by Sara Wood
‘You have no choice.’
Her head snapped up, sending her hair whirling about her set face. A frightening wildness was possessing her. Hot on its heels came an urge to lash out and pummel Cassian till his composure vanished and he began to notice her as a person instead of an irritating obstacle he needed to kick out of his way.
Her emotions terrified and appalled her. They seemed to fill her body, surging up uncontrollably with an evil, unstoppable violence. She fought them, groping for some kind of discipline over them because she didn’t know what would happen if she ever allowed those clamouring passions to surface.
‘You don’t want this house! You can’t possibly want to live here!’ she whispered, hoarse with horror.
His calm, oddly warm eyes melted into hers.
‘I do. I can.’
She took a deep, shuddering breath but she was losing a battle with her temper. Her child’s security was threatened. She wouldn’t allow that.
‘This is my home!’ she insisted tightly, clinging for dear life to the last vestiges of restraint. ‘Adam’s home!’
He shrugged as if homes were unimportant. ‘I had the impression that it was Tony’s. Now it’s mine. Do you pay rent?’
‘N-no—’
‘Then you have no legal rights to stay.’
Laura gasped, her hand flying to her mouth in consternation. ‘Surely I do! I must have some kind of protection—’
‘There could be an expensive legal case,’ he conceded. ‘But you’d have to go eventually. You’d save time and hassle if you did so straight away.’ He smiled in a friendly way, as if that would console her. ‘You’ll find somewhere else. You might discover that moving from Thrushton turns out to be a good idea in the long run.’
She glared and was incensed when his eyes flickered with satisfaction. It was as if he welcomed her anger!
‘What do you know?’ she yelled. Dear heaven! she thought. She was losing control, acting like a banshee—and couldn’t stop herself! ‘It’s a stupid idea! For a start, I don’t have any money!’ she choked, scarlet from the shameful admission. But he had to know her circumstances. ‘There’s nowhere I can go!’ she cried in agitation. ‘Nowhere I can afford!’
He continued to gaze at her with a steely eye, his heart clearly unmoved by her plight. And she knew that her hours in her beloved house—his house, she thought furiously—were probably numbered.
‘It’s true. She’s dead broke. Lost her job,’ confirmed Sue, suddenly butting in. Cassian jerked his head around in surprise as if he, like Laura, had forgotten Sue was there. ‘I reckon she can stay put if she chooses—’
‘I don’t deny that.’ Cassian flung an arm across the back of the chair, his eyes relentlessly fixed to Laura’s. She flinched as his expression darkened, becoming unnervingly menacing. ‘But you ought to know that living with me wouldn’t be pleasant,’ he drawled.
‘Meaning?’ Sue demanded.
He shrugged. ‘I’d be…difficult.’ His eyes seemed to be issuing a direct challenge. ‘I’d eat her food, play music late at night, change the locks…’ There was a provocative curve to his mouth, something…unnerving in his expression as his gaze swept her up and down. ‘Laura, I’m not changing my way of living for anybody, and I have the distinct impression that you’d be shocked by the way I wander about half-naked after my morning shower, with just a small towel covering me and my—’
‘Please!’ she croaked.
‘I’m just warning you,’ he murmured with a shrug.
She felt hot. The rawness of his huge energy field reached out to enfold her in its greedy clasp and she instinctively flattened herself against the back of the chair.
She blushed, ashamed to be assailed by the unwanted rivulets of molten liquid which were coursing through her veins. His sexuality was too blatant, too unavoidable. This was something alien to her and she couldn’t cope with it. Didn’t want it at all. Living with him would be a nightmare.
‘It’s no use! I can’t stay if he’s living here!’ she declared to Sue shakily. ‘Sharing would be impossible!’
‘Don’t you give up!’ Sue snapped. She glared at Cassian. ‘Laura’s been far too sheltered all her life to manage anywhere else—so you leave her alone, you ruthless, selfish brute. Push off back where you came from!’
Cassian rose, his eyes dark and glittering. ‘I’m not going anywhere, whatever insults you choose to hurl at me. I’m moving in, once the removal men have finished their early lunch.’
