Fliss and Theo took the news remarkably well. In fact, far better than Adina had dared to hope. True to Mrs Montgomery’s word, Fliss made an appointment for Adina to see the doctor that very afternoon and after school she walked there with her to keep it.
The surgery was a dismal place with peeling paint and damp plaster on the walls, but the doctor was kindly enough as he examined Adina.
‘I think the baby will come sometime early in February, but everything seems fine,’ he assured her. ‘I’m going to get the nurse to do a routine blood test before you leave and then I want to see you again in four weeks’ time.’
Once back out on the pavement again, Fliss glanced at her, unable to keep the envy from her eyes.
‘I wish it was me,’ she said before she could stop herself, and then immediately blushed. ‘I’m sorry,’ she ended lamely.
‘Don’t be. In some ways I wish it was you too,’ Adina told her as she fingered the band of steel hanging about her neck. It seemed pointless to wear it there now, she thought. Her father was not there to see it or question who had given it to her, so she slipped it off the chain and placed it onto the third finger of her left hand where it shone dully in the late-afternoon light. She still believed for the majority of the time that Karl would come for her, but sometimes now – just sometimes – she questioned what she would do if he didn’t. Once the baby was born and she was no longer working, she would have no income and nowhere to live, and the thought was terrifying. What would happen to them both then? And so she clung ferociously to the belief that Karl had spoken the truth and that he really did intend to return. But it would have to be soon. There were less than three months to go until the baby was born – and what if he had decided to marry the fiancée he had left in his homeland instead? She pushed the thought away. Karl was an honourable man, she would have staked her life on it, and if he had decided to do that, he would have written and told her.
Over the next two weeks her waistline suddenly seemed to explode outwards. It was if the baby had sensed that he or she no longer had to hide and was taking full advantage of the fact.
‘I feel like a duck,’ she groaned to Fliss on their way to work one day. ‘I’m not walking any more, I’m waddling.’
‘All part of being pregnant, so I’m told,’ Fliss said stoically. The night before she had sat on the settee with her hand on Adina’s stomach as the baby kicked, and suddenly she couldn’t wait for it to be born.
‘Have you thought what you will do once the baby is born?’ she asked now, and Adina flicked her hair over her shoulder as she replied, ‘I shall be married to the baby’s father by then. It can’t be much longer until he comes for me.’
‘But what will you do if he doesn’t come?’ Fliss probed gently, hating to hurt her but knowing that it could not be avoided. When Adina failed to answer her, she went on, ‘Theo and I think you should stay with us after the birth, for a while at least, until you decide what to do.’
‘I couldn’t do that,’ Adina retorted with what pride she could muster. ‘I couldn’t expect you and Theo to keep me and a baby, and it will be a little while until I can work again.’
‘But we would like you to stay with us,’ Fliss told her kindly. ‘It would be lovely to have a baby in the house. Of course,’ she rushed on as Adina turned to look at her steadily, ‘we are well aware that it is your baby and we wouldn’t want to interfere or anything. We just want to help. To be honest, at home there is a nursery all ready that you could use. We did it many years ago, hoping that we would have a child of our own to put in there one day, but sadly it never happened for us. So what do you say? Will you think of staying? If Karl isn’t here by then,’ she added hastily.
Adina refrained from telling her that she had already seen the nursery. Fliss’s offer was like the answer to a prayer. And she would be able to pay her way once she got back to work – when she had found someone reliable with whom she could leave the baby.
‘I’ll think about it. And thanks for the very kind offer,’ she said, and the subject was not mentioned again.
Over the next four weeks, Adina received another letter from Beryl and also one from her father and one from Ariel, but still nothing from Karl. It was almost the end of November by then and Christmas was fast approaching. Fliss had taken to going off on shopping jaunts each weekend and when she got home she would press baby clothes onto Adina. ‘I wish we knew what it was,’ she told her excitedly. ‘Have you thought of any names yet?’
