okay, SOC then, but we won’t use it in her presence,” Vibro said.
“Precisely. Now where was I before I got sidetracked…” Brenda Lee looked at Vibro in consternation.
“She has that effect on people,” Sparky said. She sidestepped as Vibro attempted to pinch her. “You were going on about a potential failure in the closure department.”
Vibro stuck her tongue out at Sparky. “Teacher’s pet.”
Sparky smiled.
“Now back to the closure thing,” Brenda Lee said. “Sometimes what happens, according to SOC, is that when ex-couples burn their photos and say their goodbyes they get all caught up in the drama and can’t go through with it. It’s actually more common than you think.”
“Really?” Sparky said, feeling panicked.
“You’re not going to bail on closure are you?” Vibro said, looking panicked herself.
“No. Are you?” Sparky said.
“Of course not.”
Their discussion ended when SOC arrived carrying tiki torches and several liter bottles of grape soda. She also had an enormous woven bag filled with other necessities. Either that or she liked big purses. She wore a flowing robe of many colors and Birkenstock sandals, a dazzling white turban, cherry red lipstick and false eyelashes. Sparky ran to help her.
“Oh, thank you, my dear, you are so kind. May the blessed universe shine its every loving light on you,” SOC said. Sparky swore that was a line from a song, but she couldn’t place it. Well, it was still a good line. She’d need all the blessing and/or love she could get. She set the soda down by the fire.
Vibro had put her Girl Scout skills to work and the fire was blazing. “I wish we had s’mores,” she said.
“I could go get the stuff,” Sparky said.
“Oh, no you don’t. You’re not getting out of this thing,” Vibro said.
“Do we have some closure issues about closure?” SOC said, putting her very large hands on Vibro’s shoulders.
Sparky looked down at SOC’s feet. She had very large feet, but she also had large breasts. Everything about her was large. Sparky thought she could see a hint of a five o’clock shadow on her chin and it was only three thirty. She glanced over at Brenda Lee with a queer look on her face. Brenda Lee nodded ever so slightly. Oh, my, Sparky thought, she is really a he. Or was. Not that there was anything wrong with that. It just wasn’t what she expected. She looked closer at her face. There was something familiar about it. Spirit of Compromise winked at her and Sparky started.
“No, actually I don’t. I want this over forever,” Vibro said.
Sparky got the feeling she was speaking for both of them. She saw Wesson’s car pull up. She felt that instant off-balance thing in her stomach like an elevator dropping too fast. Would Wesson always make her feel this way?
Tammy arrived next, followed by Jennifer, who was wearing boots with heels so high that she needed help crossing the beach. With her insanely faux-hawked hair, she looked like a lizard on stilts, Sparky thought.
Vibro bristled with disgust. “I can’t believe I actually fucked that woman.”
“I can’t believe Tammy is helping her,” Brenda Lee said, her voice filled with disgust as well.
“It’s the inner Girl Scout that’s doing it,” Sparky said, feeling the need to defend Tammy. She seemed like a nice girl. It was her overactive libido that got her in trouble.
She glanced over at Vibro, who was watching Wesson as she made her way toward them. She smiled and touched Vibro’s arm. “No worries, it’s over.”
“Okay, if you’re sure,” Vibro said. The look on her face seemed to say “Please be sure because you’ll break my heart if you’re not.”
Sparky wasn’t sure she’d read all that on Vibro’s face, but it seemed possible. “I’m sure.”
“I’m really good in bed,” Vibro said.
Sparky giggled. She actually giggled. She hadn’t giggled since elementary school. “I have no doubt.”
Then Vibro giggled.
SOC looked pleased. “Laughter is very good for the body. I teach a laugh therapy seminar as well.”
This made Sparky and Vibro giggle even more. “What do you do? Tell knock-knock jokes?” Vibro asked.
SOC smiled at her benignly. “No, we just start laughing, making ourselves laugh any way we can. There are no set prompts.”
“Like when you fake laugh after someone tells you a joke you don’t think is funny?” Sparky said.
Vibro tried it. “Ha, ha, ha.” She tried again. “Ha, ha, ha, ha!”
This made Sparky laugh.
Brenda Lee scowled at Jennifer, who was
now flirting with Tammy.
“Try it,” Vibro said to Brenda Lee, who looked like she needed a good laugh.
SOC let out a whooping good laugh, one that would have made Santa Claus proud. This made Brenda Lee laugh.
Wesson arrived at the firepit. She cast them a cold look. “I don’t think this is a laughing matter.”