‘Lunch?’ With a start, Sue glanced at the kitchen clock and let out a groan. ‘Oh, crikey! My dental appointment! Never mind. I’ll cancel it,’ she offered urgently. ‘You need backup, Laura—’
‘No,’ she said quickly, sick with nerves, hating the wobble in her voice.
This was her battle. Sue was making things worse. Cassian had visibly tensed when Sue had shouted at him. He’d listen to logic, she was sure, but he wouldn’t be bullied.
Proud and erect, she stood up with great dignity, conscious, however, that her five-seven didn’t impinge on Cassian’s six foot.
And they were now only inches apart, waves of heat thickening the space between them, pouring into her, the heavy, lifeless air clogging up her throat. Laura gulped, feeling that all the power was draining from her legs till they trembled from weakness.
‘Well! Are you fighting me, Laura?’ he taunted.
Rebellion drained away too when she met his challenging eyes. His confidence was daunting. How could she fight him when he held all the cards?
‘I—I…’
‘Still the mouse,’ he mocked, but with a hint of regret in his dark regard. ‘Still meekly huddling in the corner, afraid of being trodden on.’
‘You rat!’ Sue gasped.
‘It’s true!’ he cried, his voice shaking in an inexplicable passion. ‘She can’t even stand up for her own flesh and blood!’
‘Leave her alone!’ Sue raged.
‘I can’t! She has to go! I have no intention of having a lodger around!’ Cassian snapped.
With a whimper, Laura jerked her head away and found herself staring straight at the photo she’d taken of her son on his ninth birthday. Her heart lurched miserably.
Adam looked ecstatic. They’d spent the day at Skipton, where they’d explored the castle, picnicked by the river, and splashed out on a special treat of tea and cakes in a cosy café. Cheap and simple as day trips went, but a joy for both of them.
The recriminations surrounding his conception had been hard to bear. Yet, even in the depths of her shame, Laura had felt a growing joy. This child was hers. And when he was born, her emotions had overwhelmed her, unnerving her with their unexpected intensity.
Love had poured from her and it had felt as if her heart would burst with happiness. She’d never known she had such feelings. Her child had reached into her very core and found a well of passion hidden there.
For hours she had cuddled her baby, his warm, living flesh snuggling up to her. And it had been more than compensation for the hard, unremitting drudgery which Enid had imposed on her as a punishment for her ‘lewd behaviour’.
She’d hardly cared because she had had her son to love. Someone to love her back.
Laura squared her shoulders. She would never let him down. Adam was horribly vulnerable and deeply sensitive. Cassian couldn’t be allowed to uproot them both. Did he honestly imagine that they’d pack their bags without a murmur, and tramp the streets like vagabonds till someone took them in?
She flung up her head and spoke before she changed her mind. ‘You’re wrong about me! I will fight you for my home! Tooth and nail—’
‘To defend your lion cub,’ he murmured, his voice low and vibrating.
Her eyes hardened at his mockery. ‘For the sake of my son,’ she corrected in scathing tones, infuriated by his condescension. ‘Sue, get going. I can deal with this better on my own. Besides, I’d rather you didn’t witness the blood he sheds,’ she muttered through her teeth.
‘Sounds promising,’ Cassian remarked lazily.
Laura ignored him because she thought she might choke with anger if she said anything. The situation clearly amused him. For her, it was deadly serious.
‘Come on, Sue. Off you go and get those molars drilled,’ she ordered tightly.
Secretly astonished by her own curt and decisive manner, she pushed her protesting friend towards the door.
Naturally, Sue resisted. ‘I can’t believe this! The worm turns! This I’ve gotta see!’
‘I’ll get the camera out,’ Laura muttered. ‘Please, please, go!’
‘I want close-ups!’ Sue hissed. ‘A blow by blow account, when I get back!’
‘Whatever! Go!’
It took her a minute or two before Sue could be budged but eventually she went, flinging dark and lurid warnings in Cassian’s direction and promising Laura a stick of rock from Hong Kong to brain Cassian with if he was still around.