‘No, I thought I would wait for Karl to get here,’ Adina replied and Fliss’s kind heart ached for her as she exchanged a worried glance with Theo. It was becoming more and more apparent to them that Karl was not going to come. He hadn’t even written to Adina, but they didn’t say that, of course. They had no wish to hurt her more than she was hurting already.
In mid-December Fliss insisted that Adina should stop working. Her hands and feet had swollen so much that she could not have taken Karl’s ring off even if she had wanted to. She seemed to be tired all the time although thankfully the pregnancy was progressing with no complications. Fliss informed her that she was going to take a few months off work too to keep her eye on her, and Adina nodded silently, realising that there would be no point in arguing. Fliss was so excited about the baby it might have been her own she was expecting.
That weekend, Theo went out and came back with a Christmas tree that Fliss and Adina spent a pleasant couple of hours decorating whilst Mrs Montgomery looked on.
That evening, Theo and Fliss took Adina to the cinema and for two hours she was able to lose herself in the magic of The Wizard of Oz. She was totally entranced with the Wicked Witch, the Tin Man, Cowardly Lion and all the other wonderful characters in the film.
‘Dorothy is a pretty name, isn’t it?’ Adina said musingly to Theo and Fliss as they walked home through the frosty streets that night.
‘Yes, it is pretty,’ Fliss agreed, glancing at her husband. Up until now, Adina had refused to even discuss names, adamant that it was something she and Karl should do together, but now Fliss wondered if Adina’s hopes of him coming back to Britain in time for the birth were finally fading.
The pavements were like a skating rink and Fliss clung to Adina’s arm, frightened that she might slip and hurt the unborn baby. She was looking forward to its arrival even more than Adina was, for the girl was in a deep depression for most of the time now and would stand gazing from the window longing for the sight of Karl striding along the street.
Theo had offered to find her a synagogue, where she could attend a weekly service, but Adina had declined. Sometimes she even doubted if there really was a God, after all that had happened in the world at large and to her own family in the last few years. She wondered about her father, all alone back in Nuneaton, and whether it was cold where Karl was. Was he thinking about her? Was he on his way to fetch her even now? Or had he forgotten all about her and married the girl he had been engaged to? As they passed beneath a streetlight his ring gleamed on her finger and she gulped to hold back the tears that were threatening to choke her.
Two more letters arrived for her in the days that followed, and she read them greedily. One was from Ariel, who informed her that the week before, during yet another visit to the shop, her father had spoken to her and even glanced into the pram and asked after the baby. Ariel felt as if it was a major step forward and hoped that this was the beginning of a reconciliation. The second was from her father, and as she read it the joy she had felt after reading Ariel’s letter was snatched away. He wrote:
I deeply regret to inform you that your brother passed away on the nineteenth of December. He was found hanged in his cell at the asylum and we can now only pray that his soul is in Olam Haba. The hospital respected the wishes of our faith and he was buried in the grounds of the asylum within twenty-four hours, although it is sad that he could not have been buried in a Jewish cemetery. I am so sorry I could not get word to you sooner but I know you will pray with me that he has n
ow finally found peace.
Adina gasped, and her hand flew to her throat. Poor Dovi. And what a terrible way to die. But then surely he was better off wherever he was now than being incarcerated in that awful place, being sedated until he was nothing more than a zombie.
Hot tears slid down her cheeks as she recalled happier times. She could see Dovi in her mind’s eye, chasing her around the settee as her mother sternly told him to stop teasing her. She could feel him holding her hand as she timidly stepped into the lake in Cologne for her first swimming lesson. Now he was holding the back of her bicycle as she wobbled along, learning to balance. She could see his thick mane of hair and his laughing dark eyes as clearly as if he was in the room with her, and although her heart ached for the brother she had loved so much and lost, a part of her was relieved that his suffering was finally over.
Theo, Fliss and even Mrs Montgomery were very sympathetic when she told them of her brother’s death, and spoiled her shamelessly, or at least they tried to but Adina would not allow it.
