“Are you going horseback riding?” Type A asked.
“No, but I thought we could help move some boxes if you’d like,” Vibro said.
“Your name is Vibro. Is that a real name?” Type A asked.
“I could show you my driver’s license,” Vibro offered. Sparky was amazed at Vibro’s unperturbability. Of course, Vibro was a master at manipulating people. She knew that being nice and helpful despite the rudeness would make it increasingly difficult for Type A to continue being rude. It was a masterful tactic.
The woman decided to ignore Vibro. “And your name is Sparky?”
“She’s an electrician and the general handywoman about the place,” Vibro said.
“If there’s any problem with the apartment, just let me know. I did the remodeling so I know the place inside and out,” Sparky said affably.
The Voice of Reason came in the front door of the building, struggling with a box. Sparky leapt to help her. “Here let me get that,” she said, taking the box.
“You know I love books. I can’t give them up, but they are heavy,” the woman said. “Just put it inside the door there if you can get past the bookcase.” They had managed to scoot the bookcase inside the apartment although it was still on its side, Sparky noted as she wiggled her way by it and put the box down.
“Are you by any chance Athena Brooks?” Sparky asked when she exited the apartment. She hoped she didn’t appear a sycophantic fan.
The woman smiled. She had a beautiful smile. Sparky and Vibro stood admiring it like star-struck teenagers.
“Why yes, I am.” She looked at her daughter and said, “I told you I’m famous.”
Her daughter flattened out her lips and looked pissy.
“My daughter used to say that Milo and I were not famous because kids in her school didn’t know us like they knew Britney Spears so it’s a standing joke in our family whenever Milo and I get a bit of press,” Athena explained.
“God-damn-it-mother-fucking piece of shit and sunshine,” said the woman with seventeen vest pockets as she came in the door wrestling what appeared to be the rods to a Bowflex weight-lifting machine.
“You’re a weight lifter?” Vibro said, catching three of the ten rods as they fell out of the woman’s arms.
“I lift weights. Does that make me a weight lifter?” The woman seemed to ponder the semantics.
“She’s afraid of getting a hump,” Type A said.
“A hump?” Vibro inquired.
“Small-boned women are prone to osteoporosis, so it’s important for them to maintain bone mass, which is most effectively achieved by lifting weights in order to keep up muscle tissue and stress your bones,” Seventeen Pockets replied.
“Well, you look in really good shape,” Vibro said.
“I’ve kept up a vigorous exercise regimen since my early twenties. So has Athena. We are a testament to the positive effects of lifelong exercise.”
“Oh, my God, you really are like that,” Sparky said.
“Like what?” Milo asked.
“Like a walking reference book,” Sparky said. “I’ve seen your YouTube interviews. You’re like freaky smart.”
“I’m not smart as in IQ, but I have a high rate of retention and an endless supply of curiosity. You know intelligence is really more about imagination and the ability to know that you can learn to do anything you desire…” Milo said before being interrupted.
“Don’t get her started,” Type A, the daughter, said.
Milo rolled her eyes and flipped Type A the bird.
“These are your neighbors, Vibro and Sparky. They’ve offered to help,” Type A said, ignoring the hand gesture.
“That would be most welcome,” Milo said.
“Let’s get this bookcase completely out of the way,” Sparky said.
“Zoe, why don’t you get the dolly, and we’ll lift the bookcase up and onto the dolly and then we can move it into the library,” Athena said.
“I think we should wait until the movers sort this out. We paid them to move it, not us,” Zoe said. Her face was a picture of petulance. Sparky easily could imagine her at age sixteen pitching a major fit.
Milo inched past them with the rods and Vibro followed.
“What are you doing?” Zoe said.
“I’m moving. What does it look like? I’m not waiting. Today is moving day and damn-it-all-to-hell-and-back-on-a-raft-of-shit-sandwiches, I’m gonna fucking move,” Milo said, dropping the rods on the floor and pulling out a mini bottle of hand sanitizer. “I’m sure this thing has pecker germs all over it from the movers.” From another pocket, she pulled out a pair of leather gloves. “Now, let’s get on it,” she commanded.
