by Alice Raine
‘No. My shoelace came undone.’ And I nearly fell arse over tit when I accidentally stood on it. But I didn’t add that bit. Thank God I hadn’t fallen over, otherwise Jack would have come across the ridge and seen me rolling around on the floor for the second time in our brief acquaintance.
His eyebrows rose at my abrupt tone and I had to make a conscious effort to draw in my behaviour. He was only trying to be nice and here I was about to give him a hard time again.
Why on earth did I get so defensive around him? A small niggle at the back of my brain chipped in with the helpful thought that it was because I was trying to deny how much I liked him. I had to swallow hard several times not to panic about it. That was not what this was about.
As I looked again at his sweaty face and mud-flecked legs, I sighed. OK, so maybe that was exactly what this was about. The sweat and dirt didn’t make a hoot of a difference either, he still looked gorgeous.
‘So, first I saw you at the studios last week, and now you’re here for the team run, can I assume you’ve got a job here?’
I nodded stiffly. ‘Uh, yeah, well … I got offered one.’ I don’t know why the partial truth slipped out, but I just wasn’t ready for Jack to know that I had agreed to the job in the studio … not yet, anyway. Although my presence here must surely make it pretty bloody obvious and I winced as I watched his eyes narrow. I was such an idiot. Well, I certainly was where this man was concerned.
I bent forwards to re-tie my other lace, using it as an excuse to try and avoid eye contact with him. It was absurd to feel so unbelievably attracted to someone you had only met a few times, but as much as I might want to deny it, I did, and that realisation terrified me.
‘Wow. Congratulations. Did you accept it?’
Shit, shit, shit. As I floundered for an answer he magically supplied me with one. ‘Or have you not decided yet? I saw you talking to Jason, is he set on persuading you?’
‘Uh … yeah, something like that.’ What the heck was wrong with me? I never lied, and now that was two in less than a minute.
‘What’s holding you back?’ he enquired casually. Lifting one arm, Jack began stretching off his triceps by bending one arm over his shoulder and pushing down on the elbow. The movement caused me to peer up from my stooped position and check out the way his running top pulled tight across his chest. Really tight. The previously loose cotton was now taut, highlighting each and every muscle – of which there were plenty – and I found that breathing became even more difficult than before.
Something utterly bizarre happened whenever I saw Jack. It was like the air around me thickened, making it harder to draw in breath, and seeming to urge my body to get closer to him as if he could somehow make it all better. I managed to avoid the urge, and joined him in a calf stretch to allow me to stare at the ground, and not his warm brown eyes or mighty fine physique.
Jack finished stretching and rested his hands on his hips, and suddenly I became incredibly aware of the shadow he was casting as he loomed over me. Standing up as quickly as I could, I tried to appear unaffected by his proximity, but there was no denying that I suddenly felt nervous with him this close.
‘I … uh … I’m thinking I might just head on with my travelling.’ Where that load of rubbish came from I had no idea. Now I’d started telling fibs I couldn’t seem to be able to stop, and actually had to snap my teeth shut to prevent more from escaping.
He gave me another narrow-eyed look, as if he somehow knew I was telling a lie, but that was ridiculous. Of course he couldn’t know. To fill the tense silence that suddenly hung between us I gave an awkward shrug and kicked at some leaves by my feet.
I knew I couldn’t avoid eye contact forever, but as I raised my gaze I found Jack observing me intently with a peculiar look in his brown eyes that I couldn’t read. It looked like a combination of curiosity, hope, and challenge, but I just couldn’t be sure.
‘You should definitely stay,’ he stated decisively, and before I had any chance to reply, he closed the small space between the two of us, his body almost caging in around me, before suddenly swooping his head down and pressing his mouth to mine. So that was what the look had meant, it was his I’m-about-to–kiss-you expression.
Oh. My. God.
The first thing that hit me was just how soft his lips were, but somehow firm and demanding against mine, and I felt my entire body … melt.