Sparky stared at her. She wanted to say “You know what your real problem is? You’re a buzzkill.” But she refrained because she didn’t want to start a fight. They all stopped laughing.
SOC said, “You must be Wesson.” Like she knew from Wesson’s aura that she was the bad one, Sparky thought.
Wesson nodded. “And you’re the Closer.”
SOC nodded and stuck out her hand. Wesson ignored it. SOC lowered her head. “As you wish.”
Brenda Lee was mortified. “That was rude and uncalled for,” she said, addressing Wesson.
“I don’t agree with this whole stupid thing. Why should I be polite?” Wesson said, glaring at her.
“Because we’re all human beings and should do our best to get along,” Brenda Lee retorted.
Sparky studied Wesson. She really was an asshole. If things didn’t go her way she got nasty. She’d been nice at the coffee bar when they’d all met before. It seemed she’d changed her mind. Perhaps Wesson had hoped Sparky would call the whole thing off and come back to her. Since that hadn’t transpired she was back to being nasty.
“We should get started,” SOC said. From her large purse she pulled out woven straw mats for them all to sit on. “We’ll begin with the ‘blessings for a new start’ meditation. Will everyone, please, sit?”
Vibro set her mat by Sparky’s. Wesson sat across from them, still glaring. Brenda Lee made a point to sit between Tammy and Jennifer. It was if Brenda Lee were saying to Tammy, “You can flirt on your own time.”
“Let’s all hold hands,” SOC said. She raised one well-waxed eyebrow at Wesson and extended her hand.
Wesson rolled her eyes but obliged.
“Close your eyes and take five slow, deep breaths,” SOC instructed.
Vibro’s hand felt soft and warm in Sparky’s. Her touch made Sparky’s heart race, and she had trouble taking the prescribed five deep breaths. It seemed so odd to be falling in love and falling out of love at the same time. Her new love holding her hand, her old love glowering at her across a fire that was supposed to symbolize the ending of one thing and the beginning of another.
“Okay, now I want everyone to bring out their chosen object, be it pictures, a souvenir, a book or movie, whatever, there is no wrong thing to bring,” SOC said.
Sparky had been hard put to find anything. She had so few material goods left from her relationship with Wesson. She hadn’t let Sparky take anything, as if that made her moving out less real. This was absurd, but it had Wesson’s psychology written all over it. So she’d dug through her mother’s picture albums and found a picture of her and Wesson at a family barbeque five years earlier. Sparky was surprised at how happy they looked. She didn’t think they’d been faking it, so there must have been a time when they were happy. She pulled it out.
“What’s that?” Wesson barked.
“It’s a picture of the two of us. We look happy.”
Wesson reached to snatch it, but Vibro was quicker and closer. Vibro studied it. “I don’t think you look that happy.”
“Let me see it,” Wesson said, trying to snatch it from Vibro, who wouldn’t let go. The picture ripped in half.
“Poignant, I’d say,” Vibro stated.
“Ladies, that is quite enough. Give the photo back to Sparky,” SOC said.
“I still don’t think you look all that happy,” Vibro muttered.
“Sparky, why don’t you tell us what you like about the picture and why it symbolizes the end of your relationship with Wesson,” SOC said.
Sparky hadn’t expected this and didn’t have anything planned. The photo was now torn in half. That was good symbolism, like the universe agreed with her decision. “Well, I think it shows us as a couple and now we’re not.”
“Good. Now whenever you’re ready, put it in the fire,” SOC said.
Sparky looked at the two pieces of the photo. She looked at Wesson, then at Vibro. She threw the pieces in the fire.
“Good. Now, Wesson, what did you bring?” SOC said.
“I didn’t bring anything. This is nothing but a bunch of voodoo bullshit.”
“Then why did you come?” Sparky said, the old anger welling up inside her.
“I don’t know. To see if you’d go through with it, I guess,” Wesson said.
“Well, I did. I’m not coming back, not now, not ever.” Sparky felt her face grow hot. She knew she sounded like a petulant child, but she didn’t care.
“So what now? I’m released. I’m supposed to feel better you burnt a picture this freak told you to?” she pointed at SOC. “And thank the universe for making us part? Fuck that.” Wesson got up and clenched her fists. Sparky wondered what she was going to do. “I do have something to burn.” She picked up her woven mat and pitched it in the fire. The fire sputtered and then took hold of the mat. Wesson smirked at SOC and waited for a response.
“Well, obviously we have anger issues,” SOC said.
“Why don’t you just shut up, you fucking freak?” Wesson yelled. “Oh, and you can’t fool me. I know who you are.” She jabbed a finger at SOC.
