She stared back for a moment and then as recognition dawned, her hand flew to her mouth and she had to clutch the door handle for support.
‘Karl . . . is it really you?’
He nodded as his eyes filled with tears. ‘Yes, it’s me, Adina. May I come in?’
She hesitated just for a fraction of a second before holding the door wide and he stepped past her into the hallway. They stared at each other, not knowing what to say until she asked weakly, ‘Would you like a cup of tea?’
‘That would be very nice. Thank you.’
He followed her down into the kitchen where she gestured towards a chair. ‘Won’t you sit down?’
They were acting like two strangers. All her life Adina had dreamed of this moment – and now that it had come she didn’t know how to cope with it.
A heavy silence lay between them as she bustled about making them tea, and then it was poured and she had no choice but to sit down opposite him.
‘H . . . have you been in England for long?’ she asked politely, saying the first thing that popped into her head. He was still very attractive and her heart was beating so fast she was afraid he would hear it.
‘For almost three weeks.’ He took the cup and saucer she held out to him, ‘I visited the shop in Nuneaton and Ariel graciously gave me your address. She and Brian have a fine family. And the shop is also thriving, by what they told me.’
‘Yes, they have done very well for themselves and I am very proud of them,’ Adina said. ‘Brian bought the shop from the landlord some years ago. But you must have found everything very different from when you were here before.’
‘The new decimal currency is the strangest thing to get used to,’ he admitted. ‘I struggled with your pounds shillings and pence during the war but I find this currency even more difficult. But it seems that you have done well for yourself too. Ariel speaks very highly of you.’ He glanced around the room as he spoke, and it was all Adina could do not to shout at him, Why did you leave me? Didn’t you know how much I loved you? But the words stayed trapped inside. She was proud and would never admit to him just how much he had hurt her, even though the sound of his voice could still set her pulses racing. She suddenly became aware that he was staring at the band of steel on her finger that he had given her so many years ago and she flushed.
‘I’ve done all right, I suppose,’ she said noncommittally. ‘And yourself?’ She knew that there was a sharp edge to her voice but didn’t seem able to control it as all the hurt he had caused her rose to the surface again.
He hung his head in shame and suddenly said, ‘I’m so sorry for what I did to you, Adina. I know that I owe you an explanation.’
‘You owe me absolutely nothing.’ Her voice was as cold as ice and yet inside she was crying.
‘But yes . . . yes, I do. I told you when I left that I would come back for you, and you must believe me when I tell you that I fully intended to do that. I swear it. I loved you, Adina, and I have never been able to forget you.’
Adina shrugged. ‘It was all a long time ago now,’ she said.
‘Please . . . may I explain?’
‘If you wish to, although I really cannot see what difference it could make now. We both made new lives for ourselves. I just assumed that when you returned home you realised that you still loved your fiancée and married her.’
‘I did marry her,’ he said, and a knife sliced through her heart. ‘But not for the reasons you think.’ He took a deep breath before continuing, ‘When I first met you I thought you were the most beautiful girl I had ever set eyes on. Even so, I had no intention of beginning a relationship with you. A German and a Jew? We were just about the worst combination there could have been back then and we both knew it. Added to that, as I told you before I went away, I was already engaged to be married. But I couldn’t help falling in love with you. It just happened and there was nothing I could do about it. I came from a very good family and my parents chose my bride for me and arranged the marriage when I was still quite young. But after meeting you I knew that I couldn’t go through with marrying Marlena. So I went back to Bremen intending to end my relationship and to return to you – but nothing was the same.’ She saw the stark pain on his face as he remembered but he forced himself to go on. ‘I had already had word that my grandparents had been killed and that my parents had fled. But nothing could have prepared me for what I found. Most of Bremen had been flattened, including my parents’ farm, and Marlena’s parents’ home was gone too, so I had no idea where any of them might be, or even if they were still alive.’
Despite her mixed emotions at seeing Karl again Adina felt a pang of sympathy for him. It was as if he was finally shifting a great weight from his shoulders as he blundered on.
‘I immediately began to make enquiries of the few people left there, and after some weeks I was directed to a small town just outside Bremen. It was there that I found Marlena and my mother living in what amounted to little more than a hovel. My father was dead. He had been injured during a raid and on the same night Marlena’s parents had also been killed. She had then managed to get my mother and father away, and had nursed my father until he died.’ Karl took a deep breath before going on. ‘My mother was almost unrecognisable. Her mind was completely unhinged and Marlena was now nursing her too, day and night with no respite. Oh Adina, how could I leave them both after all they had gone through? I would have been heartless, so I had to make a decision – and as much as I loved you, I felt I had no choice but to stay and take care of them both. I wrote to you and told you what had happened, and prayed that you would understand, and shortly afterwards, Marlena and I were married in a quiet ceremony.’
Karl stopped once more, to take a sip of tea before continuing.