To my complete surprise I didn’t tense, or freak out, or panic at all. In fact, it was so confusing for me not to feel repelled by a man’s presence in my personal space that for a few seconds I completely forgot to join in with the kiss and simply stood there in shock.
Holy shit. I was blindsided by his unexpected advance, but as I focused on his warm lips pressing keenly against mine and his tongue running along the seam of my mouth, sense gave way to physical instinct and I found myself parting my lips as I surrendered to the moment that had been the focus of my dreams several times since our near kiss in the bar.
My mind was spiralling out of control as Jack gave a small moan and slid his tongue between my lips and into my mouth. He began moving it slowly and carefully as if he were scared I might startle and run away, which I probably should have done, but didn’t. Instead I noticed that he tasted fresh and minty, like he’d recently eaten a chewing gum or brushed his teeth.
I greedily soaked up the sensations – his taste, the pressure of his lips, the feel of his tongue – and then, before I knew it I was exploring his mouth with my own tentative licks and flicks. I’d forgotten how amazing it could feel to be kissed. Really kissed. And it was flipping incredible.
Jack Felton is kissing me.
The thought registered through a mixed fog of emotions swirling in my brain. Even with me in my sweaty running gear, Jack Felton, Hollywood star and total heartthrob, was … kissing me. What was still completely shocking was that I was kissing him back, and enjoying it. In fact, it felt so bloody good that I couldn’t help but reach forward, clutch at his damp T-shirt, and pull him closer.
His response was instant as he gathered me within the circle of his arms and deepened the kiss, sending my mind and body whirling out of control and into a dizzying fluster of hormones.
I may have had some serious issues with men in the past, but even with my hang ups there was no doubt that I was unashamedly enjoying myself. In fact, this was probably the most fantastic moment of my entire life.
But like a moaning old misery guts, my protective conscience began to kick in and loudly argue the negatives of what I was doing. For a few moments my deeply hidden risk-taking side had won out and I had thrown caution to the wind, but now my level-headed, defensive side was caught in a battle of wills, desperately trying to overpower my little devil and make me see sense.
The spiralling thoughts began to make me feel decidedly dizzy. Or perhaps that was just the effect Jack’s skilful tongue had upon me, I wasn’t sure. What I was fast becoming aware of though, was just how good Jack was at this, and that in turn triggered another thought to root in my brain – this man was way too experienced for me. A man like Jack would never want to deal with me and my baggage.
Bloody bugger it.
I cursed my sensible side, but deep down I knew it was right. Regardless of how much I was enjoying his kiss, I knew I wouldn’t be ready for anything more for a very long time. A terrified, practically frigid girlfriend was hardly a tempting proposition for someone like him, was it?
I was torn by these emotions, but knew I couldn’t let this continue any longer, so I forced myself to step back, breaking our lips apart by decisively placing my hands on his firm chest and pushing myself away from him with a gasping breath.
The next moment Jack’s delicious warmth was completely removed from my personal space as he threw himself away from me with a loud curse.
‘Fuck!’ His hands shot to his hair and tugged as he stared at me wide-eyed, blinking rapidly and chewing on his lower lip. ‘I’m so sorry, Caitlin. I totally forgot myself. F
uck!’ He looked wild, repentant, but somehow furious all at the same time and I hastily took a step back in case that anger was directed at me.
‘Ouch!’ Light-headed from the intensity of our kiss I hadn't realised how close we were standing to a tree, and in my effort to separate myself from Jack I had managed to back straight into it, sharply banging the back of my head on a rough, lumpy branch.
I still hadn’t recovered my composure and as a result I felt all floppy and uncoordinated, but before I could even raise my arm to check on my head, Jack reached out a hand and slid it into my hair, gently soothing my pain with soft circles.
‘There’s no cut. But you might get a bruise,’ he murmured quietly.
‘I … I can do that …’ I stammered, as the effect of his touch began to sizzle through my system again, making my body even more useless than before.