SOC took several deep breaths.
Sparky got it. No wonder the face looked familiar. SOC was Stan Jawoski or rather had been. Stan Jawoski, one of Uncle Milton’s old flames, the in-the-closet-so-far-he-came-out-the-other-side manly man. Wow, Stan had come a long way.
“Now, hold on a minute,” SOC said, pointing a finger at Wesson. She turned to the rest of group. “Ladies, I don’t want to disturb your tranquility, but this has to be done.” She got up slowly from her meditation pose and walked toward Wesson, who stood there defiantly, her hands on her hips. SOC was a lot taller and bigger than Wesson and by the look on Wesson’s face she had just realized that. SOC didn’t say anything. She grabbed Wesson by the collar of her coat and lifted her off the ground. “I’ve really had enough of you. Now, you can leave of your own volition or I will drag you to your car. You choose.”
Wesson didn’t hesitate. “I’ll go.” And without another word she left.
SOC sat down and resumed her meditation position, legs crossed and palms turned upward. She looked at Sparky. “I feel you made the right choice in ending this relationship. You also might want to consider a restraining order.”
“I’m her restraining order,” Vibro said.
Sparky beamed at Vibro. “My knight in shining armor with a softball bat.”
“Well, yeah,” Vibro said, blushing.
“Who would like to go next?” SOC asked.
“I’ll go next,” Tammy said in her husky voice.
“I bet you would, so you can get in that slut’s pants,” Brenda Lee said under her breath. Vibro stared at her, wide-eyed. “Sorry, I forgot Jennifer is your ex.”
Tammy pulled her phone out and put it on speaker. The song was “Dear Mr. President” by Pink.
Brenda Lee’s face was a map of her emotions. She went from angry to pitiful to weeping. “That’s our song,” she wailed. Go figure on that one, Sparky thought. It must be the social commentary that appealed to Brenda Lee.
Tammy spoke over the song. “I want to tell Brenda Lee that I am so sorry for my womanizing ways and that I wish I would have treated you better. I’d like to think that I won’t always be a cheater, but there are so many women out there that need love and I sometimes feel it is my dharma to sexually satisfy them all,” she said, her eyes downcast.
Brenda Lee wiped her nose. “I hope one day that you find peace and that you don’t catch an STD.” She glanced over at SOC and said, “That’s the best I can do. I couldn’t think of anything to bring. But I am satisfied and resolved in my decision.”
“It’s all rig
ht. Tammy, do you feel a sense of closure?” SOC asked.
“I do. I wanted to apologize and say that the past year has been a good one for me and some of my most precious moments have been with you, Brenda Lee, and I feel I’ve done that now. Thank you, Spirit of Compromise, for helping us come to this place in our relationship.”
Brenda Lee let loose a fresh torrent of tears. Tammy turned off the music.
“Boy, she is smooth,” Vibro whispered to Sparky.
“I’ll say.”
“Okay, then,” SOC said, handing Brenda Lee a packet of Kleenex. “Who wants to be next?”
“I’ll go,” Vibro said. She dug around in her purse and pulled out a twelve-inch rainbow-colored dildo. Everyone stared. “What?”
“Is that a…?” Sparky said.
“Yes, I made it myself special for just this occasion. I got some help from The Chink. He’s a master of pyrotechnics.”
Jennifer screamed when she saw it. “What the fuck is that? We never did toys.”
“Correction, you never did toys,” Vibro replied.
Sparky took this in. Did that mean that Vibro did toys, just not with Jennifer? Sparky wasn’t a prude, but a twelve-inch dildo was a formidable piece of equipment.
SOC looked at it and nodded her approval. “Now that’s a dildo.”
Jennifer screamed again. “That’s an outrage. How does an enormous thing like that”—she pointed aggressively at the dildo—“symbolize the end of our relationship?”
Sparky wondered that herself, but she never doubted Vibro’s ability to make the nonsensical make sense.
“I think you’re a big dickhead so I’m burning a big dick,” she said. She dug around in her purse and pulled out four smaller ones. “Five dicks to symbolize the five wasted years of my life.” She also pulled out a small package that when unfolded became a cardboard platform.
Sparky was intrigued. She was also impressed that Vibro fit all that in her purse. Vibro plugged the dildos into the platform. Each one had a small fuse coming off the bottom of the dildo.
“You designed this?” Sparky said, pointing at the dildo rockets.
“I came up with the idea and The Chink helped me figure out the details. I was thinking about marketing the thing as a party favor or for the Fourth of July or really any occasion where you feel the need to blow something up.”
Love Over Moon Street Page 27