Quivering like a leaf, Laura shut the door, braced herself, and turned to face him. With Sue gone, it felt as if she was very alone. And she would be—till the following afternoon. Adam was going to his best friend’s house after school and sleeping over. It was just her and Cassian, then.
Her heart thudded loudly in her chest at the strange pall of silence which seemed to have fallen on the house, intensifying the strained atmosphere.
Cassian was looking at her speculatively, his eyes half-closed in contemplation, a half-smile on his lips.
‘It’s a problem, isn’t it?’ he said mildly.
‘The camera or the blood?’ she flung back with rare sarcasm.
The black eyes twinkled disconcertingly. ‘You and me. In this house together.’
The huskiness of his voice took her by surprise. It contrasted oddly with the intensity of his manner. There was a determined set to his jaw and the arch of his sensual mouth had flattened into a firm line.
‘You can live anywhere. I can’t—’ she began.
‘You must have friends who’d take you in,’ he purred.
‘I couldn’t impose!’
‘You don’t have a choice.’
She felt close to tears of anger and frustration.
‘You don’t understand! I have to stay!’ she insisted frantically.
‘Why?’
‘Because…’ She went scarlet.
‘Yes?’ he prompted.
She stared at him, unwilling to expose her fear. But she saw no other way out.
Her eyes blazed with loathing. ‘If you really want to know, I’m scared of going anywhere else!’ she cried shakily.
He raised a sardonic eyebrow. ‘Then it’s time you did.’
She gasped. So much for compassion. But Cassian would never know what it was to be uncertain and shy, or to be uncomfortable in unfamiliar surroundings. Her pulses pounded as her heart rate accelerated.
‘There’s more,’ she said, her lips dry with fear.
‘Yes?’
She swallowed. This was deeply personal. Normally, wild horses wouldn’t have dragged this out of her, but Cassian had to realise what this house meant to her.
‘My…’ She felt a fool. He was looking at her with cold hard eyes and she was having to expose her innermost secrets. For Adam, she told herself. And found the strength. Her eyes blazed blue and bright into his. ‘My mother lived here,’ she began tightly. ‘So?’
She drew in a sharp breath of irritation. This wasn’t going to get her anywhere. But…he’d adored his own mother. Wouldn’t he understand?
‘Cassian,’ she grated. ‘Is your mother still alive?’
He looked puzzled. ‘Yes. Why?’
Thank heaven. Maybe she had a chance. ‘You still see her, speak to her?’
‘She’s remarried. She lives in France, but yes, I see her. And I speak to her each week. What are you getting at?’ he asked curiously.
She offered up a small prayer to the Fates. ‘Imagine not knowing anything about her. Not even how she looked. Think what it would have been like, not to know that she’s beautiful, a gifted artist, and full of life and fire!’ Her eyes glowed feverishly with desperate passion.
‘I don’t see the—’
‘Well, that’s how it is for me!’ she cried shakily. ‘No one will speak of my mother and all trace of her was removed the day she left.’ Her voice broke and she took a moment to steady herself. ‘I wouldn’t know anything at all about her if it wasn’t for Mr Walker—’
‘Who?’ he exclaimed sharply.
‘He’s someone in the village. A lonely old man with a vile temper but he can’t walk far so I do his weekly shopping. He gives me a list and money for what he needs. I lug his shopping back, he complains about half of it and we both feel better.’
Her eyes went dreamy for a moment. Out of the blue, Mr Walker had once said that her mother was lovely. In his opinion, he’d said, Diana had been wasted on boring George Morris.
‘What did he say about her?’ Cassian asked warily.
She was surprised he was interested, but she smiled, remembering. ‘That she was passionate about life.’
‘Anything else?’
‘Yes. He said she was kind and very beautiful.’ Laura sighed. ‘Since I’m nothing like that, I think he was probably winding me up. When I asked him for more information he refused to say anything else.’
‘I see,’ he clipped, dark brows meeting hard together.
‘The point is that this house means more to me than just bricks and mortar and general sentimentality.’ Desperate now, she felt herself leaning forwards, punching out her words. ‘Thrushton Hall is all I have of my mother!’ she jerked out miserably.
‘Surely you must know about your mother—!’