‘It was my fault. Let me,’ he coaxed softly as his thumb began rubbing a mesmerising pattern on the back on my head. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. A full-on meltdown was approaching, I was sure of it. I tensed every muscle in my body in an attempt at maintaining my control, but it was no good. I needed to ground myself, so I plucked at my elastic band. Hard. Hard enough to make both myself and Jack wince.
Marginally more focused, I noted that apart from his outstretched arm, Jack was now being careful to maintain his distance. Irritatingly, his caring response wasn’t helping to harden my resolve one little bit, because that kiss had been incredible, and I wanted to experience more of it.
I barely knew him, but no man had ever made me feel as safe and protected as Jack did. Which, given my history, seemed an utterly crazy thought to consider, but it was true. Unfortunately, the counter of that feeling of protection was an immense sensation of vulnerability that came with it and was currently flooding my system. Talk about contradicting emotions.
I didn’t let men in, that wasn’t something I did.
I was independent, me and my secrets against the world. But yet, Jack almost made me want to try. He made me feel like I could conquer my fears and step beyond my self-enforced barriers one minute, but have my heart crushed like a fragile autumnal leaf the next.
The opposing feelings were confusing me to the point where I felt nauseous, a sensation only furthered by the heat now filling my body, and the light throbbing of the bruise on my head. Was it throbbing because of a forming bruise, or because Jack was touching me?
Bugger it. Here we go again on Cait’s roundabout of confusion.
There was no denying one thing though – the heat I could feel zinging around my body like fireworks and settling low in my belly was definitely lust. Lust and desire for this man standing before me. After years of celibacy it was a relatively alien sensation, but I’d felt it in his presence enough times now to be able to accurately identify it.
Without thinking, I raised a hand to my mouth and gently touched my lips with trembling fingers. They felt tender from his kiss and I instinctively ran my tongue over them, still able to taste him there. Raising my eyes, I saw that Jack had watched this move curiously, but stayed quiet, his eyes intense and seeming to burn holes into me, asking questions I wasn’t equipped to deal with.
‘I … can't do this, Jack … I’m sorry.’ I was well aware that that was twice now I’d used that line and given no further explanation, but I just couldn’t. Now that I had some space between us again, my clarity was returning and I felt a sudden need to protect myself and get away from here. If I could have got away with burrowing into the ground and rolling up into the foetal position, I would have.
Jack, however, wasn’t giving up so easily. His hand was still gently massaging my head and sending shivers of pleasure through my scalp, and it was obvious from his expression that he had more to say on the matter.
‘You feel it too, the connection between us. I could tell from your response,’ Jack murmured, his hand still on my scalp and still driving me insane.
Not wanting to admit anything, I lowered my eyes and shook my head, causing Jack to let out a long, frustrated sigh.
‘Tell me why you’re so skittish, Caitlin, please … is it just me? Or men in general? Someone hurt you, didn’t they?’
Shock exploded in my system and my head jerked up. Blinking several times, I stared at him, almost unable to comprehend just how disturbingly accurate his observations were. Was I that obvious? That much of a freak?
The truth stung and caused my defences to shoot back into place, making me lurch my head away from his hand. Frowning, I completely ignored his question and instead blurted out a lame excuse to get away from him.
‘I'm sure in your position you're always surrounded by female fans who are more than happy for you to kiss them … or sleep with them, or whatever …’ I blushed at my flustered words, ‘… but I'm not that kind of girl. I won't be another notch on your bedpost.’ Where the heck those words had come from I had no idea, and I hastily dropped my gaze, hating my spiteful tongue.
Admittedly, I was also avoiding his gaze for another reason. I was incredibly worried that if I looked at him any longer, my irrational and near desperate desire to kiss him again might overwhelm my good intentions and I’d end up ignoring the consequences and stepping into his arms.
No. No. I couldn’t do that. I was completely unprepared for a physical relationship, and no matter how tempting Jack might make that prospect seem, I knew I would panic as soon as he tried to take things to the next level. I just wasn’t ready for the embarrassment of that yet.