‘We were unhappy together right from the start, and totally unsuited. Even so we had two children, a girl and a boy. I knew within a very short time that she was as unhappy with me as I was with her, but neither of us quite knew what to do about it. And then my mother died. It was a blessing, if I am to be honest. After that, Marlena and I only stayed together for the sake of the children. I was racked with guilt. You were the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, but I felt loyalty and responsibility for the little ones. I promised myself that when they were a little older I would tell Marlena the truth about you and try to find you again. But then before that could happen, my wife was diagnosed with a terminal illness; a muscle-wasting disease that would get progressively worse. I felt as if my hands were tied. I wanted to come back for you, but how could I leave her like that? And my darling children were still young and they needed me. And so I stayed and it was terrible to watch her waste away before my very eyes until eventually she died. It was a blessed release for her. After that the years just seemed to fly by. My daughter married shortly after Christmas and my son is running the family business for me, and at last I felt that I was able to come and make my peace with you. If you will allow me to, that is.’
Adina was reeling with shock at what he had told her and yet outwardly she appeared to be quite calm. Over the years she had become an expert at concealing her true feelings. And she knew that he had told the truth about writing to her because Mrs Downes had once told her that she had forwarded on a letter with a German postmark. Now she wondered again what might have happened to it. She had certainly never received it.
Slowly her shock and anger seeped away, to be replaced by sadness.
‘I never received your letter,’ she told him.
‘Ah, that explains why you never wrote back.’ He ran a hand through his hair. ‘In the one I sent you I begged you to write back and tell me that you understood. When you did not reply, I assumed you had met someone else and married them.’
‘Well, I did make a new life for myself,’ she told him as their eyes locked. ‘And as you can see, I am very comfortable.’
‘But you never married?’
She shook her head. ‘I had no wish to. I have fostered dozens of childr
en over the years and I have a very lucrative dressmaking business that keeps me more than busy.’
‘But surely you sometimes yearned for a child of your own?’
She swallowed hard as she thought of Melly, but simply murmured, ‘There is more to life than just getting married and having babies.’ She briefly wondered what he would say if she were to tell him that she had a child, his child, but thought better of it. If she couldn’t tell Melly, then how could she tell him?
As if thoughts of her had conjured her up from thin air, Melly suddenly ran down the stairs and breezed in with a wide smile on her face, only to stop abruptly as she saw that Adina had a visitor.
‘Oh, I’m so sorry,’ she apologised as she turned to leave. ‘I didn’t realise you had a guest.’
‘It’s quite all right, you don’t have to go.’ Adina held a hand out to her. ‘This is Karl. He and I were er . . . friends, a long time ago during the war. He’s visiting England and thought he would look me up.’
Melly flashed him a friendly smile as she went to shake his hand, and as Adina looked at the two of them a lump formed in her throat and threatened to choke her. Melly was like a female version of her father, could she only have known it. Her hair was exactly the same colour as his had once been, and so were her eyes. Even the dimple in her cheek was in exactly the same place as his. And here they all were together at last, a family, but only she was aware of it.
‘I am very pleased to meet you,’ Karl said formally as he shook her hand.
Melly smiled at him again before heading back the way she had come. ‘It was lovely to meet you too. But I’ll make myself scarce for a while now. I have an assignment to work on and I’m sure you two must have a lot of catching up to do.’
As soon as the door had closed on her, Karl looked at Adina with that look she remembered so well, which seemed to see right into her very soul.
‘What a charming girl,’ he remarked. ‘Is she one of your foster children?’
‘No, Melly lodges with me,’ Adina informed him. ‘She is getting married in August and then she will be moving away with her fiancé who is a junior doctor at Saint Bart’s Hospital.’
‘And what will you do then?’
‘The same as I have always done.’ The haughty look was back on her face again now. ‘I shall get on with my life.’
‘Do you have any more young people here?’
‘No, I have decided to retire from that career now.’
‘Then won’t you be lonely? From what I have seen of it, this is an extremely large house for you to rattle around in all on your own.’
‘But that isn’t your concern.’ The second the words had left her lips she wished that she could take them back as hurt washed across his face. She wanted to throw herself into his arms and tell him that she still loved him, that she understood why he had stayed away, but it was too late for that now, and as confusion overwhelmed her she suddenly wished that he would leave.
Rising from her seat she told him steadily, ‘I’m so sorry but I am quite busy at present working on an outfit that must be finished by the weekend.’
‘Of course; how thoughtless of me.’ He rose so abruptly that he almost overturned his chair, and then as he strode toward the door he paused to ask, ‘Do you think you can ever forgive me, Adina?’
She stared back at him, the words stuck in her throat, until he asked, ‘Would you allow me to take you out? To the theatre or perhaps for a meal?’
‘I suppose so,’ she said uncertainly, and suddenly she saw a glimpse of the young man she had carried around in her heart all these years when his face broke into a smile.
‘How about this evening? I am staying in a hotel in central London – perhaps I could take you for a meal? There is a very nice restaurant not far from there.’
‘Very well,’ she said softly.
‘Wonderful, then I shall pick you up at . . . shall we say seven o’clock?’
At the front door he paused again as if there was something else he wanted to say, but the moment passed and he smiled before running down the steps and striding away.
Once she had closed the door Adina leaned heavily against it as Melly exploded out of the drawing room where she had been trying to concentrate on her assignment.