‘No! I don’t!’ Wouldn’t he listen to her? Hadn’t he heard? ‘I don’t know what she looked like, how or why she left me, nothing!’
She was aware of Cassian’s stunned expression and took heart. He would see her plight and take pity on her.
‘Cassian, other than the house, I have nothing else to remember her by, not one single item she ever possessed. Everything has vanished. The only actual trace of her is me!’
She steadied her voice, aware that it had been shaking so strongly with emotion that she’d been almost incoherent.
‘I don’t believe this!’ he muttered.
‘It’s true!’ she cried desperately. ‘I’ve had to rely on my imagination! I’ve visualised her in this house, doing everyday things. That is where she must have stood to wash up, to cook,’ she cried, pointing with a fierce jab of her finger. ‘She must have sat at that very table to eat, to drink cups of tea. She would have stood at that window and gazed at the view of the soaring fells, just as I do. I can imagine her here and think of her going about her daily life. If—if I leave Thrushton,’ she stumbled, ‘I would have to leave behind those fragile half-memories of my mother. I’d have nothing at all left of her—and the little that I have is infinitely precious to me!’ she sobbed.
She saw Cassian’s jaw tighten and waited seemingly for an eternity before he answered.
‘You must make enquiries about her,’ he muttered, his tone flat and toneless.
Laura stared at him helplessly. How could she do that?
‘I can’t,’ she retorted miserably.
‘Afraid?’ he probed, his eyes unusually watchful.
‘Yes, if you must know!’ she retorted with a baleful glare.
‘Laura, you need to know—’
‘I can’t,’ she cried helplessly. ‘She’s probably started a new life somewhere and I could ruin it by turning up on her doorstep. I couldn’t do that to her. If it was all right for us to meet, she would have come to see me. I can’t take the initiative, can I?’
He was silent, his face stony. But she knew what he was thinking. That perhaps her mother hadn’t wanted to be reminded of her ‘mistake’.
Closing her mind to such a horrible idea, she lifted her chin in an attempt to appear tough. Though even a fool would have
noticed her stupid, feeble trembling.
‘You must learn the truth—’ he began huskily.
‘No!’
She wrung her hands, frustrated that he couldn’t see how scared she was of confronting her mother. Maybe she was flighty. Maybe she’d had a string of lovers. Maybe…
‘Cassian,’ she croaked, voicing her worst fear, ‘I can’t pursue this. I—I just couldn’t face being rejected by her.’
‘I don’t think—’
‘How the devil do you know!’ she yelled. ‘She left me, didn’t she? Though…I suppose she knew that George would have won custody, whatever she did. She’d run away. He’d been looking after me and was a lawyer, after all. Mother must have known she didn’t have a chance. To be honest, I don’t even know if there was a court hearing about me. There might have been—and she might have tried to take me with her. I’ll never know. Nobody would ever talk about her.’ Slowly her head lifted till her troubled eyes met Cassian’s. ‘Mr Walker said she was full of life. Knowing how your mother felt, I understand why anyone with fire and energy would have found it difficult to live here,’ she said with dignity.
Cassian looked uncomfortable. ‘Laura,’ he said in a gravelly voice, ‘this is nothing to do with me. Not one of your arguments is sufficient reason for you to stay. Excuse me.’
He strode into the hall. She heard the sound of men moving about, presumably bringing in his possessions. She buried her head in her hands. She’d failed.
Cassian saw her emerging from the kitchen a few moments later, her eyes pink from crying, silver tear-track streaks glistening on her face. He gritted his teeth and continued to organise the stacking of his few belongings in the spacious hall.
Behind his bent back, he could hear the fast rasp of her breathing and sensed she was close to hysteria. And he felt as if he’d whipped a puppy.
‘All done, guv,’ announced one of the men.
Grateful for the diversion, he gave Len and Charlie his undivided attention. ‘Thanks. Great meeting you,’ he said warmly, shaking the men’s hands in turn.
He slid his wallet from his back pocket and handed over the fee plus a tip, brushing away their astonished refusals of such a large sum of money. What was cash to him? It came easily and went the same way.