Grimacing at my own weaknesses, I turned to walk away, but Jack stepped with me, effectively trapping me by the large tree, but without actually placing his hands on me.
‘Hold on just a minute,’ he retorted hotly, his angry tone causing my eyes to fly open. Flinching at the sparking anger in his stare, I tried to take a step back and instantly bumped into the stupid tree again. Damn my bloody clumsiness. My head would be like a bruised plum at this rate.
‘Don’t turn whatever issues you have with men around on to me, Caitlin,’ he growled, losing patience with me. ‘I never should have forced that kiss on you, but you don’t get to throw wildly untrue accusations at me.’ He must have seen the concern in my eyes because Jack flinched slightly and stepped back to give me more space. He might not have been touching me, but I still felt well and truly pinned by his ferocious gaze.
I now had the space to sidestep him and leave, but for some reason I felt strangely compelled to listen to his explanations. ‘Firstly, I don't make a habit of kissing fans. In fact, you're the closest thing to a “fan” that I've ever kissed, and I've been acting since I was sixteen.’ He paused, stubbornly crossing his arms. ‘Secondly, if I sleep with someone it is done with consideration and the utmost discretion, and not to gain another conquest or imaginary notch on my bedpost, as you seem to be implying.’ By this point his face was flushing with angry pride, his body was bristling, and his eyes were fierce with pupils like little black bullets.
In short, he looked utterly magnificent but completely terrifying.
I gulped nervously. It seemed that my attempt at pushing him away had well and truly backfired. Unperturbed by my nervous silence, Jack continued with his rant, his arms now opening and flapping expressively as his brows drew together defensively. ‘On top of that, I'm immensely proud of the fact that the number of lovers I've had is in single digits, thank you very much. I'm not some serial seducer or sexual predator like you seem to be making me out to be.’
Ignoring Jack’s claim about his good behaviour, my entire being had focused in on two of his words.
Sexual predator.
That was what Greg had turned out to be. A shudder ran through my entire body and the intensity very nearly had me collapsing to my knees. That was the trigger I needed to get me out of here, and I held up a hand to interrupt him. If I’d let him go on much more there was quite a chance that his little speech might have won me over, but his accidental reminder of my past had brought me back to reality with a thump like a
sumo wrestler taking a tumble.
‘I jumped to some wrong conclusions about you, and I apologise, but the fact is … I’m not interested.’ I knew my voice was weaker than I wanted as I made the false declaration, but I pushed my shoulders back and sidestepped out of his reach. ‘I’m leaving now. Please don’t follow me.’
Turning quickly on my heel, I jogged away from Jack and his beautifully seductive eyes before I could change my mind and do something stupid, like fling myself into his arms, consequence be damned.
I knew I’d made the right choice. Continuing that kiss would have led me down a slippery path towards things that I was in no way ready for, but that didn’t stop me replaying every glorious detail over and over in my mind as I ran away from him.
ELEVEN
Jack
As soon as the pale pink of Caitlin’s running top had fully disappeared into the distance, I spun on the spot and swiped at the closest tree in aggravation. A low, frustrated snarl grumbled in my chest as I repeated the smack and then grimaced. The roughness of the bark stabbed at my palm, sending small, shooting pains tingling up my arm, but it was no less than I deserved.
What the hell had I been thinking, pouncing on her like that? For fuck’s sake, I was such a bloody idiot.
Panting like I’d run a marathon, I examined the blood on my palm with a scowl and rested my forehead on the tree while I tried to recover my wits. What the hell had happened to my plan of taking it slow?
I knew Caitlin was shy around men, nervous, even. I knew how she shied away from contact, I knew she had told me she didn’t date, and I knew I had to tread carefully, but had that stopped me? I’d let my libido and ridiculous fixation with her overrule me for a crazy minute, smashed my lips to hers, and practically dry-humped her like a randy dog.
Closing my eyes, I let out a long groan. Jesus. If she ever spoke to me again it would be a bloody miracle.