Vibro chuckled.
Milo smiled wickedly. “Uptight people are so fun to mess with—I can’t help myself. Call it a character flaw.”
Zoe threw her hands up in the air. “All right, but if anyone hurts their back I don’t want to hear about it.”
“Didn’t you see the bathroom?” Athena said. “The bath is one of those oversized Jacuzzi tubs—that’ll get rid of a backache.”
“We can have a good soak when we’re done,” Milo said, and she swatted Athena’s rear end and winked at her.
Athena blushed and tilted her head coquettishly.
On the way out to the truck, Vibro said, “Did you see that? I think they still have sex.”
Sparky smiled. “Yeah. I want to grow up to be just like them.”
“Maybe they could mentor us. Lexus is always going on about getting mentors into our community to help those less fortunate.”
“Are we less fortunate?” Sparky asked.
“We’re not very good at relationships,” Vibro whispered.
This was true. They couldn’t get their relationship started. They were too afraid of failure. They talked about it all the time, yet they hadn’t gotten past being friends. They were still trying to work out the logistics of their first official date.
Milo crawled up the ramp to the truck followed by Sparky. They loaded a coffee table onto the dolly. “No sense wasting a trip just to get the dolly,” Milo said. She expertly wrapped a bungee cord around it. Sparky was impressed with her abilities. “I used to tell my friends when they got a divorce to get a dolly and they wouldn’t need another girlfriend,” Milo said. She chuckled.
Sparky thought that together they’d ease the coffee table down the ramp. Instead Milo took off down the ramp at an alarming speed.
Zoe almost got flattened by Milo as she came down the ramp, but Athena plucked her out of the way just in time. It seemed they had the family dynamics down pat.
The rest of them grabbed boxes and put them in the hall. Sparky and Vibro took the dolly and maneuvered the bookcase into one of the bedrooms as Milo instructed. “This is going to be the library,” she told them. They set it against the wall.
“Okay,” Milo said, whipping a notepad out of one of her pockets. “Here’s how it’s going to go,” she said, arching an eyebrow at Zoe who was about to say something until Athena gave her the look.
Milo continued, “Each box is color-coded and tagged. Once you get the color-coding down, you won’t need to read the tag. I’ll post the key in the hall as a reference.” She held up the chart. “Green is living room. Pink is bathroom. Red is library. Yellow is bedroom. Blue is exercise room. Orange is dining room and purple is kitchen. Each room has the aforementioned color posted next to the door. Put the boxes in their respective rooms so that we will be moving them only once. It’ll save our backs. Does anyone have any questions?” Milo said.
“What happens if we make a mistake?” Vibro asked.
“You’ll receive an infraction,” Milo replied.
“An infraction?” Vibro said.
“Don’t worry, you get three before anything happens,” Zoe said.
“Oh,” Vibro said, looking uneasy.
The moving began. The color-coded boxes really did make it easier and it went smoothly. They’d gotten halfway through th
e truck when Milo called break time. They went and sat in the courtyard. Milo fished waters and Gatorades out of a cooler located on the bench seat of the truck. She delivered a toast. “Here’s to our new neighborhood,” she said, raising her Gatorade bottle. “I’m liking it already.”
“Here, here,” Athena said with enthusiasm.
Zoe held the cool bottle up to her forehead. “You guys are killing me.”
“You need to exercise more,” Milo said. “Shit-on-a-shingle, darlin’, you’ve got senior citizens lapping you.”
Milo sat next to Sparky on the stoop. “Can I ask you a question?” She leaned in conspiratorially.
“Sure,” Sparky said, having no idea where this was going. Milo, she’d ascertained, was not an easy one to read.
Milo cocked her head in the direction of the street, where two fursuits were strolling arm in arm. “What’s with the fursuits?”