‘I’m quite all right really,’ she told Fliss when the latter brought yet another cup of tea up to her room. ‘In a way, it’s a blessing in disguise. The Dovi who came home from the war was not the same person who left us. Funnily enough, I think I did most of my grieving for him when he returned, because I knew I was never going to get back the brother I had lost.’
Fliss had asked Adina if she would like them all to wear black as a mark of respect, but Adina had assured them that she had no wish to spoil their Christmas and that they were to go on exactly as before. She knew that back in Nuneaton her father would wear a black armband for at least three months. She had written to tell him that she would not be returning home during the school’s Christmas holiday because of the amount of work that needed doing, and that she hoped he would understand. She would try to manage a short trip home as soon as was possible. She still wasn’t quite sure how she was going to do this, but for now she had more important things to worry about; she would cross that bridge when she came to it.
On Christmas morning Adina was overwhelmed when the family presented her with a number of beautifully wrapped gifts. There was a fine silk scarf in a beautiful shade of pale green from Mrs Montgomery, a manicure set in a lovely little leather wallet from Fliss and Theo that Adina immediately announced was far too lovely to use, and a pair of warm hand-knitted gloves in bright red wool from Beattie. The latter was spending the day with her grown-up family and grandchildren, but she had prepared the Christmas dinner right down to the very last detail the day before, and now all Fliss and Adina had to do was pop the turkey into the oven and cook the vegetables.
Adina tried hard all morning to be cheerful as she had no wish to spoil their day, but sometimes it was hard as she thought of Dovi lying beneath the earth so far away from them all.
The Christmas dinner was like nothing she had ever experienced before. They pulled crackers and listened to Christmas carols on the wireless, and then when the main meal was over Fliss carried in the most enormous plum pudding that Adina had ever seen. When she sank her spoon into it she found a shiny silver sixpence and looked at Fliss bewildered.
The woman laughed as she told her, ‘You’ve got the wish. Now close your eyes and wish for something you really want. Keep it a secret, mind.’
Adina did as she was bid, although none of them were in any doubt whatsoever what she would be wishing for. They all knew that she would be wishing for Karl to come for her, and being as fond of her as they had become, they too wished it might come true.
Chapter Thirty-Three
On the day after New Year’s Day 1946, Adina woke to an eerie silence. Normally the distant hum of traffic woke her but today there was nothing but the soft sound of her own breathing. Struggling to the edge of the bed, she got up and crossed to the window, only to find that the ice on the inside of it had formed a lacelike pattern. She blew on it and rubbed at it with the sleeve of her nightgown, and once she had cleared a circle just big enough to look through, she peered out and caught her breath in wonder. The ugly sooty rooftops of Camden Town and the piles of rubble were gone, and instead she was staring at a bright new world. Overnight it had snowed, and everywhere was transformed.
Downstairs, she found Theo holding his head and sighing dramatically.
‘Don’t have any sympathy for him,’ Fliss told her as she entered the dining room. ‘He had far too much to drink at that party we went to last night. We all ended up in Trafalgar Square to welcome the New Year in, and His Lordship here can’t even remember it.’ There was an affectionate twinkle in her eye as she spoke.
‘Serves him right then.’ Old Mrs Montgomery was breakfasting downstairs for once. She dipped a bread and butter soldier into her second soft-boiled egg, mumbling, ‘Self-inflicted wound.’
Fliss and Adina grinned at each other as Adina helped herself to a cup of coffee. She had completely lost her appetite over the last few days, though it was hardly surprising. The baby was so huge now she doubted if there was any room for food in there with it.
‘Just try and eat a bit of toast or something,’ Fliss implored her. ‘You are eating for two, you know.’
‘Huh! The size of this, I reckon I could be eating for half a dozen,’ Adina grumbled as she patted her stomach, but she did attempt a slice of toast just to placate Fliss, who she knew meant well. The nursery was now ready and aired, and the numerous blankets, shawls and baby clothes up there were fit for a prince or princess.
