by Maretta, L
Also, he hadn’t seen Adrianna.
They talked every day but he wanted some distance from her and he used his current hectic life as an excuse not to see her. Kenny took his post behind the bar and Jack poured himself a few fingers of whiskey, needing to sit down and have a drink before he headed upstairs.
It wasn’t actually that he wanted space from Adrianna, he felt he needed it. His sister’s words were still haunting him and he thought time away from each other would help him to see if she really was wrong. Over the last five days he overanalyzed their relationship to the point of insanity. She was okay, and had been for a while now. She wasn’t using pills, she was managing her back pain, and was seeing a psychiatrist. Now that she found a job, things would only get better. So now that she was okay, did he still want her? Yes. Did he still love her? He thought so. Did he miss her? God, yes. Had enough time gone by for him to determine if everything he thought was true? He wasn’t sure.
Fuck, he thought and slammed back his drink, welcoming the burn the whiskey brought to his stomach. It certainly felt better than the dread and guilt he had been carrying around there lately. Pouring himself another measure, he cursed his damned sister. Why the hell was he listening to her anyway? It wasn’t like she was insightful or profound; she was a fucking shallow fembot! He missed Adrianna and wanted to see her and told himself he was an ass for letting Gillian get to him. As soon as he pulled out his phone to call Adrianna he began to feel better.
When Adrianna answered he heard a commotion in the background and a male voice speaking before she said, “Hello.”
“Ade? What’s going on, where are you?” He strained to hear what the people around her were saying and then he made out something that sounded like, “...need medical attention, ma’am?”
“Adrianna!” he shouted, jumping from his stool and attracting the attention of Kenny and the four other people in the bar. “Where the fuck are you?”
Adrianna answered whoever was speaking to her with a “no,” and then told Jack, “I’m okay. I’m outside the Dunkin Donuts on Ohio Street.” With his heart racing he heard her muffled voice answer more questions with yeses and nos.
“What happened?” he shouted into the phone again, wishing whoever she was with would shut the fuck up and let her talk to him
“I was mugged, but I’m okay, Jack!”
Cursing and without letting her finish, Jack tore from his bar ignoring the questioning cries of Kenny behind him. He ran, full speed, the six blocks to get to Adrianna, dodging others on the sidewalk and not caring when he even plowed into someone. Up head he could see the flashing lights of a police cruiser and he quickened his pace, not even feeling the flames of his burning lungs.
A small crowd had gathered outside the donut shop and Jack pushed his way through in search of his girlfriend. He finally spotted her, sitting at a table inside with two cops, sipping from a straw. Adrianna rose to her feet when she saw Jack enter and immediately tried to alleviate his worry.
“I’m okay, I’m okay,” she repeated as he hugged her tightly first and then held her at arm’s length to search for injuries. His fingers brushed across a bandage on her cheek. “It’s just a scratch, I’m fine, really Jack.”
Jack clenched his jaw and tried to fight off the rage coursing through him. His hands shook but he pulled Adrianna tightly to him again and kissed her head, thankful that she was okay.
“What happened?” he finally asked, pulling her away from him again to inspect her one more time. Adrianna took his hand and guided him to sit down next to her, back across from the police officers.
“Officers Cross and Hurston, this is Jack,” Adrianna introduced.
The two cops, one of them a man who looked to be in his late forties, the other a baby-faced kid who looked about twelve, nodded in acknowledgement towards Jack.
“I’m her boyfriend,” he clarified. He turned towards Adrianna and asked, “What happened?”
Adrianna took a sip from the cold soda one of the shop employees had kindly provided her with and explained, “I was walking and then all of a sudden someone grabbed me by my shirt from behind. He pushed me down the alley, shoved me against the wall and pressed something into my back. It could have been a gun but I didn’t see anything. He told me to keep my eyes closed and then grabbed my purse and said not to move until I counted to a hundred. I heard him run off but I did what he said. When I was done counting I came back out to the street and called nine-one-one. Luckily, my cell was in my pocket.”
Jack closed his eyes and heaved, swearing he would rip the mother fucker to shreds if he was given the chance. Adrianna could see Jack was trembling with ire and she scooted closer to him to let him wrap an arm around her shoulder. “I’m okay,” she repeated once again, looking straight into his burning, blue eyes.
“Is there anything you can tell us that would help to identify your attacker?” the younger officer asked. “A shirt color, skin color, even what kind of shoes he was wearing?”
Adrianna shook her head and answered, “I’m sorry, but no. All I saw was a brick wall and then I closed my eyes. It happened so fast.”
“Well,” the same officer continued, “chances are he’ll just take your cash and then dump the rest but if he has your wallet he’ll have your address. You’re going to want to change the locks on your doors.”
Adrianna hadn’t thought of that and she tensed with fear. Jack squeezed her shoulder and said, “She’ll stay with me for awhile until all that is straightened out.”