Sparky breathed easier. “They’re this new thing. I don’t really get it. You make, or I guess you can buy, the fursuits. It’s called fur fandom and the people have fursonas.”
Milo started to gasp and sputter. Then she flopped on the ground and rolled in apparent apoplectic glee. “Fursonas, come on kid, you’re pulling my leg, my furry leg.”
Sparky glanced over at Athena and Zoe, neither of whom appeared nonplussed. Athena must have sensed her alarm. She patted Sparky’s arm. “She’s all right. She’s just having a good time.”
Sparky glanced at Vibro, who was actively studying the fursuits as they strolled by.
“You know, fursuits would also make good disguises,” Vibro said. She got up and moved toward the street. “Hey, you, come here a minute. I want to talk to you.” The fursuits scuttled off.
“I think you scared them,” Milo said, getting up and dusting herself off.
“They were probably on their way to Vena’s Coffee Shop on the corner. They seem to congregate there,” Sparky said.
“Just imagine, darlin’, a coffee shop on the corner. Perfect people-watching spot. I told you we needed to get back into the vibrancy of city life,” Milo said, flapping her arms happily.
Athena smiled indulgently.
“Okay, break’s over. Let’s get this fucker finished!” Milo said.
The furniture came next. It was tasteful, comfortable wood-and-leather sort of furniture. Vibro sighed.
“What’s wrong?” Sparky said as they eased the couch into place. It looked nice. The couch faced the bay window, the loveseat was to one side and an oversized chair with ottoman finished it off. A large square coffee table sat in the middle.
“It reminds me of my old furniture,” Vibro said, sitting on the couch, running her hands across the soft distressed leather and looking pitiful.
Athena sat next to her. “What happened to your furniture? Was there a fire? Or water damage?”
“Did someone steal it?” Zoe asked.
“No, I cut it in half with a chain saw,” Vibro said, looking glum.
Milo flopped down into the chair. “What the fuck did you do that for?”
“My ex-girlfriend got a lawyer and demanded half,” Vibro said.
“So you sawed it all in half,” Milo said. She kicked her legs. “That was fucking brilliant! Hear, hear!” She pounded her fist on the end table.
“I know, but I miss it,” Vibro said, stroking the couch again.
“So what are you doing for furniture now?” Zoe asked. She was perched on the edge of the loveseat.
“I’m renting.”
“Well, at least that way you can exchange it,” Athena said.
“That’s the problem, I keep exchanging it. I’ve got like the Goldilocks Furniture Syndrome. I can’t find the right fit,” Vibro said.
“Let me get this straight—you loved your old furniture and you can’t find any other furniture that you like better, right?” Milo said.
“Right,” Vibro said.
“Why don’t you just buy another set of your old furniture? Is the store still around?” Milo asked. She had her smartphone out. “What’s it called?”
“M-O-R Furniture,” Vibro said.
Milo did some research. “No worries, it’s alive and well. The way I see it, you go there, buy the same furniture and call the other set a wash. It was tainted anyway, wasn’t it?” Milo said.
“Yes, Jennifer probably fucked a few people on the couch. I know she defiled the bed,” Vibro said. “I got a new mattress as well as new linens, pillows and comforter with matching designer pillows and had Spirit of Compromise over for a sage burning to rid it of the bad vibes.”
“There you go then,” Athena said.
“Kind of sounds like what happened to you, Mom,” Zoe said, coming over and hugging her mother.
“You cheated on her?” Vibro said indignantly, jabbing a finger at Milo.
“Are you kidding? I wouldn’t dream of it. The woman is amazing in bed,” Milo said.
Athena blushed and hit her with the couch pillow. Sparky wondered if hitting a person with a couch pillow was some kind of lesbian mating ritual. Was that why Vibro did it?
“No, it wasn’t Milo. We didn’t get together until we were fifty. Milo had a partner and they’d been together for over twenty years,” Athena said.
“A bad partner,” Milo interjected.
“She never liked you,” Athena agreed. “She used to tell you that you were a troll.”