‘Oh, what a handsome man!’ she said with a cheeky twinkle in her eye. ‘And you’ve agreed to go out with him.’ She looked slightly guilty then, before giggling, ‘I couldn’t help but overhear. Was he once your boyfriend?’
‘I suppose he was,’ Adina replied uncomfortably. ‘But that was a very long time ago now.’
‘Well, he obviously still likes you,’ Melly trilled. ‘Now, what are you going to wear? Let’s think. Hm, that blue velvet dress you made to wear over Christmas would be perfect. It really suits you and it’s so elegant.’
‘Now don’t go getting carried away,’ Adina scolded as her heart started to settle into a steadier rhythm. ‘I’m hardly a young girl going out on her first date.’
‘Even so, you want to look your best. It’s so exciting to think he’s looked you up after all this time. He must have cared about you a great deal. I’ve never known you to go out with anyone since I’ve been living here, so he must have been special to you too.’
‘Now that’s quite enough of all this romantic nonsense.’ Adina put her hands on her hips. ‘If you keep carrying on like this I shall change my mind and decide not to go.’
‘Sorry,’ Melly muttered humbly. ‘I’ll get back to work and stop interfering, shall I?’
‘I think that would be a very good idea,’ Adina agreed as Melly turned to go back to her studies. Once she was gone Adina slowly made her way to her bedroom where she stared distractedly into the mirror. She saw a middle-aged woman staring back at her. Admittedly, her face was relatively unlined and there was only the tiniest hint of grey at her temples. She had kept her youthful figure too, running around after all the children she had cared for, but even so the girl that Karl must have remembered all these years was long gone. As she thought back to the things he had told her, it was like the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle falling into place at last. If only the letter he had sent her had arrived! At least then she would have known why he hadn’t come back for her. But now at last she did know, and it went a long way to easing her heartache. He had loved her, after all, but circumstances had kept them apart. Even so, it was too late now for a reunion. Nothing could ever come of his returning to find her, and it broke her heart afresh.
Chapter Fifty-One
Karl had been back in Adina’s life for almost six weeks now and Beryl was thrilled about it.
‘He’s obviously still smitten with you, so why don’t you put the poor bloke out of his misery an’ tell him you still love him?’ She had just finished helping Adina carry the wedding dress that Melly would be wearing the following day upstairs to her room after having its final press.
‘Oh, don’t you start,’ Adina groaned as she hung it on Melly’s wardrobe door. ‘I have enough with Melly keeping on at me.’
‘And so she should.’ Beryl huffed indignantly. ‘It ain’t never too late to grab at happiness, you know, and you’re hardly in your dotage. Surely you can forgive him now you know why he didn’t come back for you? The poor devil’s hands were tied.’
‘I understand that, but now Karl is merely a friend,’ Adina rejoined stubbornly as she stroked the shimmering folds of silk. ‘I’m a little long in the tooth now for a happy ending, don’t you think?’
‘No, I don’t. But anyway I ain’t got time to stand here arguing with you now. I’ve got to be off. All I’ll say before I go is, you should have a little more compassion for him. It ain’t like he ever stopped loving you, is it? He was just in an awful position where he couldn’t do anything about it. He would have had to be a right heel to leave his girlfriend when she was carin’ for his mother.’
‘I understand that,’ Adina repeated primly. ‘Now go, will you, and leave me to get ready. We’re going to see a show toni
ght.’
Beryl chuckled as she barged out of the door shouting, ‘It’s all right for some, bein’ wined an’ dined. Make the most of it, gel.’ And then she was gone, and when Adina heard the front door slam a second later, she sank down onto the edge of Melly’s bed and stared off into space.
Since Karl had come back into her life they had enjoyed numerous outings together. He had also spent a lot of time at the house and had bought her so many flowers that now the downstairs was beginning to look like a florist’s shop. He and Melly had hit it off right from the start, so much so that the week before, she had shyly asked him if he would mind giving her away when she got married. Adina had found it strangely fitting that it would be her father walking her down the aisle, even if neither of them were aware of the fact.
Up until now Karl had acted like a perfect gentleman and had done no more than give Adina a chaste kiss on the cheek when he delivered her home to her door. But Adina could sense that he was hoping for more and it saddened her to know that it was not going to happen. It was too late now. Sighing, she rose and went to her room where she would have a short nap before getting ready to meet Karl that evening.
The day of the wedding dawned bright and clear, and once again the house was alive with activity. Richard’s parents had travelled up from Devon and were staying in a local hotel although Adina had invited them for dinner the evening before. They had all had a wonderful time, and once Richard’s parents had left to return to their hotel Melly had hustled Richard towards the door. ‘Go on, you – I don’t want to see you again now until we are in the church tomorrow. It’s bad luck,’ she had scolded him.
As Adina watched him kiss her tenderly her eyes had filled with tears and she had turned so quickly that she had almost collided with Karl, who had come into the hall to say goodbye.
‘They make a wonderful couple, don’t they?’ His hands settled gently on her shoulders and Adina nodded dumbly. More than anything in the world she wanted to tell him the truth but the words stayed locked deep inside, never to be uttered. The way she saw it, she owed Melly and Karl that much at least.
A Band of Steel Page 42