“Also, call up any credit cards you might have and cancel those. We have your statement and a description of your purse. We’ll make sure a lookout is kept for it. In the meantime, if there’s anything else you think of, give us a call.” Officer Doogie Howser handed Adrianna a card which she accepted with thanks.
When the officers left, Jack pulled Adrianna from her seat and led her back to his apartment. He kept her tucked under his arm the entire way there.
Adrianna sat numbly on Jack’s sofa while he fixed her a cup of tea. She didn’t really like tea and it reminded of her when she was going through withdrawal but she accepted it nonetheless and took a few sips before setting it down.
“You’re awfully calm for someone who was just held up at gunpoint,” Jack pointed out. He smoothed her hair behind her ear and then tugged gently on her lobe. The fact that she was so stoic was actually alarming to him. Was she in shock?
“I’m fine,” Adrianna stated. And then she burst into tears.
Jack pulled her to him and she straddled his lap, burying her face in his shoulder. While she sobbed quietly, Jack held her and whispered, “Shh, it’s okay, sweetheart. You’re okay.”
“I’ve missed you,” Adrianna choked out, hiccupping around her sobs. She was still shaken from her attack but she was crying more from relief of being in Jack’s arms. She hated that it had taken another traumatic incident to bring them together.
“I’m sorry,” Jack told her and the fact that he didn’t say his missed her too made Adrianna cry harder. Maybe she really was losing him.
She pulled her face from his neck to fix her brown eyes on his. She couldn’t decipher what he was feeling. Was it anger she saw? Pain? Guilt? Jack wiped his hands across her cheeks to brush her tears away, careful of the injury below her right eye. More tears replaced the ones he removed but Adrianna leaned down to crush her lips against Jack’s.
Jack returned the kiss and then pulled away to say, “Ade, I-”
Adrianna interrupted him by joining their lips again. “Shh,” she told him. “I don’t want to talk.”
Whatever excuses Jack wanted to give her, Adrianna didn’t want to hear it. She didn’t care if he needed some space to get over losing his father; she just needed to know he still wanted her. She needed to replace the worry she had been feeling for the last five days with the joy Jack could bring her with his touch. She peeled off her emerald green, sleeveless top and then yanked Jack’s off as well. She removed her own bra and then
pressed herself against Jack again, immediately comforted by the contact of his warm skin.
Jack let Adrianna drive their lovemaking, slowly enjoying her soft curves while she fervently worshipped the hard contours of his body. He let her strip them both naked and when Adrianna straddled his lap again he stopped her from taking him inside her right away. Instead, he brought her to her first orgasm by deftly moving his fingers between her legs and lavishing her breasts with his lips and tongue. Only after she came did he gently guide her hips so that he filled her with his erection.
Adrianna started riding him fast and hard but Jack brought one hand to her hip to slow her movements. Bringing his other hand up to cup her cheek he held her gaze and declared, “I love you.”
A whimper of relief escaped Adrianna’s lips before she repeated Jack’s words back to him. Then she moved over him, slowly and sensuously this time, until they both came, crying out each other’s names in unison.
Jack wished he could just flip a switch and turn his fucking brain off. After being with Adrianna again the night before, twice actually, he should have been feeling better and free of worries or doubts. Instead, he was up early again, sitting on his sofa in his underwear fretting again about where his feelings for her were coming from. He spent five days apart from her and in that time he became uncertain if he actually loved her or loved the fact that she needed him. Then, when she was in trouble again yesterday, his love for her coursed through him, stronger than ever and he felt rushed with the need to be with her. If anything, his fear that his sister was right was being confirmed.
Jack heard Adrianna’s cell phone ring and listened while she spoke to whoever called from his bedroom. Glancing at the clock on his cable box he was surprised to see it was already past nine. He had been up and thinking for last two hours.
Adrianna emerged from his room in his old Metallica t-shirt and a pair of boxers, rolled up at the waist. “Someone found my purse,” she said happily, taking a seat beside him. “A small store owner found it behind his building. The asshole who robbed me just took the cash and dumped the rest, like the cop said he probably would. My wallet, license, and credit card are all there. I guess I’m lucky the guy who found it turned it over to the cops.”
“Good,” Jack stated.
“They’re going to try to get fingerprints but I can pick my stuff up later today.”
“I still want your locks changed,” Jack told her.
“I’ll call a locksmith later,” Adrianna assured. “How long have you been up?”
“A few hours.”
Adrianna frowned. Jack was quiet first thing in the morning but if he had been up for a few hours he should be livelier than this.
“Is something wrong?” Adrianna finally asked. After having sex the night before, Jack seemed back to his old self but now Adrianna could see he was withdrawn again. He shook his head but Adrianna wasn’t buying it. “If you tell me you’re still upset about your father, fine, I’ll back off, but I’m scared that something more is bothering you and you aren’t telling me.”
Jack inhaled deeply. How the hell was he going to explain this to her without sounding like a scumbag? He turned on the sofa to face Adrianna and tried the best he could to describe his feelings.
Adrianna listened calmly at first as Jack told her about the conversation he had with his sister. When she started to understand what he was saying her eyes narrowed and she shifted away from him on the couch.