Both Theo and Fliss had spent an awful lot of money on the baby already and Adina wondered how she was ever going to repay them. Thankfully, Mrs Montgomery had never again raised the matter of them adopting the child, and Adina was grateful for that because, had she done so, Adina would have had no choice but to leave. She loved the child even before it was born, because she knew that if Karl didn’t return, it would be all she would ever have of him – not that she had completely given up hope. There was still time, she told herself daily. And there were still almost five weeks to go until the baby was due to be born. He would come . . . unless something had happened to him?
‘And what do you think of the snow then?’ Fliss asked as she placed a rasher of bacon and a fat sausage on her plate. Adina sometimes wondered where Beattie managed to get such treats, with food being in such short supply, but then the Montgomerys were hardly short of a bob or two and it seemed that nothing was impossible if you had money, except for a child of their own, that was.
Theo groaned as the smell of the food wafted towards him, and he staggered away from the table with his hand over his mouth, much to his wife’s amusement. ‘Serves him right. Now what was I saying? Oh yes, the weather. Theo and I thought we might go for a walk in Regent’s Park after dinner. Would you like to come with us?’
When Adina hesitated she rushed on, ‘I’m sure the fresh air will do you good, so long as you wrap up warmly. Oh, do say that you’ll come.’
‘All right then.’ Adina had discovered some time ago that it was useless to argue with Fliss when she had her mind set on something, so she decided to give in gracefully. In actual fact the thought of a walk in the snow was quite appealing. And as the morning wore on she began to look forward to it. At eleven o’clock she went to her room for a lie-down as she often did nowadays, and her head had barely hit the pillow before she fell into a restless sleep. It was full of dreams of her family and Beryl and Karl, and when she woke up three-quarters of an hour later she was more drained than when she had lain down.
They had cold meat and pickle left over from New Year’s Day for their lunch, and then Adina put her coat on and met Theo and Fliss in the hallway. Theo was feeling slightly better by then. ‘Sorry about this morning. I’m afraid I was a bit the worse for wear,’ he told Adina sheepishly.
Adina chuckled. ‘Everyone has the right to let their hair down once in a while,’ she told him. She had even more respect for Fliss and Theo now, since she had learned how wealthy they were. They had absolutely no need to
earn a living, but chose to work at the school out of a genuine concern for the children there, which Adina felt was pretty remarkable.
Theo had pulled a large sledge out of the garden shed, and, placing it in the boot of his car, he drove to Hampstead Heath.
‘There are bound to be some kids there who will like a go on this,’ he told the women, and again Adina found herself thinking what a kind man he was.
The Heath was alive with families and dogs, all taking the air and enjoying the snow. The trees were bowing beneath the weight of the snow that had settled on them, and the lake near Kenwood House had become a silver skating rink, where excited children skidded from one side to another.
‘’Ere, give us a go on yer sled, mate,’ a little boy shouted, and whilst Adina and Fliss wiped the snow from the seat of a bench and sat down, Theo began to tow the boy along. A little further away was a sharp rise, and soon the children were forming queues to have a ride on the sled as Theo looked on indulgently.
‘You know, Theo bought that sled years ago for the children that we thought we would have,’ Fliss told Adina nostalgically. ‘When we first got married we intended to fill the house with children – but it wasn’t meant to be, was it? Life is a funny thing when you come to think about it and not always kind.’
Adina nodded in agreement as the child inside her began to wiggle about. She felt so guilty sometimes that she was the one having a child and not Fliss. She suddenly wondered for the first time who the baby would resemble. Would the child be dark-haired like herself or fair like his or her father? Would he or she have brown eyes or blue ones like Karl’s? She stroked her stomach and fell silent as she dreamed of holding their child in her arms. It couldn’t come quickly enough for her now. She was tired of waddling about and just wanted it to be over and done with.
A Band of Steel Page 26