“Well, I mean, you are sort of petite,” Vibro conceded. “But you’re certainly not a troll. You’re handsome.”
Milo smiled. “But she didn’t think so and we never had sex. It was awful. She never liked me.”
“And Mom was married to the cheating whore. She caught her cheating when I was ten. Milo and Mom met in a book forum chat room and then discovered they both wrote for the same publisher,” Zoe said.
“And after much discussion about whether we should leave our partners, how we would do it and what kind of a relationship we would have, we decided to do it,” Athena said.
“After a torrid weekend of raucous sex—she wanted a test drive—I moved in, and we’ve lived very happily ever since,” Milo said. “Good thing too, because my ex-partner kept all my stuff.”
“But we got new stuff,” Athena said gently. “Better stuff. And we got each other.”
“And Milo taught me about expiration dates on milk, the virtues of hand sanitizer and driver safety, and she improved my vocabulary,” Zoe said, going over to give Milo a squeeze.
“I did my best,” Milo said.
“How long have you two been together?” Athena asked.
Vibro glanced at Sparky, who bit her lip. “Uh, well, you see…” Vibro said.
Sparky saved her. “We seem to be having a little difficulty getting started. I think we’re both suffering from Post Traumatic Relationship Disorder.”
“What happened to you?” Milo asked.
“Her girlfriend bit her eye,” Vibro said.
“Ex-girlfriend,” Sparky said.
“So, are you going to cheat on Vibro?” Milo asked Sparky.
“I would never,” Sparky replied.
She turned to Vibro. “Are you going to bite Sparky’s eye?”
“I would never,” Vibro said.
“Then what’s the problem?” Milo asked.
“What is the problem?” Vibro said, looking at Sparky.
“There isn’t one,” Sparky said, and she leaned over and kissed Vibro.
“Okay, now go upstairs and have raucous good sex,” Milo said.
“Milo!” Athena said.
Zoe rolled her eyes. “It worked for you all.”
“Come on,” Sparky said, taking Vibro’s hand. “Let’s go.”
“Oh, my,” Vibro said. “I’m kind of nervous.”
“I’ll be gentle,” Sparky replied.
“That’s the spirit,” Milo said.
“Have fun, girls,” Athena said.
Sparky was about to lead Vibro upstairs when Lexus and Pen showed up. “You must be the ne
w Moonies,” Lexus said.
“Moonies?” Milo said.
“You live at 33 Moon Street, which makes you a Moonie,” Sparky said.
“I’m Lexus and this is my daughter Pen,” Lexus said. She was holding what appeared to be a macaroni hot dish.
“I just got adopted,” Pen explained.
“So you’re a chosen child. How wonderful is that,” Athena said.
“A chosen child,” Pen said. “That is cool.”
“We made you dinner so you won’t have to cook. We’re like the Welcome Wagon. It’s Moonie tradition,” Lexus said.
“How thoughtful,” Athena said, taking the dish from Lexus.
“Can I ask you a question?” Milo said. She’d gotten up and come over to where they all were standing.
“Sure,” Lexus said.
“What’s with your hair? I mean the tinfoil strips,” Milo said, coming close to examine them.
“Oh, that, I’m dying the tips magenta or that’s the plan,” Lexus said. “It turns out different every time.”
Sparky smiled. It was good to be a Moonie.
The End
Other Books by Saxon Bennett
(All books are available to buy or borrow at Amazon!)
Novels
More Than a Kiss
Crazy Little Thing
Kiss & Tell
Gigolo Girl
Family Affair (Goldie Award Winner)
Marching to a Different Accordion (Goldie Award Winner)
In the Unlikely Event
Back Talk
Date Night Club
Talk of the Town
Talk of the Town Too
Both Sides
A Question of Love
Old Ties
Sweet Fire
The Wish List
Coming Soon:
Worst in Show: A Jamie Bravo Mystery
Attack of the Lesbian Zombies!
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Love Over Moon Street Page 29