“So what you’re saying is you don’t know if you really love me or if you just are attracted to the fact that I’m a basket case?” She ground her teeth together while she begged her eyes to stop filling with moisture.
“No…” Jack stammered, “…yes. I don’t know.”
Hurt and angry Adrianna jumped from the couch and fled to Jack’s room. She searched for her clothing and angrily started dressing while a few rogue tears escaped. Jack followed her and tried to take her hand to get her to sit calmly and talk to him but she shook him off.
“Don’t touch me!” she shouted and yanked her jeans up before slipping her feet into her sandals. She started searching for her purse but then realized she didn’t have one. She also didn’t have her keys or her wallet. Sticking her hand out she demanded, “Give me the key I had made for you. I need it to get into my apartment.”
“Ade, I didn’t want to get you upset,” Jack spoke gently.
“How the hell did you think I was going to react to that? You basically just told me that the only thing you liked about me was my problems! You think I’m going to be okay with a boyfriend who just wants me so he can fix me?”
“That’s not what I said,” Jack insisted. “I said I didn’t know if Gillian was right and that was bothering me.”
“If you don’t know why you love me, we’re still in a lot of trouble,” Adrianna seethed.
“Why do you love me?” Jack countered, taking Adrianna by surprise.
“Because you’re wonderful,” Adrianna spluttered, unable to keep from crying now. “You’re kind, and caring, and thoughtful, and funny. You’ve made me a better person.”
“If you had met me after you got off the pills and your life was perfect would you still have wanted me?” Jack’s voice was calm and sad. Only his eyes reflected the anguish he was feeling as he crushed Adrianna’s heart.
“Of course,” she swore.
“How do you know?” he probed. “How do you know that you really love me and not just because I helped you?”
Adrianna didn’t know how to answer that. But she knew. She knew it from the way she felt when Jack looked at her. She knew it from the way her stomach danced at just his voice. She knew it from the way she felt safe when his arms were around her. She knew.
“I just know,” she stated with conviction.
Jack sighed and collapsed on the edge of his bed. He leaned down to rest his elbows on his knees and held his face in his hands. Maybe it was just because he was a guy, but he couldn’t tell himself that he just knew he loved Adrianna and accept that for what it was. He needed time to work this shit out.
Adrianna wiped at her face and when Jack just sat without saying anything she literally felt her heart shatter. Jack didn’t love her. Not really.
“We need to stop seeing each other,” she said, choking on her words. Jack’s head shot up and he looked at her with eyes so intense with pain she thought they would burn a hole right through her.
“Is that really what you want?” he gritted, not able to move, frozen in fear at Adrianna’s words.
“If you can’t figure out how you really feel then it’s probably for the best.”
Jack was tongue tied. He didn’t know what to say to Adrianna. He didn’t want her to go and the thought of not seeing her anymore killed him but he had no words to express what he was feeling. He did love her but he knew it wasn’t fair to tell her that without knowing where that love came from. When Adrianna walked out of his bedroom and out his front door he didn’t stop her. Not even to return her key.
Chapter 14
Adrianna managed to make it to the police station that day to reclaim her purse and that was all. She returned to her home and fell apart. For days, she spent the time she was awake crying on her couch, mourning her broken heart. She ignored calls to her cell and knocks on her door. She didn’t go to the gym or exercise. She missed an appointment with her shrink and forgot to take her antidepressants. She didn’t shower and barely ate. She didn’t care that she never called to have her locks changed. Without Jack, she felt like her world was coming to an end.
Jack was mistaken, she wasn’t strong, and just like she feared she had become as dependent on him as she had on her pills. This is what she had been afraid of; Jack would leave her and she would fall to pieces. Did he leave her? Or did she leave him? Oh, who the fuck cares, they weren’t together any longer and that’s all that mattered. Desolate and beyond sad, she longed for the medication that would ease her from her misery. She wished she had hidden some tablets awa
y. She’d take one now to help her get through the pain.
After seven days, Adrianna’s back was hurting again and she felt hopeless. There wasn’t any use staying clean and she needed a way to dull the ache that she was certain was going to kill her. Even though she knew it was useless, Adrianna tore her apartment apart searching for a painkiller. When she came up with nothing, she cried more in frustration. She couldn’t go back to her doctor and beg; Doctor DeLuca had made her sign a consent form so that he could send correspondence to her old doctor telling him he was treating Adrianna for drug dependency. She wasn’t about to go out on the streets searching for drug dealers but she was so desperate. Coming up with only one person who could possibly help her, she said a silent prayer and picked up her phone.
Jack was just as miserable as Adrianna and though he wanted to shut himself up in his apartment, he didn’t have that luxury. He needed to run his business and he still had a lot to take care of as far as his father’s death was concerned. He tried calling Adrianna a few times over the last week but she didn’t take his calls. He couldn’t blame her. Why the hell was he so stupid? Why couldn’t he get his brain to comprehend what he was feeling?
